“He should be getting up soon to eat. You missed him earlier, he was having tummy time. I can’t believe how fast he’s growing.” As it always did, talking about my baby boy brought a smile to my face. He’d become my everything in such a short time.
“Lordy, girl, I understand what you mean. If you don’t mind me hanging out here for a while, I can wait. It’s not like I have anything to rush home for.” She shrugged, and I saw the worry she tried to hide. For a moment, I wondered if she had more than sisterly feelings for Gunny too. What a fucking mess it would be if she did. Fuck, what if they’d been having an affair?
I really wanted to puke then.
For once I was able to put my finger on the discomfort eating at my guts. The green-eyed monster was gnawing inside my chest cavity.
“Have you heard anything more? Smoke called me, but he didn’t have a lot of details.” I chewed on the inside of my cheek as I worried. If I was honest, I was also fighting off the disappointment that I hadn’t been asked to go down to Corpus. I shouldn’t be, because I wasn’t a part of Gunny’s life in that way, but that didn’t seem to matter to my head or heart.
“No, I haven’t. I was actually hoping you had more news. I thought maybe Lock was being vague to spare me worrying. He hates upsetting me after… well, we had a rough start to our relationship.” She absently rubbed her cheek against her son’s hair as he rested his head on her shoulder and shyly watched me.
“Oh,” I said as I lamely sighed. That didn’t really ease my fears.
“Can I ask you a question?” she finally asked.
“Sure.” My gaze turned wary as I waited. Not knowing the woman, I had no idea what to expect. Her next question proved I wasn’t prepared for her direct personality.
“Do you have feelings for Gunny?” Her gaze was laser-focused on mine, leaving me squirming a little as I tried to figure out how to answer her. Honestly, my answer sort of depended on where she sat on the feelings-for-Gunny topic. If they had some sort of twisted love triangle going on, it didn’t matter what my feelings were. There was no way I could deal with something like that without it driving me insane.
“I… uh… well… it’s complicated?” I hedged. Her lips parted to ask me another question, if her expression was any indicator, but I was saved by my son.
“I’ll be back.” Hurrying to gather my munchkin, I was incredibly thankful for his perfect timing.
“Hey, pumpkin. How’s mama’s boy?” I cooed. His downturned mouth suddenly smiled when I leaned into his vision. The crocodile tears that threatened were blinked away, and I wished my own worries could be erased as easily. He kicked his legs, and his chubby arms windmilled.
After I changed his diaper, I snapped up his onesie and lifted him up to kiss his belly. “We have company, handsome. Let’s go say hello.”
When we got to the living room, I found Raiven had gone into the kitchen and put Bryson in the highchair that Lisa bought for Tristan. He was raptly watching her.
“I hope you don’t mind. He was getting hungry.” She looked over her shoulder at me after placing some cereal on the tray that Bryson immediately began stuffing in his happy mouth.
“Not at all. Tristan is way too young for it.”
She laughed as she put the bag of cereal back in her tote. “It goes by fast, trust me.”
When she turned in my direction, her expression changed to the one people get when they see something adorable. Pride filled me when I realized it was because she saw I was holding Tristan—because I loved my son with all my heart.
“Oh my gosh. He’s beautiful! Can I please?” She held her hands out with hopeful eyes. Though I was selfish with my son’s snuggles, I placed him in her waiting arms. I missed his warmth immediately but seeing her hold him close and breathe in his perfect baby scent warmed my heart.
“It’s you baby!” Presley announced as she pattered over to us. “Hi, baby!”
“His name is Tristan, and he’s your cousin,” Raiven told her daughter, who grinned happily at her mom, then at Tristan.
“Him’s so cute.” She clasped her hands together excitedly. It was impossible not to laugh at her exuberance. She was precious.
“Thank you, Presley. That’s so nice of you to say.” She nodded sagely at me as her mother spoke nonsense to Tristan, who watched her intently. It made me wonder what went through babies’ minds.
Presley lost interest in us and returned to lie down on her stomach with her cheeks propped in her hands to watch her show. Raiven didn’t wait long before she raised a dark brow.
“So you never answered me. Is there anything going on between you and Gunny?” The woman was tenacious. I’d give her that.
“I mean, we’re…” I scratched my nose. “Friends?”
She gave me a disbelieving stare, but kindly left it at that. “Well, I can tell you that to my knowledge, he’s never had a woman here, let alone living with him. At least not as far as Lock and I know. Did you know that?”
“I really think it was only because he felt bad for me or wanted better for his son. My place wasn’t exactly top-notch. Not that I can blame him for not wanting his son there, but I was trying.” The need to justify myself was strong.
“Sweetheart, I think the two of you are fooling yourselves if either of you think that’s the only reason, but I’ll go along with you for now.” A mischievous tip of her lips preceded her cooing to my son again.
For the rest of the visit, I wished I had the courage to ask her the same question about Gunny. The thought of him only having me around because I reminded him of her was choking me. What I really hated was that I liked Raiven—a lot.
We visited for quite a while, until Presley started getting cranky, and the boys weren’t much better. I helped her gather her stuff and walked her to her truck. Though it shouldn’t, it bothered me that it was the same truck Gunny had. Well, maybe a little newer.
“If I hear anything more, I’ll let you know,” she said with a friendly smile. We’d exchanged phone numbers earlier, and now I was thankful.
“Thanks again, Raiven,” I said.
“It’s no sweat, hon. We’re all family.”
Smoke texted me right as I was lying down to go to bed that night.
Smoke: Gunny’s been sleeping most of the afternoon. Sorry not much to update other than he’s okay
Me: It’s okay. Thx
That night I had awful dreams. They were filled with Gunny telling me I’d never be the woman Raiven was and he couldn’t wait for me to get out of his house.
When I woke the next morning, I made a promise that as soon as I graduated, I’d be out of there.
“Dear God”—Avenged Sevenfold
“Okay, here’s your bag with your belongings,” the nurse said as she handed me a white plastic bag. I’d awkwardly climbed up into the back seat of my dad’s truck. Mom tried to get me to ride up front, but I really wanted to crash.
“Thanks.” My stay in the hospital was the most miserable I’d ever had. My mother had fussed over me like I was five, and Lock glowered at me, probably because he was sure if I hadn’t taken the job on the rig that wouldn’t have happened.
My phone had gotten left on the rig, so I had to rely on using everyone else’s phones to see Tristan. The problem with that was I had to censor what I wanted to say, because there was always someone in the room. There was so much I wanted to talk to her about.
“You ready to hit the road?” my dad asked from the front seat. They hadn’t left the entire time I was in the hospital. Though I was grouchy and tired, I was thankful they were so devoted to their children.
“More than ready,” I grumbled, staring out the window.
Lock and Smoke had offered to come back down, but there was no need when Mom and Dad were able to take me back. All the brothers had taken turns riding down to see me. Which was great, but also left me feeling really shitty that I’d so easily run off to work off-shore, leaving them to deal with shit without me. All because I’d been hid
ing from my guilty and covetous feelings about my little brother’s wife.
“Then let’s go home.” Dad grinned at me in the rearview mirror, but all I could do was rest my head back and close my eyes. But not before I saw the worried glance my parents shared. My head was uneasy about so many things. For one, that was the first I’d thought about Raiven since before my accident. I prayed it meant I was finally getting over her.
My biggest worry was being kicked out of the club, though. Not necessarily kicked out but essentially forced out like Clay was after he lost his legs. Sure, he still hung around, but he was no longer an active member. My fingers and the side of my hand were still numb, and the doctors said I may or may not regain feeling and use of them. If I couldn’t ride a bike, I was out. Sure, they gave you time to heal, but that time wasn’t indefinite. It was in the club bylaws and had been since day one when the very first chapter was organized.
Since getting out of the Marine Corps, I’d been a part of the Demented Sons. Without the Corps or the Demented Sons, I was nothing. Common sense told me that wasn’t reality, but my heart didn’t want to listen.
For the majority of the trip I dozed, waking only to piss or eat. Eating was a challenge when only one hand worked right.
“Son, we’re here,” my father said, trying his best to wake me gently. It didn’t matter though. For years, I’d jumped awake, fully alert and ready to fight or shoot. Dad was prepared and quickly grasped my arm as it defensively raised to elbow him.
“Shit. Sorry, Dad,” I said in a tone scratchy from sleep. We were in front of my trailer, and as I scanned the area, I cautiously climbed out of the truck, grabbing the plastic bag with my good hand. As soon as my feet hit the ground, the front door flew open, and Avery stood on the deck with Tristan.
At the sight of my son, a multitude of emotions exploded within me. A grin curled my lips. It may have been the first time I’d smiled all day.
“There’s my little grandson,” my mother gushed as she rushed up to the steps where they waited. I watched as Avery handed Tristan to my mom with a beautiful smile. As soon as my mother began to fuss over him, her gaze skated in my direction.
Unable to move, I stared. Taking in the way she shoved her hands in the back pockets of her cutoffs and chewed on the inside of her cheek, I tried to analyze my thoughts. The problem was, with her taking up my attention, my brain seemed scrambled. The way her movement caused her tits to jut out wasn’t helping.
Pulling my attention from her to my son, I began the painful trek up to the house.
“Do you need a pain pill?” my mother asked with worry.
Shaking my head, I fought the wince that pulled at my features. I’d seen too many of my fellow marines get hooked on those fucking things over the years. Nope. No, thanks. Hell, Hollywood had gone down that road after he’d gotten out. Thankfully, he hadn’t moved on to worse shit and had cleaned up his act. I’d taken him under my wing and brought him to the club. Sure, he still utilized a little weed here and there like the rest of us, but that was it.
“I wanna see my boy.” As I said the words, my eyes stayed on Avery, and I had to wonder what was going through her head.
“Well, let’s go inside,” Mom said as she gave me a concerned look. She didn’t need to say it. There was no way I could hold him out there. Not with the way my hand was. No way would I risk dropping him because I couldn’t use my arm properly.
Avery opened the door, and we all filed in one at a time. Dad brought up the rear with my other bag.
As soon as I reached the couch, I carefully sat. Fuck, I was moving like an old man, and I hated it. My entire body ached. Mom propped a pillow under my bad arm, and I flinched.
She saw, and I knew she felt bad. “I’m sorry, Jaxon.”
“Mom, it’s fine. I’m going to be okay.” If I said it often enough, it would be true. She settled Tristan in the crook of my arm so I could use my good hand to hold his fingers and take in what I’d missed. It blew my mind how much he’d changed in the relatively short time I’d been gone. Seeing him on video chat didn’t do him justice.
“He just ate, so be careful he doesn’t upchuck on your brace.” Briefly, I glanced at Avery where she sat on the coffee table watching us. Her dark hair was fanned over her shoulders as she clasped her hands between her knees. Not ready to analyze the effect she was having on me, I returned my focus to Tristan.
“You’ve gotten so big,” I murmured to my wiggling boy. At my voice, he paused and stared at me, as if he was trying to figure me out. His hair was growing a little, so instead of a bald head with peach fuzz, he was starting to get darker fuzz. “Mama’s done a good job with you, hasn’t she?”
“Lordy, I’ve missed that little guy,” my mom crowed, drawing my attention. “I still can’t get over how much he looks like you did, Jaxon.”
My face broke out in a huge grin. It was still so bizarre that I hadn’t known he was on the way, then within a week, I had a son. Not only did I have a son, but within the span of barely two months he’d relentlessly captured my heart.
“Your brother is on his way over,” Dad announced as he looked up from his phone.
“Cool,” I said. It then dawned on me that I hadn’t cringed at the thought that Raiven might come with. That had me wondering how I was going to handle having her in the same room as me, my son, and my… whatever Avery was to me.
For a brief moment, I experienced a frisson of anxiety. Then it fizzled out as I breathed in the soft scent of my son. He had such a calming effect on me that I seriously could’ve taken on the worries of the world and not batted an eye.
Conversation bounced around me, but I barely heard any of it as I basked in everything that flooded me from holding my boy. Strange how one small person could change your life so quickly.
A knock on the door was quickly followed by pattering feet and a squeal. “Unka Gunny!”
“Whoa there, little Elvis!” Dad scooped Presley up before she could launch herself at me. “Uncle Gunny has an owie arm. You have to be very careful.”
Presley frowned as she sat there in my dad’s arms, then demanded, “Why for you gots a hurt awm?”
“I had an accident. But I’ll be okay. The doctor said I have to be careful, so you’ll have to go easy on me.” Grinning at her perturbed face, I looked past her to my little brother as he came in holding Bryson.
“Hey, Jax, I see you’re catching up on baby time,” Lock said as he grinned. Bryson looked at him and smiled because his dad was smiling. Sometimes when he smiled, I’d swear he looked like my brother, other times, he was a complete and total mini-me to Raiven. Though he hadn’t had a paternity test, in my mind it was obvious as hell that he was my brother’s.
Speak of the devil; she stepped up and looped an arm through Lock’s as she looked over at me with a big smile. For the first time in forever I didn’t feel nauseous at seeing them together. A surprised huff of relief escaped me.
“Yeah. He’s growing so fast,” I replied in amazement. Glancing up to where Avery sat across from me, I noticed that she was sneaking glances at Lock and Raiven. Her expression was closed off, but I knew she was unsettled, because she was chewing on the inside of her cheek and lip.
She’d never said anything, but through their visits, she had to have noticed the similarities between herself and Raiven. I’d unintentionally created a seriously fucked-up situation. Discomfort stirred within me, and I closed my eyes to regroup.
There was a slightly uncomfortable silence until our mom saved the day. “So when do you plan on teaching that boy to ride?”
Opening my eyes to laugh at Mom, I shook my head. “Mom, he’s only a baby.”
“Um, I don’t know how I feel about him riding a motorcycle,” Avery said with wide eyes. Everyone laughed, and her cheeks flushed. I could tell she thought everyone was laughing at her, and I didn’t like it.
“No, babe, they’re talking about horses.” Her confused expression had me continuing, “You mean as many times
as Mom has come over, she’s never mentioned they have a small-scale horse ranch here?” Understanding dawned, and she visibly relaxed. I also realized I’d used the term of endearment without thinking. My brother caught it as well, because his sharp gaze burned into me as he studied me like a bug under a microscope.
Ripping my focus from him when Avery spoke, I tried to ignore him.
“Ohhh. No, she never did.” The corner of her mouth lifted slightly, and a strange stirring ripped through me.
“We were usually too busy with Tristan.” Mom grinned.
“And looking at baby pics of Gunny,” piped in Raiven with a teasing grin. Usually, that would’ve set my heart racing, but for some reason, it didn’t that time. Confused by my lack of response to the woman I’d been obsessed with, I shifted uncomfortably. Tristan didn’t like that and began to fuss.
“Here, I’ll take him. He might need his diaper changed, and you probably want to rest.” Avery leaned close, and I caught a whiff of laundry soap and something fruity. My heart started to pound, and alarm followed.
When her fingers brushed against me as she worked her way around Tristan to lift him from my arms, alarm shifted to near panic.
No. This cannot be happening. I absolutely cannot be developing feelings for her. Not after I promised her I wouldn’t want anything sexual from her. Not after the fucked-up reason we got together to begin with. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Immediately missing the weight of my son, I inhaled shakily and ran my good hand through my hair. Mom chattered away with Raiven as she got snacks for Presley and Bryson. Dad was still holding Presley and followed them into the kitchen.
That left Lock alone with me. He sat down on the couch and rested an arm along the back as he turned his body in my direction.
“So what’s your plan?” he asked me quietly.
“I guess see if Smoke needs help at the shop, and if not, then start applying at other places.” I dropped my head back to rest on the couch but maintained eye contact.
“That’s not exactly what I was referring to.” He raised a brow. Unease crept up my spine.
Jax and Jokers: A Demented Sons MC Texas Novel Page 14