I Have a Voice

by Bob G Bodenhamer

  Alternatively, the PWS can see their stuttering as part of the story they are telling themselves, and that means they are able to edit or rewrite that story, to give it a better outcome. The story in this case includes the inciting incident (usually in childhood), the stuttering behavior itself, and the way they respond to it. At any point, the PWS can intervene and change things.

  Consider how Susan in Chapter One changed the story of her relationship with her parents. When she started the therapy, she was angry, very angry, at her parents, and especially her mother for taking her for “treatment” when there was really nothing wrong with her. She just was having difficulty forming some words. As Susan grew in understanding she changed the story from anger to understanding and forgiveness.

  Fifth position

  In fifth position you imagine that you are “above all that”, having a “God’s eye view” of the universe. This fifth position has been described by Marilyn Atkinson (1997) in an unpublished manuscript entitled Five Central Ideas, and the idea has been further explored by Peter Young (2004, Chapter 11). This over-arching or spiritual perceptual position offers a universal point of view in which everything is considered. You could see fifth position as having access to all the resources of the universe. Obviously, this provides the widest and most far-reaching perspective of all.

  Adopting different points of view

  An essential aspect of each perceptual position is its function, its way of working with experience. In fact, you are continually adopting these different points of view. By shifting from one position to another you can step out of an emotionally conflicted situation, you can pay attention to different aspects of your experience. None of these positions offers a superior position to any other. Each position has its own function. The wise communicator knows how to move at will from one position to the other. Whatever is happening, you always have sufficient resources for getting some distance on it, and for finding other ways of intervening to change things.

  Therefore, when the PWS notices the fear of a block coming on, have them move to each perceptual position in turn to experience how it appears from that point of view. For most PWS, immediately going to fifth position will have the greatest impact in eliminating the fear. However, listen to what the PWS says as they will indicate which position is most beneficial to them. In the process of leading the PWS towards healing, utilize all five positions to provide a variety of perspectives. This assists them in de-stabilizing the locked in nature of their blocking.

  A structured approach is useful when you don’t know what to do next. It offers a formal way of finding the resources you need to get moving again. It increases your flexibility of mind so that you no longer need to stay stuck in one point of view. Once you stand back, you can evaluate the experience, explore future consequences, and find the resources you need in order to intervene appropriately.

  However, the PWS who is stuck finds it extremely difficult to simply step outside the block and go to another position. Therefore, I encourage them to practice this maneuver using the anticipatory anxiety of fearing an upcoming block. Once the PWS can step outside a block at will, they are well on their way to normal fluency.

  In using perceptual position thinking for myself, I first associate into the system in first position, and then go to the third position to view objectively my position in relation to others in the team. Then I go second position to each person in the team and then to fourth position to explore the consequences. I switch back and forth through whichever positions I deem appropriate. I love using the fifth position for therapeutic purposes. For people who hold spiritual beliefs, their fifth position is ultimately their spiritual place. Because I am a Christian, when I go to fifth position, I view myself as being with Jesus. I am way “up there” with Him looking down on myself way down here.

  If you hold spiritual beliefs, think of some event in the past that you still have negative emotions about when you recall it. Now imagine yourself leaving your body and going up and being with God, or Spirit, or whatever you call this concept. Once you are up there viewing things from your fifth position, seeing yourself down here, how does that affect the negative emotions around that experience? Going “up there” is most relaxing and calming to many people, and far better than Prozac!Most PWS when they get into their fifth position become much more fluent – and many become totally fluent. The clinician’s job is to teach them how to access that state at will.

  In the following exercise you will be leading the PWS to move among the five different positions. I suggest you begin by having them to recall a major time they blocked. Direct them to go through the following steps asking them the questions in quotation marks:

  Exercise 3.8: Changing perceptual positions

  First position – Recall the last time you blocked. Notice how you feel inside the block.

  Second position – Float out of your body and into the other person’s body. Experience that blocking from the other person’s perspective.

  Third position – Dissociate or “pop out” of your body and observe the situation from this objective viewpoint.

  Fourth position – Imagine watching these two people in front of you from the point of view of the story that is unfolding.

  Fifth position – Float up out of your body to your highest level of thinking. From this position become compassionately aware of that “you” down there all full of fear and anxiety.

  First position – “Recall the last major time you blocked when in the presence of another person.”

  “Associate into your body (first position) by seeing what you saw, hearing what you heard, and feeling what you felt.”

  “Do you still feel the same negative emotions you felt then?” (They probably will.)

  Second position – “Now imagine yourself floating out of your body and floating into the body of the person you were talking with. Stand (or sit) as they are standing (or sitting). Looking through their eyes at that person who looks like you, notice how you appear while blocking. What are the key things that you are aware of? Staying in role, as this other person, notice how you feel about that person in front of you who is blocking.”

  A major part of the problem of blocking is that the person places too much emphasis upon what other people might be thinking. However that is more of a mixed second and third position judgment, rather than a true second position experience. It is important to gather information by adopting the other person’s actual perspective rather than projecting your own story onto the other person and assuming what you think they are experiencing.

  Third position – “Now, dissociate yourself from that event. Mentally step back so that you can see both yourself and the other person during the blocking episode. How do you respond to that you who is doing the blocking? What judgments are you making about that situation? And as a result of making those judgments, what emotions are activated.”

  “As you look at both yourself and the other person, did you really have a justifiable reason to be all tense and fearful?”

  “Was your tension justifiable? Was the person really a threat to you? Or, did you just imagine that the person was a threat?”

  Fourth position – “Now imagine that you are watching a story unfolding in front of you. You know who the characters are – but why are they behaving like that? Is that the story you want to be watching? How would it be if you were to tell the story another way? Could you make it into a comedy, rather than a tragedy? There is a saying, ‘One day you’ll look back on this and laugh … So why wait?’ You could laugh now at that crazy behavior! OK, if it’s serious, then maybe you could rewrite the drama so that it has a happy ending. You may have to do some serious editing, but you can make the story be whatever you want it to be. After all, you created that story in the first place. And hey, what are those other characters in the movie up to? Could they do better? You bet they could. So give them some acting training, give them some new skills, some new objectives – ones that lead to a better outc
ome. Remember: it’s a story! Each person is following their own script. So how about editing those scripts so you have a movie you would rather see?”

  Fifth position – “Now float up above all that, rise up into a fifth position, way out in the universe. If you have a belief in God, then be there with God and all creation.”

  Note: I suggest that you find out ahead of time about their spiritual beliefs before mentioning going to God to them. They may have another name for this. You need to respect their beliefs. If they do have a belief in God this will be their ultimate fifth position and a very powerful resource state for them, so use it! Also use their metaphor for where they are moving to. Are they rising up, or moving back, or going beyond …?

  “Viewing the experience of blocking from this position, how does the situation change from that position? How do you feel? Do you feel more relaxed and calm being universal, above all that, or way out there?”

  “If you believe in God, or some Universal Being, how do you feel being in the presence of God? What happens to the tension, fear, anxiety, that you were experiencing in your body – in your chest, neck, throat or jaw – now that you are in the presence of deity?”

  “Had you gone to this position during that block, what would have happened?”

  Applying your fifth position to fear and anxiety

  “To complete this process be totally and completely in fifth position. Allow this feeling to permeate the whole of your being. And then allow this even more … Allow your universe to be filled with love, acceptance, appreciation and awe. And now simply allow all of this, all the resources that are available to you in this state, to flow down into that you who was experiencing the fear and the anxiety of blocking and stuttering. And notice what happens to that you in first position as they receive these resources … What happens to those fears and anxieties when your fifth position meets your first position?”

  Note: Many who have overcome blocking have found the fifth position extremely helpful. They learn how to go there at will through consistent practice. In the fifth position most people are very relaxed and calm which provides the proper state for fluency. If you find this difficult to do in your mind’s eye, you may find that marking out each position on the floor and then physically visiting each position in turn and sensing what each position feels like will enable you to have this experience.

  We have now covered the basic skills and essential thinking needed for making changes. However, there are many refinements, many details about how you can do this elegantly, with precision, and we will explore these in the next three chapters.

  Chapter Four

  Stories about Stuttering

  Models of the world

  For sure, the PWS never leaves home without their beliefs relating to blocking and stuttering. These beliefs help construct and define their evolving model of the world which they use to navigate through life and to understand what they experience. If they tell themselves that they are a person of worth, they will live their life one way. If, on the other hand, they view themselves in a negative light with little or no power to navigate their world, they live their life in a more restricted way. A person’s model of the world determines how they experience life at any moment. The good news is that it is possible to change their model of the world, as Linda Rounds did in her story (Appendix B).

  We make meaning of our experience through stories which tell us “how things happen”. We have stories for the big things: the story of my life; and for the small things: how to make a cup of coffee. When a PWS anticipates an upcoming conversation, then tell themselves a story that creates the fear in them that they will block. This story is based on past experiences in which they “always” blocked in certain contexts. (The times when they didn’t block got erased from the memory. Only those memories which support their limiting belief that “they have always blocked and they always will” are registered!)

  The stories we tell about the events of our lives are important because they have the power to transform and heal or to traumatize and destroy. We use various scripts, plots, and themes to frame things. The narrative structure organizes and maintains a sophisticated belief system which can keep us in distress and limit our choices, or create an empowering and resourceful way of living. How would you describe the story of your life in one word? Would it be: Failure, Victim, Oppressor, Fugitive, Loser … or Hero, Leader, Healer, Explorer, Mentor, Guide …?

  As I mentioned in Chapter Two, using one word or a short phrase to encapsulate the meaning of a whole life-time’s experience is both an interesting challenge, and a gross distortion of reality. Therefore treat the result of this exercise as simply a “snapshot” which belongs to the moment in which it was created, rather than being an eternal truth.

  So we need to know how the PWS makes meaning of their world, in terms of the stories or movies they run which tell them: “what happens next?”

  In the last chapter you did a thought experiment about sucking a lemon, and your body responded with increased salivation. In other words, stories are “real” in the sense that they have consequences. (If you just noticed your salivation increasing, that’s the power of a trigger!) However, whether something is real or not is not the point. What matters is that the story you are telling yourself has consequences. Because if the story does not give you what you want, you can change it. Simple. You already know this from your personal experience, because you are constantly updating the stories that make your life liveable. For example, you have picked up stories about using mobile phones, about responding to terrorist attacks, and so on. However, the PWS has a stuttering story which has been told so often that it has acquired the qualities of permanence. And what are those qualities? Well, we will examine them in a moment.

  Anticipatory anxiety

  Your states affect everything you do. At any one time, your state governs how you perceive and interpret your environment, how you communicate, how you behave, and in addition, how well you remember what you have learned in the past. You know that when you are tired, or have been consuming mind-altering substances such as caffeine, alcohol, or other drugs of choice, your ability to recall your past alters. And when you are anxious about what may happen, that narrows your focus of what you pay attention to.

  When the PWS considers an upcoming conversation in which they expect to block, they usually imagine a movie of themselves blocking during that conversation. Their body fulfils the movie’s expectations and this creates a state of fear which then gives rise to actual blocking (Figure 4.1). This anticipatory anxiety drives a lot of blocking and stuttering.

  If you are a PWS check this out for yourself. Think about an upcoming conversation with someone with whom you usually block. Notice what you do. In all probability, you imagine a picture or a movie of seeing yourself blocking with that person. The mind-body system does not really distinguish between “real” and “imaginary” movies. You know that if you watch a scary Hollywood movie, your mind-body pumps out the adrenalin to get you ready to run! So when you run your own movie of an impending conversation, your state shifts in readiness for what you expect to happen. You block because it’s a story about blocking. Your body obliges; you feel muscles tensing up.

  If you are not a PWS, create an imaginary movie of some future event that will create anxiety or even fear for you. For example, being found out and called into the boss’s office. (Did something like that ever happen at school?) Notice how your state changes as you create that imaginary movie. And now think of something really pleasant, such as completing an important task (sending off your tax return!) and relaxing … You can always choose to feel good, whenever you like!

  In order to change a PWS’s stuttering behavior, to interrupt their blocking strategy, you have to get inside their inner world and determine which stories, thoughts or beliefs are responsible for the blocking. I will suggest some techniques for exposing those stories and the images and language patterns that support them. Then, by contrast, you need to disc
over the frames of meaning which allow them to speak fluently, and teach the PWS to change their blocking story to a fluency story. Remember that the PWS already knows how to speak fluently in some contexts. That means they already have those frames available.

  Movies in the mind

  There are two key components that affect your state: the movie you imagine of what is going to happen; and the language you use to talk to yourself about it. First let’s look closely at the movies people make in the mind, because changing the qualities of those movies changes their meaning. For example, take that anxiety movie you were just imagining, and create a pleasantly relaxing mood simply by adjusting its appearance. Turn down the brightness, have muted colors, slow the action, play some soft music in the background … and notice your state now.

  Think of how a Hollywood movie establishes a mood. Romantic comedies are usually sunny, lots of bright colors. Having a static camera in beautiful scenery, with soothing orchestral music, is calming; it reassures you that pleasant things will happen. On the other hand, a movie made in black and white, using a hand-held camera, and which involves rushing about in the dark with a thumping heartbeat soundtrack is an effective way of increasing uncertainty and tension. Horror movies are often full of shadows, half-seen events, extreme close-ups … just add some screeching violins …!

  People who block and stutter are skilled in creating horror movies in their minds. Who needs the “Master of Horror” Stephen King when they can do their own movie making? Sometimes they scare the hell out of themselves about an upcoming conversation by making it look like a horror movie. They distort the image of the other person who then judges them because they block, or laughs at them, dismisses them as worthless, and so on.