The Inept Adept & The Almost Last Unicorn

by Peter Butterworth

  Lac disrobed and sank into the hot spring. It was HOT! He pulled most of his body out and tried again…slowly. Aaaaaah. It felt marvelous. Oh, this is wonderful.

  ***

  The black dragon didn’t know where to hide. He wanted to be near but he couldn’t afford to be seen.

  He spotted a large hill and thought that might do since it was nearly dark. He glided to the opposite side of the hill. He could hear the noise from the farmstead. Almost as loud as those drunken dwarves.

  He hoped he might hear the plans of this mage and those unicorns. He couldn’t hear too much that was distinct nor what he could hear clearly was of any interest of him. He looked over the ridge of the hill when the noise got suddenly louder. The back door of the house opened.

  He spotted the mage and the girl who had ridden the female unicorn. Dragons have the best eyesight (although Rocs might disagree) of any creature. An eagle at one thousand feet can differentiate between a rabbit and a human but at the same distance a dragon could count the moles on the human’s cheek.

  Come to me human. Come to me.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  “Lac, tell me about the girls of your village.”

  Lac raised his head to look where the almost disembodied voice of Esme originated. He was soooo relaxed. He had a difficult time putting his thoughts in any semblance of order. He was getting very somnolent but it was such a beautiful evening he wanted to remain awake to enjoy it. Warm almost balmy with stars a’twinkling. He thought he heard some pixies flying about but he wasn’t sure nor at this moment did he care. The pixies seemed close but not too close.

  Lac shrugged. Outside of Nadilia he hadn’t paid much attention to girls. By the age of twelve he was enrolled in Barry Ding’s Academy and his focus and concentration had been mostly about learning, developing and controlling magic.

  He had known Nady since they were very young. It seemed like he had always known her and he couldn’t remember the occasion which might have been the first time they met.

  “I don’t really know, Esme. I guess they’re like girls every…where.” Lac immediately realized this could not possibly be true.

  Esme’s younger sister, Desme, was a lot like Esme which meant they were nothing like the girls he had grown up with.

  “I guess that’s not true. I’ve never seen a girl as beaut…ah, well, I’ve never seen a girl that looked like you and your sister. And,” he tried to quickly continue the monologue so Esme wouldn’t interrupt.

  “Do you think I’m beautiful Lac?”

  What am I to do? Obviously the motormouth ploy failed.

  “Ah, ah…”

  “Lac don’t be shy. I’m not used to being around boys and it would help me to know these things.”

  Lac’s face was the reddest it had ever been and he was glad Esme couldn’t see him.

  “Yes Esme.” Lac was so unsure of himself he added, “but it could just be me…I mean…yes, I think you’re very beautiful but I’ve only known the girls from my village. This is the first time I’ve ever been out of my village.” He was sweating, shaky and his throat seemed tighter than usual.

  Esme laughed gently. “You’re not used to courting are you Lac?”

  “Courting?” That’s what his first thought was but it came out with a high pitch and didn’t sound at all like his voice.

  Esme laughed. A deep and wonderfully rich laugh. “You’re not alone Lac. I’ve only known a few older relatives and my older brother. So I know less than you.”

  Somehow Lac didn’t really believe Esme knew less than him. In fact, he now had a sneaking suspicion Nadilia and all the girls his age back in Oakendusk probably knew more than him. A lot more.

  “How many people live in…Oaken…?”

  “Oakendusk.” Here he was on firmer ground. “Well, with the students from other places and all it’s probably six hundred or so.”

  “Wow, such a big place. The nearest village to us, the first one if you went north has less than a hundred.” She was thoughtful for a few moments.

  “You’re going back tomorrow?”

  Still on firmer ground, “yes. They’ll be worried about me. I hope Chauncey will come with me all the way as well. If I told everyone about the events the last couple of days no one would believe me.”

  “Isn’t your unicorn going to go with you?”

  “He said he would…and no, Esme. A unicorn belongs to no one. He’s my friend.”

  “You must be getting very hot and tired. Why don’t you climb out? I have your towel and pants and a nightshirt.”

  He started to pull himself out of the hot spring. “Esme! You have to turn around.”

  “Why?”

  “Well…what would your father say if you saw me, ah…without any clothes on?”

  “He wouldn’t say anything. I’m used to seeing my brothers without clothes on. This is a farm you understand? Besides, it’s too dark to see anything.”

  “Don’t you want to get out? Or perhaps you’d like it if I joined you?”

  Out he came.

  Lac grabbed the towel from the outstretched hand of Esme. He dried himself hurriedly so he could quickly get into the clothes she brought him to decrease his embarrassment.

  “If you dry so furiously you’ll need another bath. Let me dry you. I’ll show you how it should be done.”

  “Esme!”

  She stood up and got close to him. “Lac I’ve never been kissed. Could you kiss me?”

  “Esme…I’ve never…ah, kissed anyone.”

  “Really? Someone as handsome and strong as you?”

  Lac nodded. He realized she couldn’t see him well enough, “really. I…I’ve never really thought about it…until…” He left the sentence unfinished.

  “Until what Lac?” Esme had come so close he could see the whites of her eyes from the starlight.

  “I…I…I…I’m afraid to say.”

  “You’re scared?”

  He nodded his head. “You’re the bravest boy I’ve ever heard about…and I’m scared too.”

  Somehow that statement helped Lac feel less nervous. Not from being the bravest boy, he didn’t really believe he was all that brave but her being scared made Esme seem so vulnerable. Her vulnerability gave him a reversal in attitude. He now definitely, oh so very and absolutely definitely, wanted to kiss her.

  “I’m not sure how,” he stammered. One second slipped past. Another second went by then she threw her arms around Lac’s neck. Her lips found his lips and they pressed them together. They kissed and his arms went around her waist. They held each other and Lac forgot he didn’t know how to kiss. Esme’s lips felt wonderful.

  They stopped kissing and unclasped. She was breathing slightly harder than he was.

  “How was your first kiss Lac?”

  He licked his lips and thought he could yet taste Esme and feel her beautiful soft lips still.

  “I had no idea…that was amazing. How was it for you?”

  She touched his cheek. “It was wonderful. Oh Lac, do you really have to go tomorrow?”

  Lac was quiet for a few moments. He felt a sadness he had never known before. Had no idea he could ever be this sad.

  “My family…” he could hardly say anything. His throat was even more constricted than before.

  She caressed his face. “Yes, it must be hard to be so far from your family.”

  It hadn’t occurred to Lac until now but he would certainly have to leave his family for the certification test. Not the first one but the important one in one of the major cities of the Fonderlak Kingdom. It was three years away.

  “Esme…I’d love to…how could we…could we somehow visit?”

  Esme was thinking. At fifteen girls are more mature and certainly understood the world better than boys of the same age. She was aware there was something special about Lac even if he didn’t. It was not something she had been taught or been informed about.

  Maybe he’d never be rich and powerful yet perhaps that didn’t matt
er. He was so naïve but he was…different. Different in a really good way.

  Esme intuitively knew Lac didn’t have ambitions to be better or richer or more powerful than others. He just wanted to be the best magician he could be. She knew that to manipulate him would be to harm him and she just couldn’t do that. Didn’t she want to have a powerful and or rich husband?

  True, it mattered to her parents but with that kiss she had come to understand maybe happiness was more important. But how…?

  “Lac put your clothes on and then tell me all about Oakendusk. Maybe I’ll be able to think of something.”

  Lac hurriedly dressed and sat in front of Esme. As they held hands he told her everything he could think of his village. All the people and their occupations. Even the meadow and all the landmarks.

  ***

  The black dragon smiled. He knew that meadow and remembered the cave with a sort of nostalgia...not that dragons could be nostalgic.

  He loved that meadow. He had such a wonderful experience in that meadow. Seemed perfectly fitting to return to that meadow. It was where he had his first taste of magic.

  He would arrive in Oakendusk and await the magic.

  He liked that idea. The magic, all the magic, coming to him.

  If a dragon could laugh he would have.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  The pretty pink pixie flew to the saddle horn. She stood, folded her wings and looked up.

  “Hello friend. How are you today?” The voice was sweet and rather treble.

  “I’m well thank you. My name is Lac. What is yours?”

  “I am Ysiline.”

  There was a moment of silence.

  “Oh, Ysiline, I’d like to thank you and your friends for taking care of the bandits.”

  “It was so much fun. Could you find us some more bandits?”

  “I’ll certainly look.” A thought occurred to Lac.

  “Ysiline what would you or your friends do if you met a hobgoblin?”

  “We do not like hobgoblins. They are very nasty.”

  Lac nodded. “Could you conjure up an enchanted meal for them? And would it enchant them?”

  “Oh, that is a wonderful idea. But I do not think the enchantment would last too long. I would like to try though.”

  “In a couple of days we will approach an area that has hobgoblins and if you’d like to accompany…”

  “Oh, I cannot go that far.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “We cannot travel past our demesne.”

  “I didn’t know that. How far can you go?”

  “About a mile this way.”

  “I’ll be sorry to leave you. I’ve enjoyed talking to you.”

  “I have enjoyed it as well. I do want to tell you something before I have to go back.”

  “What’s that Ysiline?”

  “There is a black and hungry dragon about.”

  Lac sat up and began to scan the skies.

  “Oh, do not worry friend Lac. We chased him off our demesne. He flew away.”

  That was certainly a relief. The idea of still more magical creatures had been forgotten. Yet, with the emergence of so many new encounters he had a better perspective of the danger with a dragon lurking about.

  “I do not think I like dragons.”

  “We do not like dragons either.”

  “From what I hear they are not very likable.”

  “No they are not. They like to eat us.”

  That made no sense to Lac. Ysiline alone couldn’t weigh much more than an ounce or two. A hundred pixies wouldn’t even count as a snack.

  “No, I guess if they want to eat pixies they can’t be very nice.”

  “It is not that we taste good but…oh, Lac I must not continue. My queen would punish me. Come back soon.”

  The pixie flew off toward the farmers’ fields.

  It was still morning and the day was perfect. The weather was warm, a slight breeze stirred. Lac had eaten far too much but the –Tener women would not let him leave the kitchen unless he ate what a hard working and early rising farmer ate. It was twice as much as he normally would eat.

  Finally his robes had completely dried in the early morning sun. By the time he had finished dressing one of the male –Teners had Rabbit saddled. His pony was waiting for him in the central area.

  He chatted briefly with Tortener, the other men had farming chores, gave his thanks to be passed along and with Chauncey and Shastra left the farmstead. He saw Esme at the second floor window and waved. She smiled and waved back.

  What a beautiful smile. Lac smiled at the thought.

  He liked that thing called kissing and hoped he could do more kissing soon. He needed to practice after all. He wanted to be a great kisser for Esme. It was quite possible that he’d see her in a few months. He’d leave it up to her. She seemed to have a very flexible and sharp mind. And he needed to concentrate on his magic after all. His adept first class exam was coming up. That would allow him to continue and eventually take the certification test.

  With Chauncey and Shastra occasionally chatting with each other Lac felt very comfortable in silence. Riding Rabbit was also hypnotizing as it was a steady undulating movement.

  Before he knew it they were at the bridge. Lac if he could curse might have at that moment. The day had grown up and was nearly over. He’d prefer to spend the night on the other side of the bridge but he hadn’t prepared any ruse for the troll.

  “You must pay the toll to cross the bridge.”

  Lac just shook his head. Where to start?

  “Is it still two ponzies?”

  “You dolt it’s Pouncies and four of them. Or one silver Chrondite.

  If I was a real magician we wouldn’t have to deal with this.

  ‘You could also pay him Lac,’ said Chauncey.

  “With what…?” we don’t have any money. He thought the thought. It seems trolls have some shrewdness and he didn’t want this one to know their financial state or lack thereof.

  ‘What is the colorful metal in your saddlebags?’

  Lac shrugged. He really hadn’t noticed the saddlebags. They were such standard equipment the bags failed to pique his interest.

  He turned around a little and reached back. He unlaced the saddlebag on his right. He opened the flap. It was completely full of metal with only two colors; gold and silver. Lac was dumbstruck. Of course. It was the bandits’ saddlebags.

  The first thought which struck him was even if he knew to whom and where to return the stolen money he had to go home first. He couldn’t delay any further. Perhaps he could put it in a bank. He nodded to himself.

  “Oh, Ingrus.”

  “Yes.”

  “How many trips would two silver Chrondites allow me?”

  “I can count human. It would allow you two trips.”

  “And five silver Chrondites?”

  “Five trips of course.”

  “Well, how about a golden Chrondite?”

  “That would be…many trips.”

  “How many?”

  “I have to think on it. Why?”

  “Well, I have a golden Chrondite and I’d like change.”

  “You have a golden Chrondite?”

  “Yes.”

  Silence. Lac knew the troll didn’t have change and was furiously thinking of a way to acquire the complete sum. He gave the troll a few minutes to stew.

  “Ingrus, I propose this: why don’t I just give you a golden Chrondite and you can give me unlimited crossing of your bridge. For me and my friends.”

  Silence.

  “Since I’ll rarely come this way I doubt I’ll cross your bridge very often. In the long run you gain. Or I can give you a silver Chrondite now and maybe in months or a year when I return give you another.”

  “For you and your friends?”

  “Yes. Anyone I’m traveling with or anyone using my name.”

  “Traveling with I can see but suppose many people know you and use your name?”


  “Well, how many people have crossed your bridge since you’ve been here?”

  Silence.

  “Tell you what. I’ll give you two golden Chrondites for me, my traveling companions and those using my name. For unlimited crossings as well as any information about magic or information that might be important to me. I’m a mage you see.”

  “Done.”

  Lac reached into the saddle bag, “have you any information for me?”

  “Would a black dragon be any interest to you?”

  Lac’s hand in the saddlebag paused briefly. “It would.”

  Lac threw the two golden coins on the ground near the corner of the bridge support. A hand, hairy, with elongated but thin fingers clasped onto the money and reeled it in.

  “There was a black dragon which flew overhead last night. It was very large and seemed to be laughing. What is your name?”

  “My name is Lac of Oakendusk. You will remember my name?”

  “I will certainly remember your name Lac of Oakendusk.”

  “Which way was the dragon flying, Ingrus?”

  “It was flying south to southeast.”

  “Thank you Ingrus and good day to you.”

  Lac thought he heard a thank you in response but couldn’t be sure. He certainly heard the clinking of coins though.

  ***

  Ingrus was so very happy. Perhaps what his father and grandfather had told him about humans was incorrect. He wasn’t the type of individual who questioned his forebears but the proof was hard to overlook.

  He had inherited the bridge and in a very short time as compared to his father and grandfather was filthy rich. He had in one moment made more money than both his ancestors ever made from receiving tolls.

  True, since the dwarves ended the trade with the settlements to the east there hadn’t been too many travelers. In all fairness to Ingrus he had only been blessed with one visitor.

  True, he was new at this and was untested and there hadn’t been a lot of training as such. Rather the on-the-job variety. But he felt he had done very well. Very, very well indeed.

  Trolls did not have great memories. They only remember things which was of great interest. Yet, when they did remember something they never forgot it. An example would be a dragon in the vicinity. Not something you’d want to lose track of.

  He vaguely recalled being honored with respect which this human had afforded him earlier. This made it all the more confusing. Ingrus would have been all the more confused if he completely remembered the first meeting with Lac.