Coulda Been a Cowboy

by Brenda Novak

  on, but it’s worth the ride.

  TYSON SPED down the winding road in his Ferrari, his words echoing in his mind. It’s you I haven’t been able to look at. He hadn’t completed that statement. He couldn’t look at her because seeing her made him want her, which called into question all the decisions he’d recently made. He knew the direction he wanted to go; he just wanted to put this summer behind him, right?

  He wasn’t sure. That was what being around her did to him. He had to get away. But as he drove, he began to realize he wasn’t running from Dakota. He was running from himself—from the unaccustomed emotions she, and Braden, evoked in him. When he looked at her, he didn’t see himself as the young, fit athlete he’d always been. He saw a soon-to-be retired football player, a husband and father who was happy to let the dreams he’d held on to for so long go in exchange for growing old with Dakota.

  And that scared the hell out of him. He’d decided years ago that he’d never get married. Marriage was overrated and rarely worked out. Take his mother’s multiple experiences, for example.

  Besides, even if he changed his mind about tying the knot, he certainly wasn’t ready to take that big a step right now, when he was at such a critical point in his career. His knee was coming back. He should have another five years.

  He found himself at Gabe’s house. But he didn’t get out and go to the door. He sat in front, remembering Dakota’s plea to raise Braden. He’d longed to be able to return to Life Before. She’d offered him that, and yet he’d turned her down flat.

  He dropped his head in his hands. Why had he said no? Because he could never give Braden up. Not for anything. The little guy had worked his way so deeply into Tyson’s affections that the idea of losing him manifested itself as a physical ache.

  But Dakota loved Braden, too. And it was entirely possible Braden would be better off with her.

  A knock on the window of his door brought his head up. Gabe was in the street, sitting in his wheelchair, frowning at him.

  Tyson wished he’d gone someplace else, or left before he’d been spotted, but it was too late. He couldn’t avoid speaking to Gabe now.

  “What’s wrong?” Gabe asked the minute he rolled down his window.

  “Nothing. I just thought maybe I left my—” Tyson scrambled for an excuse for showing up in the middle of the night “—wallet here.”

  Gabe’s eyes narrowed. “Your wallet?”

  “Yeah. Have you seen it?”

  “Not in the house. But maybe that’s because it’s right there, on your console.”

  Sure enough, his wallet was sitting in plain sight. Tyson felt his face heat.

  “You gonna tell me the real reason you’re here?” Gabe asked. “And why you’ve been coming by so much lately?”

  “I told you. It saves Lance from having to drive all the way up to the cabin.”

  “That’s it?”

  “That’s it.”

  Gabe edged his chair closer and dropped his voice. “But we already worked out tonight, buddy.”

  Tyson said nothing.

  “It’s Dakota, isn’t it?”

  With a grimace, Tyson shook his head, but Gabe went on, undeterred. “What’s going on between you two?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Bullshit. I tried to help with the funeral expenses, but Leo over at the funeral home told me it was all taken care of. Don’t suppose you know who paid the bill.”

  “Nope.”

  “And I hear the mobile home has already sold. Just like that.” Gabe snapped his fingers. “That’s odd because real estate, especially that kind of real estate, doesn’t sell quickly around here. And the buyer’s name is Richard Peterson. A guy I’ve never heard of before. Curious, don’t you think?”

  Tyson scowled. “Don’t mention it to anyone else, okay? Dakota needs some seed money.”

  “And you’re trying to give it to her.”

  “She won’t take it directly. So I paid a friend of Greg’s to say he was planning to move here, and gave him the money to buy the damn trailer. No big deal.”

  “What happens when Mr. Peterson doesn’t move here?”

  “Dakota will be gone by then.”

  “So she’s going back to L.A. with you?” Gabe asked, sounding pleased but surprised.

  “No. She was talking about going to school in Portland. But tonight she mentioned getting a better job.”

  Gabe clucked his tongue. “You’re gonna let her get away?”

  Tyson was really beginning to regret coming to Gabe’s. “Why wouldn’t I?”

  “Because you’re in love with her, Ty. For weeks, almost since you first came to town, Hannah’s been saying she thinks the two of you belong together, but I wasn’t convinced until I saw you with her at the funeral. Every time you looked at her—”

  “I hated that she was hurting, that there wasn’t anything I could do to stop the pain.”

  “I could see that. Why do you think you felt that way?”

  “I don’t know…sympathy?”

  Gabe laughed. “No, that’s love, buddy. I’ve been trying to let you come to it on your own but—” he shook his head “—damn, you’re stubborn.”

  He was stubborn. How many times had he heard his grandfather say, “I’ve owned mules that were downright accommodating compared to that grandson of mine.” Tyson had come by that stubbornness honestly. It gave him the grit he needed to compete in the game he loved. But maybe it also, sometimes, got in his way.

  “What?” Gabe said.

  Tyson realized he was smiling at the thought that his grandfather would be calling him a damn fool right now. “Nothing,” he said, but he finally gave up trying to deny his feelings. “You’re right. I care about her.”

  “So what’s the problem?”

  He sighed as he pulled a hand over his face. “What if it doesn’t work out?”

  “Then you go your separate ways.”

  “It’s not that simple. There could be kids involved—there will be kids involved because, with Braden, there already is. It could get…messy.”

  Gabe shrugged. “You’re right. Divorce is ugly. But does that mean everyone should give up on marriage?”

  “Of course not. But what are our chances? This could be a very stressful year for both of us. She’s recently lost her father, she’d be moving to a new city, taking on my son. And my career could fall apart in a few months.”

  “Trust me, if you have Dakota you won’t care nearly as much. Isn’t that what scares you? You’ll be putting your faith in someone else for the first time in your life.”

  Tyson glanced away. “My mother never enjoyed marriage.”

  “She did with your father,” Gabe pointed out. “She’s just never been able to find that kind of love again. She once told me he’d ruined her for anyone else. But do you think, if she had the chance to do it all over, she’d pass up the opportunity to share the years they had together?”

  His mother had married several other men, hoping to find what she’d lost. None of those had worked out, but that hadn’t stopped her from trying, again and again. What she’d had must’ve been truly amazing. Maybe Tyson had the opportunity to experience the same thing with Dakota. “No, I guess not.”

  “Think about that, okay?” Gabe said and thumped the door.

  Tyson did think about it—all the way home. Did he want to miss the chance to be with Dakota? No. He’d been fighting the truth, but there it was. His grandfather would’ve been right if he’d been here to call him a fool. Gabe was right, too. He was in love, really in love, for the first time in his life. And maybe that meant major changes and risks and losing a little control, but it was time to lose control, to let go of the skepticism that held him back and embrace the hope that their love could survive even when so many others failed.

  When he got to the cabin, he ran up the stairs, suddenly in a hurry to reach her. He wanted to slip into her room, hold her close and apologize. Maybe he’d even propose. The thought made his heart pound
and yet…it felt right. He was going to marry her whether he continued with football or not. The idea of that was so new to him, he paused for a moment at the top of the stairs. He was going to get married. Him. The same guy who’d sworn a woman could never mean more to him than football had just proven himself wrong.

  But when he reached Dakota’s room, he found her bed empty. Her drawers were open and empty, too. And she’d taken Braden.

  Then his parting words came back to him: It’s you I haven’t been able to look at.

  “Shit!” He went charging downstairs, his first impulse to get back in his car and chase after her. She’d probably gone to the trailer she’d just sold, unwittingly, to him.

  But if she hadn’t, he’d be stupid to waste his time going to the wrong place. It was better to focus his search.

  Grabbing the phone in the kitchen, he dialed Gabe.

  “Hello?”

  “She’s gone,” he said simply.

  “I know.”

  That took Tyson aback. He stopped his frantic pacing and froze in the middle of the floor. “How?”

  “She brought the baby here.”

  “And you didn’t call me?”

  “I couldn’t reach you. She arrived right after you left.”

  “Braden’s okay, then?”

  “He’s fine. Hannah’s rocking him in the other room.”

  “What about Dakota?”

  “I don’t know. She didn’t say much, just that it was time for her to leave town.”

  “What do you mean, town? For good? In the middle of the night? In that car?”

  “Would you calm down and stop yelling?” Gabe said.

  Tyson couldn’t calm down. He kept picturing her stranded on the side of a deserted highway and some maniac finding her, hurting her. “Did you ask where she was going?” He had to find her, right away.

  “She wouldn’t tell us. Hannah thinks Dakota doesn’t know, either. She’s just…running.”

  From me. “She didn’t say anything?”

  There was a long pause. Finally Gabe responded, “She said to tell you goodbye.”

  Tyson nearly staggered as those words hit him—because she meant them. He knew she did, or she would never have left Braden. How could he guess where she was going if she didn’t know herself? She could be halfway to anywhere, and there was a very strong possibility he’d never find her.

  Then Tyson got an idea. It was a long shot, pure hope, but it was all he had.

  “Get over to the cemetery,” he said to Gabe. “Right away. Maybe you can catch her. I’ll meet you there as soon as I can.”

  “You think she’s at her father’s grave?”

  “She couldn’t leave that old man in all the years she took care of him. If this is really it for her, she wouldn’t go without telling him goodbye, too.”

  * * *

  WHEN TYSON ARRIVED at the cemetery, Gabe was waiting for him at Skelton’s grave, as promised, but he was alone.

  Tyson shoved the gear into neutral, stared at the lone figure visible in the headlights and felt sick. How had he been so blind? How had he let this happen?

  When Gabe didn’t come rolling toward him, Tyson forced himself to turn off the ignition and get out. He preferred not to face Gabe feeling the way he was. He, who’d never understood Gabe’s complete devotion to Hannah, now felt as if he’d wasted his only opportunity to have the same thing. But he couldn’t leave his friend sitting there in the middle of the cemetery.

  Gabe said nothing as he approached. They stood there together, staring at the fresh mound of dirt that was Skelton’s grave. There were still sprays of fresh flowers from the recent funeral, sitting on the headstone, everywhere. The scent of carnations and roses was almost overpowering, especially because it was so much warmer here than up at the cabin.

  “I guess I was wrong,” Tyson said at last.

  “No. Just too late.” Gabe handed him a note. “I found this on the headstone.”

  Tyson’s chest burned as he opened it and read. There were only three words. I’m sorry, Daddy. “What does it mean?” he asked.

  “She never told you?”

  “Told me what?”

  “About the accident?”

  “No. She just said it was complicated.”

  “I suppose it was,” Gabe agreed. “She was only ten when it happened.”

  Tyson was finding it difficult to speak and even harder to come to terms with all the emotions welling up inside him. “How’d he get hurt?”

  “Skelton used to be an electrician,” Gabe said. “He was helping to build the new elementary school gymnasium when Dakota got sick and couldn’t go to school one day. He didn’t have anyone to watch her, so he took her with him—he had to handle something that needed doing. He told her to stay away from the workers, but she was fascinated by all the activity and wandered too close. Suddenly a piece of lumber fell from where they were putting on the trusses. The board would’ve hit Dakota and, from that height, probably would’ve killed her if her father hadn’t heard someone yell and shoved her out of the way.”

  “It hit him instead?”

  “Yes.”

  “And he was never the same afterward.”

  “Right. He couldn’t work for very long, began to fall into debt. Dakota took over more and more of the household chores and financial obligations as she grew older.” He shook his head. “Must’ve been one hell of a childhood. Especially when Skelton turned to alcohol to get him through the day.”

  “I’m going to find her,” Tyson said. “Somehow. Somewhere.”

  Gabe’s cell phone interrupted before he could respond. “You’re kidding me,” he said into the mouthpiece. “Good. We’ll let Tyson go. But if she calls back, don’t tell her he’s coming.”

  “What is it?” Tyson asked, the moment Gabe hung up.

  His friend grinned at him. “Dakota just called.”

  Almost too afraid to hope, Tyson caught his breath. “Where is she?”

  “Her car broke down a couple miles from town, and she twisted her ankle trying to walk back in the dark. She made it as far as the Honky Tonk, but it’s closed for the night and now she’s wondering if she can get a ride to the motel.”

  Tyson let his breath go as he embraced the most complete relief he’d ever known. “I’m so glad she wouldn’t let me buy her a new car.”

  “You tried?” Gabe said.

  “Yup.”

  “Oh, brother.” His friend rolled his eyes, then gave him a playful swat. “And you didn’t know you loved her.”

  “I know now,” Tyson said and started jogging for his car.

  * * *

  DAKOTA WAS SITTING on the curb outside the bar that provided most of Dundee’s entertainment, her ankle throbbing and her heart hurting far worse. She couldn’t even run away when she tried, she thought, glaring up at the crudely made Honky Tonk sign, the lights of which had been shut off. Now she’d have to have Booker Robinson tow her Maxima and fix it, and she’d have that much less money with which to move to Washington. But that wasn’t the worst of it. By staying in Dundee she risked seeing Tyson again, which she definitely didn’t want to do.

  Braden was another story entirely, however. She desperately hoped Hannah would bring the baby with her. She missed him already. But she knew that wasn’t very likely. It was nearly three o’clock in the morning.

  Wincing at the reminder that she’d disturbed Gabe’s household twice in the middle of the same night, she stood as headlights appeared. At this hour, the town was virtually deserted, so she assumed it was Hannah. But as the vehicle drew closer, she could tell it wasn’t Gabe’s wife in her big Cadillac. The sound of the engine was all wrong. And the headlights were too low….

  As the car passed beneath the closest streetlight, recognition dawned and Dakota tried to hobble out of sight. She couldn’t deal with Tyson right now. But it was too late. He slowed and turned into the lot before she’d made it more than a few feet.

  “I hear you need a ride,�
� he said, lowering his window.

  She didn’t want to look at him. Just the sight of his handsome face would undermine her resolve. “Gabe and Hannah are such traitors,” she muttered, and he laughed.

  “They know you love me.”

  She lifted her chin defiantly. “They don’t know anything.”

  “They know I love you,” he said, his voice softer now, more serious.

  Dakota stopped trying to walk away and turned back to face him. “What did you say?”

  “You heard me.” After parking, he got out of the car and moved toward her.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked. “How do you expect me to react to that after what you said earlier, how you’ve behaved? And where do you expect this to go? You’re leaving in a few days.”

  “And you’re coming with me.” Scooping her into his arms, he carried her back to the car and deposited her in the passenger seat.

  “I’m not playing games, Tyson. I’m done. You’re right, okay? I love you. More than I ever thought I could love another human being. But you were right about me. I can’t do casual. I’m leaving and I’m going to establish a new life.”

  He didn’t respond as he got in. Throwing the engine in reverse, he backed up, then swung around to come out on the street.

  “Are you listening to me?” she asked.

  “I’m listening.”

  “Then where are you taking me?”

  “You’ll see.”

  Dakota couldn’t imagine what was going on. Tyson seemed different somehow—and preoccupied. He appeared to be searching for something he wasn’t sure how to find.

  “What is it?” she asked.

  “Mulberry Street.”

  “Why do you want Mulberry Street?”

  “Ah, there it is.” He made a U-turn even though the light was red, then hung a left at Mulberry.

  “There isn’t a motel this way,” she said. “Only a few houses and a church.”

  “It’s the church I’m looking for.”

  “Why?”

  He didn’t answer her question. “That’s it over there, isn’t it?”

  Dakota expected Dundee Fellowship of Christ to be dark and vacant, but strangely enough, there was a light on inside, and the door stood open. Hannah was sitting on the bench by the sign that announced the times of Sunday worship, and Gabe was in his wheelchair right next to her, holding Braden.