Tir Andol's Ashes

by Stephanie E Kusiak

  Though the image happens in only an instant in my memory, when I blink it away, there’s no denying it. I can see the “O” of surprise on Marianna’s lips.

  Oh.

  I look down, feeling the heat come up over my cheeks. Eventually, I clear my throat. “That…um…” I can’t really make an excuse, so I don’t even try. “You know you’re pretty. Let’s not be coy here.”

  Not arrogantly.

  When I finally meet her gaze, I’m glad Marianna has at least half the blush on her cheeks as I do. “So, could you see it, or just hear it, or what?”

  I can see it and hear it.

  Oh, we’re still here in my head. I’m sorry. You really weren’t supposed to see and hear that.

  I can’t look at her anymore, so I stare at the ground instead.

  Why not? It was real, wasn’t it?

  Yes…but it was mine.

  I don’t hear anything follow my confession, but when I look up an expression moves over her face, something I can’t place. It’s more than just warm and genuine, something different than I’ve seen before. When it leaves, she gives me a contemplative look.

  “Can I show you the third door in exchange?”

  I shrug awkwardly with a laugh. “In exchange? Sure, what the hell. I’m already mortified enough.”

  “Don’t be. Give me your hand.”

  I reach out and she clamps her hand on mine harder than I’m expecting. My eyes go wide. I look down at her fingers, nail beds turning white from the pressure of her grip.

  Mari? Why are you squeezing my hand?

  Because I don’t want you to run away.

  “What?” I call out in alarm, following it with an awkward laugh. “Are you kidding?”

  No.

  When my shocked gaze meets hers, I feel something unlike anything I’ve ever felt in my life.

  The distance between Marianna and I seems to unlock, or fold, or push in on itself. For a shuddering moment I can see what she sees and feel the chill on her skin like it’s my own. Then, I’m hit with a wall of emotion. It’s overwhelming and I pull back only to have her hand tighten and pull me closer.

  Don’t go.

  Her voice is very clear in the swirling haze of memories and feelings, thoughts, and experiences. All I get are snippets, but it’s like every emotion, every event in Marianna’s life is spilled into me. I can’t grab the flashes, but I feel them, roll through them as her expression shifts and I realize she’s feeling them too. Finally, when the tidal wave subsides I pull back and press both hands to my temples, reeling. Spots swim before me and it takes a good while before I have my bearings and can blink away the fuzziness.

  Mari?

  Yes?

  I struggle to find words, but when her expression turns tender, I’m suddenly outside on the grass just like in my memory, but instead, it’s hers. She’s letting the rain chill her, trying to say the words she needs to. Trying to tell me that she doesn’t want to leave, not because she’s afraid, but because she’s in love with me. That leaving now will take her away from what she needs and wants more than anything. I can feel the desperation and longing build until she tells me she misses me. She uses those words in place of others, releasing enough pressure to stave off the heartache of unrequited love.

  When the wash of sensation fades, I’m staring at Marianna, and the burning adoration I felt is written into the undercurrent of her anxious expression.

  Fair exchange.

  You love me?

  I do. So please don’t ever dismiss that you think I’m beautiful, not when you know how much it means to me.

  I can’t believe it. It’s more than I could have wished for. I can feel how afraid she is, how hard her heart is racing. I want to tell her not worry, that I love her too, that I just want to kiss her and tell her everything will be all right.

  Then do it, because I need you to.

  What?

  She doesn’t repeat herself, she simply shows me what she wants. How she wants me to close the distance between us to kiss her and hold her until she feels safe. The image puts a scorching of color in my cheeks, but I follow her directive nonetheless. And while it feels awkward because I don’t think I’m nearly as seductive as the image she relayed, the fact that I can feel expectation building within her as I grow closer reassures me.

  I’ve had lovers before, but when I press to the warmth of her body and cup my hand around the back of her head, it’s like no one and nothing has ever existed before. A moment of her lips tangled with mine and my fingers in her platinum strands, and her existence blows every tactile memory of any other away.

  Marianna is the beginning and an end I will follow across any amount of stars.

  She is all I want for the rest of my life.

  Her kiss deepens, lips trembling from the thoughts I give so freely. I can hear her pleading me for the words she wants to hear. I pull back to trace her lips with my thumb, smiling into the shared space between us. “You want me to say forever?”

  “I’ve imagined for years you’d say it.” It’s whispered as she stretches for my lips, with what is quite possibly the most smoldering look I’ve ever seen.

  “Then…forever, Mari.” Her gaze bounces back and forth over mine, searching. “I’ll love you and kiss you—” Her lips are on mine again.

  —and protect you, forever.

  Chapter 2

  I spend every night tangled with Marianna, and every day stealing as many moments with her as I can. We cry a little, reminisce a lot, and love harder than I thought was possible. The hours go too quickly, the unstoppable march of time ripping the days we’ve shared into pieces behind us.

  When it’s upon us, the last night we’ll be together, Marianna stands at the window in my bedroom. Her eyes are dark, face pensive as she watches the final glow of light vanish from the horizon. I trace her back and shoulder with a soft hand, my eyes straying from her reflection to the bag of gear packed near the door.

  I shake away the image of her carrying it with her when she leaves.

  “The day is almost over.” Her voice is ragged with emotion and I watch, too, as the light fades.

  My gaze moves back to her face, and I take time to memorize her and all the little pieces I want to remember. She looks at me, and I know she’s doing the same.

  “I’ll wait for you, Mari. I swear it.”

  I say it to make sure she remembers it, so she knows it all the way through her. Marianna nods, shifting her wave of blond hair with a casual hand. She turns to look at me and from here, before me, she’s superimposed on the dark of the sky and the spread of trees below. The canopies behind her are the ones I’ve stared at for years and I never would have imagined it would be there that I’d fall in love with her under clouds heavy with rain.

  I move closer, pressing away the tangle of hair from the side of her face. “Let me make love to you all night.” My hands continue, dragging the thin straps at her shoulders down with them and baring her to me.

  A whisper of a smile moves over her face and she presses her lips to mine. At the contact a shock moves through me, and I feel Marianna melding her thoughts to mine. It’s so much faster now, the sync of us together a well-rehearsed dance.

  I’d like that very much.

  I like you very much.

  Oh, I know.

  She leans back against the glass, and I caress my hands over her, taking my time—pretending to my heart that I have an unlimited amount of it. I forget she’s leaving as I stand frozen in this beautiful moment with her. The image of her plastered against the glimmer of the city in the distance, the starlight above and nature below, is incredible.

  “Room, lights to full.”

  The light puts more color in her skin, twists ribbons of blue into her eyes, and steals all the air from my lungs. I press against her, kissing her desperately, grasping for every inch of her I can to keep her. I start my kisses down, and her soft mewing sighs spur me on.

  I slide to my knees beneath her and kis
s her thighs. When I move to where she needs me and hear her soft gasp of pleasure—then—I remember that this is the last. This is the last time I will feel her, and make love with her, for two years. This small sliver of time is all I have left after wasting so much of it. I hate myself for it. Marianna’s hands find my hair and caress through it, pulling me from my thoughts. She shifts toward me, her legs trembling. I nearly get her to her peak, but she kneels before me and crashes her lips against mine.

  I can’t, not unless I’m kissing you.

  Then kiss me.

  She does feverishly as her hands pull me to bed, and her heart does everything it can to valiantly protect me from the future.

  ¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

  I don’t know what time it is when I awaken, but it’s still dark. I blink the sleep from my eyes, aware of the cold in the sheets beside me. Marianna’s sitting on the edge of the bed, her bare back highlighted in a sliver of light from the other side of the room. It’s the only thing I can make out as the vast starry expanse blends with the rest of her form. I try not to move, quietly admiring her as I surreptitiously see if I can still hear her thoughts.

  I’m not sure if I can or not, because I don’t hear or feel anything as her eyes take in the hazy trails of galaxy light painting the sky. She touches her temple briefly then turns to me. The light falls on her face, coloring her lips pink as they lift in a smile.

  I can feel that, you know.

  I’m sorry. I wanted to know what you think about at night when I’m asleep.

  Her hand gestures toward the window and the night beyond its paneling.

  I think about what the future holds. You caught me not really thinking about anything in that moment though, because I’m tired of worrying.

  That smile of hers slips a little, her eyes hollowing out with the fears I hear her thinking. When she looks at me again, her hand reaches out to find mine.

  I used to think about what my life would’ve been like with you, but being with you has been better than anything I’d ever imagined.

  You aren’t losing me or what we have. It won’t ever be over. It’s only two years, and I will find a way to see you.

  I squeeze her fingers until her hand brushes up my arm and she pulls on me to join her. I push the sheets aside and bring them with me as I sit down next to her. I pull the sheet around us, and for an instant, I can pretend that we are somewhere in the future far away from this.

  And in that future, we walk through grassy field with big spiraling trees—just her and me. There’s a beautiful house whose whole side is made of windows, and every morning we wake early to hold one another like this and watch the birth of a new day.

  Marianna nuzzles my shoulder. That sounds wonderful. I’ll build the planet myself, somewhere out there. Her eyes shift to look up into the muddled haze of starlight.

  When you come back, will you teach me about terraforming?

  Yes, but all the really amazing things I’ll keep a secret, so you can’t do them without me.

  I know she’s teasing, but I just want to be certain I don’t miss any opportunity to love her.

  I could never do without you.

  Marianna turns to me, her fingers tracing my face, urging me forward until I kiss her. I close my eyes, feeling her lips move, feeling the warmth of her body and the fragments of thoughts that pass through her. She’s imagining our little world, too, a place where there’s rolling streams and wild country as far as the eye can see. In the distance, a single city spears up into blue skies.

  I have to be able to indulge in a nice meal on occasion.

  I laugh into her kiss, and she does, too.

  Can you terraform that?

  For you, I’ll try.

  I’m staring at her as the first light of dawn warms the horizon, breaking my heart as it erases the shadows in her eyes and colors half her face. She nudges my nose with hers and turns to the window. I press kisses to her cheek, pulling her closer to me, stealing every last touch of her that I can. My eyes fall to the chronosphere denoting the time.

  At the same moment I realize it’s far too early to be daylight, Marianna gasps. Her emotions spike. A cacophony of panic too sharp—impossible—frightening for me to understand.

  She tightens her hand in mine.

  I’m frozen, so I can’t see what she’s seeing. But then the sound comes. It’s a sound I will remember for the rest of my life. It warps over us, an inhuman scream, like nothing I’ve ever heard. It has a material presence, like it can reach out to touch me. Every nerve in my body stands on end. I know exactly what’s screaming. I’ve spent all my life fearing the very existence of them.

  The Phalanx.

  That’s when I look out the window into a burst of white so bright it blinds me. All I can hear is Marianna’s voice screaming in my mind to run. It’s all I can feel. Every primal instinct turned toward survival. I stand up. The sheet falls from my shoulders. Hand up to block the light, I need to see what’s out there, what made the sound. The brightness fades by degrees and I can make out shadows. There’s a plume of molten debris rising into the sky, high enough that its top is fanning to mix with solar winds from outer space.

  We’re going to die.

  I turn back to Marianna, staring at the certainty in her eyes as they meet mine. The first aftershock from the explosion comes and the window behind me cracks as the building twists. A litany of glass breaking and the metal around me groaning is all I can hear. It’s louder than Marianna’s thoughts as her hands grab for me to pull me to her. We stumble together until we can regain our footing. She turns to me, patting my face and shoulders for injury.

  Initial shock over, her thoughts are razor sharp as she takes my face in her hands.

  We have to leave the planet! That magma shooting into the sky is planet core, Aly! The planet is dying, it will tear itself apart! We have to go!

  Now!

  She goes for her bag at the same time as I reach for my Academy-issued combat suit.

  How did my parents not stop them?

  My thought is accusatory and demanding. I say it like I don’t understand how it could have happened, but one look from Marianna as she slips into her boots and we both know the answer to the question. My parents and the entire crew of the Anima would have, if they could have. And since they didn’t, since The Phalanx is already at the planet surface, then the Anima must have already been destroyed.

  My whole family is gone.

  Marianna anchors me steady as another explosion takes the floor out from under us. The building shifts, and out of the window the gushing pipeline of Tir Andol’s lifeblood is blotted out with dark shadows, terrifying things that land on the planet’s surface.

  Another sickening roll of the ground beneath us and we’re thrown backward painfully into the door of my bedroom. I can hear Marianna praying as she protects my head with her arms and we slam through the malfunctioning doorway into the living area of my parents’ apartment.

  At the last minute I brace her against impact, but she takes the brunt of it as we come to a stop. When the building settles, my shock is worn off enough to be of some use. I dust glass off us and pull Marianna up. She’s nursing her shoulder where she’s put a dent into a cabinet.

  You okay?

  I’m fine.

  We need to get to the spaceport.

  She nods. The next moment the emergency lights turn off and we are plunged into darkness. I have to wait for my eyes to adjust before moving. When the orange glow outside edges into the room, the first thing I can see is Marianna looking at me.

  It’s going to be okay.

  I know, but Aly, if I die, I’m glad this was how my life ended.

  Don’t ever say that to me again.

  Chastised, she turns away. What I don’t tell her, though, is that I feel the same way. My eyes are on her, pledging to save her even as I enter the emergency bypass code and slide out the front door into chaos.

  Chapter 3

  We run. My legs ache with the e
xertion of it. The spaceport feels so far, and every passing minute feels so final. The light of fire is my only guide. People scream that the planet is out of power. They say it’s the end of everything. I strangle my hold on Marianna’s hand. It’s how I know she’s with me. Because I can’t look back. I can’t see the haunting pillar of light that burns behind my shoulder. The heat is impossible, stagnant, and the scent of sulfur chokes the air.

  My chest burns with every caustic breath.

  Above me, the planet’s defense system is failing. It stalls the invasion by only the smallest of margins. As Marianna and I weave in and out of alleyways, I watch as the force field towers are destroyed. The green shield still holds, but it flickers with the promise of failure.

  We have to get off the planet before that happens, before The Phalanx can rain hell down upon us.

  A swarm of darkness coalesces ahead of us and then scatters. I think it was The Phalanx, a thousand forms moving in tandem. I hear screams as others see it, too. The people we are running with scatter. Over the sound of cries and footfalls, I hear hollow thunder beneath my feet.

  What is that?

  It’s the open void inside the planet! Other layers are collapsing toward the core to liquefy and take the place of the material missing.

  I stare up again when we find a small break in the smoke. My eyes search in terror at the haze of debris streaking the sky.

  Marianna, there is no way we can get off the planet in a shuttle. There’s no clear path between all of this.

  It’s our only chance!

  I don’t press the point. There’s no shuttle maneuverable enough to avoid the wreckage I can see. All my studies at the Academy were in combat and flight. I know the truth: even if we get to the spaceport, we’ll never make it.

  Marianna was right; we are going to die here.

  I stop my thoughts before Marianna hears them. My only point of certainty is her hand in mine as we run. I turn down another street and Marianna’s thoughts reach out and spike into me before her hand tears away.