Tsukimonogatari

by Nisioisin

  When I first visited the shrine─or its ruins, on instructions from Oshino, even the torii gate seemed likely to collapse at any moment.

  The phrase I can’t bear to look seemed coined for the place.

  Forget about maintaining spiritual stability, already a hangout for aberrations by then, it was throwing the surrounding area into spiritual disarray─and the town itself, a ruined shrine sitting at its core, threatened to fall into spiritual disarray as a result.

  And what caused all this? Yes, the arrival of the aberration now residing in my shadow: Kissshot Acerolaorion Heartunderblade.

  She came from overseas, so maybe emigration is a better word?

  Anyway, the arrival of the king of aberrations, the iron-blooded, hot-blooded, yet cold-blooded vampire known as the Aberration Slayer, threw the town into chaos─shook things up like a patch of heavy turbulence. And apparently the center of the chaos was the dysfunctional shrine.

  Oshino entrusted me with the duty of sealing up that chaos─and I went there bearing a talisman that was, upon reflection, a total mystery to me, its true nature a little too murky.

  I had no real idea how effective the talisman had been, but Oshino assured me that I’d prevented a Great Yokai War─the problem.

  The problem came later.

  Later, this abandoned shrine was restored─a lowly high school student like yours truly wasn’t privy to the kinds of political dealings involved in that process, of course, but in any event, the main hall was rebuilt.

  And a new deity was enshrined there.

  Originally Shinobu had been scheduled to take up that responsibility, with some implication that she’d be taking responsibility for what she’d wrought, but things didn’t go according to plan─which was mostly my fault, I was eventually informed.

  And the town was in fact peaceful while the newbie god resided at the shrine─it seems to me. If you define peace as a lack of serious incidents, then sure, it was definitely peaceful. But in the past month, thanks to the meddling of a certain swindler, that god got demoted back to the mortal realm.

  All that remained was a nice, new building.

  And at last, I arrived at this shrine that was an empty husk once again, this holy ground devoid of a god─after a long and arduous trek up the mountain.

  The plan was to approach from the back, but staying on course when you’re traversing a mountain forest is no walk in the park, and we chanced upon the summit from a completely different angle.

  Specifically, at an angle that was almost perpendicular to the main hall.

  If this were a normal hike, haphazard wouldn’t even begin to describe it─it was a disastrous flub that warranted turning around and marching straight back down the mountain. But in fact, arriving at the grounds from that angle had its benefits.

  Ononoki and I were afforded a perfect side view of the building─and could get a sense of the situation right off the bat.

  I, or at least I as I was then, couldn’t see very well in the dark, and my vision was somewhat indistinct in the black of the night. But right up until that moment we’d been walking through a forest where I couldn’t even see my own feet, so when we emerged onto the shrine grounds and the sky opened up above us, unobstructed by overhanging trees, the visibility was excellent. Felt excellent.

  “Is that…Tadatsuru?”

  Tadatsuru Teori? The puppeteer─expert? I asked, peering at Ononoki.

  “Yup,” she affirmed. “Though his hair was different last time I saw him.”

  “Hmmm…”

  This person.

  This Tadatsuru Teori─was seated blasphemously upon the shrine’s offertory box. And what’s more he was sitting cross-legged. What’s even more, he was shamelessly folding little men out of origami, the kind with the separate trousers. It was blasphemous, but it also seemed so bold that a god might lose the urge to mete out divine punishment and just tell him I admire your pluck. It was so naughty, who wouldn’t want to let it slide?

  Though of course.

  Kita-Shirahebi Shrine found itself without a god at the moment, once again.

  Tadatsuru folded the origami men.

  Adding the trousers, and then slipping them into the offertory box.

  One after another.

  I had no idea why he was doing that, and even if the gods didn’t punish him, the current shrine attendant was probably going to be pissed off.

  “Do you think he’s using that as a way of marking time? Like, when the offertory box is full, time’s up…”

  “Bingo. You know, you’re pretty sharp, kind monster sir. Yes, you’re looking at one of the corollaries to the law of sines: Tadatsuru’s Origami Clock.”

  “Tadatsuru’s… I don’t remember them assigning that in trigonometry class. Sounds kinda cool, but…”

  I wonder if Yozuru had to cosign the patent application? Okay, enough of my tangents.

  This was unexpected…or I guess I just hadn’t given it any thought, but Tadatsuru Teori turned out to be a fragile-looking young man.

  I’d assumed he’d be the same age as Oshino and Ms. Kagenui, or “thirtysomething” as we put it these days, but he certainly seemed younger than that.

  His skin was so pale that I wondered if he was ill, and he was dressed in a plainly cut, plainly colored outfit. If Kaiki was dressed for a funeral, Tadatsuru was dressed like the deceased.

  “Does he always look like that?”

  “No,” said Ononoki. “I think he used to dress more fashionably… …, but no one keeps the same hairstyle or has the same taste in clothes forever.”

  “Hmm, I suppose you’re right.”

  “Especially a natty dresser like Tadatsuru.”

  “…”

  That burial shroud he was wearing didn’t exactly scream good taste─even if it wasn’t as bad as Kaiki’s funerary suit.

  Could that be why Ononoki seemed a little perplexed?

  Though speaking of, Oshino showed up for a ceremony there once wearing a Shinto priest’s outfit, so maybe that’s what was going on. It was a shrine, after all. All the same, I could understand if I was the one wearing a burial shroud, but why Tadatsuru?

  He continued to fold little origami men.

  And to slip them into the offertory box.

  One after another.

  I whispered, “No saying when that offertory box is going to be full…but we should assume it could be time’s up at any moment. We took too long climbing up here, and it’s already almost dawn. We don’t have time to waste watching and waiting.”

  “Almost dawn, huh? But that’s actually a good thing for you, isn’t it, monstieur? They say the darkest hour is before the dawn, so even though ghosts are supposed to appear when the night’s deepest, maybe this is vampire time.”

  “Well, there you go.”

  “The candle burns brightest just before it goes out.”

  “I don’t think I like that metaphor.”

  Plus, I didn’t need to be reminded of my little sister’s boyfriend. What kind of a name was “Rosokuzawa” anyway? Candledale? Weird.

  “But all I’ve got vampire-wise right now is the lack of a reflection, right? I guess I’ve also got enough of a healing factor that I can cure my wounds by thinking of Hanekawa’s breasts.”

  “I don’t want to count that among the powers of the noble vampire, but…yeah. Ironically, the more your immortal nature waxes, the more squarely you fall within Tadatsuru’s field of specialization,” Ononoki observed, her tone quite sarcastic.

  Well, maybe not her tone, given her usual placidity, but she sounded plenty sarcastic.

  What, should I have said something about her breasts instead? Girls were such a pain. Or maybe boys were just stupid.

  “Okay, then what field is he bad at?”

  “Good question─straight-up violence, I guess. Humans who wield mystical powers can be surprisingly weak in the face of regular old power. Come on, monstieur. The darkest hour may be before the dawn, but since we can’t see when t
hat Origami Clock is going to strike the hour, we should act now. If we’re not going with any of the plans I proposed, I assume we’re going with your penny-ante decoy strategy?”

  “That’s what I had in mind.”

  Her calling it penny-ante did wonders for my morale, but anyway.

  “Okay,” she went on, “I’m going to circle around to the spot where we originally intended to come out. Then I search the hall where we assume the three girls are being held, and I grab them and use Unlimited Rulebook to get out as fast as possible─sound good?”

  “Yeah, sounds good.”

  “This is basically my first time meeting your sisters and Kanbaru, so if they resist, is it okay for me to shut them up?”

  “Of course. Well, as long as you don’t mean once and for all,” I added just to be on the safe side. “How long do you think it’ll take you to march around to the back?”

  “Not long, since I’ll be on my own. The only reason it took us forever to get here was because I had you underfoot, monstieur.”

  “Underfoot…”

  “Or should I say underskirt? Literally.” If she was going to abuse that adverb, she could’ve just stuck with underfoot, but whatever. “If the girls aren’t inside the hall, though, that changes things─if I have to search the grounds, it’ll take time. Be prepared to keep Tadatsuru talking for at least five minutes. If you haven’t seen me take off like a rocket by then, if you don’t see a reverse shooting star rising from the earth into the heavens, then they weren’t in the hall.”

  “…”

  “I’ll search the grounds then, but at that point we’ll have to assume the hostages aren’t here, that they’re confined elsewhere…in which case I’ll swoop in, sweep you up, and take off.”

  “Huh, how come? If they’re not here, shouldn’t we make Tadatsuru tell us where they’re being held?”

  “No. Because if they’re not here, Tadatsuru’s unilateral demand for a parley was made under false pretenses─an inexcusable breach of the rules for an expert. Totally unconventional.”

  “Unconventional…”

  “In other words, he will have done us a favor, monstieur. A big favor, enough for us to send him a thank-you note. Because if it’s no holds barred, then Ms. Gaen will give us her full cooperation─since, as you know, she makes maintaining order within our professional sphere her top priority. Tadatsuru may not be part of her network, but she’d never allow such barbarism.”

  “I see. Well, knowing Ms. Gaen, that sounds about right, but…”

  “Mm-hmm. Tadatsuru is well aware of all that, so I doubt he’d do anything to offend Ms. Gaen’s principles. He wouldn’t do anything to invite her wrath.”

  “But he’s already abducted her lovely niece.”

  “Since Suruga’s last name isn’t Gaen, he probably isn’t even aware of that. He doesn’t even know she’s got a monkey’s arm. And, well, would her estranged niece’s kidnapping even make Ms. Gaen…”

  Ononoki didn’t finish her sentence, and didn’t need to. Ms. Gaen had plenty of goodwill to go around, but that goodwill was a little too good, there was something inorganic and desiccated about it.

  Not to say she was cold, but somewhere in there, the thermostat was set too low.

  She saw goodwill as a commodity.

  Maybe I’m the unfeeling one, saying these things after all she’s done for me, but that’s my honest opinion.

  “So I guess they must be inside the hall,” I concluded. “Doesn’t seem like there’s anywhere else around here you could safely hide three fresh-faced maidens.”

  You could hide them in the dense undergrowth, but they’d be in danger of being bitten by snakes. That didn’t qualify as safe.

  “I agree. Okay, commence operations. Monstieur, use your Idle Banter skill to hold Tadatsuru’s attention for a full five minutes if you can.”

  Idle Banter skill? What the hell?

  Before I could unleash that retort on Ononoki, she disappeared into the trees. Now I could no longer stay hidden─time to make myself known to Tadatsuru so the shikigami could search the hall.

  “My lord.”

  A voice, from within my shadow.

  Shinobu.

  “I must warn thee─I value thy life vastly more than I do those of the three abductees, and what’s more, I have no particular stake in thee continuing to live it as a human being.”

  “…”

  “Nor, my lord, would it be unwelcome to me if thou didst become a vampire. I shall do my utmost to abide by thy will, of course, but if such should become impossible, I shall not hesitate. If thou shouldst fail in thine effort to buy time and thus become imperiled by this Tadatsuru lout, in that instant shall I drink of thy blood. Should I have to pin thee down by force, still will I taste of it. I shall make thee a vampire, I shall make thee immortal, I shall make thee fight, and I shall make thee victorious.”

  Though I too will gladly fight, of course, empowered as I will then be, Shinobu footnoted.

  “’Tis no concern of mine if thou shouldst lose the last vestiges of thy humanity as a result. No concern at all.”

  “…”

  I nodded.

  Got it.

  Coming at that moment, it struck me as an effective threat─or maybe as more of a pep talk. I felt like I had to buy that time with my idle banter no matter what.

  Even if I refuse to call it a skill.

  I had spent many long hours idly chatting with all kinds of people─and I’d do my best to have an enjoyable chat with the expert in question as well.

  Emerging from the underbrush, I said, “You looking for me? Well, here I am!”

  Every guy’s got to deliver a line like that at least once in his life.

  018

  “Hey. Or─well, hey.”

  This was Tadatsuru’s somewhat lackluster greeting as we stood facing each other for the first time. You could hear the lack of enthusiasm in his voice, and he didn’t seem particularly surprised to see me emerge suddenly from the forest. I felt like I’d wasted my big line.

  His attitude was so, what’s the word…apathetic that it seemed like even if I’d appeared from the sky clutching Ononoki, or marched right up the stairs and under the torii, his reaction would’ve been the same.

  No, it wasn’t just apathy.

  It seemed more like the despondence of a sick man.

  “You’re…Koyomi Araragi, right?”

  “Yeah…I am. I’m Koyomi Araragi,” I replied, sauntering towards him, taking time to consider what would be an ideal distance for conversation.

  Obviously it would be hard to talk if we were too far apart, but if I got too close it might put him on his guard. Getting too close could invite an attack. Slightly farther away than what seemed like the appropriate distance would be the actual appropriate distance.

  “And…you must be Tadatsuru Teori.”

  “Must I? I suppose I must… I don’t know who else I’d be. You the only person, Koyomi Araragi?”

  “See for yourself.”

  It pained me to lie, but Ononoki was presently engaged in a separate activity, and Shinobu was presently submerged in my shadow, nowhere to be seen, so technically it wasn’t a lie.

  And, for the time being, at least.

  I could still consider myself a person.

  “Indeed… So how’s Yozuru? I guess climbing a mountain would be a real hassle for someone cursed never to set foot on the ground─even if she ran through the treetops like a ninja, it’d probably take her at least another hour to get here…”

  Cursed?

  Cursed─never to set foot on the ground?

  Huh?

  Ms. Kagenui wasn’t doing it by choice?

  “When you say cursed─”

  As I spoke, I got close enough to peek into the offertory box where Tadatsuru sat, legs crossed. Well, you could only see inside it from directly above, but the arms of the origami men were overflowing a tiny bit from within.

  Uh oh… What did that mean? We had
n’t been able to tell from farther away, but the Origami Clock was just about full up. What a close shave. If I’d chatted with Ogi any longer, the clock would’ve struck the appointed hour.

  Tadatsuru had stopped folding the figures once I’d appeared…but man, the guy was an origami speed demon.