Off the Air

by L.H. Cosway

  “We’ll be staying in a guesthouse with a laundry service,” Michaela put in.

  “I have a good one,” Paul said. “The loser has to strip down to their undies and run around the forest doing a primal scream.”

  “Is that a punishment? I love a good primal scream, and I look fantastic in my undies. Don’t I, Leanne?” Cal winked at me.

  I arched an eyebrow. “Modest much?”

  His grin was wolfish. Somebody was definitely in the birthday mood.

  “Well, are you in?” Paul nudged.

  “Yes, I’m in,” Cal replied, and they headed for the tree.

  A group gathered to watch them, while Reya, Trev’s girlfriend, came to stand next to me.

  She nodded in the direction of Cal and Paul’s antics. “What’s going on there?”

  “They’re betting on who can climb to the top first.”

  “Of course they are.” She paused as she took me in. “How have you been?”

  I shrugged. “Touch and go. Mostly I’m all right.”

  She gave me an empathetic look. Reya knew all about the ongoing drama between Cal and me. She’d come on the road with us while we filmed Season 3 and experienced it for herself firsthand. At least no one could ever say life with us wasn’t eventful.

  “Has Callum apologised for the TV Choice Awards?” she asked.

  I blew out a long breath. “Yes, actually. He seems pretty ashamed.”

  “Good. A little bit of shame will do that boy good.”

  “Here’s hoping.”

  We watched Cal and Paul for a minute before Reya spoke again, “Trev said you and Michaela have been getting along.”

  I nodded. “It’s definitely nice to have her around. Sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy around all the guys. Jo decided she wanted to try being a stay-at-home mum for a while, so we needed to find a new assistant. I liked Michaela as soon as she walked into the interview.”

  Reya lifted an eyebrow. “Oh?”

  I chuckled. “She mistook Paul for James. She was completely embarrassed, but it was a plus in my view. It meant she didn’t watch the show. A lot of people who apply for jobs with us are fans trying to get close to one of the guys.”

  Reya nodded. “Makes sense. Trev always tries to downplay the fan mail he gets from girls.”

  “Hey! You have nothing to worry about. Trev is completely besotted with you. He doesn’t even look at other women.”

  She grinned. “I know.”

  All of a sudden there was a lot of cheering. Cal and Paul were neck and neck. I wasn’t surprised they’d managed to get so high up. Anyone else might’ve worried someone would get injured, but we did much more dangerous stunts on a daily basis. Climbing was our bread and butter. Truth be told, I was kind of disappointed I hadn’t taken part. I was smaller and more agile than both of them and could climb way faster. My competitive streak groaned at the missed opportunity to beat Cal. There had always been something intensely satisfying about besting him, more so than anyone else, which was an impulse I did not want to analyse too deeply.

  In the end, Cal climbed the highest, which I guess meant Paul had to strip and run around the forest while primal screaming. I was just glad it wasn’t Cal. Him being naked often tested my willpower.

  The two of them began climbing back down, and I went with Reya to get a drink. We joined Trev, James, Diana, Isaac, and Michaela, who were all sitting on a picnic blanket enjoying the party. Reya lowered herself to sit next to Trev, and I took the space beside Michaela.

  “You surviving okay?” I asked quietly.

  She shot me a grin. “Yeah, just about.”

  There was a wolf whistle, and I turned to see a bunch of people egging Paul on as he stripped down to his boxers. Cal was in tears laughing, and I couldn’t help my small grin. It was nice to see him having a good time. In spite of everything that had happened between us, and in spite of how difficult he could be, I still cared for him, still wanted him to be happy.

  I just knew that it would never be with me.

  “Oh, my God, what is Paul doing?” Diana asked. “Why is he taking all his clothes off?”

  “They had a bet,” I told her. “He lost.”

  “Well, it’s a good thing the weather’s warm today,’ Diana replied, “Otherwise he’d catch his death.”

  “Actually, when we run our core body temperature increases,” Michaela countered shyly. “Technically, it’s better for him to run naked in the cold than in heat. It puts him in less risk of heatstroke and dehydration.”

  Diana frowned at her, annoyed. “Who are you again?”

  “That’s Michaela, babe,” James said. “Remember, I told you? She’s our new assistant.”

  “Oh, really? How cute,” Diana chirped. Not surprisingly it came out disingenuous.

  Diana was someone whose cattiness always bothered me, but I tolerated her for James’ sake.

  Cal and Paul came to join us, with Paul dropping breathlessly down on the other side of Michaela and Cal taking the spot next to me.

  Paul winked at Michaela. “What do you think? Do you like blokes when they’re all sweaty?”

  She fought a smile. “Not particularly.”

  “Not even when they’ve got the body of a Greek God?”

  She shook her head and let out a nervous giggle. I was sure if it were James flirting with her right now she might spontaneously combust. “Not even then.”

  “So you’re saying there’s a chance,” Paul continued to tease, his grin amiable.

  “You’ll have to keep an eye on him when you come with us to Joburg,” Trev said to Michaela. “Paul’s got a habit for sneaking into girls’ bedrooms at night.”

  “Hey!” Paul protested. “I’ll have you know sleepwalking is a serious disorder.”

  “Oh, is that what they’re calling it?” Trev chuckled.

  “Speaking of Joburg, I can’t wait to show you all around,” Isaac put in. “My cousin Thato almost lost it when I told him we were coming. He’s excited to meet you all.”

  Isaac was the newest and youngest member of our cast. He grew up in a township on the edges of Johannesburg, and he’d fascinated Trev with tales of his upbringing. So much so that Trev managed to convince our director, Barry, to shoot the fourth season there.

  We’d never filmed so far afield, and I for one was eager to explore the city. I adored going places that looked and felt distinctly different from London. It gave me a thrilling rush to be in a part of the world I knew nothing about, to learn about the customs and culture, the history. Joburg also looked like an incredible place to freerun. Since Isaac was born and raised there before he and his family emigrated, I was hoping he could show us the real side of the city, rather than the usual tourist spots.

  And the fact that I’d be living in the same house as Cal? Well, that was the only thing I wasn’t looking forward to, but I could handle it. I’d managed to keep a professional distance from him for almost a year. I wasn’t going to let a few weeks of filming break me.

  “Have you been seeing anyone?” Cal spoke low, and I jumped a little. I hadn’t noticed how close he was.

  Then, I frowned, because he knew good and well that wasn’t a question he should be asking after all the drama that went down. “Are you referring to Ben Young?”

  Cal’s facial muscles moved in a way that told me even mentioning Ben’s name pissed him off.

  “He’s an arsehole, you know that, right?”

  “And what are you, some kind of saint?”

  “At least I’m upfront about it. Ben’s the sort of bloke who acts like an altar boy then shags your best mate behind your back.”

  “I’m pretty sure Paul wouldn’t be interested,” I scoffed.

  Cal shot me an aggravated look. “You know what I mean.”

  I let out a heavy sigh and relented. “I’m not seeing Ben Young. I was never even interested in him to begin with. You just blew everything out of proportion, like always.”

  I could tell what I said ir
ritated Cal from the tight set of his jaw. He eyed me closely. “What if I told you I’ve been seeing someone?”

  I tried to ignore the sting in my chest at the idea of Cal having a girlfriend. “You are? And where is she tonight?”

  “She had to work. She’ll be here later.”

  There was that sting again. I rubbed my sternum, knowing I had no business feeling jealous. He and I were over, and we both needed to find other people eventually, so why not now?

  Cal continued to watch me until I grew uncomfortable. “Why are you staring?”

  “You’re jealous,” he stated.

  “No, I’m not.”

  “You forget I can read your facial expressions like a book.”

  “Well, if you think I’m jealous your reading technique is off, because I could care less if you’re dating someone,” I bluffed.

  “Oh really? So how would it make you feel if I told you I lied just now?”

  That little shit. I shoved him in the shoulder. “That was manipulative.”

  Cal grinned. “You’re relieved, though, right?”

  I was, but I’d never admit it. My jealousy and subsequent relief weren’t logical. They were illogical. And that was why I refused to let how I felt for Cal control me. I could never feel free if my emotions were constantly dependent on the actions of someone who’d proven themselves to be unpredictable.

  I made sure to look him directly in the eye. “Cal, believe me when I say this, I want you to be happy. I want you to find someone.”

  His expression sobered and he didn’t speak for a long moment. When he did, he looked away and picked up a fallen leaf, smoothing his fingers over its lined surface. “Yeah well, I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship. I’ve got a lot of issues with my temper that I need to sort through. What happened with Ben Young helped me realise that, so at least something good came out of that shitshow.”

  I studied him. It was unlike Cal to admit he needed to work on himself. I’d more expect him to claim he was perfect and that the rest of the world had the problem.

  “Are you telling me you’re turning over a new leaf?” It seemed poetic that he was holding one in his hand.

  “Maybe not an entire leaf, but I am trying to change my ways, starting with drinking less.”

  Hmm, Cal did always do his worst damage when he was drunk.

  “That’s good. I guess… I guess I’m proud of you.”

  His expression softened. My statement seemed to mean something to him. “I really am sorry for what happened, Leanne. I never want to feel that out of control ever again, or put your career in jeopardy just because I’m a jealous twat.”

  Maybe that was why I always felt like I lost control when we were together. His wildness was contagious.

  “You know I…” I coughed, my throat suddenly tight. Why was I feeling so emotional all of a sudden? “You know I meant it when I said I want you to be happy.”

  His eyes brightened, his voice almost wistful. “I want you to be happy too.”

  For a second, the emotion in his voice plunged me into a memory.

  How can it hurt this much to lose something you didn’t even know you had?

  Cal’s question from three years ago still echoed in my head regularly. It was the reminder I needed to stay away from him. If not physically, since we had to work together, then at least emotionally. I needed to constantly remind myself of all the reasons why letting Cal back into my heart was a bad idea. He took me on these crazy, exhilarating rides, but it always ended in pain. I couldn’t do it again. I wouldn’t.

  What happened several weeks ago was a prime example of the chaos Cal brought into my life. I kept it at the forefront of my mind so that I wouldn’t slip.

  My heart had taken too many beatings over the years, and I wasn’t sure it could survive another.

  Two

  Callum

  5 weeks ago

  I was in a foul mood.

  Maybe it was the flashing cameras and the shouting reporters. Maybe it was the fact that Mum was still recovering from a nasty viral infection. Or maybe it was because Leanne hadn’t spoken to me since I entered the limo taking us to the TV Choice Awards.

  This year Running on Air had received four nominations, but I couldn’t seem to focus on how amazing that was. Instead, I fixated on Leanne. It had been a rough year since our last breakup, and even though she was civil, I knew deep down she still hadn’t forgiven me. The worst part? She’d broken up with me for something I didn’t even do.

  That was the problem with being famous. People liked to twist things, make you look like a prick when you were just trying to do your job.

  I was first to step out of the limo, followed by Trev, Paul, James, Isaac, and last but not least, Leanne. She wore a pair of tight black pants and a fitted black waistcoat with, get this, nothing underneath. Her wardrobe generally consisted of monochrome—that was nothing new—but she’d stepped it up a level tonight. I had a hard time looking away.

  We arrived on the red carpet and posed for pictures. I stepped up beside her, my hand grazing her elbow as I asked, “Who are you trying to impress?”

  Because it certainly wasn’t me.

  She cast me a quick, assessing glance before she replied, “No one,” then smiled for the cameras. I blinked at the blinding white light. Leanne didn’t put her hand on her hip or tilt her head like the models and actors ahead of us. Instead her hands were in her pockets. Her posture said, this is what you’re getting, take it or leave it.

  It was one of the things I admired about her. She didn’t give in to pressure to follow the pack. Before I met her, I thought I knew what I wanted in a woman. Then Leanne came along and flipped all that on its head. Now I was ruined for anyone else and she didn’t even know it, let alone give me the chance to make her understand.

  “Speaking of being out to impress,” she said, eyeing my designer suit. “Is Mia Popov going to be here tonight or something?”

  It was a low blow, but I tamped down my bitterness. “How many times do I have to tell you? Nothing happened with Mia.”

  Leanne rolled her eyes. “Cal, I saw her interview. When they asked her about you, she flushed, giggled then coyly responded that you were close. Just how many gorgeous Russian tennis players have you been “close” with?”

  “She’s an up and comer who lied for publicity. I met her once and we had a brief conversation, then I never saw her again.”

  “She was sitting on your lap. There are pictures, if you haven’t forgotten,” Leanne replied tersely. We’d had this conversation a million times, but I refused to quit having it until she finally believed me. I’d been doing a paid appearance at a night club. Unluckily for me, the tennis player Mia Popov had been in attendance. She sat on my lap uninvited and tried to flirt with me. Leanne and I had just gotten back together after our second breakup, so I wasn’t even remotely interested.

  “Just because a picture paints a thousand words, that doesn’t make them true,” I said through gritted teeth.

  Leanne turned to look at me, eyes moving back and forth between mine. For a second, I thought she saw something she could understand, but then her expression went blank.

  “I’m not talking to you about this anymore.”

  “Leanne—” I started, but she’d already turned around to walk away.

  I ran a hand over my jaw. Yeah, tonight was not going to be my night. A bunch of reporters called my name, but I stalked by them without responding. We were supposed to stop and give interviews, but the others could take the slack. I needed a drink.

  I was on my fourth whiskey before I even made it to our table. We were seated next to a bunch of actors from a popular TV drama. I took the empty seat beside Trev and grabbed the bottle of Prosecco, filling my glass to the brim.

  I hated this bubbly shit, but I was miserable enough to drink it anyway.

  A couple of seats away Leanne sat next to a blond, smug looking actor in a black suit. I already didn’t like the look of him o
r the way he looked at Leanne. The fact that their outfits matched only pissed me off more.

  The ceremony began, but I barely paid any attention to what was going on onstage. I wanted to know what that smug arsehole was whispering in Leanne’s ear. She laughed at something he said and he briefly touched her arm. I wanted to break his hand.

  A bunch of people started clapping, the cameras zooming in on our table. We’d won Best Reality Show. In a drunken daze, I followed the others up onto the stage, skulking in the background while Trev made a short speech to thank everyone who voted for us.

  When it came time to announce the award for Best Actor, guess who won? That’s right, the smug fuck who’d been chatting Leanne up all night. His name was Ben Young and never in my life had I encountered a more punchable face.

  The ceremony was coming to a close and I was drunk enough to do something stupid. I stood from my seat and approached Leanne.

  “Can we talk?”

  She glanced at me, saw how shitfaced I was and pursed her lips. “Callum, not now.”

  “I just need to talk to you for a second,” I slurred.

  Ben Young shot me a dirty look, but Leanne didn’t catch it. “She said she doesn’t want to talk to you. I think you should go back to your seat.”

  I eyeballed him. “This isn’t your business.”

  “You’re drunk and harassing this woman,” he said, like he was some kind of white knight. Fuck that noise. “So I’m making it my business.”

  He got up to stand toe-to-toe with me. The idiot clearly didn’t know a lion when he saw one because I was two seconds away from mauling him. If his expression was anything to go by, he thought he could take me.

  Were all actors this stupid?

  “Stay out of this,” I said, giving him one last chance to back down as I levelled my gaze on Leanne. My eyes pleaded, don’t make me argue with this arsehole. Just talk to me.

  She let out a heavy sigh. “Fine, you’ve got two minutes.”

  She started to stand up, but Ben gestured for her to sit back down. “You don’t need to go with him.”