Off the Air

by L.H. Cosway

  I looked completely out of place in my ripped jeans, T-shirt, hoodie, and trainers, but I didn’t let that stop me. I sipped a Bellini and nibbled a croissant, while two businessmen a few tables away shot me side glances like I’d snuck in or something. I cocked an eyebrow and lifted my glass at them. They frowned and looked away, pretending they hadn’t seen.

  I looked over by the entrance just as Trev and Paul arrived. It was our tradition to meet here whenever we flew out of Heathrow. It was an eleven-hour flight to Johannesburg, so I planned on getting good and sauced by the time we took off.

  There were few things better in life than drunk napping in first class.

  “Hey, Leanne,” Paul pulled me into a hug, jostling my cocktail. Some of it sploshed over the side and onto the table.

  I returned his hug with gusto, since I really, really loved hugs. They were nutrition for the soul, especially when you were on your third cocktail of the morning.

  “Are you excited for this trip?” I asked.

  He smiled, his ginger hair uncombed, like he’d just rolled out of bed. “Of course. I even came prepared with my brand-new signature flight kit.”

  Trev shot him a look. “Oh?”

  Paul started listing off items. “Sleep mask, flight pillow, eucalyptus spray, whale sounds on my iPhone.”

  I chuckled. “That actually sounds pretty good, but my plan is simpler: get drunk then enjoy the peaceful slumber of inebriation.”

  “Ah, a classic,” Paul laughed.

  “Hey,” Trev began, his tone becoming serious. “Paul filled me in about yours and Cal’s contracts.”

  My stomach tightened, not because of the contracts, but because Trev mentioning them reminded me of the bet. I was pretty sure my co-stars wouldn’t approve. “Yeah, it’s crazy, but they didn’t leave us much choice,” I replied.

  “It’s definitely a bizarre scenario,” Paul added. “If you get back with your ex, you lose your job? What kind of sick twist comes up with this stuff?”

  “They’re just trying to cover themselves. Honestly, given what Cal did at the awards ceremony, I can kind of understand,” I said.

  “Well, we’ll all keep a close eye on the two of you,” Trev added with a wink. “Cal’s penis will be steering well clear of your vagina if I have anything to do with it.”

  Paul faked a grimace. “Please reserve your penis and vagina talk for after 5 p.m. Some of us like to keep an air of decorum this early in the day.”

  Trev barked a laugh.

  “He’s right though,” I said. “You all need to watch me like hawks. Don’t let Cal get his hooks in.”

  Speak of the devil, Cal walked into the lounge right at that moment, a small backpack slung over his shoulder. My pulse spiked like it always did, pitter-pattering away inside my fragile chest. In spite of everything, my insides still got all fluttery and anxious whenever he was around. Mostly because we had a habit of rubbing each other up the wrong way. Other times rubbing each other up the right way, which obviously was half the problem.

  He pulled a paperback from his bag and plopped it down on the table in front of Paul. The Book of Joy by the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu. “Pretty sure you left this at my place,” Cal said, shades covering his eyes. I sometimes wondered if he wore sunglasses indoors just so you couldn’t see what his eyes were saying to you.

  “How do you know it’s mine?” Paul asked.

  “Well, it’s obviously not his,” I interjected cheekily. “Since it’s not The Art of War or Machiavelli’s The Prince.”

  Trev chuckled. “I think she just called you a douche, Cal.”

  Cal turned his attention to me, though I couldn’t tell his expression past the dark lenses of his Ray-Bans. Then, his lips curved into a sexy smile. “Leanne’s just mad because I can close my eyes whenever I like and see her naked. Oh hey, I’m doing it right now.”

  I fought a grin. So he wanted to play? Okay, then. “I’m not mad. I’ve got a great body and men like to think about it. I mean, you have a great body too, except for, well, your whole baby carrot situation.”

  Paul laughed and clapped him around the shoulder. “Aw, don’t worry, Cal. It’s not about size, it’s about technique, am I right?”

  Just as a sidenote, Cal did not have a small penis. But just like our bet, I wanted to win this battle of wits. After all, I was the one who started it. Our banter was one of the things I missed most about being with him. Maybe I had a masochistic streak, but it was fun to see who could come up with the best put-down.

  Cal still stared at me, finally pushing his sunglasses up to level me with a heated expression. “Can baby carrots make you see God? Because I’m pretty sure that’s what you called me last time.”

  Paul and Trev chuckled while I blushed hard and Cal saw it. My mind drew a blank. I did not have a comeback for that one. And now he had me thinking of the last time we had sex.

  This trip was getting off to a fantastic start.

  A minute later Isaac and James arrived, and the rest of the crew trickled in.

  I did my best not to engage Cal, instead talking with James, who was all wrapped up in wedding preparations, which sounded pretty full-on. Diana was, well, high maintenance. She wasn’t exactly my kind of person, but she and James were in love, so that was all that really mattered, right?

  When it was time to board our flight, I was irritated to find my seat was across from Cal’s. Since we were in first class, there was enough privacy so that I could ignore him if I wanted.

  Unfortunately, ignoring him had always been a problem for me.

  I turned around and bumped into our producer, Linda.

  “Whoa there, girly,” she said, holding up a hand. “Where are you rushing off to?”

  I blew out a breath. I liked Linda. She was always around when I needed someone to unload my drama on. And she always went out of her way to fix whatever problem I was having.

  “My seat is across from Cal’s,” I sighed. “I was going to ask one of the flight attendants if it’s possible for me to switch.”

  Linda’s eyes turned sympathetic. “I think I heard them say this flight is fully booked.”

  I chewed my lip, frustrated. “Will you switch with me? You’re sitting next to Ken, right?”

  Linda shook her head, shifting awkwardly as passengers passed us by. “Sorry, honey, but Ken and I have a tonne of work to do on this flight.”

  I blew out a breath, resigning myself to the fact that I was going to have to sit across from Cal. I’d just put the privacy partition up if he tried talking to me. Simple.

  “Hey,” Linda called as I went to retake my seat. “If he gives you trouble, you tell him where to stick it. You’re tough. Leanne Simmons cowers to no man.”

  I wished her pep talk bolstered me. Instead it fell kind of flat. She just didn’t understand the complicated tangle of history and feelings between us. There was also the little matter of the bet, and I knew he was going to take advantage of our close proximity during this flight to play with me.

  It didn’t take long. I was strapping on my seat belt when I sensed Cal’s attention. I feigned preoccupation with the flight magazines. “Have I got something on my face?”

  I shouldn’t have given him an opening, but sometimes I was my own worst enemy.

  “No. Just wondering how you’ve been,” he replied softly.

  Often, Cal was in a mood to fight, other times he was uncharacteristically caring. Right now, he’d decided to play nice, and since I was feeling defensive, he’d caught me off guard. Then again, this could all be a part of his plan to win the bet. I played along purely out of curiosity to see what his angle was.

  “I’ve been fine,” I answered, still not looking at him. It had been two weeks since our meeting about the contracts. Two weeks in which I’d gone out of my way to avoid him. I’d almost convinced myself our bet hadn’t taken place at all. But when I looked at him, the hint of mischief in his gaze told me it was very much still on. He’d taken off his sunglasses, and h
is startlingly green eyes always smacked you like pow! They were eyes you could get lost in.

  “Haven’t seen you at the gym much,” he went on.

  We had our own private, specially kitted out gym in London, paid for by our sponsors. I actually had been there, but I’d been going at 5 a.m. with the specific intention of avoiding everyone. Mostly Cal. When we filmed, we had to live in each other’s pockets, so I valued my alone time.

  “I’ve been going early in the morning. You know I never miss a workout,” I said then finally looked at him. For a second his eyes flashed with a rare glimpse of the shared pain we tried not to talk about. Chasing away our demons through exercise was something we both had in common.

  I blinked and looked away. A flight attendant came by offering drinks, and I got a double vodka. Cal watched as I downed it in two gulps, but he didn’t comment. That was one good trait he had—he didn’t judge.

  I pulled my flight pillow around my neck and closed my eyes, hoping sleep would come. It was at that moment that Trev, whose seat was directly in front of mine, decided to engage Cal in a long and detailed conversation about one of the stunts we had planned for this season.

  It went on for nearly twenty minutes when I let out a long, beleaguered sigh and opened my eyes, glancing between the two of them. “Do one of you want to switch seats with me? I’m trying to sleep here.”

  Cal frowned. “Why would you want to sleep? Johannesburg is only one hour ahead of London.”

  “Because what else am I going to do for the next eleven hours?”

  “I can think of a few things.” His expression heated, his voice low.

  I pointed my finger at him. “Don’t start with that face and that voice. I’m not in the mood.” Also, if he thought he was going to win our bet that easily he had another thing coming.

  “Hey! You keep your mile-high club aspirations to yourself,” Trev warned Cal. “You have a contract to uphold, remember? No shagging Leanne. At least not for the next year.”

  I shot Trev a serious look. “We are definitely not shagging.”

  “Maybe we should be,” Cal said quietly, leaning on his armrest. “You seem tense.”

  I grumbled and turned away, endeavouring to ignore him. He enjoyed riling me way too much.

  “I’m going to have to keep my eye on you, aren’t I?” Trev said to Cal.

  “Any excuse to check out my arse,” Cal shot back.

  Trev was unfazed. “Well, it is a fantastic arse.”

  Oh man, this was going to be a long flight. In fact, I had a feeling this season was going to test me like no other.

  To my surprise, Cal didn’t talk to me again for the rest of the flight. He must’ve been trying to make some kind of point.

  And I didn’t sleep either. Nope. I was wide awake the entire time. I thought being legally obliged not to be with Cal would make things easier, but I only found myself more aware of him. Every time he took a swig from his water bottle, I was mesmerised by how his throat moved as he swallowed. When he pulled off his jumper and his T-shirt rode up underneath, my eyes instinctively wandered to his exposed midriff.

  One time he even caught me looking, and the satisfaction on his face was intensely aggravating. Yep, my willpower was definitely going to get tested over the next few weeks.

  On the drive from the airport to our guesthouse just outside the city, I sat beside Michaela, my attention glued to the window. I was fascinated by the bustling city at night. The air felt different here, thicker somehow.

  The guesthouse wasn’t hugely fancy, but it was private, and it had been rented out to accommodate the entire cast and crew. It had twelve bedrooms, a private garden, and a pool, plus a view over the city. I was delighted to discover I’d been assigned a bedroom all of my own, while the boys had to bunk up in pairs. Our assistant Neil gave me a little wink, and I smiled. The solo bedroom had obviously been his doing.

  Neil had a bit of a soft spot for me. We never spoke about it, but I tried not to take advantage of the fact, though I could never tell if his affection was platonic or romantic.

  I wanted him to know I appreciated the room, so I gave him a brief hug. When I turned around, Cal was glaring at him, chewing on a toothpick. He wasn’t looking at me, just eyeballing Neil. I marched up to him, grabbed his hand and pulled him into an empty lounge room just off the reception area.

  He took his time pulling the toothpick from his mouth and stared down at me impassively, arching an eyebrow. “Yup?”

  I made sure to look him dead in the eye. “Leave Neil alone. He doesn’t need you giving him a hard time.”

  “Why would I do anything to Neil?” Cal replied like butter wouldn’t melt. He was well aware of Neil’s soft spot for me. “Is there something I should know about?”

  “Of course there isn’t. Neil is our assistant, that’s all.”

  Cal stared at me for a long moment. “He does these little favours because he fancies you. You realise that, right?”

  “He does things for me because he works for me,” I tried to keep my voice down, even though I really wanted to start yelling. Cal had that effect on me. I turned to walk away.

  “So, you don’t think he booked you your own room because he’s hoping to be invited in some night?” he called.

  I swung back around. “Just because all you think about is sex, doesn’t mean everyone else is the same.” I left the room before he had the chance to reply.

  In my bedroom, I flopped down onto the mattress and let out a tired groan as I snuggled into the pillow. After the stress of dealing with Cal, I definitely needed a good night’s sleep. Though I’ll admit a deviant part of me loved fighting with him. It was messed up, but I just couldn’t seem to stop rising to the challenge every time he prodded.

  Normally, I woke up every few hours when I slept anywhere that wasn’t my own bed, but I was so exhausted I slept right through. When I woke up, I had a bit of a hangover from all the drinking I’d done before and during the flight. Maybe some exercise would help.

  Right outside my window was the pool, and it was delightfully empty. I pulled my plain black bikini and flip-flops from my suitcase and headed downstairs.

  The décor in the house was very distinctive, something I was too tired to notice last night. There were a lot of mismatched patterns and exotic potted plants, but it had air conditioning, which I was thankful for.

  I’d completed several laps and was sitting on the edge of the pool, enjoying the early morning sun when a voice said, “You’re all wet.”

  I rolled my eyes and turned my head to glare up at Cal. “Good one.”

  He chuckled, pleased with himself, and dropped his towel down on a sun lounger. He only wore a pair of swim shorts, his entire tattooed upper half on display. Without preamble, he jumped into the pool and started swimming laps.

  Such a fucking peacock.

  I should get up and walk away, not give him the satisfaction of sitting here and watching. But when it came to Cal, I did all the things I shouldn’t. I was drawn to him in a way I’d never been to anyone else. Even before I joined the cast of Running on Air, I’d admired him. I remembered going to meet him, James, and Trev for the first time and being completely starstruck. My old crush seemed so innocent compared to our current dynamic.

  How I saw him back then was so different from how I saw him now. It wasn’t that the fantasy didn’t live up to the reality, but simply that getting to know him as a person made me see there was more to him than a pretty face. Cal was loyal, unwaveringly so. He also told the truth, even when it wasn’t fun to hear. He had a cutting sense of humour. But mostly, he had a good heart. The problem was his affection could border on obsessive. To the point where he often self-destructed when things didn’t go his way.

  And that was reason number one why our relationship never worked out.

  I closed my eyes and turned my face up to the sun, trying to push Cal from my thoughts. I was giving him way too much space in my head. I felt something move past my foot a
nd knew he swam right by me, trying to get my attention. So much for getting him out of my head.

  I opened my eyes and let myself admire his athletic movements through the water. His tattooed, muscular form was closer to a work of art than a mere body. He reached the other end of the pool, then started to swim back to me. I glanced away, annoyed to be caught looking.

  He hitched himself up onto the edge of the pool right next to me. When his wet arm brushed mine, I suppressed any kind of reaction. Not only would he not be winning our bet, but I refused to give him a single hint that he could.

  I noticed he still wore the pendant I bought for him when we were first together. This was before we lost the baby, and before we broke up two more times. The piece of jewellery only functioned to remind me how happy and obsessed with each other we’d once been. We had so few worries back then and we didn’t even realise it. We had no clue of the troubles that lay ahead.

  “I’m sorry for being a dick about Neil last night. It was uncalled for,” he said.

  I scoffed. “Is this a tactical apology or a real one?”

  “It’s real. I’m trying to stop being so argumentative, but it seems old habits die hard.”

  I cast him a speculative glance, unsure if he was being truthful. When I didn’t reply, Cal exhaled and let the subject drop. “Barry wants to get some footage of us out and about in the city today. Could be fun.”

  I sighed. “I thought we didn’t start filming until tomorrow. I planned on spending the day relaxing.”

  Out the side of my eye, I saw the edge of his lips twitch. “Yeah? What did you have in mind?”

  I yawned. “Mimosas, a workout, some sunbathing, maybe a nap.”

  We both had our hands braced on the edge of the pool. He brushed his pinkie finger against mine. “Want some company for that nap?”

  I quickly drew my hand away. “Like I’d risk losing my job just because you want to share a nap.”

  “But naps with company are nice. I thought you’d appreciate me offering to do something kind for you.” He stretched out now, droplets of water glistening on his inky torso. It was incredibly distracting. An unusual looking bird swooped by and I admired its pretty colours. It had a black head and a bright yellow body, its wings a mixture of black and white stripes.