Off the Air

by L.H. Cosway

  Was that look real or fake? I couldn’t tell. Maybe that was the core of my problem with him, I never knew how long his affection would last. One minute we were laughing and loving, the next we were fighting and hating.

  I heard a splash and opened my eyes.

  He hovered in the water, grinning up at me with a coaxing look. “Your turn.”

  Well, eff him if he thought he was winning this. I lifted my chin, stared him dead in the eye and started to undress. I wore a plain black sports bra and boy shorts under my pj’s. I’d already decided they’d be better than my bikini, since they actually covered more skin.

  Cal watched, his attention rapt, as I pulled off my top then my bottoms. When I stood in just my underwear, a warmth spread through me, a flicker of weakness, but I soldiered on. A low expletive left Cal’s lips as I ran to the other end of the pool. When I was as far away from him as I could get, I dove in. As soon as I was submerged, I swam as fast as I could.

  I knew he was coming for me, but if I kept moving, there was less chance of him catching up.

  What the hell was I doing?

  I thought I’d gotten off the roller coaster a year ago, but I suddenly realised I was still very much on the ride. This push and pull we shared had become a messed up yet integral part of my life, and our addiction to playing games would likely ruin us both.

  I pumped my arms and legs towards the end of the pool and then back again, swimming laps. I heard Cal’s deep, masculine chuckle, and my stomach fluttered. He knew exactly what I was doing. I stopped swimming but he wasn’t chasing me anymore. He rested his arms across the edge of the pool, watching me.

  “I wonder how many laps you can swim before you burn out.”

  “Didn’t take you for a rope-a-dope fighter,” I shot back.

  “Oh, I’ll be all too happy to grapple with you, babe.” His eyes flashed with challenge.

  I held his gaze. “Then why are you waiting for me to run out of energy?”

  He didn’t reply to that, instead swimming across the pool toward me. Instinctively, I backed up to the other side. My back hit the tiles as Cal hovered in the water before me. He reached out, but I held still, resisting any reaction when he touched my forehead.

  He pushed the wet strands of my hair away from my face, then caressed my cheek. “I meant it when I said you’re beautiful,” he murmured.

  “I thought you were talking about Paul,” I said, scoffing weakly.

  He gave a gravelly chuckle. “Oh, Paul’s pretty, but you…” His words trailed off as his eyes wandered to my mouth. “You are something else entirely.”

  A moment passed. We both refused to be the one to look away first. I could practically feel his warmth through the water. Only five inches, maybe four separated us. He was so close I could smell him, so close my fingers itched to reach out and touch him, the traitors.

  A dark cloud came over Cal, his expression intensifying. Oh no, I knew that look. Don’t do it. Don’t say it.

  “Do you ever think about her?” he whispered.

  A lump formed in my throat. There was no way I could answer with anything but honesty. “Every day.” The words were more air than sound.

  His gaze grew infinitely sad. “Me too.”

  My breath left me, and in that moment my body moved before my mind could intervene. I pulled him to me, wrapped my arms around his shoulders and hugged him tight. In less than a second, he melted into me, all his bad-boy bravado evaporating, replaced with a man in pain. His arms came around my waist to hug me back, his touch a salve to my loneliness.

  I knew it couldn’t last, but for a brief moment, I let myself have this comfort, this feeling of connection. No matter what happened between us, we’d always have this shared history. I acknowledged his pain with a hug, and he acknowledged mine by hugging me back.

  And then, I remembered he was naked. His cock brushed my thigh, and I moved like I’d just been burned, sliding out of his embrace.

  “You…um, you’re not wearing any swim shorts.”

  A faint cheekiness lit up his eyes, humour washing away the moment of connection we had just shared. “That’s correct.”

  “Well, it’s…it’s unhygienic.”

  One eyebrow lifted as his mouth formed a smirk. “Is it?”

  “Yes.”

  “Duly noted.”

  I folded my arms across my chest, but it felt awkward in the water, so I quickly unfolded them again. I cleared my throat. “Well, have I fulfilled my promise? Are you going to keep Michaela’s secret?”

  His eyes were pure heat. “Yes, you have. And yes, I will.”

  I nodded soberly. “Good.”

  When I turned to climb out of the pool, Cal said, “You’re going to kiss me by the end of this trip, Leanne. And you’re going to do it because you want to.”

  I pulled myself out of the water and stood by the pool’s edge, staring down at him. There was that intensity again, that hidden agenda. “If you think I’d risk my job for a kiss, you don’t know me at all.”

  His confidence didn’t waver. In fact, I’d never seen him look so sure. “I know you better than anyone.”

  I frowned in agitation. He’d gotten me to swim with him, wasn’t that enough? Deciding not to engage him further, I grabbed my things and headed inside. What infuriated me most was he was right. He did know me better than anyone.

  And that was why this bet was going to ruin me, because he knew exactly how to toy with me, and though I considered myself a better player, Cal had all the best tricks up his sleeve.

  Nine

  Leanne

  I slept terribly.

  After giving in to Cal last night and joining him in the pool, I tossed and turned, berating myself for going along with it. Honestly though, my heart had been in the right place, because now James wouldn’t find out about Michaela’s crush. Or at least if he did, it wouldn’t be from Cal or me.

  I’d let Cal think he had me right where he wanted me, because when it boiled down to it, midnight swims weren’t sex. He could flirt with me, push my buttons, and yeah, I might even flirt back from time to time, but I wouldn’t violate my contract, and that was all that really mattered.

  After I dressed and ate a quick breakfast, I joined the others in the minivan. Today we were taking a little break to visit an amusement park. As usual, our filming schedule involved a few days of parkour followed by a day of frivolous fun to fill in the episodes. This was mostly because it was good to have some recovery time. But also, the viewers enjoyed seeing us hanging out and being normal twenty-something-year-olds just as much as they enjoyed seeing our stunts.

  It was nice to leave the directors and producers and all the crew behind for a few hours. Sure, we were still being filmed, but only Jimbo and Celine were coming along to capture footage. It wasn’t as intense or demanding to have two people follow us around as it was when we had ten.

  I sat next to Michaela, who’d volunteered to come with us so Neil could have a day off. I’d told her she should take the day off too and we’d fend for ourselves, but she’d insisted. In front of us, James drove while Cal sat next to him. They were discussing James’ and Diana’s plan to spend their honeymoon in Miami. Michaela was replying to emails on her tablet, but I suspected she was listening too.

  “We’re going to have one of those Evian baths,” James said.

  “What the hell is that?” Cal questioned, his tone curious.

  “It’s exactly what it sounds like,” James explained. “They fill a big fancy tub up with Evian water, light a few candles, and throw in some flower petals.”

  “How much does that cost?” I asked, joining the conversation.

  James focused on driving as he mumbled his response. “$5,000.”

  “What?!” Cal practically yelled. “Even I think that’s ridiculous and I once spent a grand on a bottle of champagne that I didn’t drink.”

  “Diana’s got her heart set on it. Apparently, Serena Williams swears by them.”

  “S
erena Williams is a multi-millionaire,” Cal said. “She can afford to take fancy Evian baths. You might be on TV, but I’m not sure $5,000 for a bath is going to be worth it. Unless Diana gives you the best blow job of your life afterward.”

  “Cal!” I exclaimed, seeing James’ embarrassment as he ducked his head.

  Cal flicked his gaze to mine in the overhead mirror. “You know I’m right.”

  “You only get to go on a honeymoon once,” James said in an effort to justify the expense.

  “I’m sure it’ll be worth the money,” I said, hoping to make him feel better. “Like, when you eat at a Michelin star restaurant, it’s all about the experience. You’re not just eating food, you’re making a memory.”

  “Lots of people do those fancy treatments,” Michaela added, lifting her head from her tablet. “My aunt once went to a spa where they treated her hair with Caviar conditioner. She said it never looked shinier afterward.”

  James shot us both a smile through his overhead mirror then focused back on driving.

  Isaac, who was seated directly behind me, stuck his head through the seats. “I just texted my sister to tell her we’re spending the day at Gold Reef,” he said, full of excitement. “She’s so jealous. We used to beg our mum to take us here every year, but she always said no. Leanne, are you going to come on the Anaconda? I heard it’s a rush.”

  I turned to glance at him dubiously. “What’s the Anaconda?”

  “It’s the scariest roller coaster in the park. My friend Junior peed his pants the first time he rode it, but he was only eleven at the time, so it’s probably not that scary.”

  I chuckled. “You’re really very excited for this.”

  His smile was wide, not a hint of embarrassment when he said, “Yes, yes I am.”

  I sometimes forgot that he was still only twenty.

  When we arrived at the park, it was a riot of Saturday activity, with long queues of people waiting to get in. Admittedly, I felt a little excited myself. I’d never been to a theme park, and like all of us, I was a big fan of adrenaline rushes.

  Trev held his selfie stick in front of him, taking a video for his million-plus Instagram followers. I considered taking a picture, but then remembered yesterday’s selfie debacle and decided against it.

  “Hey, come on! Everyone get in the shot,” Trev called.

  We all huddled together for a group selfie. Cal somehow managed to find his way next to me, his shoulder brushing mine. I thought about our late-night swim and remembered how tightly he’d held me. In spite of everything, it was the most peaceful I’d felt in a while. Well, until I’d remembered he was naked and trying to win a bet.

  The first ride was a circular dingy where we all sailed down a man-made river together. I didn’t mind getting splashed, though Michaela made a loud gasp of shock when the water hit her. James, who was sitting next to her, chuckled loudly, and she swiped him on the shoulder.

  After a couple of rides, we grabbed burgers for lunch then headed to the roller coaster Isaac was most excited about, the Anaconda. Michaela didn’t want to ride, so I offered to sit it out too.

  On the way there, Cal jumped atop a bar partition and balanced himself, walking on the narrow strip and backflipping to the ground. Next, he did a spinning vault, followed by a palm spin flare and then a rail roll. His gaze flicked to me for a second, making sure I was watching. Was he trying to impress me or something? Nah, he just wanted attention. A bunch of people had stopped to film him on their camera phones.

  Cal jumped and landed right in front of me, his breathing laboured. “Impressed?”

  I feigned nonchalance. “You can’t go a day without showing off.”

  He grinned playfully, then waved to the people who’d been filming him. “But they love me, they really love me.”

  “They love what you do. They don’t love you.”

  “Ouch. Someone’s got a mean streak in them today. Or are you jealous?”

  “I’m not jealous. I could easily do what you just did. I simply don’t feel the need to show off all the time.”

  Cal cocked his head, then frowned as his attention went to something behind me. “What’s that?”

  I turned to look, but there was nothing. Before I could react, he picked me up, threw me over his shoulder and ran towards the ride. I pummelled his back. “What are you doing! Let me down!”

  “I’m showing you how to have some fun and stop being such a misery guts.”

  “Cal, I’m warning you, put me down right now.” I gritted my teeth, wriggling in his tight hold, but I couldn’t break free.

  Michaela had arranged special passes, which meant no line. Cal carried me past the waiting crowds and plopped me down onto a seat.

  “I told Michaela I’d stay with her,” I protested.

  “Michaela will be fine. You’ve been in a pissy mood with me all day. Maybe a little fear will snap you out of it.”

  “I jump off buildings for a living, Cal. I’m not afraid of a roller coaster.”

  “Oh yeah? When’s the last time you were on one?”

  My cheeks heated. “I’ve never been on one.”

  His eyes twinkled with mischief at this news. “Well, let’s see what a bad bitch you are then.”

  Cal hopped into the seat next to me, and an attendant came to strap us in. I schooled my expression, not letting him see my trepidation as the ride slowly jolted forward.

  Cal reached out to give my thigh a quick squeeze, his eyes alight with anticipation. “Here we go.”

  My heart was in my throat as the ride gained speed. I didn’t think I was the sort of person to be freaked out by a roller coaster, but here I was, bricking it.

  Sure, I could jump off a roof, but in that scenario, I was in control. I was the vehicle to get me from one point to another, and I knew and trusted my own body intrinsically. In this case, the roller coaster was in control, and the idea of being at the mercy of a mechanical device as it catapulted me through the air at top speed made me queasy. For a second, it reminded me of the feeling I got when I was with Cal, how I gave up all my control and got swept away in his wildness.

  Cal was the roller coaster I’d been spending this entire trip trying to avoid riding.

  I squeezed my eyes shut, praying for it all to be over. The seats were the kind where your legs dangled in the air, with your upper half strapped in. A million thoughts went through my head, as I wondered if anyone had ever died on this thing. I wouldn’t be surprised if they had.

  “This is amazing!” Cal yelled, though I could barely hear him over the noise of the ride.

  The screams of the people behind us filled my ears and my anxiety ratcheted up a notch. Maybe if we weren’t at the very front, it wouldn’t be so terrifying. Or maybe I was just a wuss.

  When the ride finally started to slow down, I opened my eyes and saw we were nearly back to the start again. Relief coursed through me. As soon we came to a stop, I released my safety belt and dove from my seat like a bat out of hell.

  “Hey, Leanne!” Cal called, coming after me.

  I didn’t stop to wait for him, but he managed to catch up, his hand on my shoulder. “What’s wrong?” he asked gently.

  “You shouldn’t have made me do that,” I said, trying my best to keep the emotion out of my voice.

  “I was just trying to help you have some fun.”

  I huffed a breath. “Well, that wasn’t fun for me.”

  He dug his hands into his pockets, his voice quiet now. “It was just a roller coaster.”

  I finally turned to face him, unable to hide how upset I was. “Not everyone finds roller coasters fun, Cal. I don’t like being thrown through the air at however many miles an hour. I don’t need ups and downs or cheap thrills. I just need…”

  Oh man, was I seriously having a breakdown over a stupid theme park ride?

  Cal moved closer, his hand trailing down my arm. His palm was warm and his touch calmed me a little. “What do you need?” he asked very, very softly.
>
  I blinked, my throat heavy as I stared up into his unfathomable green eyes. “I need control.”

  He studied me, brow furrowed, though I wasn’t sure he understood precisely what I was talking about. “Okay.”

  I shook my head. “Just…just forget I said anything. I’m going to take a walk. I’ll meet you all back at the minivan.”

  I went and, thankfully, Cal didn’t try to follow me. I walked around the park for a while and tried to forget my humiliation that I’d emotionally come apart over a stupid ride. It was ridiculous how much I hated appearing weak in front of Cal. After all, I was human, and all humans had weaknesses. Why did having him see my vulnerabilities feel so scary?

  Was there something wrong with me?

  Was I incapable of opening myself up to someone and showing them my fears?

  Was that why things never worked out with Cal and me in the first place?

  I started to wonder if maybe the problem wasn’t his unpredictability and temper, but rather my own issues with being seen as weak, and more importantly with suffering another loss. After we lost the baby, I told myself I’d never let something like that happen again. I’d never allow myself to be so powerless, to have the world rip something so vital away from me, leaving a gaping wound in its place.

  My phone buzzed with a message from Paul, and it was a welcome reprieve from my agonised thoughts. The others were getting ready to leave, so I made my way back to the minivan. Once there, I picked a seat, put my earphones on and pulled up a movie-scene playlist on my phone, ignoring everyone.

  The Last of the Mohicans: Daniel Day-Lewis telling Cora he will find her.

  Jane Eyre: The final scene with Rochester.

  Yeah, I was in a particular sort of mood. Cal sat two seats behind me, and I could practically feel his eyes scoring a hole in the back of my head, but he didn’t try to talk to me. Maybe he knew I needed space and for once decided to give it.

  Back at the house, I went straight to my room, which was becoming a habit. A little while later Michaela ducked her head in to say I had some press interviews over the phone. Inwardly, I groaned. Talking to journalists was the last thing I wanted to do right then, but I knew I had to.