Mike and Psmith
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ON THE TRAIL AGAIN
The most massive minds are apt to forget things at times. The mostadroit plotters make their little mistakes. Psmith was no exception tothe rule. He made the mistake of not telling Mike of the afternoon'shappenings.
It was not altogether forgetfulness. Psmith was one of those people wholike to carry through their operations entirely by themselves. Wherethere is only one in a secret, the secret is more liable to remainunrevealed. There was nothing, he thought, to be gained from tellingMike. He forgot what the consequences might be if he did not.
So Psmith kept his own counsel, with the result that Mike went over toschool on the Monday morning in gym shoes.
Edmund, summoned from the hinterland of the house to give his opinionwhy only one of Mike's shoes was to be found, had no views on thesubject. He seemed to look on it as one of these things which no fellowcan understand.
"'Ere's one of 'em, Mr. Jackson," he said, as if he hoped that Mikemight be satisfied with a compromise.
"One? What's the good of that, Edmund, you chump? I can't go over toschool in one shoe."
Edmund turned this over in his mind, and then said, "No, sir," as muchas to say, "I may have lost a shoe, but, thank goodness, I can stillunderstand sound reasoning."
"Well, what am I to do? Where _is_ the other shoe?"
"Don't know, Mr. Jackson," replied Edmund to both questions.
"Well, I mean ... Oh, dash it, there's the bell." And Mike sprinted offin the gym shoes he stood in.
It is only a deviation from those ordinary rules of school life, whichone observes naturally and without thinking, that enables one to realizehow strong public-school prejudices really are. At a school, forinstance, where the regulations say that coats only of black or darkblue are to be worn, a boy who appears one day in even the mostrespectable and unostentatious brown finds himself looked on with amixture of awe and repulsion, which would be excessive if he hadsandbagged the headmaster. So in the case of shoes. School rules decreethat a boy shall go to his form room in shoes. There is no real reasonwhy, if the day is fine, he should not wear gym shoes, should he preferthem. But, if he does, the thing creates a perfect sensation. Boys say,"Great Scott, what _have_ you got on?" Masters say, "Jones, _what_ areyou wearing on your feet?" In the few minutes which elapse between theassembling of the form for call-over and the arrival of the form master,some wag is sure either to stamp on the gym shoes, accompanying the actwith some satirical remark, or else to pull one of them off, andinaugurate an impromptu game of football with it. There was once a boywho went to school one morning in elastic-sided boots.
Mike had always been coldly distant in his relations to the rest of hisform, looking on them, with a few exceptions, as worms; and the form,since his innings against Downing's on the Friday, had regarded Mikewith respect. So that he escaped the ragging he would have had toundergo at Wrykyn in similar circumstance. It was only Mr. Downing whogave trouble.
There is a sort of instinct which enables some masters to tell when aboy in their form is wearing gym shoes instead of the more formal kind,just as people who dislike cats always know when one is in a room withthem. They cannot see it but they feel it in their bones.
Mr. Downing was perhaps the most bigoted anti-gym-shoeist in the wholelist of English schoolmasters. He waged war remorselessly against gymshoes. Satire, abuse, lines, detention--every weapon was employed by himin dealing with their wearers. It had been the late Dunster's practicealways to go over to school in gym shoes when, as he usually did, hefelt shaky in the morning's lesson. Mr. Downing always detected him inthe first five minutes, and that meant a lecture of anything from tenminutes to a quarter of an hour on Untidy Habits and Boys Who LookedLike Loafers--which broke the back of the morning's work nicely. On oneoccasion, when a particularly tricky bit of Livy was on the bill offare, Dunster had entered the form room in heelless Turkish bathslippers, of a vivid crimson; and the subsequent proceedings, includinghis journey over to the house to change the heelless atrocities, hadseen him through very nearly to the quarter-to-eleven interval.
Mike, accordingly, had not been in his place for three minutes when Mr.Downing, stiffening like a pointer, called his name.
"Yes, sir?" said Mike.
"_What_ are you wearing on your feet, Jackson?"
"Gym shoes, sir."
"You are wearing gym shoes? Are you not aware that gym shoes are not theproper things to come to school in? Why are you wearing gym shoes?"
The form, leaning back against the next row of desks, settled itselfcomfortably for the address from the throne.
"I have lost one of my shoes, sir."
A kind of gulp escaped from Mr. Downing's lips. He stared at Mike for amoment in silence. Then, turning to Stone, he told him to starttranslating.
Stone, who had been expecting at least ten minutes' respite, was takenunawares. When he found the place in his book and began to construe, hefloundered hopelessly. But, to his growing surprise and satisfaction,the form master appeared to notice nothing wrong. He said "Yes, yes,"mechanically, and finally, "That will do," whereupon Stone resumed hisseat with the feeling that the age of miracles had returned.
Mr. Downing's mind was in a whirl. His case was complete. Mike'sappearance in gym shoes, with the explanation that he had lost a shoe,completed the chain. As Columbus must have felt when his ship ran intoharbor, and the first American interviewer, jumping on board, said,"Wal, sir, and what are your impressions of our glorious country?" sodid Mr. Downing feel at that moment.
When the bell rang at a quarter to eleven, he gathered up his gown andsped to the headmaster.