Finding Mother

by Allen, Anne

  Eve proceeded to grill Adrian on his background and, on hearing he was a Bourgaize, realised she had known his parents. They ran a grocery shop in St Peters after the war and she had been a customer. She had liked the couple, hard-working and always pleasant. Eve vaguely remembered their son helping out in the shop on Saturdays. Again, polite and hard-working. Adrian went up further in her estimation.

  ‘I expect Hélène has told you about our lunch and that my daughter Karen wasn’t, er, too happy,’ Adrian said, frowning.

  ‘Yes, she did mention it. What a pity.’

  ‘Mm. We talked after everyone else had left and I’m hopeful that she’ll come round. I’m afraid Karen can be pretty stubborn when she wants but her husband, Dave, thinks she just needs time to accept the situation.’ He turned to Hélène, who was gripping her tea cup so hard it’s a wonder it didn’t break. ‘Even if Karen refuses to be friends with you, it won’t alter my feelings and I still want us to try and make our relationship work.’

  Nicole, a silent observer until now, cried ‘Bravo! After all, you’ve waited long enough.’ She grinned at her parents.

  Eve gave a silent prayer of thanks. Perhaps all would be well after all.

  ***

  The next morning heralded the arrival of a carer for Eve who would get her ready for the day. Another one would arrive in the evening to help with the bedtime ritual. Their cleaner Liz had agreed to work longer hours to help out until Eve went into respite care the following weekend. A less-stressed looking Hélène sat in the kitchen with Nicole as they discussed arrangements for Hélène’s holiday.

  ‘I’m perfectly happy for you to stay here while I’m away, Nicole. You could always invite Ben around for a drink or even a meal,’ Hélène shot her a sly look, ‘Unless you’d rather return to Jersey?’

  Nicole grinned. ‘Thanks, you know I’d prefer to stay here. It’ll mean I can pop in on Grandmother, make sure she’s all right.’

  ‘I’d appreciate that. I am worried about how she’ll cope. You know, she’s never even been in hospital so it’ll be a shock to her system. Having to do what she’s told,’ Hélène sighed.

  ‘I bet she’ll run rings round the staff by the end of the first day, you’ll see. But if she really does hate it she can come back and I’ll manage with the help of the carers.’

  Hélène frowned. ‘I wouldn’t want you to take on the burden, after all you’ve only just met us and…’

  ‘And I’m family, remember? I’ve grown quite fond of her and she’s much more interesting than my other grandmothers.’ Nicole reached over and patted Hélène’s arm. ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine. You and Adrian go off and enjoy yourselves and I’m expecting you to come back as good as engaged.’ She laughed.

  Hélène turned pink. ‘Oh, I don’t think – ’

  ‘Well, I do! Now, tell me more about the places you plan to visit…’

  Nicole spent time working in the garden that morning, it not being sunny enough for the beach. It gave her time to think. Spending time with Adrian and Hélène together on Sunday had brought home to her that these were her parents. Even though she already had Mary and Ian. The problem was she was becoming fond of her new family. The thought prompted a twinge of guilt. How could she love them without betraying Mary and Ian? They’d spent years bringing her up and yet Hélène and Adrian – and Eve – had sort of taken over, with very little effort. They’d missed all the sleepless nights, worry of illness and accident (like the broken leg when skiing). As she attacked more weeds the problem wouldn’t go away. She was beginning to feel disloyal to Mary and Ian, and it sat like a lead balloon inside her. But what can I do? I can’t stop loving any of them. Does it have to be mutually exclusive? I see Hélène and Adrian more like an aunt and uncle, not Mum and Dad. Mm, perhaps that’s the way to go, won’t encroach on my feelings for my adoptive parents. They’ll always be special to me…

  She took special care getting ready that evening. It had been a long time, in fact a very long time since she’d gone out on a proper date. Not since she’d first met Tom… Pushing down that memory, she concentrated on what to wear. The choice was limited but she had packed the mini dress she’d worn out with the girls in Jersey, just in case of a social event. Not that it had seemed likely at the time. But it made her feel good. And sexy. So, the mini dress it was, together with wedge sandals and a glittery necklace and matching earrings. Studying herself in the mirror she couldn’t resist a huge grin. Yep, not bad, girl, not bad. Her hair gleamed, her skin glowed from days in the sun and the red dress clung to her body in a way that had drawn many admiring glances in Jersey. A slick of lipstick and she was ready.

  Downstairs Hélène and Eve were finishing their supper when Nicole walked in.

  ‘Mm, you look lovely, Nicole. Ben doesn’t stand a chance!’ Hélène said.

  ‘That dress looks a bit short to me. But you do look pretty, I must admit,’ Eve sniffed, looking her up and down.

  ‘Thank you both. Thought I’d better make an effort as you warned me that Da Nellos was pretty smart and I…’ The doorbell rang and Nicole checked her watch – only 6.30 – thinking Ben must be keen, she headed for the front door. Wearing a welcoming smile she pulled it open crying, ‘You’re early…’ and her smile froze.

  ‘Tom! What the bloody hell are you doing here?’

  ‘Not quite the welcome I’d hoped for, darling. And who’s early? Presumably the someone you’ve dressed up for.’ Tom looked nearly as angry as she felt, his eyes raking her body as if he were mentally stripping her.

  She felt her face burn. With anger and humiliation.

  ‘None of your business! Just say what’s so important that you had to come all the way here to tell me. Then leave.’

  Before Tom could reply Hélène appeared at Nicole’s shoulder.

  ‘I heard raised voices and wondered what was going on. Who are you, young man? And why are you upsetting my daughter?’

  Tom took a deep breath before answering,

  ‘I’m Tom Oxford, Nicole’s husband. I didn’t come here with the intention of upsetting her, but as she appears to be going out on a date I’m upset. I only wanted to talk to her face to face, to try and save our marriage.’

  Hélène put her arm around Nicole’s shoulder. ‘Would it be better for him to come in so that you can talk things through? I’ll listen out for your…friend.’

  Nicole felt shattered. All her joy at the prospect of the evening ahead had evaporated, leaving her feeling on the verge of tears. Perhaps she could get it over with as quickly as possible and he’d leave. Quietly. With a wave of her arm she ushered Tom in, steering him towards the sitting room. Hélène gave her a quick thumbs up before disappearing to the kitchen.

  Tom, apparently deciding that anger was not a good idea, turned on the charm as soon as they were alone.

  ‘Darling! I’m sorry I was so angry but – ’

  ‘Shut up Tom! I don’t want to hear any more. You had absolutely no right to come barging in on me like this. I thought you were going to write. If I’d known you’d planned to come here I’d never have given you the address!’

  ‘How else could I see you? You’ve blanked my calls for weeks and I needed to see you. To explain how much I’ve changed. How much I love –’

  ‘Stop right there! I have something to tell you.’ She paced around the rug, trying to steady her thoughts. Finally, she looked him straight in the eyes and said, ‘I want a divorce, Tom. No more pretend separation – ’

  ‘You’ve met someone else, haven’t you?’ Tom’s face grew red with anger and he grabbed her arms.

  ‘Tom! You’re hurting me. Let go!’ Nicole felt his fingers biting into her flesh, at the same time registering the sound of the doorbell. Oh my God! I don’t want Ben to witness this. So humiliating!

  ‘Well, have you?’ His fingers dug deeper into her bare arms.

  ‘Yes…yes I have but –’

  ‘I knew it! That dress that lea
ves little to the imagination,’ he snarled, ‘I suppose you’re sleeping with him, are you?’

  ‘No!’ Technically true, she thought, though if he hadn’t turned up she’d hoped… ‘My decision is nothing to do with…with the man I’ve met.’ She wasn’t sure if that was true but still… ‘I’ve thought long and hard about us, Tom, and I know in my heart that it’s over. I want a new life, perhaps here in Guernsey. I don’t know. But I do know that I no longer want to be your wife. I’m sorry.’

  Tom let her go and collapsed in a chair, his head in his hands. Sobbing.

  Nicole rubbed her arms, horrified by the marks clearly etched on her skin. Painful.

  Feeling desperately in need of some moral support she crept out and headed for the kitchen, assuming that Hélène would have sent Ben away. She was wrong. He strode towards her, reaching for her inflamed arms.

  ‘Nicole! What’s he done to you? Bastard!’ He went as if to leave the room in search of Tom, but she stopped him saying, ‘It’s okay, Ben. He grabbed my arms too hard, that’s all. He…he was upset. I’ve told him I want a divorce. I don’t think you two should meet, it’ll only make matters worse.’

  Hélène said, ‘I agree with Nicole. You both stay here and I’ll go and talk to him. Persuade him to leave quietly, if I can.’ As she headed for the door, she added, ‘Nicole, there’s some arnica in that drawer for your arms,’ pointing to a drawer behind her. ‘And there’s brandy in the cupboard above.’

  Nicole almost fell onto a chair, feeling stunned by the turn of events. The evening was ruined. Bloody Tom! Ben gently rubbed the arnica cream into her arms before pouring a glass of brandy.

  ‘Here. Just what the doctor would have ordered,’ he said, smiling grimly.

  ‘Thanks.’

  The liquid burned its way down her throat and into her empty stomach. She felt light-headed. Looking around, she clocked that her grandmother wasn’t there. Thank goodness!

  Ben seemed to read her thoughts. ‘Your grandmother’s in her room. Apparently Hélène took her there when she heard the noise at the front door. My poor girl! What a nasty surprise for you.’ He stroked her hair.

  ‘Yes, it was. And I was so looking forward to tonight.’ She gazed up at him with eyes threatening to release tears. She grabbed a tissue to blow her nose.

  ‘And me. Look, if you’re up for it I can see if it’s okay for us to be a bit late. Or we can postpone – ’

  Nicole shook her head.

  ‘I’d still like to go tonight if we can but I’d need to cover my arms to avoid gossip,’ she managed a wan smile.

  Ben checked his watch. ‘It’s only just after 7. I’ll ring them and see, but what about Tom?’

  ‘Oh, he can go to hell! I’m hoping Hélène will sort him out.’

  Ben grunted and took out his mobile. While he was talking to the restaurant Nicole heard the front door open and close and held her breath. Please God, let him have gone! Hélène walked in and gave her a hug.

  ‘It’s okay, he’s on the way to the airport to catch the last flight to England. He promised me he’d not bother you again.’

  Nicole let out a sigh of relief.

  Ben came off the phone to say that he’d managed to change the table to 8 if she still wanted to go. She shot upstairs to repair her make-up and grab a shrug.

  Ten minutes later they left for Town.

  The restaurant buzzed with life and with the first sip of her Bellini Nicole felt marginally calmer. But images of Tom, angrier than she’d ever seen him before, kept floating into her mind, threatening to unbalance her. Ensconced in the bar while waiting for their table, she began to feel that it might have been a mistake to come…

  ‘Better now?’ Ben asked, squeezing her hand.

  ‘A bit, thanks.’ Not wanting him to see her as an hysteric, she made an effort to appear calmer than she felt. ‘What a great place this is. I love the décor, so…so Italian!’ She waved her arm, encompassing the exposed stone and unusual artwork. Mm, perhaps if I keep drinking I’ll cope.

  ‘Good. And the food’s even better. Ready to order?’

  The waiter went off with their order of antipasto, followed by scallops and Dover Sole, allowing them to sit and talk. Nicole explained what had happened with Tom in more detail, bringing a frown to Ben’s face.

  ‘Perhaps I should have come in but Hélène insisted…’

  ‘No, it’s all right. I guess we had to sort it out between us and with you present Tom might have lashed out at you too. And I’ve never had the slightest desire to have men fighting over me.’ Nicole forced a smile, slipping her hand into his. ‘Mind you, I’ve always liked the idea of a knight in shining armour coming to the rescue when needed. When there’s a dragon or two about!’

  Ben grinned.

  ‘I don’t think there’s many of those around here, but I’ll happily be your knight whenever M’lady needs one.’

  Nicole hoped that the need wouldn’t arise and that Tom had caught the plane as promised. She wasn’t sure she believed he’d go quietly after his outburst. As she sipped her cocktail unwanted memories of the past forced her to review her marriage to Tom. The first time she’d found he’d been unfaithful, with that tart on reception. She didn’t have two brain cells to rub together but she did have big boobs and Tom…Then there was that bimbo in Make-Up, always cooing around him before a show, saying how gorgeous he was…Aagh! Bloody man!

  ‘Nicole? You okay?’ Ben was gripping her hand.

  ‘Sorry. Was…was somewhere else. I think it’s… got to me. I’m not very good company, am I? And you were trying to make up for Saturday!’

  ‘Hey, it’s okay. Let’s at least enjoy our meal. And remember Tom’s probably half –way back to England now. He can’t hurt you again.’

  God, I do hope you’re right.

  chapter 28

  Hélène looked up from the paper as Nicole walked into the kitchen for breakfast.

  ‘Did you have a good evening?’ she asked, getting up to put the kettle on.

  ‘Okay, thanks. But I was still so upset about Tom it spoiled it a bit. But the food was great.’

  ‘Are you seeing each other again?’ Hélène asked as Nicole grabbed a mug.

  ‘Yes. We’re having a drink tonight and he’s going to show me his place afterwards.’ She had felt disappointed that he hadn’t suggested it last night, but, to be fair to him, she had been distracted. Before Tom had turned up she’d hoped that the evening might have flowed into the night but…She sighed. She definitely had the hots for Ben but she still wasn’t sure how he felt.

  ‘Nicole? What’s wrong?’

  ‘Oh, nothing. I’m still on edge about Tom, worried he might still turn up on the doorstep and cause another scene. And Ben…I’m not sure what he feels about me.’ She sat down with her coffee.

  ‘Do you think it’s likely that Tom will turn up? He seemed genuinely upset last night, keen to get home.’

  ‘I don’t know. I think I’ve lost the knack of knowing what men will do or think. If I ever had it.’

  ‘Are you talking about Tom or Ben here? Or both?’

  ‘Both, I guess. Ben and I seem to hit it off and want to spend time together. But,’ she sighed, ‘I think I’m keener than he is and then there’s Tom…’

  Hélène nodded.

  ‘Hmm. But from where I’m sitting you make a great couple and I hope it works out for you. I’ve always liked Ben, he’s a genuine man who clearly loves his job and his patients.’ She laughed. ‘Perhaps you’d better brush up on your baking, after all food is the way to a man’s heart and Ben loves cake!’

  ‘Oh dear! I’m not the world’s best cook, but I’ll give it a go.’ She sipped her coffee. ‘How’s Grandmother this morning? Does she know what happened last night?’

  ‘She’s fine. The carer’s getting her ready. I must say, it’s been a big relief not having to do that anymore.’ Hélène looked serious for a moment. ‘I had to tell her what went on l
ast night as she’d heard the shouting. But she was quite calm about it. Wasn’t impressed that Tom had turned up like that and seems to think you’re well rid of him.’

  ‘Yes, I’d rather it hadn’t happened like that but…’ Nicole shrugged.

  ‘How are your arms?’

  Nicole pushed up the sleeves. ‘See, they’re much better, thanks. It was so hot wearing this in Da Nello’s but I didn’t want Ben to be accused of assault. Not great for a GP!’

  They chatted for a few more minutes before the carer came in to say that Eve was now in her sitting-room.

  ‘I’ll go and sit with her,’ Nicole said, getting up and leaving the room.

  ‘Good morning. Wondered if you’d like some company.’

  ‘Yes, I’d like that. Did you have a good evening?’ Eve gave her a searching glance.

  Nicole gave her a short description of the meal before suggesting that her grandmother might like to continue her story. She didn’t want to think about her own problems at the moment.

  Eve looked thoughtful, twisting her wedding ring around her finger. Appearing to come to a decision, she smiled and asked where they’d left off last time.

  Now it was Nicole’s turn to think.

  ‘Oh! You told me about Philip…’

  Eve bit her lips.

  ‘So I did. But that was right at the end of the war. It was fortunate for all of us that we didn’t have crystal balls and still had hope.’ She gazed at Nicole. ‘Anything’s bearable as long as you have hope. Hope for a better future, an end to an awful war which claimed so many lives and uprooted families.’ Pausing to take a sip of water, she continued, ‘We kept praying each Christmas that it would be over by the next one and life would return to normal. We made such plans for the future!’