Balook

by Piers Anthony

  "Do you want to hear this or don't you?" he snapped.

  She smiled, abruptly pretty. "I apologize."

  She understood about being alone. About needing a friend. She was his age, and a girl. She was like him, in mirror image. That was abruptly appealing.

  "You aren't going to tell me?" she asked.

  "What?"

  "The man who knew."

  "Oh." He had allowed himself to be distracted, foolishly. "Don Scale knew about Balook and Theria. He's our Project Manager. I knew he knew something, but I didn't know what. He knew about the second Project, and didn't tell anyone. If he hadn't been so damned secretive—"

  She nodded. "Maybe he thought we wouldn't cooperate if we knew. And maybe we wouldn't have."

  "Why not? They could have had the two rhinos together from the start."

  "And had them mate early, and maybe die of complications, and ruin the whole thing," she said. "No, I can see keeping them apart. What I can't see is not telling us. What is this—a military secret so that nobody can help anybody else no matter what is wasted in inefficiency?"

  "I think Mr. Scale has a military background. 'Need to know' and all that."

  "Need to know!" she snorted.

  "What makes you think they'd mate? Too soon, I mean?"

  "Don't you know anything? Theria's in heat. Was, anyway. That's why Balook came all that distance. But by the time he got here, she was over it. Just as well, maybe."

  In heat. Why hadn't he realized? No wonder Balook had battered down all obstacles! Thor had seen the neighborhood transformed when some animal was in heat. Dogs, cats—the female gave out a smell that carried wherever the wind went, and every male of the species responded. Docile pets became unmanageable, until that odor faded.

  So all the pieces had fallen into place. Balook had grown up. Thor was superfluous. So was Barb, as far as Theria went. Nothing they could do could change that. He should have known his life with Balook could not last forever, just as childhood could not last forever. Everyone had to grow up.

  Still it hurt.

  "Have they done it yet?" he asked.

  "Done what?"

  Was she teasing him, or truly perplexed? "You know. Mated."

  "I told you: she was out of heat by the time he got here."

  "Which means she might not be interested. But he didn't travel all the way for a cold shoulder. Heat isn't like a switch that suddenly clicks off. He'll be interested in her for days, until the last trace of it is gone."

  "I suppose that is the way males are," she said, with a partial smile to show she did not quite mean it. "It does lead to trouble. But no, there hasn't been anything. Yet. I—I think they really don't know how. They might have the urge, but—"

  "I have a notion what that's like."

  "There's no manual for them. They can't even pick it up from others of their kind."

  "Maybe when her next heat comes."

  "Maybe. But it may still be too soon for them. I guess the two projects were going to be joined in another year or two, when both were all the way mature. They're like teenagers now."

  Teenagers. Like himself and Barb.

  She scrambled to her feet, dusting off bits of grass. She seemed recovered from her emotional malaise. "C'mon. We can still be friends."

  "What for?" he asked bitterly. "We're just extras now."

  "Friends with them, I mean." She walked back toward the stable.

  She was right. Balook still recognized Thor, and did not run from him now. But when Thor called "Down!" for the rhino to lower his head so the boy could climb up in his massive neck, Balook would not obey. He would not be ridden; he had another interest now.

  There was no question of trying to take Balook back to his own ranch. He possessed the rhino stubbornness in full measure. They would have had to drug him and carry him, which would have been an extraordinary task, and he would not have stayed. Balook was here with Theria, and here he would remain. Until he figured out how to do what he had come for.

  THOR MOVED INTO a spare cabin on the premises and became part of the Theria Project, for the moment. There seemed to be little point in staying, as the personnel here were fully competent. The gap in the fence was fixed, and the two great rhinos were happy. But there was Barb. Thor had had little experience with people his own age, and less with girls. Barb was approachable; she had similar interests—namely, huge extinct animals—and she was pretty. She could carry the conversational ball when he faltered. He was often annoyed at her "C'mon" pushiness, but he liked her. He liked her a lot, and could not say so. He felt the enormous attraction of a girl who truly understood about dedication to animals. Barb would never, ever tease him about Balook. But beyond that, there was a void. He had no better notion what to do about it than Balook did.

  "C'mon, let's have a picnic," Barb said one afternoon. "We'll put some hardtack in the bikes and loop out to the lake."

  There it was again. She had already set it up, knowing he would go along. He went along, because it was awkward to say no. He would have liked the idea better if he had set it up—if he had had the courage to—if he had even thought of it. Which bordered on another irritation: the suspicion that Barb was smarter than he was. He now knew that she was a year younger than he, though she was at his level in school.

  They followed the local trails out. Barb's bike was less sophisticated than his, lacking the boosters, but they weren't going cross-country anyway. She pedaled ahead, showing the way, long-legged and energetic. Her curls flopped back and forth in the wind, and her jeans were tight across her rear and thighs. She would not pass for a tomboy much longer. He felt guilty for noticing, but he kept watching.

  The lake was beautiful. It was ringed by dark green pines, and the water was glassy clear. Fish leaped occasionally, making sudden splashes. It was exactly the kind of setting Thor had come to love, and it was evident Barb did too. Nature, unspoiled.

  Barb spread a cloth over the pine needles and set out sandwiches. Thor saw they were handmade; she had put them together herself. It had probably cost more to buy the makings than it would have to order them whole, but it was her notion of independence. He liked it.

  But before they started eating, she looked out over the water. "C'mon, let's go for a swim, work up a proper appetite."

  She just couldn't go long without stirring things up! "Can't. No suits."

  "Oh." She considered momentarily. "Well, we could—"

  "No." He wasn't going to let her tease him into an embarrassing situation.

  "No one would see."

  "We would see," he said, feeling a flush developing: exactly what he had sought to avoid.

  "Yes, but we know each other."

  Thor turned the idea over in his mind. Its appeal grew, perversely. Why not, after all? He would never have suggested such a thing, but now all he had to do was go along. He had never seen a girl nude. Not a real one. It was bound to be a fascinating experience.

  But she would see him, too...

  Well, hell. What was the difference? "Okay," he said, his heart pounding in a fashion he hoped didn't show.

  "Oh, you're always so stuffy!" she exclaimed.

  "I said 'Okay'."

  "You—" She paused. "You agreed?"

  "Sure. Do us good to cool off in the water." He knew he would have to hurry, because already the masculine reaction was stirring. If he stripped rapidly and jumped into the cold water before it showed, good enough. Otherwise he'd be in trouble.

  She seemed flustered. "But I thought you—"

  He caught on. "You thought I wouldn't do it? Why did you suggest it, then?"

  "No, I—"

  Now he was intrigued, made bold by her hesitation. "So I called your bluff. So let's go swimming!"

  "Oh, all right," she said, disgruntled. "You first."

  "Ladies first. You suggested it, you know."

  "Women are equal now. 'Sposed to be, anyway. You don't have to defer to me. Go ahead. Undress."

  She was trying
to bluff him out after all. Thor discovered that he was rather enjoying this game. It would have been different with a truly self-possessed girl, but now he knew that Barb had no firmer social base that he did. One part of him was shocked; another part wanted to be naked with Barb. That gave it the lure and threat of the best competition.

  "All right, me first, then you," he said, putting his hand to his belt. His masculine reaction was being held in abeyance by the tension of the situation; he could get through if he avoided thinking about it too much.

  "Not here!" she squealed.

  "Here is where we're going to swim, isn't it?"

  "Yes, but you don't change in public. Go behind a tree or something."

  "I'm not changing, I'm undressing. What difference does it make where I do it?" But of course it did make a difference, though he wasn't sure why.

  She sighed. "I guess you're right. I started it. Might as well do it here."

  Was she trying to bluff him again? He felt as if he were boosting over the lake, heedless of his landing. "Right."

  Thor loosened his belt and pulled out his shirt. He took off his shoes and socks. Then he held his breath and let down his trousers. He realized now that it was not the notion of his own undressing that made him react; it was the notion of hers. He would have to head for the water the moment she started.

  "Wait!" Barb cried.

  Thor paused in his undershorts. "What now?" Ha! he thought.

  "I can't do it. So I guess you shouldn't, either."

  He had won, but he was disappointed. Having come this close to doing something he had thought he could not, something he might remember for the rest of his life, he preferred to seize the moment and go all the way. "Come on, Barb—let's do it. No one will know."

  "It's not what you think," she said miserably. "I'm not a prude. I really would like to swim. Swim with you, I mean. I just can't."

  "Okay," he said, embarrassed for her. He had pushed it too far, he realized. He pulled up his trousers. "Forget it."

  "No, I've always been honest. Not popular, but honest. I'll tell you exactly why. It's because I'm—I'm not developed. Yet. I'm fourteen, and behind in my—it just takes longer for some girls—"

  "I said forget it!" This was too complete a victory.

  "I look like hell in a bathing suit, and worse nude. I don't want you to see me—"

  "It's okay, Barb. I was just bluffing, myself."

  "I don't think so. Not at the end."

  "And you're not—" He hesitated, at a loss for a socially acceptable way to phrase it. "Your—your legs look nice, and—"

  She glanced down at herself. "I guess I'm starting low and working up," she agreed. Her gaze stopped at her chest. "My—they haven't—"

  "It doesn't matter. Let's eat."

  "Next year I won't have to be ashamed. I—"

  "For God's sake, stop it!" he shouted. "I understand! I'm no Adonis myself."

  "I don't think you do, quite." She was blushing harder. "I want to look good—for you. Because you're the only, you know, the rhinos. And a decent person. I don't want you to have a bad image of me."

  Again, Thor had mixed emotions. Her confessional candor embarrassed him, but he was deeply flattered and gratified by her feeling. It was Barb's way to tease him with banter or provocative remarks, then suddenly drop into some expression of true emotion. Perhaps it was her way of working up to something serious. But he found it awkward to cope with. She would put him in one mood, then hit him with material for another mood. This confession of hers had abolished his resentment of her ready wit; she was just as vulnerable as he, and needed that wit to compensate. The fact that she liked him enough to tell him her shame stirred him as strongly as the thought of her nudity had, but at a more fundamental level. They were hovering at the brink of something serious.

  He wanted to kiss her, but the situation was wrong. He knew that the wrong move now could turn her ferociously against him. He had to play it carefully, so that his own social clumsiness would not destroy their relationship. "Why don't we make a date for next year?" he asked. "Same place. Same—you know. If we want to."

  "It's a date!" she exclaimed, abruptly smiling. "Same uniform." She had found the word he lacked.

  Thor nodded, tremendously relieved. He had succeeded in navigating the rapids and holding on to the gains they had made in their relationship. It was already clear that they were meant for each other; their shared isolation from others and their community of interest with the Projects had perhaps made that inevitable. But they were both too young to handle the full experience, as with Balook and Theria.

  The truth was, Barb's nudity could have shown him little that her clothing had not already betrayed. She had a pretty face and a good mind, but portions of her body just had not yet done their thing.

  He climbed back into the rest of his clothing. He had, at least, learned how much she liked him. That was well worthwhile. The heavy beating of his heart had settled into a warm heat in his chest. There were ways in which this was better than the nudity would have been. She had bared her feelings instead of her body.

  She pushed a sandwich at him. "Wouldn't it be simple if people just went in heat, like the animals. No worry, no concern, no talking—just give with the smell and it's done!"

  The idea appalled him. "People—in heat!"

  "Well, it makes life easier for the animals."

  "Who wants that kind of simplicity! Anyway, they haven't—"

  "But they will, maybe next cycle."

  "Yeah. And next year we'll swim."

  She shrugged, relaxed again. She had in effect recovered her emotional clothing, and was back in charge. "You know, Balook and Theria are about our age, in rhino terms, I think. Do you think they'll have a calf?"

  The parallel bothered him. "No way to know. They were both androids—created animals. They might be sterile, like mules."

  "Only one way to find out," she said.

  "Yes, let them try it and see."

  "That's what they'll be doing." She looked about. In the course of their conversation they had finished eating. "Well, let's go home."

  But they had forgotten that this was a scheduled rain afternoon, and they both got soaked. They might as well have gone swimming in their clothes.

  "WE CAN'T EXTEND it any more, lad," Skip said apologetically. "Now that Balook's moved out, you'll have to go back to regular school. No more waivers."

  Thor turned away from the TV phone. He had known that the Department of Education would catch up with him sometime. Barb retained her waiver, because the Baluchitheria were here, but Thor was officially out of work.

  He had no choice. He had to go home.

  He packed his things and put them in the car. It was programmed for the other Project; all he had to do was get in. But first he had to say farewell to Balook.

  It was impossible, he thought as he walked. He had known Balook practically all of Balook's life. They had been inseparable, in sickness and in health. How could Balook desert him now?

  Maybe if he called to the rhino, reminded him...

  The animals were in the giant stable, standing side by side. They were not confined there; indeed, they would have broken out if they felt squeezed. They merely preferred it to the bright sun. In the evening they would meander out to crop the forest-top. They did not seem to sleep very much, but of course it could be hard to tell, because they were capable of settling by a big tree and eating its leaves in their sleep.

  "Balook!" Thor called, walking up behind.

  There was no response.

  "Balook! I'm going back to the Project. Our Project," Thor said.

  Balook leaned over and nudged Theria with his bent nose.

  Thor remembered how the animal had suffered when left alone as a calf. Now he was not alone, and those years of human association seemed to mean nothing.

  "Balook!" Thor stood beside the pillarlike foreleg, his head not even reaching the junction of leg with body. He was impressed, as he had been so
often before, with the sheer mass of Balook's parts. Even to call this limb "elephantine" was a misnomer, for no elephant had a leg this large.

  Thor put his hand on the tremendous knee. The skin hung loosely here, like the folds of a heavy leather jacket. Above it there was sparse hair. Modern rhinos had little hair, but Baluchitherium was of more primitive stock. Thor liked Balook better this way; he would have looked naked without his fur.

  Naked... He remembered the afternoon with Barb. Maybe if human beings had retained thicker body fur, they would not be so sensitive about exposure of their torsos. Yet that exposure could be exciting, too. Now he wished they had indulged themselves in that swim; he thought about it often, and sometimes dreamed about it. In retrospect it seemed like a phenomenal opportunity squandered.

  That failure mirrored this one with the rhino. Closeness denied. "Balook," he said once more, pinching a handful of the heavy skin.

  Balook only shook his skin in the way that animals could, as if to dislodge a stinging fly.

  Something snapped. "Damn you!" Thor cried, insulted. He made a fist and struck the leg as hard as he could.

  "I saw that!" Barb exclaimed, standing in the entranceway. "You hit him! You hit Balook!"

  "I'll hit him again!" Thor shouted, blinded by rage. "The ungrateful slob!"

  Balook had not even seemed to notice the blow, and it was obvious that nothing Thor could do could harm the animal. Those great legs routinely knocked sizable branches from trees. But Barb was outraged. She ran up and grabbed Thor's arm. "Get away from him, you monster!"

  Thor, maddened by the hindrance, threw her aside. It was not unconscious; he reacted to her as an aspect of the animal's betrayal, and flailed against it. She was part of it, and he was losing her association as surely as Balook's. The burgeoning feeling he had for her inverted and became black wrath. He knew it was wrong of him to react this way, and was horrified, but still he did it.

  Barb stumbled into Balook's leg herself, but also hung on to Thor's arm. She was no fainting female, but a healthy and committed person. Thor tried to shake her loose. She slid farther down, still clutching his arm—and she bit him.

  The sudden pain sobered him. Thor was free, now— but it was too late to make amends. Not with Barb, the way she was.