The More You Do The Better You Feel

by David Parker

  If we hope to overcome procrastination by accepting our tasks as part of life, we must first accept the fact that consequences follow procrastination. We also need to begin noticing that there are two types of consequences: short-term consequences and long-term consequences. Here’s a comparison of them based on what happens when we put off paying our bills:

  Time Span Situation Result

  In the short-term: Bills arrive but we shun them for several reasons: First, they’re a chore. Then, you have to write out a check, enter the amount in your checkbook, and then make sure that the math is correct. Besides all that, paying bills is boring, and we’d rather do something a bit more pleasant with our free time. So far as we’re concerned, “Out of sight, is out of mind.” So, we set the bills aside for some other time, and we feel a sense of relief from the drudgery of our obligations. Then, because we’ve essentially just told ourselves that now is time for relaxation, instead of using that time to deal with something else we’ve put off, we continue procrastinating.

  In the long-term: We receive late payment notices that have “Final Notice” stamped in red on the envelope. Still, we figuratively play with the bill, as if it were a toy yo-yo traveling back and forth on a string. We say things to ourselves like, “Well, they have to expect that it’ll take at least a couple of days to receive the payment, so I don’t really need to deal with it right now.” We feel enormously frustrated with ourselves. We wonder if we’re defective, if perhaps there’s something wrong with us. Mental depression often follows with its feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. Then, instead of grabbing the bull by the horns and taking back control over our lives, we start an internal dialogue repeatedly questioning why we haven’t done what we should have already done, while we continue to avoid acting. Finally, when we grow tired of listening to ourselves, we seek out a therapist so we can have someone new to whom we can tell our woes.

  Clearly, we need to come to grips with the fact that habitual procrastination feeds upon itself, and that when we ignore the consequences of our inaction, we set ourselves up for untold amounts of grief in the future. In short, by running away from our problems, we cause ourselves more stress than the tasks we were avoiding ever could.

  Remember That Procrastinators Are Great at Finding Excuses

  We’ve all had as many opportunities to “do,” as we’ve had to procrastinate. The only thing that swayed us one way or the other was the direction that we ourselves decided to pursue. What did you tell yourself at that exact moment, the moment when you could have decided to deal with that task?

  In the past, I could easily come up with a list of reasons for not “do”-ing that was as long as my arm. Here are just a few of them:

  “It’s too complicated to deal with right now.”

  “It’s boring!”

  “I’m too tired right now.”

  “It’s early, and I’ve got the whole day left to get around to this.”

  “It’s too late to deal with this.”

  “It’s been a long day, and I need to relax.”

  “I can deal with it on the weekend.”

  “I’m paying $75 a month for cable television and I want to get my money’s worth from it!”

  “Maybe the reason I haven’t gotten around to it up until now is because I’m not really good at this sort of task.”

  I remember when, back in grade school, I heard a teacher tell a student who had gotten into a fistfight, “If you look for a fight, you’ll probably find one.” I’d like to revise that line a bit and say, “If you look for an excuse, you’ll probably find one.”

  Learn to Face Your Overwhelming Emotions

  Whenever we encounter a task we’ve put off for a while, we are apt to experience either of two forms of anxiety. One type of anxiety can make us feel so panicky, it can stop us from dealing with our tasks, while the other type, which is less severe than the first type of anxiety is only felt while we’re dealing with a task. That second form of anxiety produces more of a nervous, “Am I doing it right?” concern than the first form of anxiety, which can mentally paralyze us. To a habitual procrastinator, these two forms of anxiety are like a combination of swift one-two punches in a boxing ring. Ironically, although that second form of anxiety is less severe than the first type, it possesses a strong after-effect that can cause us to procrastinate on other projects.

  When we initially face a task, that first type of anxiety often gives us a sense of dread and foreboding that danger is lurking just ahead. This is often based on past experiences that didn’t turn out well, or when we wound up suffering embarrassment as the result of something we attempted. For example, the last time Sheila took a driving lesson, she wound up having a very minor fender bender. After that, her bemused driving instructor chuckled and said, “That’s it, Sheila. You’re now officially the worst student driver I’ve ever had!” While the comment was meant only as a lighthearted joke, Sheila was deeply embarrassed and took it as the truth. As a result, she never continued her driving lessons.

  Unfortunately for Sheila, the company she works for is relocating to a place where she’ll need to drive in order to get around, so she now has to face the anxiety of trying again, causing her great concern. Not wishing to lose her job, she signs up with a different driving school. Then, during her first driving lesson in years, she faces that second form of anxiety, the kind that crops up while dealing with a task, which again is less severe than the first type. While as nervous as anyone can be in that type of situation, over the next few weeks Sheila completes several hours of driving lessons and then passes her driver’s license test on the first try. Yet days afterwards, Sheila finds herself procrastinating about everything. Just why is this the case?

  It was the second and lesser form of anxiety that did Sheila in because, although she was overcome with fear of suffering the same embarrassment, her greater need of facing relocation in order to keep her job took precedence. Once she began re-taking her driving lessons and then passed her driving test, she experienced a form of rebound anxiety that many habitual procrastinators feel. Sheila had her driver’s license, but then said to herself: “It was so simple. Why did I get myself in such a twist over it? I’m such a stupid idiot!” It’s this form of self-talk that really does habitual procrastinators in, because it leaves us looking at the rest of our put-off tasks, and makes us believe that almost anything we do will result in feelings of shame and self-ridicule.

  Depending on the situation, our emotions can prevent us from acting on our tasks. Here are just a few of those anxiety-provoking situations:

  Fear of failure.

  Fear of success.

  Fear of mediocrity.

  Fear of embarrassment.

  Fear of being trapped in an unpleasant situation.

  Fear of being controlled by employers, institutions, or creditors.

  Feelings of frustration.

  Feelings of anger.

  Of course, life can be complicated and demanding at times. It seems that, as habitual procrastinators, no matter how much we beg and plead with ourselves, we never seem to take action when we have the time to do so; which means that by and large, we only take action when we’re forced to by some sort of crisis. Sometimes, a long history of unsuccessful attempts at dealing with our tasks combines with a desire on our part to not be bothered by obligations. When that’s the case, we can become perfectionists.

  Avoid Being a Perfectionist

  Perfectionism is one of the most common reasons why people procrastinate. Even a non-procrastinator can occasionally act this way, such as when someone says, “If it’s not good enough, I can’t be bothered with it.” Still, being a non-procrastinator, he or she eventually finds a valid reason for dealing with the task. However, we habitual procrastinators take things one step further by saying, “I’m worried that it won’t turn out good enough, so I’m not going to try.”

  There’s a crucial difference here, because while a non-procrastinator’s attitude might be, “
Let’s give it a try and see what happens.” a habitual procrastinator almost expects a one-hundred percent satisfaction guarantee that he will be happy with the results of his task before he’s actually dealt with it. Put another way, while the habitual procrastinator demands a satisfactory outcome, he comes to a standstill and refuses to contribute effort or to assume responsibility for the task. If, on the other hand, he contributed effort, or in some way assumed responsibility for the task, either of those options would probably go a long way towards insuring the outcome that the habitual procrastinator so desperately seeks.

  When we engage in perfectionist behavior, we say things to ourselves like:

  “Why can’t this be easier to do?”

  “Just my luck. It can’t all be done in one day.”

  “I feel like it’s going to take forever.”

  “I know that I’m going to be disappointed. Why even try?”

  “Other people have it so much better than me.”

  While these statements all deal with perfectionism, they also have something else in common. If you look carefully you can see that the person making them feels pressured by time. To better see this, let’s look at each original passage, and then look for its sense of timeliness:

  Perfectionist Statements What the Procrastinator is Telling Himself

  “Why can’t this be easier to do?”

  “I wish it were over and done with, now!”

  “Just my luck. It can’t all be done in one day.”

  “Looks like I’ll need to spend another day at this!”

  “I feel like it’s going to take forever.”

  “I can’t wait until it’s over!”

  “I know that I’m going to be disappointed. Why even try?”

  “And waste even more time at this?”

  “Other people have it better than me.”

  “It’s always going to be this way, forever!”

  If we want to overcome habitual procrastination, one of the most important things we can do is to try relinquishing the overwhelming sense of urgency that causes us to feel impatient, as if there will never be enough time in the world to accomplish all the tasks we’ve put off. Many habitual procrastinators have a somewhat warped sense of time that makes us focus our attention on finding ways to buy time, steal time, or negotiate with time, all in an attempt to avoid our tasks. We need to become aware of this tendency, and to value our free time in order to make it work for us.

  Take the Pressure Off Yourself, by Developing Patience From Within

  When we try to face something that we’ve repeatedly put off, we’re sure to feel overwhelmed by it. The longer we put that task off, the more apt we are to question our own ability to deal with it—instead of simply taking action. We may wonder:

  Maybe there’s a good reason why I haven’t gotten around to it?

  Could the truth be, I’m incapable of handling it?

  What if things go wrong?

  What if I wind up wasting my time?

  So, with all that against us, just how do we get started on a long put-off task? The answer is: we need to begin developing patience from within ourselves, because as stated before, patience is the enemy of procrastination. By developing patience within yourself, you can train your mind to ignore side issues; in-turn, you will train your mind to calm down because it will learn to stay focused on individual objectives.

  One of the best ways of developing patience is by learning to focus on doing just one task at a time. We’ll talk more about how to do that in the next chapter.

  In this chapter, we’ve looked at some of the more basic impediments to being a more productive person, which I call “The Golden Rules of Overcoming Habitual Procrastination. Let’s quickly review them:

  The Golden Rules of Overcoming Habitual Procrastination

  Always keep the promises that you make with yourself.

  Try not to “Compare and Despair.”

  Avoid giving yourself vague or conflicting instructions for accomplishing tasks.

  Respond to your tasks in a logical way.

  The primary goal of accomplishing your tasks is to increase your self-esteem.

  Be wary of making harsh or inappropriate self-statements.

  Understand that there will be consequences for your inaction.

  Remember that procrastinators are great at finding excuses.

  Learn to face your overwhelming emotions.

  Avoid being a perfectionist.

  Take the pressure off yourself by developing patience from within.

  Now, let’s move forward by learning how to deal with just one task at a time.

  Chapter Ten

  Training Yourself to Focus on Just One Task

  AS WE DISCUSSED IN CHAPTER Seven, habitual procrastinators tend to float away from reality by never tying themselves down to their tasks. When you don’t feel connected to your tasks, it’s easy to become distracted and to float away from them. In order to put an end to your habit of floating, you’ll need to consider taking up a new behavior, one that’s the opposite of floating, which will help you stay grounded in reality.

  Luckily, there is a simple technique you can easily adopt to help overcome floating and habitual procrastination, and it can keep you focused on “just one task” at a time; that technique is called “The J.O.T. Method™.” However, before we examine The J.O.T. Method™, let’s take a look at an entirely different method that I once used to manage my tasks, appointments, and responsibilities—a method that yielded somewhat less than desirable results.

  My Tip-Top Flop

  I can recall one particular point in my life when my floating was not only out of hand, but I pretty much refused to act in any other way. I not only saw living a responsible life as something I didn’t want to do, but I also actively fought against being imposed upon by it. One way I practiced this was by coming in late to work almost every day—not tremendously late, but just by five or ten minutes, while hoping that my supervisor didn’t catch me. Of course, I was always prepared with an excuse, like saying that the trains ran poorly, or that there was a problem in my apartment and the building’s super just happened to be nearby and fixed it on the spot. In a sense, my habitual lateness, just like my habitual procrastination, was my way of refusing to be tied down by a demanding world.

  During that time, I noticed that many of my co-workers kept personal appointment books, and I remember feeling pleased that I was free from that sort of baggage. Imagine, having to carry around an appointment book all of the time! There were times when I would silently mock them whenever they took their appointment books out during mid-conversation, because I felt they were covertly showing off, as if they were saying, “Look how important we are, because we have appointment books!”

  I liked keeping appointments and important dates in my head, in spite of the fact that this caused me to lose out on many opportunities simply because I had forgotten about them, such as a number of pop concerts that I’d missed just because of this misguided practice. Still, in spite of whatever losses I had incurred, as far as I was concerned, having an appointment book was a sign of weakness. After all, I rationalized, “If you have to write everything down, perhaps it’s a sign of dementia.” I then took this belief a step further by conjuring up the notion that by not writing things down, I was helping my mind stay in tip-top condition.

  Anyway, if something were really that important, I thought, I could always write a note to myself and put it in my wallet. Unfortunately, this led to my having a wallet filled with unorganized notes, which in turn, led to ever-growing paper mountains rising atop my kitchen table. You may recall, from reading earlier, the fruitless battle I waged against those notes. I had no other way of dealing with them except for letting them lay on the table, so that in time, whatever information those notes contained had now become irrelevant and useless, which meant I could finally toss them in the trash. This way of life led me to feel depressed, as well as helpless and hopeless. At times, it even made m
e question my sanity.

  In essence, I was breaking each and every one of “The Golden Rules of Overcoming Procrastination” that appeared in Chapter Nine. Here again are those rules in the following table’s left column, along with examples in the right column of how I broke each of them:

  The Golden Rules of Overcoming Procrastination How I Broke Each of the Golden Rules

  Always keep the promises that you make with yourself.

  I promised myself that I would remember my appointments, but when the time came, I couldn’t.

  Try not to “Compare and Despair.”

  I compared myself with my co-workers.

  Avoid giving yourself vague or conflicting instructions for accomplishing tasks.

  I wrote reminder notes to myself, but kept them unorganized in my wallet.

  Respond to your tasks in a logical way.

  “Unfortunately, this led to my having a wallet filled with unorganized notes, which in turn, led to ever-growing paper mountains rising upon my kitchen table.”

  The primary goal of accomplishing your tasks is to increase your self-esteem.

  “This way of life led me to feel depressed, as well as helpless and hopeless.”

  Be wary of making harsh or inappropriate self-statements.

  Instead of focusing on my own happiness, I would silently mock my co-workers whenever they took their appointment books out during mid-conversation because I felt they were covertly showing off.