by Lexi Bissen
River and I make it to his house after midnight and I want nothing more than to crash on that fluffy looking couch, but when I see Momma Mary on it, I know she’s going to want answers. I may not be seeing sleep for a while, knowing Momma, she’ll want to know every small detail about what happened.
“Oh, honey, come here. I missed you so much.” She’s tall for a woman, so it’s easy to hug her when she comes and wraps her arms around my neck. I’ve missed Momma and thinking back to how few visits I’ve made over the last couple years makes me feel like shit. This woman is the only adult I’ve ever been able to rely on and I put her and my best friend on the back burner all because of stupid decisions and my hate for my actual mother.
I squeeze her tight around her waist, not wanting to let go, but I know she has questions and the sooner I answer them, the sooner I can get some sleep.
Pulling back from the hug, Momma looks over to River and gives him a side hug. She leads the two of us over to the couch, nudging us to take a seat, and sits across from us.
“All right, young man, start from the beginning and don’t leave anything out. Against my better judgment, I read those stupid rag magazines while I was at the grocery store today. I shouldn’t have, but you were on the front of two of them and I wanted to see what they were saying,” she says, rolling her eyes.
I tell Momma Mary everything about my time from when I arrived in Freedom to when River and I left this afternoon. I hate talking about it, but if I don’t say it all right now, Momma will keep asking questions later and I want to be done with this.
I tell her about my first day at school, seeing Ronnie for the first time and being drawn in by how beautiful she was, how amazing Ronnie is with her kindness and how damn smart she is. Then I tell her about Allen and how the guy has no fucking filter whatsoever. I get lost in telling them about all that we did over the last two months. Every step along the way of me falling in love Ronnie was being told right then, even my growing friendship with Allen. I don’t even realize how much I’ve told Momma Mary and River until I get to the part about Saturday. The betrayal tastes bitter coming out of my mouth. I hate having to talk about it, but this will be the last time. After tonight, I’m closing out this part of my life and leaving it behind me.
My eyelids are barely staying open by the time I finish talking. I feel even shittier after spending an hour talking about my time in Freedom. It’s late and I know we’re all tired, so I stand and face River and his mom.
“So, that’s all of it. Now we can be done and hopefully the media will die down once they realize I’m not going back there and all of what Ronnie told them was bullshit. I’ll also need to have a talk with the judge about an alternative to living in Freedom.”
Momma Mary comes up and pulls me into a suffocating hug. I don’t get emotional, never have, but having someone like Momma comfort you will bring out your emotional side.
“We love you, sweetie, and if you need any help from either of us with the judge, just let us know. You’re our family.” She kisses my cheek and walks up the stairs to her room.
Our family. Those two words keep playing over and over in my head. A hard slap comes against my back, making me jerk forward.
“She’s right, man, you are family. You’ve always been like another son to her.”
I smirk at him. “Favorite son, that is.” He smacks me in the arm and walks away, shaking his head.
Since everyone is gone, I stretch out on the couch and snag the blanket off the back of it. My phone goes off from my back pocket and I check my messages. There’s fourteen unread messages—nine from Ronnie and five from Allen. I’ve avoided reading them since I got the first one after leaving Allen’s. As I go to delete the message, the newest one stops me.
Princess: It’s obvious you don’t want to talk to me or listen to what I have to say, so this will be my last message. I don’t know what happened between the time I left your place Friday night and Saturday, and I probably won’t know since you aren’t answering your phone. Just know, whatever I did, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do anything to hurt you so bad that you would avoid me. I love you, Gibson, and I really wish you would answer these messages. I don’t like not being able to talk to you. Sorry, I’m rambling. I’ll leave you alone now. Just, text or call me at some point…please.
I squeeze my hand around the phone, fighting the urge not to throw it against the wall. Even when I know the truth, she continues with lies. I figured after she was sold out by that reporter, the lying would end. Guess not.
Unlocking my phone again, I go to Ronnie’s contact and delete it. I need to get her out of my life—thoughts of her and any communication. It hurts to remove someone you’ve grown to love and trust, even though it was over in such a short amount of time. I hate that this is how we ended. I feel like there is a part of me missing, and it’s left behind in Freedom.
Numb. That’s how I’ve felt the past week. It’s been seven days since the last time I’ve seen Gibson and every day is just as hard as the first. Thanksgiving has come and gone, Jerry came home on Tuesday and he brought a surprise with him: his girlfriend, Molly. Seeing them together only reminds me of what I don’t have anymore, so I’ve tried to not be around them as much. I’ve missed my brother, but I can’t bring myself out of this depression and I hate it.
I haven’t left the house much in the last week except for work and grocery shopping with Mom for our Thanksgiving feast. My parents have barely talked to me this week, and when they do, it’s robotic conversation. Neither of them have brought up Gibson or UNF and I don’t have the energy to have either of those discussions at the moment, so I welcome the silent treatment.
Sean is another story. I refuse to talk to him about anything. He’s tried more than once to talk about what happened last weekend, but one look at my face and he turns the other way. Guess my bitch face has improved. After Thanksgiving dinner when I refused to answer any of his questions or pass him any of the dishes he asked me to, he finally got the hint and stopped trying. Is it childish? Most likely, but right now, being an adult is the last thing on my mind.
Since it’s the last day Jerry is in town, the two of us decided to spend it together. He understands I don’t want to be in the company of Sean at the moment and respects that. Since there’s not much to do, we decide on lunch at a small Mom & Pop restaurant by our mall.
Arriving at McNeil’s, Jerry gets a front row parking spot since the place is practically empty. Once we’re inside, the hostess seats us in a booth toward the back of the building. The young waitress hands us both a menu before going to grab our drink order.
I set my menu down, already knowing what I want to eat, and check my phone for the hundredth time today. Even though I know nothing will be there, I still have hope that he sent me something, anything, that tells me what went wrong.
“Next time you look at that thing, I’m taking it from you,” my brother says from across the table. He hasn’t looked up from his menu, but I know he can see my eye roll.
“I was seeing if it was Allen,” I lie.
Jerry gives me an are you kidding me? look. Even though he’s been gone for some time now, he’s still one of the few people who can read me like a book. “I know when you’re lying, Ron. Your nose scrunches like a little rabbit. It’s cute, but a dead giveaway.”
“I do not.” Do I? I try to think back, but can’t remember a time where my nose scrunched. I’ll have to concentrate now when I need to keep something a secret.
“So, tell me about this guy. Gibson, right?” I nod my head. I haven’t talked to Gibson since he stormed out of Allen’s house and I’ve avoided talking about him to my family. Allen and I were both completely shocked at what Gibson said. None of it made sense to me and I still have a hard time understanding what he was talking about.
Trying to avoid eye contact with Jerry, I start playing with my rolled up utensils. “There’s not much to tell. We met, we dated, and he left. End of story.”
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��I highly doubt that’s everything. If it were, you wouldn’t be this upset over him leaving.” He knows me so well.
“All right, fine. It was more than that. I felt like I really had a connection with him. We understood each other and I just felt…drawn to him, if that makes any sense.” It’s feels stupid saying it out loud, but it’s one of the only ways I can describe my feelings for Gibson.
Jerry stares at me for a long time. When the waitress comes to bring us our drinks, all he gives her is a curt nod. After she leaves, I start to fidget in my seat, waiting for him to say something…anything.
“Sounds to me like my little sister has gone and fallen in love,” he finally says.
I want to deny it, but what’s the point? “Yeah, I thought I had. I really believed Gibson could have been the one, but I was so wrong. He looked at me with so much hate when he left. Maybe Dad was right. I should have stayed away from him. All I ended up with was a broken heart in the end.”
Before Jerry can say anything, the waitress comes and takes our orders. I’m not very hungry anymore, but order something anyway. Once she leaves, Jerry picks up right where we left off.
“I think you’re wrong there. Dad may think he’s right about this guy, but if I’ve learned anything from dating Molly, it’s to never judge someone before you get to know them.” Jerry’s face brightens and he can’t hold back the smile as he talks about his girlfriend. It’s sweet, yet slightly disgusting.
“Why would you say that? Molly is the sweetest girl I’ve met.” She really is. I don’t think the girl has a bad bone in her body. She’s the kind of person more people should aspire to be like.
“I’m only telling you this because I know you won’t blab about it to anyone or judge her, but you have to promise me right now you won’t even bring it up to me again—ever.” I nod my head, giving him my promise. “Okay, the thing is, I didn’t exactly meet Molly the way I told you guys I did. Yes, I met her when I was out at a bachelor party, but it wasn’t at dinner, it was a strip club.”
If it could, my jaw would hit the floor right now. I did not see that one coming. “I’m sorry, what did you just say? Are you trying to tell me Molly is a stripper?” I find that very hard to believe. When I think of strippers, I think of trashy, overly tanned women with obvious fake boobs and too much Botox injections. Even though I’ve never met an actual stripper, Molly’s innocence and complete natural beauty would never have me thinking she took her clothes off for money.
“Was,” Jerry says, his voice deep, making sure I understand. “The next day, I went in there and made her quit her job. Found her a new one that paid the same amount and she didn’t have to cry herself to sleep every night.” The tick in his jaw lets me know this is a sensitive subject. “She was desperate for money and had her student loans to pay. Molly’s parents died her junior year of college, so she had no one to rely on to help her. She did the only thing she thought she could to keep herself living. She hates that part of her life and wishes she could erase it, but I remind her that without it, she never would have met me.” He seems a bit smug as he says that last comment.
“The reason I’m telling you this is so you understand that just because Dad and Mom don’t approve of this guy doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t listen to your heart. Sure, Dad doesn’t like Gibson’s past criminal record or the fact that his father is a rock star, but do you think he would approve of Molly if he knew she used to be a stripper? I don’t think so. They would flip out if they knew I planned on marrying someone who used to take their clothes off for money. Did it bug the shit out of me when we first started dating? Hell yes, and Molly knew it, but I never let it stop me from loving her. Just like you didn’t stop Gibson’s history with women or the fact that he used to be a complete tool bother you. You set all of that aside and let your heart lead the way.”
I try to control the tears threatening to break free. He’s right in every way. I did separate Gibson’s past, made my own judgment, and came to fall in love with the man I knew, not the one he pretended to be all those years. I believe the true Gibson Mitchell came out when he came here. There was no one to impress or rebel against. Gibson could breathe knowing he could relax here in Freedom—and all of that was taken from him when the media found him.
Dan called me when he got home from work, asking where Gibson was and wondering why there were people with cameras and vans were parked in front of his house. None of it made sense to me, but when Allen and I got to Dan’s, sure enough, there were reporters littering the driveway and road. They didn’t leave until later that night, once they realized Gibson wasn’t coming back. That’s about the time Dan showed me the text he got from Gibson, saying he and River had gone back to L.A. I cried and fought with Allen all night about getting on a plane and going after Gibson.
“Yes, I fell in love with him. That doesn’t matter now, though. He left. I’ve tried calling and texting him, but it’s obvious he doesn’t want to hear from me.”
“He didn’t say anything to you about why he left?” Jerry asks, sounding as confused as I feel.
I shake my head no. “Nothing that made sense anyway. He kept talking about how I was just like everyone else. It didn’t make sense to me, and after he called me a ‘fame-seeking whore’, I tuned everything else out.” Those words he so easily threw at me hurt more than anything.
“That’s strange.” Jerry takes a sip of his water just as our food is delivered. “Maybe he’ll cool off from whatever he’s going through and call you soon.”
“Yeah, maybe.” As I stare at my food, I can hear a voice in the back of my head saying I may never hear from Gibson again.
It’s a sad goodbye when Jerry and Molly leave Sunday morning, one filled with tears and promises to call more from my brother and parents. Saying bye to Molly is even sad. She was here a week, but from how much I can tell my brother loves her, she’ll be a permanent member of the family soon.
The end of fall break means school begins again on Monday. Normally, I would be excited about classes starting back up, but now that I won’t have Gibson there with me, I’m dreading walking into English tomorrow morning. Everything is going to remind me of him and the fact that he’s ignoring me.
My alarm Monday morning blares bright and early. After turning it off, I lie in my bed for a good ten minutes and try to find the energy to get myself up. It’s pretty bad when the sun is just coming up and you already know it’s going to be a crappy day.
After getting myself dressed in a pair of worn out jeans and one of Jerry’s old football hoodies, I make my way downstairs to find the rest of my family in the kitchen getting breakfast. I snag a banana out of the fruit bowl and head toward the front door once I have my keys. Before I get there, Sean calls me.
“Hey, would you mind if I road with you today? Rodger’s family got into town pretty late last night from visiting his grandparents and he slept in. He’s going to be late to first period.”
I want nothing more than to tell him no, mainly because it’ll be just the two of us. Allen has to stay late after school today to make-up a test he missed before break, so he’s driving his own car. I can’t say no though since Sean and I technically share a car.
I nod and turn to head toward the front door, hearing his heavy footsteps coming up behind me after he went back to grab his backpack. Deep breaths, Ronnie, I think to myself. Deep breaths and try not to strangle the hell out of Sean on the way to school.
I make sure to turn the radio up high enough so it’s too uncomfortable to talk, but not blaring my eardrums. The avoidance tactic doesn’t last long, though. Once I pull into a parking spot, Sean kills the radio and grabs my phone out of the cup-holder.
“Hey!” I go to grab my phone back, but Sean drops it down the front of his shirt. What a child.
“You’ve avoided me long enough and since we’re early to class, I figured we could talk now.” He sounds calm, as if he’s trying to make sure he doesn’t upset me. Smart since every other time he’s trie
d to talk to me I all but bit his head off.
Crossing my arms over my chest, I grunt out a, “Fine,” and lean back into the seat.
“First off, I want to apologize for the way I acted last Friday. Looking back now, I realize I did overreact a bit.” The comeback ya think is right there on the tip of my tongue, but I keep it to myself. “I didn’t think about how my outburst would hurt you. The only thing going through my mind was my little sister was dating an asshole and he was going to break her heart.” Well, he got that right anyway.
“I don’t like what him leaving has done to you, though,” Sean continues. “You’ve never acted like this over guys before. Even that summer with you and Rodger, you were fine after that ended.”
What. The. Hell?
“What exactly are you talking about, me and Rodger?” I ask. There’s no way Rodger would have told Sean about that summer without taking the risk of never being able to have kids. And neither Allen nor I told him, so how did Sean find out?
“You really think I’m that stupid, Ronnie? You may have thought you were sneaky, but you are a horrible liar. And then there was the fact that Rodger wouldn’t stop staring at you all the time. After he beat up one of the guys from the baseball team for talking about making a move on you at a party, I knew something had to have happened. Rodger and I would usually ignore those kinds of comments because none of the guys ever went through with it. They knew I’d kick their asses if they tried anything and you usually said no anyway. You always made my job as your big brother easy.”
I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that Sean knew and never said anything. “If you knew I slept with Rodger, why didn’t you ever say anything?”
Sean groans and rubs his hands down his face. “That would be because up until now, I didn’t know exactly what happened. Thanks.” He makes a disgusted sound and I punch him in the arm.
After getting past the awkward part of the conversation, I get serious with my brother again. “If me being with Rodger wasn’t a big deal to you, then why did you throw a hissy fit when I was dating Gibson?”