Alterations

by Lucretia Stanhope

  When the meeting closed, Lucian lingered.

  “Did you need something else?” She looked at him with a friendly but not opened face.

  “Come to lunch. Let's try to start this over again.”

  She shook her head. “I had lunch with my husband, thank you. I do have a million things I need to do. If you will excuse me.”

  “Can I help? I was told Yvette helped you with your spinning classes.” He stepped beside her, walking with her as she tried to walk away.

  She frowned and quickly made herself smile. “You spin?”

  “No, but I am a fast study.”

  “That's not very helpful if I have to stop to teach you, is it?” She kept walking, quickening her pace as she neared the hall for teaching non-elemental magic.

  He put a hand on her shoulder. “Let me help you in other ways. I can arrange your lessons, gather supplies, whatever you need.”

  “Why are you pestering me? I am trying to treat you kindly.” She stopped walking and unlocked the door to her classroom.

  He followed her inside and shut the door behind them. “Kindly? You do know we all love you. How do you imagine it must be to be told to hurt someone you love?”

  “You don't know me. You can't love me.”

  “Can't I? Do you doubt that Henry, or Shirley, or Yvette loved you? What about the kids that run up just to meet you when you walk by? The witches that clamor to get your opinion on a spell, or show you what they have learned? Can't they love you?”

  She used all her effort to keep her tears in check. “You should leave before Timofei returns. Private meetings in my classroom are not very discrete.”

  “It is if you let me help you like Yvette did. Don't you think that is why I was shoved into a leadership position from relative obscurity? Maybe he wants us together, often.”

  She tapped her foot on the ground. Was this what Timofei wanted? “Fine, I will teach you what you need to know to help here and with my dyeing classes. We will not be friends. We will not do anything to make anyone question us. I will not be subjected to that sort of rumor again.”

  “Again? I've never heard an unkind word about you.”

  “That's not the case on earth. Never mind. It's personal.” She pointed to a wheel in the corner. “That will be yours to use when I have time to show you how. Not today.”

  He walked over to the wheel and looked it over. “Can I help you today?”

  “No, I have to attend to my husband while he is home. I don't even have time for this conversation. Please, help me by planning the festival.” She started pulling out the things she would need for her class the next day. “I have class tomorrow, if you would like to observe silently.”

  “I would. I'll leave you. I'm sorry to bother you.”

  She looked over to see the sad look on his face. She sighed. Hurting him was not what she wanted to do. She couldn't be his friend, it complicated things. “I can feel you are a powerful witch, Lucian. Don't be a force of darkness.”

  “It's not my intention to be.” His brows pulled together and sighed. “I'd like to help you any way I can. I can take some sorrow. I can do a lot of things that might surprise, well not you, but they might surprise many witches.”

  She tried not to think about what he could do, what they could do together. Those thoughts would get them both killed. Or free them, but could she even ask him to take such risks? Even him thinking about it would be dangerous when his vampire next fed or played in his mind. “Whatever this has cost you, I am sorry. I thought we would find a better life here.” She sat down at her desk.

  “We have. We are happy here. Only a very few know about the darker side. I had no idea, not for twenty years. The motivations might be dark, but the world they created is a happy, light place for witches. I would imagine many, especially the younger ones are oblivious, and wouldn't dream of anything else.”

  She sighed. “We should not talk about it. It is a perfect world. Everything is perfect. Do you have family here?”

  “No, I guess now I won't ever.” He looked away as sadness danced behind the spark in his eyes.

  “Of course you can. I don't expect any sort of loyalty.”

  “No, you don't, but a wife would. Can you imagine if I told a woman who decided to give me her heart that I had to be unfaithful? 'Dear, I am going out to be with the most powerful, beautiful witch in the realm, but don't worry, she hates me.' Do you think she would find herself able to live with that? The other option would be to lie to her, that’s not me.”

  Gwen closed her eyes. She did not have time for a friend and yet everything about him was sweet and tender, and everything she needed right then. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry you lost that chance, and I'm sorry I have to hate you. I do have to.”

  “No pity. We make the needed sacrifices. I hope I can be as graceful in it as you are.” He started toward the door. “I will see you tomorrow.”

  Once he left she shoved all thoughts of him aside and dove into organizing her classroom for the next day. She made her dyes and potion the night before. Her yarn was drying and would hopefully be ready to spin together into one easy to work with strand.

  She had dinner with Brac and Timofei after she arrived home. The conversation was forced, and Brac left as soon as they were done. He went with Matvei, to look for Kyna, she assumed.

  “Was the meeting productive?” Timofei asked as they stood on the balcony.

  She tried to sound as happy as she could. “Yes, things are planned. Now we are just making a few finishing touches. I also have things ready for class tomorrow, assuming my yarn dries. I have been way too distracted lately and let things slip by.”

  “Understandable.” He pulled her to him and kissed her. “I commend your ability to carry on with such sorrow on your shoulders.”

  “Sniveling didn't suit me.”

  He put a finger under her chin and tilted her head up. “That was a poor choice of words in an angry moment.”

  “We all make poor choices.” She turned her head away from his. She wanted him to know without a doubt, she did not forgive the new arrangement. She doubted he would change his mind about Lucian, but she held onto some hope that he would, especially since it had been Matvei's idea. She held tight to the irrational idea he had grown to love her over the years, even though she knew better in her heart.

  “Is this about Kelly or Lucian?” His tone was as cold as his presence next to her.

  She leaned against the rail, watching the lake. “It's about you as much as it is about me. I chose you, didn't I?”

  “Let's go, you can spend some time with Kelly after we go to your home, to cheer you up.” He turned and walked off the porch.

  She followed. One battle at a time. As soon as the moon was in the right phase, she would have her ritual and drink the potion, if Timofei hadn't been persuaded that she should be his and his alone.

  “T his isn't helping anything, precious.” Timofei reached down and placed a hand on Gwen's shoulder.

  Gwen looked down the wishing well. She didn't know why she insisted they walk there, or the lake, or the woods, they all made her sadder, and none made her any closer to ready to be locked away from it all.

  Yardley already moved on, Sebastian told her he would. He was not totally human, and she assumed he faded into obscurity, or left the realm himself. With all they had been through, she was going to miss him and regretted not having more of a chance to tell him goodbye. Or thank you. Or that he had been a real friend to her.

  “I need to talk to Sebastian, but I would like to donate both places to the church. They need a place for the homeless, since the in-town shelter was closed. They can make my place an orphanage to honor William as well.”

  “You can talk to Sebastian after I leave. I am sure he will agree to anything, and Mikhail can have Kelly carry out your wishes.”

  “Sebastian is back?” She looked at him, puzzled.

  “Of course. He was reassigned.”

  She stood up. “What?
”

  “It is what happens, is it not? We have children that need familiars. He is the best with elementals. He's happy when he teaches.”

  “But Kyna.”

  “Is gone, and grown.”

  She didn't bother to hide her anger. “You just take and take, and I have nothing left but you and your awful son.”

  “You don't mean that. I give you everything, Gwen. I do for you more than I would my own kind.” He hugged her to him, holding her close even though she struggled. “You knew this time would come. Let go of the past. That includes him.”

  She relaxed in his arms. No matter what he did or what she said, he had to know she would always love Sebastian. Always. “I'm done here until I talk to Sebastian. Thank you.” She paused, thinking of the last few weeks. “What of Jarrod? Why is he still with us? Brac is grown. Doesn't Brac’s bond with your monster make his connection useless?”

  “Jarrod is there for you, until I see you no longer need his help with your sorrow, and in case you should struggle again with things.”

  “Things. That says it all, Timofei. I thought, never mind. Can I say goodbye to Kelly now?”

  “I t feels like I am losing a part of myself, you know.” Kelly sat across from Gwen and sipped her coffee. “I mean, we have been seeing each other here almost every day for twenty years.”

  Gwen wrapped her hands around her cup for warmth. She didn't bother hiding her sadness. She would miss Kelly. Timofei knew and expected that. “Hopefully I will be back for a visit before long. Plus, you get to keep Mikhail.”

  “He's no consolation prize for you. How long will the tear be closed?”

  “I'm not sure. It's safer for you. Timofei's enemies need as far away from humans as possible. Do you need anything here before I go?”

  “No, just more time with you.”

  Gwen smiled and finished her coffee. “You want to walk the grounds while we wait for Mikhail and Timofei?”

  “Sure.” Kelly finished her coffee and stood. “We still haven't pinned down who killed David. I know Mikhail looked at a lot of minds. It's like they vanished or somehow hid the thoughts.”

  Gwen felt a soothing peace while she strolled off the path with Kelly as they so often had. “I think I'm okay with not knowing. You will find them. They will pay for what happened.” She paused and thought. “I can't help thinking they did me a blessing by waking me from an emotional sleep.”

  “Maybe, the fates work in mysterious ways. I can’t help but think I will be extra diligent in punishing them, for being the catalyst that took away my best friend.” Kelly sighed. “I'm going to miss every little thing about you. Coffee breaks will never be the same. I may have to switch to tea and cookies.”

  Gwen hugged Kelly close and let her magic embrace her with a soothing peace. “I hope with all of my heart the fates have nothing but joy for you. If you can, when Mikhail comes for visits and reports, please send word back to me about how you are doing. I will do the same.”

  They agreed and were joined by Timofei and Mikhail. Gwen didn't say anything to Mikhail, wanting to maintain the appearance that he was not what she wanted. It was easy enough to do when the feeling of finality washed over her once they stepped back on their realm.

  She cried as her and Timofei walked toward the colony buildings.

  “What is it, my precious?” Timofei stopped and turned her to him.

  “I need a minute before we see anyone. I just lost my best friend. Can I have just a single minute before we carry on with our charades?”

  Timofei took her hand and they walked a few steps away. “You will be able to visit periodically when I am home.”

  “When? How long? You have forever, I have forever. By the time you feel it is safe again, Kelly will be, she will be, she doesn't have forever. I lose something new every time I come to grips with what I have already lost.”

  He hugged her to him. “Take a minute. You have been so strong. I am sad that you have still had to face sorrows with me. I did hope to shield you from that.” He smiled a gentle smile and reached out for her. “Just give me a little more patience, and we can get back to how things were.”

  She decided not to press and stepped into his embrace. “I'm sorry. I've been so stressed with everything, and I miss Kyna so much.”

  “I know.” He held her close. “I have a squad fanning out in the realms off of hers. We will find her.”

  She hoped she didn't allow her startled reaction to show. “I know you will.”

  “I have to go soon. Why don't we spend some time alone at the fortress?” His eyes showed kindness.

  Gwen allowed herself to put the night behind her. When he was gone, she would find Sebastian, she would start her new project. She would get away from him. Brac would too. Maybe Lucian.

  Timofei lulled her to sleep and joined her in her dreams, like he used to do when they were still new, when she still had hope he could be something else. Something less monster.

  While they dreamed, she made herself everything he needed. She wanted to remind him why he coveted her, what they shared, and what it could be like again.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “D id you see enough to know that spinning isn't for you?” Gwen looked at Lucian, who spent the entire class watching her with a distracted look.

  He laughed and walked over to her desk. “It was different. Probably won't be my favorite class. Do you have other classes today?”

  “No.” She watched him watching her with his look still telling her that his mind carried a burden. “Are you okay today?”

  “I'm worried. They want me to meet with Gina daily as well. It seems important, especially to Matvei, and I can't seem to get fire to come to me like they want.”

  She put her yarn in her bag and grabbed some needles. “They want you to have all four before we… Well, I don't know why they rushed us together, but it seems they still want to try and tease that out of you.”

  “How did yours come? Can you help me?”

  She smiled. “I'm amazed it did at all. I had such a gentle teacher. Walk with me?” She started out of the room. She wanted to make a start away from things so she could find a quiet place to knit. Once they were away from prying ears, she continued. “They are going to struggle with you and fire.”

  “Why? Do you feel like I am not ready? Not strong enough?”

  “No, you are too even tempered from what I have seen. It takes tremendous anger or fear to call it up the very first time. After that, it gets easier, but really you still need anger or fear to wield it with any deft.”

  He sighed. “That explains a lot. I'm not sure I have anything to be angry about. Not that angry. They do scare me. Timofei especially.”

  “Him?” She looked at him with creased brows. “Not Matvei?”

  “No, Timofei gets angry talking about you. I sense he wants the end results, but the means to accomplish them weighs on him. I can understand that. Any man with such a magnificent wife would feel the same. It seems more relaxed and casual with his son. Not that his visits have been charming either.”

  That made sense to her. It was Matvei's idea, and one that couldn't sit too well with Timofei. Even if she was a valued resource, she was still his, and he wasn't the sharing type. She decided to shift gears since they were alone and seemed to have a casual openness between them.

  “Have you heard of anyone being able to summon elemental creatures?” She kept her eyes down while they walked.

  He pursed his lips and looked around them. “No, not heard of it, can. Can do it.”

  She stopped walking. “You? You can?”

  He shook his head. “I can make a mud-man thing. It was purely an accident.”

  Her eyes grew wide. “Has Matvei been in your thoughts, like I did the other night?”

  “No, no one has ever done anything like that before you.” He gave her a half smile. “I hope they don't. It really was excruciating.”

  “I'm sorry. I may need to again. You need that knowledge
protected. When they feed on you, they can hear things easier. I just, we can't talk like this or the thoughts are going to be rolling around for them to hear.”

  He scanned her face. “I feel a shift here with us. That makes us in danger. You said that yourself.”

  “I will do my best to protect you, but if you know how to summon elemental beings, I need your help. I need to know. I wouldn't ever ask you to do it against them, but teach me how.” She paused and held his hand. “Please. I will protect your thoughts.”

  “I told you I would help you however. I meant it. Gwen, I don't like what they are doing with us any more than you do.” He smiled at her. “Does this mean you don't detest me anymore?”

  “As far as you know, or feel, I do. I do, and I am mean about it. I am an awful, horrible person. Understand?”

  He nodded his assent. “How and when can I teach you? You seem to always have an escort.”

  “You can verbally instruct me and I will practice on my own. It will be safer. If I have questions or need help I will find you, well, they do want us to see each other.” She wrung her hands and considered what to do about his thoughts. “I did make a potion. I need a few days for the moon to be right. It should buy me more time and make our meetings futile.”

  She could tell he tried for a smile, but didn't succeed. He told her every detail of the day he first summoned the clay man, and then she agreed to meet him later that night, before she cleaned up his mind and headed back toward the fortress to knit.

  While she listened to the rhythm of the clicking needles, she pondered how to test what Lucian told her. She would also have to consider Lucian in her plans. If they figured out what would create fear and anger for him, they would push him and he would be the same as her. He would taste the same, be worth the same, share the same miserable fate. She imagined they must know. Matvei at least must know from the time he spent with Brac, that anger always preceded a fire or wave of magic.

  She wondered if they had tried to push Lucian, scare him and not found his trigger yet. The needles stopped clicking. That would be the only reason Timofei would push her on some witch. He wanted them to mate, he wanted the baby, but he also wanted Lucian to have all of the elements.