by Tana Stone
“We?” I let out a bitter laugh. “You took a mate while I was away on a raiding campaign. I fail to see how that is my mistake.”
“Fine.” She huffed out a breath. “I made a mistake, but you took a human for a mate just to punish the empire.”
“That is not the only reason. She requested asylum, and I granted it.”
“She will never wear your mating marks, Toraan.” Her eyes blazed as she looked at me. “You know, I know it, everyone in the banquet hall knows it. You have been fucking her for the entire journey to Zendaren, and still she remains unmarked.”
I flinched at her words. “How do you know that?”
She shrugged. “Did you expect it to be a secret from your crew? I have heard them talking about the human that has been keeping the Raas occupied in his chambers. I know you well enough to know what that means. Don’t you remember when you used to be content to fuck me until I couldn’t walk?”
Memories flooded my mind, but I forced them away. “I remember.”
She rubbed her hands down my chest muscles and across the ridges of my stomach. “It can be like that again, Toraan.” Her tail moved up my legs and under my kilt. “Let me show you everything I’ve learned since you’ve been gone.”
I clenched my jaw and clutched her hands to keep them from slipping beneath the waistband of my kilt. I tried to step back, but the wall stopped me. “Lila.”
“Let me give you what the human never can, Toraan.” She peered up at me and licked her lips. “Mating marks and offspring. Vandar offspring, who can join you on your warbird and be your legacy. You know as well as I do that the human female can never provide you with either.”
I gritted my teeth as the fur of her tail caressed my thigh, using my own tail to pull it away. I did not desire her, but I was only Vandar, and being stroked had made my cock twitch beneath my kilt.
Lila smiled, her gaze dropping to the bulge beneath my kilt. “See? I can still arouse you. Why are you fighting what we both know is right?”
I took her wrists in my hands and her pupils flared. “You wish to hold me down?”
I pushed her away from me, and she stumbled back. “I wish you to leave me alone.”
She righted herself and rubbed her wrists. “You’re being a fool.”
“And you are making a fool of yourself, Lila. I have a mate, and even though she is a human, I love her.”
Lila gaped at me. “You don’t mean that. You can’t possibly love that creature over me.”
“I do.” I shook my head at her. “I never loved you. What we had was childish infatuation, and I am grateful to you for betraying me and releasing me from any connection I might have felt for you.”
It had taken a long time, but I no longer felt anything when I looked at her. Not pain, not hurt, and certainly not regret.
“You’re making a mistake.” Her words were no longer sultry, but biting and hard. “This will ruin you.”
“I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life than I am about Rachael.” I took a step toward her. “You are the one who should be worried that news of your disloyalty does not reach the ears of your mate. He serves in my eldest brother’s horde, does he not?”
Her lovely features morphed into a mask of rage. “You will lose your mate before I lose mine, Toraan.” She let out a chilling laugh. “You’ve already lost her, and you don’t even know it.”
My skin prickled as dread settled over me. “What does that mean?”
“It means that you should have told your human about me. She seemed genuinely surprised to know that you had a first love you’d never mentioned.”
I advanced on her, pushing her up against the opposite wall. “What have you done?”
She smiled up at me, even as her eyes flashed dark and deadly. “Only the truth that you should have told her.”
Fury bubbled up in my chest as I bit out my question. “Which is?”
“That if she never takes your marks, then you will never have children, or a legacy, and she will never actually be your Raisa, no matter how many times you say the word.” When she’d finished spitting out the words, her chest was heaving.
I released her and backed away, the blood pounding in my ear. “Go,” I whispered. When she didn’t move, I advanced on her with my hands in tight fists. “Go!”
She jumped and scurried away, finally leaving me alone in the corridor. I bent over and sucked in air, trying to calm the fury that threatened to overwhelm me. I wasn’t angry at Lila, even though I would have enjoyed wringing her neck.
No, I was furious at myself. I hadn’t been honest with Rachael about my past, or about what I felt for her. And now she’d had her mind poisoned by Lila. What must she think of me?
I straightened and took a long breath. It was done, and it could not to be undone. Now, I needed to find Rachael and beg her to forgive me.
Chapter 35
Rachael
I held a hand over my mouth, trying to keep from crying out as I watched Lila run her hands over Toraan, and slip her tail up under his kilt. Hearing her remind Toraan that I had not taken his mating marks and would never be able to give him what she could had been bad enough, but watching her touch him was too much.
I pulled my head from around the corner, hating the fact that I’d stumbled upon the two of them. I’d intended to announce myself, but that was before I’d heard her talk about fucking him. Part of me hadn’t believed her when she insisted she’d been his first love, but Toraan hadn’t denied a word she’d said.
“I remember.” The deep husk of his voice in reply had made my stomach lurch.
I shook my head as I hurried away from them. I didn’t want to listen to another word or, even worse, watch her do more than touch him.
This had been a mistake. Coming to the Vandar colony, agreeing to the deal with Raas Toraan, thinking I could consent to be his mate without falling for him. A huge, horrible mistake.
He was a badass warlord of the Vandar, who’d had more lovers than I could probably count and had never promised me anything but protection from the empire. It wasn’t his fault I’d fallen for him, but I also couldn’t stick around now that I knew he didn’t feel the same way.
I choked back a sob. He deserved to be with someone who wouldn’t hold him back, and it was clear that I wasn’t that person. I glanced down at my chest. I couldn’t even get his mating marks, and I’d spent most of the past few days with him fucking me senseless.
I paused and peered around. I’d been stumbling along without paying attention to where I was going, and now I was lost.
“Just great,” I said under my breath. I wasn’t sure where I wanted to go, but as far away from Lila and Toraan sounded like a good start. The noise of the banquet had vanished, so I guessed I was going in the opposite direction, and after taking a few more turns, I spotted a tall door.
Pushing it open, I found myself outside the building in some sort of alley. I sucked in a deep breath, glad for the cold, night air, even though I shivered and rubbed my bare arms. It took me a few moments to get my bearings, but I soon realized I was behind the banqueting hall. All I had to do was follow the walls around to the front, and I’d be able to retrace my steps to the warbird. I remembered the exact route we’d taken when we arrived, and was grateful once more for excellent recall.
“Vaes,” I told myself as I started walking, the Vandar command urging me on.
I edged around the massive building until I reached the front then turned in the direction of the shipyard and away from the revelry. It might not have been my home, but the ship was the last place I’d been content. Right now, all I wanted to do was go back to the Raas’ quarters, rip off my dress, sink into the bathing pools, and forget everything that had happened.
Luckily, everyone in the colony appeared to be at the celebration. Though laughter and shouting spilled from the doors of the feasting hall, the streets were empty as I hurried through them. I grabbed fistfuls of my dress and hiked it up, breaking into
a run to combat the cold that made my teeth chatter. Soon, I spotted the wide-open expanse of the shipyard, and the hulking hulls of the Vandar ships, perched on the ground with their massive wings outstretched like a flock of birds about to take off.
I heaved out a grateful breath but didn’t slow my pace. There were no guards at the entrance ramp of Toraan’s lead ship, so I ran up and inside. The ship was eerily quiet. The engines didn’t rumble, and heavy footsteps didn’t rattle the staircases. It was like stepping onto a ghost ship, which was what many thought of the Vandar anyway.
I knew my way to the Raas’s quarters, but my feet wouldn’t take me. I stood rooted to the spot, thinking how different the ship felt without its crew—and without him. Then it hit me that it would never feel the same. He would never feel the same, not after what I’d heard and what I knew. I couldn’t roll back time and pretend not to know, as much as I wished I could.
The time I’d spent with the Raas had been like a magical interlude, but it hadn’t been real. We had never been real. We’d been a military strategy that, for a while, had felt like something more than that. But it hadn’t been for him. It had always been a deal. His heart had never been mine, even though I knew mine had belonged to him for a while.
I bit the inside of my mouth to keep from crying, but tears clouded my vision. I wanted to run, just like I’d run from Kurmog. But there was nowhere to run but back to the colony, and that was the last place I wanted to be. No, I needed to get far away. If I left Toraan—truly left him—he’d no longer feel bound to the deal he’d made me. He could pick a Vandar female who could give him everything I couldn’t.
The thought of never seeing him again made the tears spill from my eyes and trickle down my cheeks. I swiped at them furiously. It was better than being with someone who didn’t return your love.
Once I knew what I had to do, I strode through the ship, quickly locating the hangar bay, and finding the Zagrath ship I’d arrived on. It was just as I’d left it, and the sight of the transport brought back all the feelings that I’d had when I’d snuck on it in the first place. It was hard to believe everything that had happened since I’d last been inside it, and it was just as painful to be sneaking back on it to run away.
“This is different,” I said as I opened the ramp and walked up. “This will be better for everyone.”
I sat in the cockpit, running my fingers over the console. I might not have been trained to fly, but I’d used my memory of the imperial pilot’s movements when I’d been transported from Horl and now I would use that same perfect recall to help me escape again. I pressed the button to raise the entrance ramp and fired up the engines. The ship rumbled to life, lights illuminating the inside of the ship.
I hesitated, half expecting raiders to come running, but no one appeared. I held the control column as I lifted the ship off the floor of the hangar bay, careful to hold it steady as I maneuvered around the other ships. When it was in position, I engaged the thrusters and rocketed out of the warbird, pulling back hard to fly straight up. The ship trembled as it flew higher, but it shot through the planet’s cloud cover and then out of the atmosphere and into space.
I leveled the ship, making sure not to look back as I flew away from Zendaren and Raas Toraan. “It is done.”
Chapter 36
Toraan
When I entered the feasting hall, the crowd had thinned out and the din was now only a low buzz. Heads were slumped on tables and candles had dripped to nubs, the light flickering as platters were cleared. The warmth of the hall was made even more cloying by the scent of burning tallow and the pungent tang of spilled wine that was sticky on the floor.
It took me only a moment to scan the long room and see that Rachael had not returned. I’d already done a cursory search of the corridors around the hall and even returned to the washing chamber, startling a few females with my intrusion.
I leapt onto the dais without bothering with the stairs. Rolan and Viken looked up as the platform shook.
“What is it Raas?” Rolan asked, reacting first to my scowl.
“Rachael.” I grasped the sides of my chair and looked out over the room. “I cannot find her.”
Rolan put his goblet down on the table and stood. “She was not in the washing chamber?”
I shook my head. “I have searched everywhere.”
“She must have gotten lost.” Viken pushed the female off his lap and joined us in standing. “This building has many corridors.”
“There is more.” I didn’t look either raider in the eyes. “She spoke to Lila.”
“Lila?” Rolan recoiled at the name. “How?”
“She’s been here watching you all night, Raas,” Viken said. “I thought from the way she looked at you that you had an arrangement.”
“An arrangement?” I gaped at my battle chief.
Viken’s face reddened. “Like I said, she was obvious in her attentions. I could not have been the only one to notice it. Knowing your history, I thought…”
I recalled Rachael asking about a female staring at me. I’d dismissed her concerns as ridiculous—and then Lila had found her and told her everything. She must have thought I was purposefully misleading her. I clenched the sides of the chair until the bones of my knuckles were white against my skin.
“I have no arrangement with Lila,” I said. “She wishes to resume things, but I do not. I told her as much when she confronted me.”
“You rejected her.” Rolan folded his arms over his chest. “And then she found your mate.”
Viken frowned. “What did Lila tell the human?”
I gave my head a brusque shake. I didn’t know what Lila had said, but I could guess. “Enough to make Rachael run.”
Rolan squared his shoulders. “If she is not here, she might have returned to the ship.”
“You think a human who has never set foot on Zendaren before could make her way through the colony and board our warbird?” Viken pressed his brows together as he spoke, clearly thinking the concept was far-fetched.
I thought about Rachael. She’d been brave enough to sneak off an imperial ship, steal a Zagrath transport ship, and fly away in the middle of a battle with two Vandar hordes. Making her way through a colony would not be nearly as scary. I allowed myself a breath. At least on Zendaren, she was not in danger.
“Rolan and I will return to the ship to see if what he surmises is true.” I pivoted to Viken. “You will make another search of this building. She might still be here, somewhere.”
Viken rapped his heels together. “Yes, Raas. We will find her.”
Raas Maassen scraped his chair back and stood. “Who is missing?” His gaze went to the empty seat next to mine and he frowned. “Your human mate?”
“She went to the washing chamber and did not return.” I attempted to make light of the situation. I did not want to give my uncle a reason to find fault with Rachael. “There is a high likelihood she got turned around in the maze of corridors.”
The old Raas shifted his gaze to all three of us. “What are you not telling me?”
Rolan and Viken both cut their eyes to me, but remained silent. I’d forgotten that my uncle might be older than he had been when I had flown with him, but he was no less shrewd. There was no use in lying to the Vandar. He’d always been able to unravel my boyhood lies, and now I was a Raas. A Raas did not lie.
“She encountered Lila,” I said.
Understanding passed across the elder’s lined face. “That one should have been born a male. She is as ruthless as any raider, and twice as cunning.”
His words shocked me. “You believe she would have made a good mate for a Raas?”
He moved his head slowly back and forth. “No. She would have made a decent Raas, but she is not the mate you need. You are all strategy and reason. You do not need a mate who is also calculating.” He rested a hand on my arm. “You need a mate who can balance your logic and soften your measured mind. Just like the one you found.”
“Yo
u approve of Rachael?” My voice was hoarse. “Even though she is human?”
His mouth twitched into a crooked smile. “Do not be so surprised. There is no great strategy without balance, and I have been watching. The human female gives you balance.” His eyes clouded with grief for a moment. “My own Raisa was not who my father would have chosen. She did not come from a line of great warlords.”
I remembered little of his Raisa, except that her death had devastated him. It had been another reason I had not been eager to find a mate. Before Rachael, my only experience with females had been that of loss.
“But what of the mating marks?” I asked. “What if it is not possible for her to get them?”
Raas Maassen shrugged. “It is not Vandar tradition, but it is possible. Do not your brothers have human mates who have taken their marks? If Kaalek with all his rash behavior can take a mate and share marks with her, there is no reason you cannot.”
It was the same reasoning I’d used with myself, but I was startled to hear the argument from the old Raas. Especially since I’d been the one to tell him about Kratos and the marks he shared with his human. I narrowed my eyes at him. “Wait. How do you know that Kaalek’s mate took his marks? I told you about Kratos, but even I have not even confirmed that Kaalek’s human is marked. Neither horde has returned to Zendaren since they took their mates, have they?”
“They have not,” my uncle said, without answering my other questions.
I fixed my gaze on my uncle. “Have you been in contact with my brothers?”
Before he could respond, a warrior rushed up to the dais. “Raas Maassen!”
My uncle turned at the urgent tone, instantly becoming the warlord I’d served under for so long. “Report.”
The Vandar threw back his shoulders. “Planetary defenses report that a ship has left our atmosphere.”
“A ship?” My uncle cocked his head. “A Vandar ship has departed without authorization?” He pivoted to me. “Do you know anything about one of your horde ships leaving?”