by E. L. Todd
He kept staring at me, the playfulness in his eyes long gone.
When Jax didn’t say anything, Finn tried to disrupt the tension. “Let’s get this game going. Otherwise, we’ll be here all night.”
Jax didn’t comment on the revelation. He played the game as my teammate, doing the best he could to figure out what I was drawing. But his buoyant mood had been destroyed by Tatum’s words, so he looked visibly angry the entire time. He had the class not to blow up in front of my friends, but I knew I would get an earful once we were alone.
Colton and Zach won the game.
Finn sat in the armchair with his glass in hand, watching us all make idiots out of ourselves.
Zach high-fived Colton. “We got it, man. You and I have one mind.”
“Yep.” Colton did a little dance. “We kicked everyone’s ass. Wasn’t even a contest.”
“That’s what happens when you’ve been best friends for so long,” Zach said.
Jax tossed the cards on the table, his mood souring even more now that the game was over. “I’m done for the night. Let’s go, Pepper.” He wouldn’t ordinarily tell me what to do, but he clearly wanted to talk to me in private. At least he didn’t tell me off in front of all my friends.
“Alright.” I exchanged a look with my friends before I headed to the door. Finn was the last person I looked at. Even though his expression appeared exactly the same as it usually did, there was a hint of sympathy.
Jax walked into the hallway, and I followed behind him.
We didn’t even make it to my door before he rounded on me.
“Colton was the guy you were married to?” His voice immediately exploded like a bomb, bouncing off the walls as if it was projected with a microphone. If he was going to be this angry and yell this loudly, we might as well have stayed in the apartment. There was no doubt they could hear everything anyway.
“Yes. But I—”
“But what?” The vein in his forehead was visible now that he’d lost his temper. “You didn’t think that was something I should know? You live ten feet away from the guy, for fuck’s sake. And you spend every waking hour with him. Were you too much of a coward to tell me? Did you think it was better for me to hear it from one of your drunk friends?”
I knew he would be upset, but I hadn’t anticipated this. “Jax, I’m sorry. I was going to tell you, but I was waiting for the right time.”
“I’ve been hanging out with you and your friends like some kind of idiot. How do you think it makes me feel to be the only one who doesn’t know your best friend is your ex-husband?”
“I never meant to embarrass you—”
“Well, you did.” His eyes were wide open, his neck tight with his rage. “This is bullshit.”
The door opened, and Finn stepped into the hallway, surpassing Jax in height by a meager inch. He shut the door behind him and faced Jax. “Stop yelling at her. I get you’re pissed, but knock it off. Pepper didn’t want a relationship with you in the first place because of this reason. She wasn’t ready to talk about it. She wasn’t ready to share that piece of her life with someone. You were the one who forced her into something more serious. So cut her some goddamn slack, or I’ll drag you out of this building and put you in a cab.”
I didn’t need a man to fight my battles, but I was relieved Finn made such a strong argument for me. It was a valid point. I didn’t want a relationship because I wasn’t ready, and the reason I wasn’t ready was because of my marriage.
Jax stared at him with the same rage, his chest rising and falling with his deep breaths.
“If I hear your voice again, I’ll come after you.” Finn walked back inside the apartment and shut the door behind him.
We were left alone in the hallway, and I wondered if Jax would take Finn’s threat seriously. He should, because I suspected Finn could demolish a dozen men entirely on his own.
“He’s right.” I kept my voice low, trying to defuse the situation so he would calm down. “When I said I wasn’t ready for a relationship, I meant it. I didn’t want to share that piece of my life with someone…just yet.”
Jax stared at me, his anger slowly abating.
“I’m sure you’ve figured out the reason we got divorced…because he realized he was gay. We were happily married until he dropped the bomb on me. It’s embarrassing…and not something I want to share openly. I was afraid of what you would think of me, that you would think I was less of a woman. I didn’t want to project my insecurities before you even got a chance to know me. We’re going to see his parents because they still think we’re married…and we’re going to tell them the truth.”
He put his hands on his hips and stared at the floor.
I knew my friends all had their ears pressed against the door, listening to every single word like they were witnessing a soap opera.
Jax still said nothing, staring at the floor as he collected his thoughts.
“I’m sorry…I don’t know what else to say.” I suspected this relationship had been killed the moment Tatum opened her mouth. There was no point in fighting or making an argument. Jax would probably be too uncomfortable hanging around with me and my ex all the time.
“You blindsided me.” He lifted his gaze to look at me. “I didn’t see that coming so I just exploded…”
Was that an apology? Sounded more like an excuse.
“When did you get divorced?”
“Eight months ago. But our relationship fell apart months before that…so it’s been almost a year.”
“Why do you live across the hall from him?”
“When we were going our separate ways, this apartment opened up, and I just took it.”
He raised an eyebrow. “And you don’t think that’s inappropriate?”
“As you can see, we ended on great terms. He’s still my best friend. Maybe we weren’t meant to be married, but we’re still meant to be friends. I have to cut him out of my life on principle?”
“No, but can you really get over someone when you see them every day?”
“You aren’t friends with any of your exes?”
“No.”
“Have you ever had a girlfriend that could be an ex?” We should move this into my apartment, but the moment was still too intense for a location change.
He took a while to answer. “No.”
“Jax, this is exactly why I wanted to take things slow. I didn’t want to owe you an explanation, but you pressed me into a corner I couldn’t get out of. You gave me an ultimatum. I didn’t want to lose you, so I caved. Now I’m having a conversation I didn’t want to have, defending myself over something I wasn’t prepared to handle, and you’re pissed at me in the hallway. Maybe this was a bad idea—”
“Maybe all of that is true, but you still should have told me.”
“Well, I didn’t. And here we are…” I threw down my arms.
He stared me down, still angry. “Are you still in love with him?”
“No.”
“It seems like women are always in love with their gay best friend.”
“Stereotype,” I snapped. “And I will always love him because he’s the closest person in the world to me. He’s my family. But no, I’m not in love with him. For the first three months of our divorce, we didn’t talk to or see each other. I needed that space to get over him. When I finally did, we became friends again. We needed that time to let go of our past relationship and start a new one. I waited a long time before I put myself out there again. When I picked you up at the bar, I was totally ready. So, no, I’m not in love with my ex-husband.”
The fire in his eyes slowly dissipated.
“If I were, I would probably move. If I couldn’t get over him, then I really would have to cut him out of my life. But thankfully, that didn’t happen.” It was ironic that Jax accused me of still wanting my ex-husband when there was someone else I was attracted to—his brother. A single kiss with him left me reeling. It was the best I’d ever had—and it only lasted a few minutes
. Jax’s paranoia was completely off the charts. “I kissed someone else and you didn’t care, but my gay ex-husband turns you into a psychopath. That makes no sense.”
“Kissing someone and being married to someone are totally different. You know it.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “I don’t know what else to say. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you…” Jax would either let it go, or we would go our separate ways then and there. The only reason I was still there was because I believed I could have something great with Jax if I gave it enough time. Right now, everything was still so messy.
He sighed then stepped closer to me. “I know I rushed this relationship when I shouldn’t have. The only reason I did was because I didn’t want someone else to have you. That doesn’t happen to me very often…when I meet a woman and feel this way. But when I realized you were married to Colton, I lost sight of everything we agreed on. You did tell me you were married and you weren’t ready for something serious…so that’s my fault. Honestly, this sounds so complicated and I should just walk away…but I don’t want to. I really like you, Pepper. I don’t want to lose you.”
My eyes softened, and I remembered why I liked Jax to begin with. He was sweet, affectionate, and understanding. “So…we can let this go?”
He nodded. “Yeah. Now let’s go inside your apartment. I’m sure all of your neighbors are tired of listening to us.”
I smiled. “Or they’re munching on a bowl of popcorn and hoping we’ll have make-up sex right here in the middle of the hallway.”
When he smiled, he showed his pearly whites and the pretty brightness in his eyes. When he smiled like that, he looked even more handsome. It was no surprise that he sold prime real estate and made a great living. No one could resist those good looks and natural charisma. “How about we have make-up sex on the couch then eat a bowl of popcorn?”
“Ooh…that sounds like my style.”
19
Colton
I sat at the dining table with a mug of coffee in front of me. I was shirtless and in my sweatpants, attire I used to wear all the time, but now that my brother’s frame was constantly in my line of sight, I felt self-conscious.
I had a trim body with muscles, but my physique paled in comparison to his. Plus, he had all those badass tattoos that made him look even more dangerous.
Finn worked on his paperwork, oblivious to my stare.
I finally got up and put on my shirt, losing the contest we weren’t actually having.
I sat down and sipped my coffee again.
“How’s the job hunt?” Finn flipped through his notes, examining lab work and scans for his patients. He seemed to read their file before he picked up the phone and did his dictation for the medical chart.
“I haven’t even started looking.”
“Why not?”
“You don’t want me to live with you?” I countered.
He raised his eyes to meet mine. “Not forever. I’m not looking for a permanent roommate.”
“How long can I stay?”
“As long as you want—within reason.”
“Maybe I can just marry a rich guy and never work again…” Wouldn’t that be nice?
Finn continued to stare at me, his shadowy beard starting to come in because he hadn’t shaved yet. “Everyone should work. You’d be unhappy if you didn’t.”
“What about housewives?”
“That is work. They keep up the house, run all the errands, raise the kids, do the cooking…it’s a job.”
“Well, I can do that.”
“But do you want to do that?” he countered. “You got a law degree because you wanted to be a lawyer. Don’t let one bad experience sour your motivation. That office wasn’t a good fit, but you’ll find something better. Every man needs a purpose. Without a purpose, we fade away.”
I knew he made his bed every morning, kept up perfect hygiene, and always cleaned up after himself like an inspection would happen at any moment. Of course, he had a strict perspective on what men should be doing with their time.
“Do you like being a doctor?”
He set his paper down and grabbed his mug of coffee. “It’s the only thing that interests me.”
“But do you like it?”
“Sometimes.”
“When do you like it?”
“When I save someone.”
“And when do you not like it?”
His eyes turned cold. “When I don’t save someone.” He sipped his coffee then set it down.
“So, are you going to buy a car? Your place is a drive from the city.”
“Yes. A truck.”
“Can I borrow it?”
He continued to wear that annoyed expression. “What’s wrong with Uber?”
“Nothing but it’s expensive.”
“Another reason you need a job.”
“You’re home during the day, and I’ll be at work. So I could take the truck and have it back before you go to work.”
“And what about when I want to leave the house during the day?”
“And do what?” I countered.
His eyes narrowed. “Does it matter? I can already tell living with you is going to be a pain in the ass.”
“You live with me now, and it’s fine.”
“Yes…because I’m the guest. I’ve been a great roommate, so I expect the same courtesy from you.”
“So I should parade my dates around the house naked? You know, since you’re straight?”
He shrugged. “I don’t care. Just pick up after yourself and be clean. Make me ask more than once, and I’ll kick you out.”
“You’d kick out your own brother?” I asked incredulously.
His only response was a threatening look.
“Alright…maybe you will kick me out.”
Finn turned back to his paperwork.
“I’m glad Jax and Pepper worked things out. I really thought that was going to be the end of them, which would have been a shame because I like the guy.”
“If he was actually threatened by a gay man, then he didn’t deserve Pepper anyway.”
“I’m not just a gay man…I was married to her. I shared every day with her. I slept with her.”
“Doesn’t matter.” He flipped through his papers. “A real man isn’t threatened by a former lover. A real man erases the memory of every guy she’s been with. A real man doesn’t know jealousy because he’s too secure to be jealous.”
Sometimes Finn talked about relationships like he’d been in one, but I knew he’d never been close to a woman. But he had distinct opinions on how relationships should be, how a man should treat a woman. “I think Jax had the right to be upset because he found out in such an insensitive way.”
“Maybe. But he should have gotten over it quicker.”
“Do you not like Jax?” I asked, my eyebrow raising.
He read through his notes and never answered the question.
Pepper walked inside, dressed for work in skinny jeans, heels, and a teal blouse. Her brown hair was straight, and she had hoops in her ears. She smiled sincerely as she stepped inside, like last night had ended on good terms. “Morning.”
“You look happy.” I drank my coffee.
“Well, I survived a hurricane,” she said with a laugh. “So I’m feeling pretty good.”
Finn’s eyes followed her as she crossed the room, not blinking as he took in her frame. “There’s leftover egg whites in the pan.”
“There is?” I asked. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Pepper scooped the leftovers onto her plate and made a cup of coffee. “Because he likes me more than you.”
I glared at my brother. “Clearly…”
Pepper took a seat beside me and added cream to her coffee. “Ready for tonight?”
I’d been putting all my energy into not thinking about it. I lowered my forehead to the table and sighed. “No…”
Pepper rubbed my back. “Nothing is ever as good or as bad as you think it will be.�
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“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” I asked, my eyes closed and my torso sprawled against the table.
Finn spoke. “When I spoke to Mom on the phone, she was practically crying. Said it’s been so long since she had both of us in the same room at the same time. She might be so happy that she may not care about your news.”
“Yeah, right.” I sat up and pulled my mug in front of me. “She’s going to be crushed when I tell her she lost Pepper.”
“But she didn’t lose me,” Pepper said. “I’ll always be around. Even when I’m married, we’ll still come over for holidays and stuff. Nothing has to change. When your parents see that, they’ll feel better.”
“Maybe…” But would they feel better knowing they had a gay son? “That means I’ll never have kids, and since Finn won’t have kids either, Mom will freak out about that.”
“You can have kids,” Pepper argued. “You know I’ll always be a surrogate for you.”
“Really?” I asked, shocked by the offer.
“Why wouldn’t I?” she asked, dead serious. “There are plenty of ways to grow your family. You have options. And who knows what the future holds for Finn. Maybe he will have a family someday. The future isn’t set in stone.”
“No,” Finn said as he looked down at his newspaper. “No kids for me.”
“Really?” Pepper asked. “Never?”
He lifted his gaze and met her look. “Never. I prefer being an uncle. Someone will have to teach Colton’s kids how to throw a ball, drive a stick, and punch a bully in the face to break their nose in four different places. That’s where I come in.”
Pepper didn’t hide her look of disappointment at his answer.
“What?” Finn asked. “You judge me? Is there something wrong with not wanting kids?”
“Not at all,” she said as she shook her head. “No judgments. I just think it’s a shame…because you would be a good father.”
Finn ignored his paperwork altogether and stared at her. With unblinking eyes and a stature so still he seemed like an inanimate object, he looked at her like it was the first time he really took in her features. Finn made any expression seem intense, but the look he gave her now reached new levels.