by J B Heller
When he moved them aside so he was touching me skin-to-skin, I felt a bolt of excitement shoot through my body. It had been too long since I had felt his touch. Only he could make me come alive like this. He took me higher with his fingers than my Bob ever had.
I lay panting beneath him, completely satisfied. But as I moved my leg I felt his hard length press into my thigh. Immediately I wanted to return the favour. It wasn’t fair that I was given relief but he wasn’t.
I reach for him, but he bolted upright and away from me before I could touch him. “What’s wrong?” Insecurity flooded my body, he didn’t want me to touch him. But why? Had I done something wrong?
He dropped to his knees beside me when he noticed the change in my expression. “You didn’t do anything wrong, sweetness. I promise.” He stroked my cheek. “I want you to touch me more than anything. But if I let you touch me now, I won’t ever be able to keep myself in check.” He stared me straight in the eyes. “Do you understand?”
I could see how sincere he was, and it soothed the hurt I felt from his rejection. But I still wanted to touch him. To wrap my fingers around his cock and feel the silky smooth skin in my palm.
Because of the things I endured in my past, I had become a dominant lover. I never allowed any man to take control in the bedroom. I was always in full control of my body, and that of my lover’s.
“I have something that will ensure I am the one in control of the situation,” I told him.
His eyebrows rose in surprise. “I’m listening,” he replied, curiosity clouding his eyes.
I got to my feet, taking his hand in mine, and began to lead him towards the hallway when a loud, thumping knock sounded from the front door stopped us in our tracks. I glanced back at Jake over my shoulder; I could see his disappointment. “Sorry,” I whispered to him.
He shrugged then kissed the back of my hand. “It’s all right. You get the door, I’ll go have a cold shower.” He winked, then walked away.
I took a deep breath, ran my hands through my hair, and straightened my skirt. Another knock sounded from the door. “Coming,” I called out, running my fingers through my hair one more time.
When I opened the door, I found Ash standing on the other side. He was drunk.
He toppled over the small ledge at the front door and right into me. I wrapped my arms around his waist to steady him. “What are you doing here?” I asked him.
Looking down at me he gave me a big bright smile. “I wanted to seeee my girlll,” he slurred.
I poked my head out the door to see if his car was out front. I’d kick his arse if he drove himself here like this. But Betsy and Jake’s bike were the only vehicles out there. “How did you get here, Ash?”
He hiccupped before answering me. “Taxi.”
I nodded, pleased he hadn’t driven. “Come on, let’s get you sobered up a bit, yeah.” I guided him over to the dining table and kicked out a chair for him. He plonked down and the chair squealed on the timber floor as it slid back an inch. I left him slumped over the table while I got him a glass of water and put on the kettle to make him a coffee.
“Drink up,” I said as I put the biggest glass of water I could find in front of him. He glanced at me with sad eyes. He was hurting, that’s why he’d done this to himself. Generally he wasn’t a big drinker. My heart felt like it was being squeezed in a vice. I stood behind him, then wrapped my arms around his broad shoulders and laid my head on his back. He took a deep shuddering breath, causing the vice around my heart to squeeze tighter.
“I’m sorry, Ash, really, I hate to see you hurting, babe,” I breathed against his back.
He nodded his head, but said nothing. Picking up his glass of water, he knocked it back and drank the whole glass. I wrapped him tighter in my arms for a moment, but as I went to let him go his hands flew up and wrapped around my wrists, holding me in place. Heaving a deep sigh, he lifted each of my hands one at a time and kissed them with so much tenderness I wanted to cry.
And that’s when Jake came walking out of the bathroom. I felt his eyes boring into my back, but I ignored him. Right now, Ash needed me more than I needed to have another fight with Jake. Ash was still holding my hands against his lips, and when Jake noticed, I could no longer ignore him.
“What the hell is going on here!” his voice boomed through my little house.
Ash’s back grew rigid immediately. He slowly released my hands and I stood up straight, then turned to face Jake. His bulky frame was clad in nothing more than a towel, draped around his waist. My eyes honed in on his impressively sculpted chest. I couldn’t stop my gaze from wandering further down his frame to the mouth-watering V pointing in the same direction his happy trail lead.
I had to physically shake my head to snap myself out of it before I started to drool or worse, drop to my knees and lick my way down that delicious path. “Jake, calm down. This is my friend Ash. He’s not feeling real great right now and he needed a friend. Why don’t you go put some clothes on and then I’ll introduce the two of you properly,” I suggested.
Jake spun on his heels and stormed down the hall, slamming his bedroom door behind him. When I turned back to Ash, hostility was blazing in his eyes. He swung his gaze towards me and my breath caught in my chest. Ash was not a volatile person; this was so out of character for him, drunk or not.
Raising his hand, he pointed to the hall Jake had just disappeared down. “What the hell is he doing here?” he demanded.
I chewed on my bottom lip before answering him. “He, um, he didn’t have anywhere else to stay, so he moved into my spare room.”
His eyes widened. “He lives with you now? There are plenty of hotels in town, Pixie, I’m sure he could have stayed in one.”
Now that the shock of his attitude had worn off, my hackles began to rise. “This is my house, Ash, if I want him to stay it’s none of your business. So you can just pack that attitude right up! It’s not welcome here,” I spat.
An incredulous look covered his face. “Are you serious? Since when do you let any guy stay at your house?” he snapped back.
A deep voice interrupted us. “Since now. Got a problem with it, there’s the door.” Jake nodded towards the front door.
He was fully clothed now, and damn if I didn’t miss the sight of him nearly naked. I looked back and forth between the two men I would never in a million years have imagined fighting over my affections; Jake because I never thought I would see him again, and Ash because, well, he was gay.
Ash’s voice bought me back from my musings. “If she wants me to leave she’ll tell me, not you.”
I jumped between them as Jake took a step closer to Ash. I pressed a hand to each of their chests. Both of their hearts were pounding hard beneath my palms. “Back off, both of you! This is my house, and for all I care right now, you can both leave. You’re acting like jealous children fighting over a toy.”
Ash backed down immediately, but not Jake. As Ash backed away, my hand dropped from his chest. I turned to push both my palms against Jake. “We talked about this, what are you doing?” I pleaded with him.
He was still staring down Ash as he lifted his arm and pointed at him. “If this dude’s gay, then so am I.” He dropped his hand and finally looked at me. “I’m no fool, so stop trying to play me for one. There’s something more than friendship going on between you two.” He lifted an expectant eyebrow and waited for my response.
I really didn’t want to tell him that Ash thought he was in love with me. I think that somewhere along the line he just got confused about our relationship. I was and still am 100% positive Ash is gay. He had admitted to me once that he had never been close to any women in his life. Not even his mother. Our friendship was strange for both of us.
“You’re right,” Ash spoke before I could figure out what to say. “Pixie and I are more than friends.” My jaw dropped, all the way to the floor, I'm pretty sure.
I turned to face him, levelling him with my best glare. “What are you doin
g?” I hissed.
“Let him speak. At least someone is willing to be honest with me.” Jake’s words felt like a slap in the face.
He was the only one in the whole world who knew exactly what my life had been like before. Not even my brothers were privy to that information. And here he was accusing me of being dishonest with him. Tears filled my eyes. I couldn’t handle either of them right now. “Fuck you both! Get out of my house! NOW!” I screamed as tears seeped from my eyes.
Neither of them moved. They froze in place and whatever words were about to leave their lips suddenly died on their tongues. I stomped over to the door and swung it open. “I said, Get. Out.” This time, Jake was the first to heed my command. Ash followed behind him. As soon as they stepped out the door, I slammed and locked it. I internally cursed myself for giving Jake a key. With any luck, he might have left it in his room.
I needed to relax my tense muscles and soothe the hurt in my soul after Jake’s accusation. I took a few deep breaths then decided to draw myself a hot bath and get a glass of wine, or maybe I’d just take the whole bottle.
Once my bath was ready I slid into the tub. The water scalded my skin, turning it crimson. I ignored the burn and tried to relax. A few minutes later I was sipping on my wine as I bitched to Piper on the other end of my phone. It didn’t take me long to figure out that I wouldn’t be able to relax properly until I got all this off my chest. I poured out my pain and frustration, all the while Piper remained silent.
Piper surmised the whole situation in one sentence. “So what you’re saying is Jake is jealous of a gay guy and it’s turning him into an insensitive arsewipe?” she asked when I had finished venting.
The woman was a genius. I had turned the whole situation into a big complicated mess in my head, and she had it all worked out just like that. “Well, yeah, I guess so,” I replied, taking another sip of my wine.
“If you really want my advice, I’ll give it to you. But you may not like it,” she said.
I swallowed and worried my lip between my teeth before deciding that whatever she had to say would be worth hearing. She had never let me down in the advice department. “Hit me,” I responded.
Piper cleared her throat then launched into laying her opinion on me. “I’ve been noticing changes in Ash over the last few months. I think you should put some stock in what he told you. I honestly think he has developed feelings for you. Whether it is platonic or something deeper, I’m not sure, but there has definitely been a shift in him.
“And Jake, can you honestly blame the guy for getting all caveman on you? You said it’s been like twelve years since you two were together. That’s a frigin’ long-arse time, Pix, to be separated from the love of your life. I know you didn’t tell me that that’s what he is, but it’s clear as day on both your faces when you look at each other, there is nobody else in the room. You two are soul mates. So cut the guy some slack.
“I know you’re worried about Ash’s feelings in all this, and really, so am I. He’s clearly struggling with your new relationship with Jake. But honey, I hate to say this, however I think you’re going to have to choose. Jake is not going to be okay with Ash being in your life. And it’s probably going to be easier on Ash if you put some distance between the two of you.”
My heart was in my throat. I already knew I would do whatever I had to do in order to keep Jake. But I couldn’t stand the thought of hurting Ash. He had been such a big part of my life here, I owed him a lot. I thought about the painting he did for me that I had hanging on the wall of my living room. When he gave it to me it showed me just how well he knew me without me even realizing it. He saw me; all the things I tried to hide about myself, he saw them.
“Pix, honey, you haven’t drowned in the tub, have you?” Piper asked.
I heaved a heavy sigh. “No,” I whined.
“You’re a big girl, Pix, you don’t need me to tell you what to do. I was just telling you how I see it. But you’re more…what’s the word I’m looking for? Sensitive! That’s it, you’re more sensitive than I am. So I know this situation is weighing down on you,” she replied.
I shrugged, even though I knew she couldn’t see me. “I know, but you always help me gain perspective. That and you’re a hardass, you have this uncanny way of cutting through the shit and laying it out simply. I’ll talk to Jake about it when he comes home.”
Piper laughed down the phone. “Yeah, about that. He moved in?”
I went to take another sip of my wine and realized my glass was empty. I reached over the side of the tub where I had left the bottle and refilled my glass as I talked. “Yeah, he moved in the other week. He was staying in a crappy hotel and I have a spare room, so it made sense. We get to spend a bit more time together getting to know each other again.”
“Between the sheets, you mean.” I could picture Piper bouncing her eyebrows as she made that remark.
“No, actually, I wanted to take it slow, and he’s been really good about it. I already know the chemistry between us is still strong, but I wanted to make sure we actually liked each other still. You know, without the haze that amazing sex casts over making decisions like this,” I told her honestly.
I heard her gasp. “You haven’t had sex with him yet? Are you for real? I would have climbed him like a tree as soon as I got him behind closed doors if I were you. How are you even functioning with all that built-up sexual frustration going on?”
Laughter bubbled from deep in my belly. “Bob has been getting a workout, let me tell you!”
Piper and I talked and laughed for another twenty minutes before I ended the call. My bath water was lukewarm and my bottle of wine was empty. Rolling my shoulders and stretching my neck felt amazing. The water had sufficiently relaxed my tight muscles, or maybe it was the wine.
I was glad I had talked it all out with Piper. I now knew what I had to do. Even though I hated the thought of hurting Ash, it was the only way. I got out of the bath with newfound determination. Up until this point, I hadn’t been placing too much faith in my relationship with Jake moving forward and becoming anything permanent. I guess I was just waiting for him to disappoint me like every other man in my life had.
But that wasn’t Jake, and it wasn’t fair to saddle him with my fears. He knew me. He would never hurt me. I had to start treating this thing between us as more than a passing infatuation. Deep down, I knew that I truly loved Jake. I always had. And I was pretty sure he still loved me too. I had to remove the boundaries I had placed between us for the sake of my own self-preservation.
I got out of the tub and wrapped a fluffy grey towel around my body and swung the bathroom door open to find Jake sitting on the floor leaning against the wall. His gaze was full of worry, but the longer he returned my stare, something else began to cloud his beautiful green eyes. Lust.
The more time I spent with Pixie, the harder it was for me to control myself around her. I constantly wanted to touch her. To smooth my hands over her enticing body, to run my hands through her long, colorful locks. My craving for her got worse each day. And now, here she stood before me in nothing but a towel. Wet tendrils of hair fell over her shoulders and I watched the droplets of water run down her chest, disappearing between her cleavage.
I got to my feet with the intention of walking away before I gave in to the urge to follow the path that drop of water had just travelled with my tongue. I turned down the hall to retreat to my room when I felt her tiny hands wrap around my wrist, stopping me dead in my tracks.
“Where are you going?” she asked me.
I had always been honest with her, about everything. And even though it was beginning to look like she hadn’t paid me the same courtesy, I wasn’t going to let that change how I acted towards her. “I’m going to my room so I don’t fuck you senseless right here in the hallway. Is that okay with you?”
I heard her breath catch and turned to look over my shoulder at her. She was clutching the knot in the front of her towel with her free hand. “No,”
she whispered, then dropped her towel.
Holy sweet baby Jesus. I was stunned into silence. I hadn’t seen her glorious body since the last time we parted ways. She was truly stunning. I blinked rapidly, trying to decipher if I was having some kinky dream, but each time I opened my eyes, she was still standing there. Her cheeks flushed with color, sending a blush down her neck.
My dick was hard instantly.
Finally finding my tongue, I managed to put a few words together. “What are you doing?” I murmured.
“You asked if it was okay to go to your room instead of fucking me, I said no,” she replied with so much confidence, my dick hardened even more.
I swallowed past the lump that had just formed in my throat. “You want me, right here, in the hall?” I asked her. I had no intention of doing that when I said it; I thought the crudeness of my words would have sent her running and left me to go wank in my room.
She replied with a single nod.
“Why?” I had to ask. What could have changed since she kicked me and dickwad out this afternoon?
A single brow lifted at my question. “You really want to talk about this now, while I’m standing here naked, offering myself to you?”
No, not really. I’d much rather be balls deep in her right now, but I needed to know this wasn’t her trying to apologize or something stupid like that. I wasn’t going anywhere, even if she thought she had scared me off this afternoon. I knew she was hurt by what I had said, and I’d take it back if I could.
“Trust me when I say I would rather have you pinned against that wall, sinking my length deep inside of you, than be having this conversation. But I need to know why you want this first,” I told her, hoping she understood just how much I wanted her but also that I needed to know why she wanted this.
She captured the corner of her bottom lip between her teeth for a moment, then answered me. “I’m taking the walls down, Jake. No more trying to protect myself from you. I know you would never hurt me, not intentionally. It just took me a while to realize, is all. Deep down I knew it, but insecurity and all that got the better of me.”