Hawke: Christmas in Paradise (Billionaire Boys Club)

by Ellie Masters

  I spent the first of many nights at Jack Conte’s place. Turns out, Mother gave Candace the keys and codes to my penthouse.

  I haven’t had sex in two months. If it’s not going to be with Quinn, I’m not interested.

  For the few nights after Candace chased me out of my penthouse, I stayed with Jack. He’s excited about MindScapeVR and what it can do for his medical practice. A phone call to Steve Calloway and we’re excited by the entertainment possibilities. With Quinn’s adaptive learning capability, there’s no limit to what we can do in the virtual world. Steve’s already thinking about a new resort venture, one catering to the gaming community. I’m right there with him. Between the three of us, there’s more than enough to launch MindScapeVR into the future.

  All I need now is to get Quinn on board.

  First, I have to explain myself and hope I haven’t completely ruined what we had.

  All I’m waiting on is a phone call, which will tell me the hundreds of thousands I’ve sunk into finding Cherise are worth it. Jack’s the one who hooked me up with Guardian Hostage Rescue Specialists. My needs are a little outside their typical wheelhouse, but we worked something out. Cherise isn’t technically a hostage, but she is missing to me.

  Mother turned over guardianship to a trust. I’ve been systematically building my legal case to tear all that down. But I can’t do anything until I know Cherise is safe. If that means I have to kidnap her, or pay someone to do it for me, so be it. I consider Cherise to be a hostage in need of rescuing.

  Any minute and I’ll get the call. It’s risky coming here before knowing Cherise is in safe hands, but I can’t spend one more minute away from Quinn.

  I knock softly on the bathroom door.

  “Hey there. Do you think we could talk?” Fingers crossed she says yes.

  “There’s really nothing to talk about.” She tries to hide a soft sob, but I feel it. I feel it all the way in my soul. I hurt her.

  “I have a few things I need to tell you.” I place my palm on the door and lean my forehead against it.

  “You don’t need to tell me anything.”

  The door opens, and I nearly fall into her. I brace myself on the door jamb as she stands inches from my face. Her light floral scent floods my senses. She overwhelms me, and all I can do is stare as my heart races.

  She looks up at me with her gorgeous eyes and gives a long, slow blink. Red-rimmed, she’s been crying. When I reach out to cup her cheek, she draws back.

  “Please, don’t.”

  “I just want to touch you.”

  “I don’t want you to touch me.”

  “Why?”

  “You know why.” She takes in a deep breath and presses her lips together. “Do you mind?” She gestures for me to stand aside. I do, and she marches right past me.

  Numbly, I follow her to the table stacked with papers and the three envelopes I placed in her mail earlier. Quinn gathers up the papers, the envelopes, and shoves them out at me as she sniffs away her tears. Glassy-eyed, new tears are building.

  I hate that I’m the cause of any of her pain. When I don’t take the stack of papers, she gives them a little flick.

  “Take them.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t want it.” She closes the distance between us and smashes the envelopes and papers against my chest. Her eyes close, and two lonely tears track down her cheeks. I catch the papers as she steps away.

  “I’m not taking these back, if that’s what you’re trying to do. That money is for MindScapeVR.”

  “I don’t think we should be in business together.”

  Behind her, all the color drains out of Tom’s face. I glance over her shoulder and get his attention. “Tom, do you mind?” I hold out the mess of papers to him. Tom takes the papers off my hands and shuffles them back into some semblance of order. “Do you mind if I have a word alone with Quinn?”

  He looks to Quinn, who surprises the hell out of me by giving him the okay. She could kick me out. I deserve it. Hell knows I deserve it, but I’ve done the best I can.

  As soon as Tom leaves, Quinn grabs at her stomach again.

  “Do I need to take you to the hospital?” I’m concerned.

  “Thanks, but it’s nothing. It usually passes in just a little bit.” She retreats to a gently worn sofa that’s seen better days and lies down. Her arm immediately goes over her face. “What do you want? Why are you here?”

  My phone vibrates with an incoming text,a text which brings a smile to my face. Nothing’s stopping me now.

  “I want to talk about Cherise, and why I had to tell you to go.”

  It’s hard holding back my excitement. My sister is in the custody of Guardian HRS. She’s safe and will remain that way. I’m officially her legal guardian. Celebration will happen later. Right now, I need to reclaim the other half of my soul.

  Quinn peeks at me from under her arm. “You mean Candace?”

  “Well yeah, I guess her too.” There’s no place for me to sit, seeing how Quinn takes up the entire couch. I yank one of the chairs away from the table and drag it over.

  “Congratulations.”

  “Huh?”

  “On your engagement?”

  “About that.” I blow out a frustrated breath and drag my hand down my face. “Look, do you mind moving your arm. It feels weird talking to you like this.”

  “I’m not really interested in talking to you at all.” But she drops her arm. “You know, I thought what Scott did to me was the worst thing imaginable, but you really took the cake. What you did is far worse.”

  “I need you to let me explain, then I’ll beg.”

  “Beg?”

  “For forgiveness. A second chance. Hell, I’m ready to grovel. What I did when I told you to leave is unforgivable. I need to tell you why.”

  “There is no why that will make any difference, Hawke. You turned your back to me and told me to leave. I’ve never felt so used and abandoned. You did more than hurt me. You destroyed me.”

  “I know, and I’m sorry, but I had no choice. Please, let me explain. I didn’t have a chance to do that at the time. You deserved an explanation right then. An explanation I didn’t give because my mother…”

  “Your mother is a piece of work. I’ve seen people with cold hearts, but she puts an iceberg to shame.” Her brows pinch together. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t say that about your mother.”

  “No, you pretty much hit the nail on the head. My mother is a cold-hearted bitch.” Her eyes widen. She shifts position on the couch, turning toward me. Her sparkling gaze warms me up from the inside out. “I’ve missed you.” I can’t help it. I reach for her, but Quinn shifts away.

  “You don’t have the right to miss me.” She sniffles again.

  “I want to show you something.” I pull up my phone and pop open the picture from the text I just got.

  “I’m not interested.”

  “Please, it’s a picture of my twin sister, Cherise. She’s the reason I…” I rub at my face, getting tongue-tied. I’m usually much more sure of myself. Quinn, however, makes me nervous. She’s probably the only person on the planet with the ability to destroy me.

  Like you destroyed her.

  I lean back, defeated by Quinn’s unwillingness to talk to me. Not that I blame her.

  “Twin sister?” She peeks up at me.

  “Yes, Cherise is my twin. It’s a long story, but my cold-hearted mother is a good place to start. Can you please sit and let me explain why I did what I did?”

  “I get dizzy when I sit. I’m listening.”

  “I hope you don’t have anywhere to be. It’s kind of a long story.”

  “I have time.” She cracks an eye and looks up at me.

  “I don’t really know where to start.”

  “The beginning is usually the best place.”

  “That might take a while. I wish we had more time together before everything fell apart. I have a lot to explain.”

  “You’d better hurr
y up. I’ll probably be puking again in about ten minutes.”

  “Well, the beginning—I guess that begins when I was five. You see, there was an accident…” I settle back in my chair and tell Quinn all the horrible details about the accident, which took Cherise from me. I relive all the years of mother doting on Cherise while punishing me. Through it all, Quinn remains silent. When I get to the part about Mother taking Cherise and hiding her from me, Quinn’s breath hitches. She knows before I tell her and swings her legs around on the couch. Tears fall freely down her cheeks, and she lets them fall.

  “How could someone be that cruel?”

  “That’s a question I’ve asked my entire life.” I reach out, and this time she gives me her hand. I hold her hand with reverence, stunned and relieved. I scoot around to sit beside her but wind up shifting her onto my lap. “I’ve missed you so much.”

  “Why didn’t you try to contact me?” Quinn lays her cheek against my chest and places her palm over the beating of my heart. “I thought you threw me away, and then when the engagement announcement came about Candace, I thought that was why.”

  “I can see how that may be confusing. Cherise is not Candace. I want you to meet my sister. She’s amazing.”

  “It sounds like you love her very much.”

  “I love you very much.”

  “You what?”

  “Yeah.” I give a soft laugh. “That kind of slipped out before I had a chance to stop it, but I’ve known for a while now.”

  “So, do you mean it, or not?” She scoots off my lap. Her hands rub at her upper arms.

  “Not that I expect you to believe me, but I love you very much. Each day without you in my life is a living death.”

  “Living death?” She laughs. “You need to work on your metaphors.”

  “Well, I’m kind of winging it here. I love you. Not having you around hurts, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and I don’t really understand it. We only spent a few days together, but I see you in my life.”

  She twists around and folds her legs beneath her. It places space between us, but I’ll take it. She’s not kicking me out. “Tell me again why you had to tell me to leave.”

  Over the next hour, I tell her everything. From Mother’s threats, the conditions of my father’s will, to Cherise’s love of orchids. Tom never returns. He’s a smart guy. I’ll have to tell him thanks later.

  “It feels good.” I draw her tight against my chest.

  “What does?”

  “Talking.” I kiss her forehead. “We never really talked much. I feel like we skipped a lot of important steps.” The urge to tell her my thoughts about our future overwhelms me, but I say nothing.

  “I like it too.” She places her hand on my arm. “I’ve missed you.”

  “Can you forgive me for putting you through hell? I know it doesn’t matter why. What I did to you was wrong. I want to make it up to you, and I want you in my life. I meant what I said.”

  “Which part?”

  “All of it, but especially the part where I love you.” I draw her into my lap again and wrap my arms around her. “Please say you forgive me.”

  “I forgive you, but I’m not so sure it’s going to be easy to forget. I feel really lost right now. My trust in men is really shot.”

  “Then I’ll make it up to you, if you’ll let me.”

  “I’d like that, but I think you’re going to have a much harder time with my brothers.” Her answer isn’t exactly what I’m hoping for, but I’ll take it.

  “I’ll find a way to convince them.”

  “Good luck.” She snuggles against me and closes her eyes. “I miss this.” A heavy sigh escapes her, and her body relaxes.

  My work is cut out for me. Somehow, I need to convince Quinn I mean what I say. One idea comes to mind, but it’s risky. I say nothing else and simply enjoy the simple act of holding the woman I love in my arms.

  Thirty-Eight

  Quinn

  The slow, steady beat of Hawke’s heart lulls me to sleep. I’m not really sure when I fell asleep, or how long he held me while I did, except I wake to the press of his warm lips to my forehead.

  “Quinn, I need you to get up.”

  “Huh?” I rub at sleepy eyes.

  “Hey, sleepy head.” The rich tones of his voice send shivers down my spine. His simple existence is enough to light all my senses on fire.

  “How long was I out?”

  “Long enough to make my legs go to sleep, and I kind of need to take a pi—um, use the restroom.”

  “Sorry.” I slip off his lap and stretch while he massages his legs.

  “I still feel like I’m dreaming.” His husky laugh sends a tremor down my spine. Memories of his voice telling me to do certain, other things, brings a steady throb to other parts of my body. Our connection feels tenuous, with all the shit that’s happened, but it’s still there.

  Unbreakable.

  “Bathroom is the first door on the left.” I glance outside and give a start. “What time is it?”

  “Late enough for me to take you to dinner.” He rubs the back of his neck. “That is, if you’ll let me.”

  “I’d like that very much.” I fold my knees to my chest. “Hawke?”

  “Yeah?”

  “When I said I forgive you, I mean it. The not forgetting part isn’t meant to make things awkward. I don’t want any weirdness between us. It’s just that it’s going to take time to process. I have a lot of anger I’ve been dealing with. I just need time to sort through it.”

  “I’ll give you all the time you need. This isn’t exactly the way I thought things would be between us.” He gets up and heads for the restroom, which leaves me to consider what I want to happen next.

  I don’t want things to be awkward. I’d really like for things to go back to the way they were. The question in my head is how do I do that? He wants to take me to dinner, which is great, but we’re still kind of in a weird place.

  My mind thinks back to the last day we were together. The pain and heartbreak when he told me to leave hurts. That’s not something I want to focus on. I’d rather rewind time to just before that shitstorm happened. He told me come New Year’s I would be his.

  I wasn’t.

  Do I want to be?

  This is the most important question.

  No, that’s not true. The question is whether I believe him. Do I trust him?

  Most definitely.

  Which means—I have a decision to make. Knowing how we work best, I’m going to close my eyes and jump right into the deep end. But first, I lock the outer door to the office.

  Knowing what I’m about to do makes me feel a little nauseous. Not sick to my stomach, but rather nervous as all fuck. The toilet flushes, and the water in the sink runs. If I’m really going to do this, it’s now or never.

  I move to the center of the room and wait. My stomach flutters like crazy as my nerves run wild. My heart is kind of in freeform panic. My hands shake, and I feel a little unsteady. The door opens, and I take in a deep breath. Then another.

  Hawke pauses at the edge of the room.

  “Quinn?” His brows draw together as he looks at me.

  “Do you remember what you said to me in the elevator? Before everything went to shit?”

  “I said a lot of things to you in the elevator.”

  “You said you couldn’t promise a forever…”

  “But I wanted to try.” He runs his hands through his hair. “I remember that very much.”

  “Do you remember what I said?”

  “You said a lot of things.” The timbre of his voice changes, getting deeper and coarser by the second. He stays right where he is, yet I feel every bit of him lick my skin. “What thing in particular are you thinking about?”

  “You said that I was yours.”

  “I remember that.” His breath hitches, and those golden eyes of his simmer with lust. “Is this recap of our elevator fuck going somewhere, or is this just a way to punish me for pus
hing you away?”

  “I’m not punishing you, but simply wondering if you meant it.”

  “Love, I meant every word. Things just got fucked up.”

  “Then let’s un-fuck them.”

  “Un-fuck?” His smoldering gaze sweeps my body, and I’m well aware of the thin shirt I’m wearing.

  “You told me that I was yours.”

  “I did.”

  “Then you told me you were taking what’s yours.”

  “I did.” He rubs the back of his neck again. “Where are you going with this?”

  “Well, I’m yours, which means…”

  “Quinn…” Raw and aroused, he growls my name.

  “I want to go back to that elevator and reset everything from there.”

  “Reset?”

  “Yes, ignore everything that came after. If I’m yours, then take me. Fast and hard, or slow and sweet, whatever way you need me. I don’t want to suffer through an awkward dinner. If I’m yours, prove it. Take me.”

  “Fuck. You sure this is what you want?”

  I pull my shirt over my head. Slide my pants over my hips and kick them off my feet. I strip for him, watching the pull of his breath grow more and more ragged. I give him a long hard stare as I remove my bra and slip off my panties.

  He stares at me, the expression on his face growing more and more wild as the seconds tick past. Naked, I glide toward him, practically floating on air.

  He won’t initiate. Hawke is a man who takes. He’s brutal when he fucks. But that’s because he’s a confident man who’s used to taking what he wants. With me, he’s cautious. Expressing his love shifted the balance of our relationship, putting power in my hands. He’s on unsure footing after everything that happened. We need to shift the balance of power back to him. I know one sure way to make that happen.

  I approach until I’m arm’s length from him. His entire body shakes as he takes me in. His gaze sweeps my body while I close the distance, but now he focuses on my eyes. In that golden glow, I know I’m everything to him. I bite my lower lip and listen to the hitching of his breath.