Wild

by Sophie Jordan

  She tossed her head back in laughter, her dark hair shaking all around her. “Oh, you’re going to blame Logan for this?”

  “No. I’m not saying that.” I closed my eyes tightly in a pained blink. “It’s not his fault. It’s mine. I let myself get caught up in—” I stopped and swallowed. I wasn’t about to confess to Logan’s obviously jealous best friend that I was in love with him. “I came here tonight for him.” No matter how much I kidded myself, it was for Logan. “And now here I am. If this isn’t proof that I need to let whatever this is just die between us then I don’t know what is.”

  “I agree.” She nodded, dropping her head against the backseat. “That sounds like a fanfuckingtastic idea. I can’t imagine a better graduation gift. You’re no good for him.”

  “And I suppose you’re what he deserves?”

  “Oh, I know he’s too good for me. But you? You’re too much of a coward to even own up to how you feel about him. I can resign myself to not having him as long as he’s not with you.”

  Her words pelted me like jagged rock, but in her face I saw that she was as much of a coward as I was. She was in love with her best friend and she had never dared to confess that to him either. I could have pointed that fact out to her, but I decided to spare her. Logan didn’t love her. Not in the way she wanted him to. Nothing would change that so why remind her?

  Instead, I let her continue to vent her spleen on me. “He’s about to leave for college and he’ll meet girls who don’t look down their noses at him. And someday when he’s playing in the majors and you’re living your little boring suburban existence, you can tell all your little country club friends that once upon a time you banged Logan Mulvaney.”

  I wanted to argue. Wanted to open my mouth and explain that I didn’t look down my nose at him . . . that I knew he was good. He was honest and real, but he lived his life outside the box and I had to stay inside mine.

  Swallowing past the words, I inhaled, the odor of days-old sweat filling my nostrils. Another smell tickled my nose. The faint, coppery edge of blood. I scooted forward on the seat, hating for any part of me to touch anything in the back of the police car.

  Turning, I dropped my forehead against the cool glass of the window. I stared into the night as we pulled out of the driveway past the gawking onlookers. Glancing down, I noticed my too-tight dress has ridden up indecently high on my thighs, but there was nothing I could do about it, and this just made me feel more helpless than ever. I flexed my fingers behind me where my hands were trapped.

  I should have gone home this summer like always.

  Right here at this moment, on the way to jail, why I stayed seemed kind of minor and petty. To avoid Mom talking about Harris? To pretend I was something I wasn’t and do wild things like go to a kink club and have no-strings sex? Clearly, I’d failed on the whole no-strings sex. I’d gotten myself trapped and tangled in those strings . . . tangled up in Logan Mulvaney. I’d taken what should have been fun and casual and made it serious. I wasn’t made for casual.

  Rachel sighed and I glanced at her. “I was imagining handcuffs tonight, but nothing like this,” she muttered.

  I looked back out the window again, a sob trapped in my chest that refused to rise and spill. I kept it locked up in there—with the rest of me.

  “YOU’RE FREE TO GO.”

  I looked up from where I sat on cold concrete in the holding cell. It was me with all the other girls from last night—in addition to one very inebriated self-proclaimed prostitute named Darcy who wanted to know where I bought my dress.

  “Not you.” The female officer waved at Darcy when she popped up from the bench and wobbled on her dangerously high high-heels. “Everyone else.”

  Darcy plopped back down with a curse, stretching out her long legs. Her knees looked like someone had taken a cheese grater to them and I shuddered to think how they got that way.

  “Hey, Blondie,” she called to me and made a pretend phone out of her fingers. “Call me. We’ll hang.”

  I winced and waved good-bye.

  Facing the guard at the door, I asked, “So all of us can leave?” I glanced at Annie, thinking it a coincidence that we were all being released at the same time. “All of our friends are here to pick us up then?”

  It had taken a couple hours to process us. The indignity of having our mug shots and fingerprints taken would stay with me for a long time. After that we had been allowed our phone calls. Annie called her roommate. I don’t know who Rachel called. I called Emerson. I knew she would come running and had no issue bringing bail money. Emerson hadn’t asked any questions. Not what I did to get landed in jail. Nothing. She simply said she was on her way and hung up the phone.

  I knew if I called Pepper she would have come, too, but I wasn’t ready to face her and Reece and explain that I had been arrested with Logan at a kink club. That on top of everything just made me feel slightly ill.

  They’d hear about it soon enough, I’m sure. That secret was too big to keep from them, but I was hoping to get out of this dress first. Maybe take a shower and grab a few hours of rest. The peaceful oblivion of sleep sounded like a luxury above and beyond a trip to Paris right now.

  The officer shrugged. “I don’t know. You’re free to go though. The charges are dropped.”

  “Dropped?” I echoed, stopping in my tracks.

  “Thank God,” Annie erupted, lurching forward.

  “How?” I asked, skepticism leaking out in my voice.

  “Who cares?” Annie hissed, closing a hand around my arm. “Let’s get out of here.”

  The officer answered me though. “Turns out one of your friends confessed that he broke into the house and didn’t tell any of you. We’re letting all of you go and holding him.”

  Him. Andy, of course. I knew without having to be told. I guess I should be grateful he did the right thing and admitted that we were all innocent.

  “See!” Annie exclaimed, eyes flashing. “We should sue.”

  The officer’s lips thinned and she looked tempted to slide the cell door shut on us again.

  “Annie,” I tugged on her arm. “Let’s go.”

  By the time we were all discharged with our few belongings returned to us, predawn light was creeping in through the blinds of the police precinct. I didn’t see Logan or any of the other guys from last night around and I figured they had already been released. Or maybe we were being released first and they were now getting discharged.

  When we stepped out into the lobby, Emerson was there waiting for me.

  And so was Pepper.

  I groaned internally. Reece and Shaw stood behind them. Mortification washed over me. This was the scene I had wanted to avoid.

  “Georgia, are you all right?” Emerson and Pepper stopped before me, looking me up and down. Here, in the fluorescent light of the police station, my dress looked even more shocking. I’m sure I looked like a train wreck . . . hair a mess, makeup smeared.

  “I’m fine. It was a mix-up. The party . . .” I didn’t feel like admitting at the moment that I had gone back to the kink club. I was satisfied to just call it a party. “Well, the guy throwing it broke into the house . . .”

  “Yeah. It’s all over campus.” Emerson nodded, her eyes wide.

  My stomach twisted sickly. “It is?”

  “Yeah, on the news, too,” Pepper added, looking grim.

  “Oh, God. On the news? W-why?” I shook my head, wondering why something like this was so noteworthy.

  “Really, Georgia?” Emerson looked at me as if it should be evident. “A sex club broke into the Dartford dean of students’ house. You think that wouldn’t get out? Just tell me. Was Chippy the Squirrel there?”

  Emerson’s attempt at humor fell flat.

  Acid surged up my throat. Clearly, there was no keeping the kink club a secret. “The dean of students?”

 
If Andy was in front of me right now I would seriously throat-punch the guy.

  “Georgia, are you all right? What were you doing there?” Pepper’s brow knitted with worry. “This is so not like you.”

  That’s right. Stepping outside the box wasn’t like me. I looked from her to Reece. They made no mention of Logan, and I could only guess they didn’t know he was involved yet.

  Her gaze flicked back to my dress before returning to my face. “And you missed Emerson’s show. At the gallery in Boston, remember?”

  I closed my eyes with a groan. I had totally forgotten. On top of getting arrested, I sucked as a friend. Another consequence for living life outside my box. “I forgot. Em, I’m so sorry.”

  She shook her head. “Forget about it. It’s okay.”

  Rachel chose that moment to join us.

  Craptastic. Things kept getting better.

  Reece looked at her, then me. His nostrils flared and he swung his stare around the room, clearly searching for his brother. “Where is he?”

  I shook my head miserably.

  Rachel laughed. “Guess you weren’t his one call.”

  “Logan was there, too?” Pepper asked.

  Annoyance started to prick at my nerves. “Look, I appreciate y’all coming here, but I only called Em.” I so did not feel like a group interrogation this morning.

  Pepper looked crushed, so I amended my tone, wondering why I was tiptoeing so much around them. They weren’t my parents. And I’m the one who spent the night in jail with a prostitute who wanted wardrobe advice for a crime I didn’t commit. “It was a mix-up. They let us go. They’re not pressing charges.”

  This didn’t alter their expressions. Emerson and Shaw looked at me like I was some kind of curious creature that might perform tricks for them. Pepper just looked worried, as though I might spew pea soup next. Reece looked tense and unhappy, ready to rip into his brother at the first opportunity. Which was right about now.

  Logan and the other guys emerged through the doors. His gaze took in the group of us at once. He hesitated before shaking his head slightly and walking over to us, resignation clear on his face.

  He looked slightly rumpled, exactly like he had slept on a bench in a police holding cell. His gaze fixed on me. “You okay?” he asked, his voice low, intimate, even though everyone was watching, listening.

  I nodded, an inexplicable lump rising to my throat.

  He glanced next at Rachel. She shrugged with a wry grin. “Sure. What’s a night in the slammer? Our new friend Darcy gave me her pimp’s number in case I ever need a job.”

  Logan rolled his eyes at her joke.

  “What the fuck, Logan? I’m pretty sure getting arrested could cost you your scholarship.”

  Logan settled cool blue eyes on his brother. “Yeah, if I was actually charged with anything. It was a misunderstanding.”

  “A misunderstanding that landed you and Georgia in jail.”

  “Me, too,” Rachel piped in with an overly bright smile. “Not that anyone cares.”

  Reece turned his blistering gaze on Rachel. “Considering you were the one to get him involved in that club in the first place, no, I don’t really give a rat’s ass.”

  “Back off,” Logan growled.

  Rachel shrugged. “It’s all right. He’s not wrong. Of course he shouldn’t care about me. I’ll go wait for my ride outside.”

  I watched Rachel go, for some reason wanting to call her back. I felt bad for her.

  “Reece.” Pepper touched his arm.

  Reece looked down at her and then back at Logan. Remorse clouded his face, which he quickly chased off in favor of looking obstinate again. “When are you going to start making smart choices, man? I get that you and Rachel have been friends a long time, but you can’t let her drag you down anymore.”

  “You don’t get it. Rachel is family. When you left me with Dad, I didn’t have anyone. She was there. She understood.”

  Reece nodded at me. “And what about Georgia? You gonna ruin her life right along with yours?”

  I jerked at the reference to me. “Don’t drag me into your family drama,” I whispered, the quiet of my voice capturing my churning anger. I had my own shit to deal with.

  “Reece,” Pepper snapped, looking at me with apology in her eyes.

  “I don’t stick my nose in your personal life,” Logan reminded him, facing off with Reece. “I never have. I’m almost nineteen. A little late to be playing the father role now.”

  Both brothers looked ready to take a swing at each other. Right there in the middle of the police station. Not the best move.

  I squeezed between the two of them, so pissed. “No one can ruin my life.” I can do that all by myself. “And your brother isn’t ruining his. Shit happens. This was just one of those things.”

  I looked at Logan then. His broad chest lifted with breaths. He stared down at me, his gaze unreadable, but I felt like he was waiting for me to say something. Do something.

  I moistened my lips and repeated myself, my voice small and only for his ears. “This was just one of those things,” I repeated, shaking my head, silently beseeching him to understand.

  Comprehension crossed his face, and then his eyes iced over.

  I meant more than getting tossed in jail. I meant us. We were just one of those things. Something that happened without logic. Or planning. Like a meteor hitting the earth, leaving its impact forever deep, a scar on the ground that would never heal.

  “So we’re just one of those things,” he clarified, not bothering to keep his voice at a whisper. He laughed then. A short bark of laughter that held no humor. I cringed and shot a quick glance around to our friends. They looked as uncomfortable as I felt. “You’re right, Georgia,” he announced. “That’s all we are. The shit that happens.”

  I flinched. Hearing him confirm my words hurt more than I could have imagined. I tried to speak but it felt like I was choking on rocks. My hands opened and closed at my sides, dying to reach out and touch him.

  “We can never be anything else.” He nodded once, his jaw rock solid. “Not until you figure out your shit and grow up.”

  His words rippled through me and settled like a writhing serpent in my belly. I needed to grow up? Shock and indignation spiked through me. And fear. Fear that he was right. Fear that he was more of an adult here, owning his feelings, and I was the little girl still afraid of making a misstep, disappointing my parents when they weren’t even here to witness my actions.

  “And I can’t sit around waiting for that to happen anymore.” He angled his head, resignation hard in his eyes. “Good-bye, Georgia.” His gaze flicked to his brother, his voice flat. “Can I get a lift?”

  Reece nodded, his eyebrows drawn tightly over his eyes in concern as he looked between Logan and me. Without another glance at me, Logan walked out of the precinct, taking my heart with him.

  “Georgia . . .” Pepper squeezed my hand, her heart in her eyes. Shaking her head sadly, she released my hand and followed Reece and Logan out.

  Turning, I faced Emerson with a smile that felt as brittle as glass. The ache in my chest went so deep I had to fight wrapping my arms around my middle to keep myself from splintering apart. I just had to get out of this place. I just needed to shut myself in my apartment before I crumbled. “So. Can I get a ride?”

  She nodded, her vivid blue eyes wide and absorbing on my face. “Sure.”

  I walked out of the precinct, commanding my legs to move, to hold it together, to follow Em and Shaw to their car.

  Chapter 20

  I SHOWERED WHEN I got back to the loft, functioning like a robot, not thinking, not allowing myself to feel. When I approached anything that resembled emotion, the pain was too raw, too deep. I stuffed it far down inside me, right alongside the image of Logan walking away from me.

  I ate a slice
of cold, leftover pizza, which settled like cardboard in my stomach, and then collapsed into bed, sleeping twelve hours straight. When I woke, it was dark and I fumbled for my phone to see what time it was: 8:19 P.M. stared back at me. So did nine missed calls and countless text messages.

  Pepper. Emerson. Suzanne. Mom. My sister even. No Logan, though, and pain that shouldn’t be there sliced my chest.

  I started scrolling through the texts. One from Em caught my attention because it was all in caps. GO CHECK YOUR FB PAGE!!

  My heart slid into a faster rhythm as I jumped over to Facebook on my phone. I didn’t regularly visit my page. Given that I wasn’t very active, I didn’t get a lot of interaction there.

  As soon as my wall popped up a strangled sound ripped from my throat. There I was in my blue dress, handcuffed beside Logan and being led from the dean of students’ house. There were multiple pictures for all the world to see. Well, all my world, anyway. All my followers.

  Friends, fellow students I slightly knew but whose friend requests I had obligatorily accepted, were LOLing and OMGing all over my wall. I was getting dancing and laughing emoticons and things like:

  WTG!

  High-five!

  You dirty girl!

  Didn’t know you had it in you!

  Crazy biatch, why didn’t you invite me to the party?

  I know who I want to party with!

  Who’s the hottie with you???

  As fast as I could I deleted all the posts and then I sat there in the dark, heart hammering so hard I thought I might pass out.

  What were the odds that any family member saw it?

  I wasn’t an asthmatic, but right then I thought I needed an inhaler.

  With a trembling hand, I lifted my phone back up and stared at my missed calls. Four from my mother. One from my sister. Their voicemails were there, beckoning.

  Why, oh, why had I taken a nap? If I had been awake I could have deleted the posts as soon as they appeared and no one would have likely seen them. At least no one in Muskogee, Alabama.

  You still don’t know anyone from home saw them.