“I grill. Not married yet. You were rusty on the field. Have you switched up your sports?”
“Nope, baseball and football forever, baby.”
We high-fived, and both broke into riotous laughter then remembered we needed to be quiet for Maeve. When we calmed, he closed his hand on mine and held it for a second before releasing it.
“Do you have a special someone back in LA?”
“No. I spent most of my time trying to run my business. I had to make contacts with web designers, work on branding, come up with dress concepts, and meet with people who ran different clothing shops. It kept me busy. I always had to pitch and sell myself. I never relaxed.” If I had I would’ve known how lonely I was.
“Sounds crazy. As you know, nothing moves fast here.”
“Except you and your cheesy lines,” I mused.
He shrugged and gave me a wicked grin. “They work.”
They only worked because he was hot.
He twirled one of my curls around his finger. “Oh, I’m going slow. When I’m ready, I’ll make a move.”
“What move?” I joked. “Or are you seeking another kissing lesson?”
I smiled at the old memory. Nathan and I behind the baseball field. Him, unusually shy. Me, not really knowing what to do but still overconfident. He’d tasted like spearmint gum.
If I closed my eyes, I could still taste it.
I shivered as he stroked his fingers down the edge of my jaw to my neck. “I’ve got better moves now.”
He flirted and teased, but did he mean any of what he said to me?
Our gazes locked, neither one of us willing to break away. Nathan’s gorgeous face was so warm and inviting. I couldn’t. The longer we stared, the more pieces inside me that I used to block myself from my true feelings for Nathan broke. My heart swelled and ached in my chest, weighted down with pain I had from losing him. The many times I’d woken alone in the night missing him holding me. How I’d give everything just to be this close to him. To feel his lips again.
Glancing at his sensual mouth, I leaned forward and pressed my mouth long and hard against his. He tasted of beer, sweet apple pie, and a faint taste of spearmint.
But he didn’t kiss me back.
My lips felt empty and lost. The small ball of pain in my chest grew. “I’m sorry—”
“Damn, Shadow.” His voice lost its steam. He pushed his hair back, and his Adam’s apple bobbed.
Kissing me was a step too far for him. We had only just turned friendly again. At least that was what I told myself, but the agony remained at his rejection. Things between us had changed, and clearly we couldn’t go back to what we had when Jackson was alive. But I wasn’t sorry.
“You’re making this hard,” he whispered, his voice strained.
“I’m not sorry I kissed you, Nathan. I’m sorry I left the way I did.” I lowered my eyelids. My fingers skimmed my lips.
His hand tugged my fingers down.
My eyes darted to his, and I buckled.
His eyes were dark with lust. His stare so penetrating, it stripped me naked.
My pulse was erratic, and my chin trembled as he tilted my head up to him. He lingered close, hovering slightly over my lips. “You look so innocent. You never understood what you did to me.” He put his hands on my cheeks and stroked them with his thumbs as he studied me.
“I do, Nathan,” I whispered hoarsely. You do the same to me.
He leaned forward and kissed me. Gentle at first, a slow, warm caress of his lips, like he was savoring the touch.
Then he grabbed my face in a haze of lust. A moan rose in my throat as the need for him erupted inside me. His kiss sparked a hunger like no other, and I was dry with thirst. I pressed my lips back harder, parted, and licked over the seam of his lips in a plea for more.
A low growl came from the back of his throat, his hands slid against my scalp and wrapped around my long hair and pulled, tilting my head back higher and where he wanted me. His tongue swept between my lips and, with skill, slid and stroked sensually against my own. Lifting my hands, I ran a palm down the rippled planes of his firm chest. He felt so good. I climbed on his lap and moved my hand down to cup his firm ass and squeezed.
He shuddered but broke the seal of our lips. He dropped his hands from holding my face and pulled my hand away.
“What are we doing?” he asked between pants, his question more directed at himself.
He could kiss me like he was fucking me, but a squeeze on his ass was too far?
I didn’t answer. I was dizzy, drunk on Nathan, and refilling my lungs that were out of breath.
His hands ran back through his hair. “We need . . . I brought you here to Maeve’s to keep you safe and give you a chance to straighten out your life. I won’t be the thing that complicates it.”
“I don’t feel complicated by your kiss.” I stroked the soft hair on his strong jaw, savoring the feel of the warmth of his skin underneath. My eyelids fluttered, and my heart rose from its spot. There was no one like Nathan.
He let out a sexy laugh. “I enjoyed kissing you too. But it complicates things with your case, your life. I wish more than anything that I wasn’t at the club that night.”
I swallowed and moved back on the couch, dropping my hand back to my lap. Nathan didn’t think of me as a drug dealer, but a user. I wasn’t his Shadow. I wasn’t good enough for him.
“Shana, what’s going on in your head that has you looking sad now?” he asked, his voice soft.
I hunched my shoulders and hid my eyes. “Just old thoughts. Anyway, I understand what you mean, Nathan. I have a lot on my plate.”
He sat back with his arms draped along the back of the couch, facing me. He gazed hard and long, drinking me in. “Damn. It feels so unreal. Having you here with me. So fucking beautiful . . .”
But too fucking messed up. I sighed heavily and lowered my eyelids. I know.
My phone buzzed, and I glanced at him.
“Go on and answer,” he told me.
My brows rose. I didn’t recognize the number. “Hello?”
“It’s Amber. I didn’t call sooner because I was afraid you wouldn’t take my call and hear me out. Please don’t hate me—”
“Do I hate you because you skipped town on a flight after I was arrested for drugs on a night out with you? Oh, I’m over it.” My tone was flat.
“It wasn’t like that. I had reservations for Cabo as part of a video series I planned to shoot. I had no idea that the drug thing would happen to you. I can’t believe your dad left you in jail. How are you?”
“Different. Jail changes a person,” I deadpanned.
“Still joking. Anyway, I got a weird call from my parents. They said you mentioned me, Brit, and everyone in a statement? Is that true? I mean, why would you do that? Your dad will handle this and make this go away. We don’t all need to be dragged into this. Brit is scared she’ll end up missing her wedding with some stupid trial.” Some stupid trial? Who does she think—
“Tell her she can fuck right the hell off,” Nathan said. Of course he’d been listening. He gave me cop eyes—astute, calculating.
“Who was that?” she asked.
“I have to go.” I frowned at Nathan.
“Wait, Shana. Please don’t hang up. When can we hang again?”
Is she for real? Why the hell would she want to hang with me? And I certainly didn’t want to hang with her. “I don’t know. Maybe when I’m not working off a crime I didn’t commit.” I hung up.
His eyes narrowed. “Why was Amber the first person you called when you arrived in Sunnyville?”
I shrugged. Amber was the only one who didn’t try to change me into my old self after Jackson died. She took me to the grave when everyone else was fed up and sat there for hours while I cried.
“She could still be a suspect,” Nathan pointed out and rose without my answering him. “You should rest.”
Our moment had passed. I followed Nathan out the door and watched him
walk down the tree-lined street to his home, a two-story, ornate craftsman with a wraparound porch. It had a pillared entry with an even lawn and shaped shrubs like all the homes on the street. He hadn’t mentioned his home or invited me there. Was I welcome to visit him too?
Returning to the spare bedroom at Maeve’s, I collapsed on the mattress. The bed was soft, but I tossed and turned. I didn’t sleep comfortably without sleeping pills because my mind raced on all my worries, unlike Jackson. He slept like a baby.
I never had to live without you, Shadow. I never had to watch you die.
His voice echoed in my head. I cursed myself and my inability to move forward and let go. Even in LA, I often used pills to help me sleep and wake up fully. Was I an addict?
I gave up and went to search for something to take. Easing my door open, I tiptoed across the carpeted floor in the hallway, and when the creaks were muffled, I walked the rest of the way into the bathroom. I opened Maeve’s medicine cabinet and saw she had a small bottle of over-the-counter headache pills. I took them down and unfastened the top.
“Head hurts?” Maeve said, appearing like a ninja in her robe at the door.
I shrugged, not wanting to lie to her. “I hoped a couple of these would help me sleep. They’re not something I’m being tested for.”
“If you’re having trouble sleeping, I have something better,” she said.
I put the pills back and crossed my arms. “Sure . . . okay.”
I followed her into the hall, and she opened a closet. On a shelf, she passed a pair of soft-tip headphones and pulled down a blanket that she seemed to struggle lifting.
“It’s a weighted blanket,” she said. “Go back to your room and let me show you how this magic works.”
I laughed and shook my head, but obeyed, lying on the bed like a child.
She opened a drawer and attached the headphones to an e-reader and tapped on it. “I’ve found adult cartoons good. Sometimes having something else in your ear can stop the worry voices from taking over. I’ll come back and remove them once you fall asleep.”
“You’re so certain,” I said with doubt in my voice.
“I have faith. Some find the weight soothing like you’re being held,” she said, lowering the heavy blanket down.
“I’m going to sweat too much for this,” I replied.
“I’ll turn up the air conditioner, and when I come for the headphones, I’ll pull it down. Deal?” she asked and winked at me.
I laughed. “You’re too much.”
“I’m enough, and I want you here with me,” Maeve said.
My eyes watered. “Thank you,” I whispered.
Maeve turned off the lights. All the chatter in my ear seemed consuming, but then I drifted. The weight of the blanket had me thinking of Nathan. I let myself imagine his strong arms around me, and for the first time in a long time, I fell into a deep, peaceful sleep. Staying here with Maeve was more than I could imagine. But with Nathan unsure and the drugs case over my head, could it last?
Shana
I didn’t see much of Nathan after the night we kissed. His lips brought longing. I could feel he still desired me as much as I wanted him, yet things were different. We were on opposite sides of the law, and I may have to go to jail. He felt nostalgia for the Shadow he missed, taking me to play baseball, kissing me into the night. I messed my life up with partying and drugs. I wasn’t the woman he missed. Sometimes, I think she died with her twin brother. All I knew was that I’d never be the woman he could claim as his own.
Maeve told me that he’d been busy and mostly stopped by to see her at work. Had he changed his routine? I’d only been at her place a week and could return to my parents. Though I didn’t want to.
Their house had become a mausoleum. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stay there. Neither could my parents. Mom spent all her time working on her projects all over town. And Dad spent most of his time in the guest house or golfing. They lived separate lives. Neither had summoned me to spend time with them, so I hadn’t. That Mom had wanted to talk to me about something was never mentioned.
Staying at Maeve’s turned out to be a godsend. She cooked and sang Enya’s Only Time so much I hummed it driving. Overall, she never once complained or asked much from me. Her meals rivaled the best restaurants in town. I did the cleaning and returned to jogging, which turned out to be hard without the legal speed and painkiller “medicinal” boost. I went from Usain Bolt to tortoise overnight. With few other options to fill my time or make money to pay Maeve, I went ahead with the orchestrated work.
The job my dad arranged was as a receptionist for the CEO of Orion-Tech corporation. My new boss never took much of an interest in my skillset. Still, with Narcotics Anonymous and community service starting, I couldn’t be choosy. I’d been training with the executive head assistant, Fawn, for the past few days. She showed me how to answer phones and take messages while she had all the planning and budget assessments work on her desk. Mr. Matheson, the CEO, was due to return from a trip, and she was anxious to show me how to work the coffee machine.
“You could show me how to do more,” I told her.
She shook her head. “The last temp messed up. He’s particular. Just make his coffee, no sugar, hot, but not scalding. The second he walks in, he expects you to hand it to him. Got it?”
Not long after, a spikey-haired man with white hair and a deep tan appeared. He wore a three-piece suit with highly polished shoes.
Fawn cleared her throat, eyed the coffee maker, and I sprang into action, filling his “special thermos” and handing it to him.
He patted my hand. “Very good. You’re off to a great start already.” His tone would have been more suited for praising a toddler. He turned to his other assistant. “Now keep it easy for Shana. I need her to last. You can show her how to stream movies to watch, but keep the volume down.”
She giggled. “Oh, Mr. Matheson, we wouldn’t do that on your time.” She spoke in a little girl’s voice.
“I’m here to work.” My voice was tinged with condescension, but I gave a big smile to sweeten it.
He scanned me from head to toe. With a frown, he disappeared with his coffee and briefcase behind his double doors. Fawn and I rolled our eyes together.
“Sorry. Mr. Matheson needs to feel like he’s the smartest person in the room at all times,” she said.
I nodded. I knew the type, just like my dad.
She looked up at me. “HR must have told you about the dress code.”
“Suits,” I said, gesturing down at my designer navy suit and crisp white shirt.
“He expects stockings and high heels every day. No flats like you have today. Just indulge him, and he’ll leave you alone.”
That worked for me.
The day went by slowly with nothing much to do. At lunch, I went to an NA meeting, then met my community officer, Marcos, who gave me my service assignment at Mamie Johnson group home. The choice had Nathan written all over it, but I didn’t protest.
On my way back to the office, Amber texted.
Amber: Please meet me at least for a chat.
Amber had called and texted me non-stop. I didn’t blame or want to see her. Would meeting with her get her off my back, though?
Shana: After work next week. I have a lot of stuff to do.
When I returned, I found Mr. Matheson by my desk.
“Have I forgotten to do something?” I asked.
“The new girls I hire go out for a welcome lunch on me.”
“I’ve been here a week already, and I have a meeting to go to,” I replied.
His grin was wide enough to show even-capped teeth. “I partied a lot when I was younger. I bet you can’t guess how old I am.”
I scrunched up my face, pretending to think hard.
“Forty?” I lied.
He beamed. “Fifty-nine. People always think I could pass for younger. Maybe because I keep active, and I like to have fun.” He said fun in an evocative tone.
> I gave him a vacant expression. “It’s nice to have fun and stay active. There are many activities to do in Sunnyville.”
“Well, maybe we can go after work—”
“I have community service.”
“That too?” He chuckled and slid his hand down my arm sleeve. “You must be a wild thang.”
My blood went cold, and I stiffened my spine. “No. I’m not. Thank you for the job, but never refer to me as such or touch me again.”
He narrowed his eyes. “You are a drug user and probably a dealer too, I hear. No one else would have anything to do with you. I gave you this job as a favor to your parents, but I don’t really need you. I expect you here on time and for you to do as you’re told. My coffee was cold this morning. I’ll let that pass this time, but next time use your head and make sure it’s hot.”
“Will do, sir,” I said.
“That’s Mr. Matheson to you.” He stormed away and slammed the door.
Now, who’s the child? Creep.
I spent most of the day putting files away and taking messages. Not at all what I had envisioned after going to college. My degree in business was wasted since Mr. Matheson wouldn’t allow me to do any work except inputting data into a spreadsheet, scanning old files, and taking messages his cell or message program could deliver. I didn’t give in to watching a movie. But I did try to think about what I could do should I attempt to raise money for my style app again.
At the end of my workday, I changed and drove to the group home, a split-level suburban house with a built-in garage. I took a deep breath outside the home, unsure of what to expect. The door opened, and Nathan stood in the hall surrounded by girls from his team, confirming my suspicions.
I grinned and poked his shoulder. “You work here too?”
“Nope. He came today to ride with us to practice,” Amy answered for him. “You’re working here, so you’re our driver. You need to line us up and check the van for the trip to the park.”
I walked straight past her and went up three steps on the carpeted staircase and turned back to face them in the hallway. The girls looked at me, expectant.
Command: An Everyday Heroes World Novel (The Everyday Heroes World) Page 10