Wannabe: An Against The Odds Novel

by Christa DeClue

“You better hope that she doesn’t blow your cover, Bella. We both have more riding on this than that. It’s about people’s lives. Whoever is distributing these drugs is a kingpin. They’re not doing this to get people hooked anymore; the shit lately has been laced more and more. These people are distributing to kill. This feels personal in some way. I just can’t see the connection,” Danny tells me softly, almost pained, like he feels helpless in this situation.

  “Moose, I’m close to a breakthrough, I know it. We knew this wasn’t a usual distribution, back when it started happening. That’s why the powers that be chose to send me in. But I’m so fucking close to sniffing these rats out that I can taste it,” I reply fiercely, looking over at him. He glances over at me and smirks slightly.

  “Well, what’s it taste like?” he asks and winks at me. I roll my eyes.

  “Like your wife’s vagina,” I retort. He hits his brakes hard, throwing me forward. He laughs at me as my seatbelt almost chokes the life out of me. The gargantuan ass. He blows me a kiss and I flip him the bird.

  “Leave my wife’s vagina out of this. You know how protective I am of my favorite toy.” He sniffs daintily, causing me to bark out a laugh. Then, the reality of the fact that Ryan and I are really over hits me, and I almost choke on unexpected tears. I take a deep breath, trying to ease the sudden ache in my heart, and I absentmindedly rub the skin above my left breast as if I can rub the hurt away. Danny notices my somber face and reaches over to tug a piece of my blonde hair to distract me. I smile weakly over at him.

  “Bella, you’re breaking my heart. I know you like the hulking doofus, but it can’t happen. Not right now. It wouldn’t work.”

  “I think I love him, Moose. It worked for you with Delilah, why can’t it work for me with Ryan? And he’s not a hulking doofus. He’s like Eros. He’s gorgeous, and I want to chain him to my bed for the rest of our lives,” I state, semi-dreamily.

  “First off, eww. Secondly, you and your love of Greek Mythology is creepy. Thirdly, Delilah and I worked because she was my informant; she was never part of the case. Not like your Detective Stone is. Lastly, it won’t work for you because Stone doesn’t know you, Bella Bear, he knows Amber Renee James, stripper extraordinaire. I still can’t believe you agreed to that; you went to Yale, after all.”

  “Screw you, Moose. Most of the dancers I’ve worked with are some of the smartest people I’ve ever met. Just because they weren’t afforded the same benefits I was doesn’t mean they’re lesser people. My life is better from knowing them. Besides, I’m a friendly neighborhood bartender now. That being said, Ryan loves me, I know he does. He loves me in spite of what I do, not because that’s who I am. At the end of this, he’ll understand, I know he will,” I retort as he puts the truck in park in the parking garage of my building.

  Danny shakes his head and gets out, then comes around to help me out of his lifted monstrosity. I balk at his offered hand, and jump out because I’m nimble like a jungle cat. He laughs at my slight stumble as I stalk forward.

  “I hope you’re right, babycakes; you deserve to be happy. But the truth is, Bella, you lied to him. And you have no idea how long you’re going to have to keep lying. I don’t see an end in sight right now,” he intones seriously, following me into my building and up the stairs to my apartment.

  “Thanks for killing my hopes and dreams, Captain Funsucker,” I snark back at him, just as we reach my apartment door—a door that is busted and ajar. I swear under my breath, as Danny draws his gun and ushers me behind him. I draw the small piece I carry in my purse and follow him silently inside my torn apart living room. My heart leaps into my throat as I see all of my personal items torn and strewn about my once clean apartment.

  Danny goes into my bedroom while I check my gym. The sparring dummy is on the far side of the room on its side. After making sure the room is clear of threats, I move to set it upright when I notice a picture taped to it. It’s a picture of me, at Dark Angels, with my eyes gouged out. Ripping it from the dummy, I flip it over and the words, “Back off, bitch, or end up like your mother” are written in red on the back.

  A hand suddenly grips my shoulder and I act on instinct, moving to flip my attacker on his back, but Danny quickly blocks my attempt. Finally realizing it’s him, I back up, my anger still boiling to a breaking point. I show him the picture quietly, and with a sharp intake of breath, he starts swearing like a sailor at my little love note.

  “Do you think they’ve made you? Did you have any sensitive information here? Fuck. Goddamn it motherfucker,” he roars as he starts pacing.

  “I’m not a fucking amateur, Moose. I don’t keep anything here. I had a feeling I was being followed the last few days. I don’t think they’ve made me, but I think these people see me as a threat. But I don’t think it was the kingpin. This feels more like a dealer or someone I’ve pissed off. The question is, how the fuck do they know about my mother?”

  “Did you tell anybody about her? Who knows the truth? Fuck, we have to call this in. Fuck, Michael is gonna be so fucking pissed. Damn it.” He growls as he paces.

  “Nobody knows the truth. I’ve told a few people a version of the truth, but not a single person here knows the whole of it,” I tell him, suddenly exhausted.

  He swears again and pulls out his phone to call Michael, as I pull out mine to call the local precinct to report a break-in. I have to play this exactly as I would if Danny wasn’t here. That means, I have to rely on myself, and maybe, just maybe, Ryan. I really need a stiff drink. Or a stiff dick. Sadly, neither are available to me right now.

  Oh, the humanity.

  Chapter Fourteen: Ryan

  After getting exactly nowhere with Nastassia, Titus and I decide to do a drive-by of known drug hotspots, crack houses, and the like. In the passenger seat of the sedan Titus drives for work, I sit, my rage barely contained right now. The whole fucked-up situation is so much worse now. I’m clenching and unclenching my fists at the thought of Amber sharing her body with that fucking behemoth. I’ve known her for years now and she never even fucking mentioned having an on-again off-again boyfriend. How the fuck could I have missed that? I thought she was feeling what I was feeling? I can’t believe she’d do that to—

  The harsh braking of the sedan throws my head forward and breaks me out of my thoughts. I become more aware of my surroundings and when I don’t see any immediate threats, I turn to glare at Titus. He stares at me for a long moment as he continues to drive without braking, like a fifteen-year-old with their permit. I raise my eyebrows, waiting for him to say what he is apparently dying to say.

  “You need to get your head out of your ass right now.”

  “What the fuck?” I grit out.

  “You’re distracted like a motherfucker. This girl has you twisted up in knots and you’re not able to focus. There are lives at stake here. Fucking help me solve this case and then worry about your girl. People are dying; the people of this city need to be your priority,” Titus warns.

  “You think they’re not? That’s all I’ve worried about since I got out of the military. Half the people here don’t want to be saved, but I do everything I can to save them anyway. I’m breaking my fucking back here, Titus. I know people are dying, I know it’s on me that we haven’t caught the fuckers yet. I’m still allowed one minute to digest the fact that the woman I’m falling for is now in the arms of another man. I can fucking multitask, I’m not five,” I bite out angrily, glaring at him.

  “That’s a whole lot of fucks in one sentence, Sarge. I understand things with Amber aren’t ideal right now. I get that, but it won’t be any better if both of our asses get canned because more people die while we’re distracted. Here lately, the heroin has been laced with more and more fentanyl. These people, whoever they are, are looking to kill. This is a fucking epidemic—St. Louis cannot afford another drug epidemic. We need to sort this shit fast, and we need our top guy all-in. Get me?” Titus says quietly with his eyes on the road in front of us.

 
I blow out a gusty breath, shoving my emotions and my rage into the compartment I made when I was in the military. All the bad shit; I’ll think on it later. It’s time to buckle down and figure out who’s supplying the liquid death. I crack my neck from side to side when the radio buzzes. Over the static, we hear the dispatcher’s voice like a million other times.

  “Units in the area, please respond to a possible burglary no longer in progress, at the North Side Apartment Building off of Mayflower, Apartment 35.”

  We hear a unit respond, but there is a roaring in my ears. Titus looks at me, his gaze questioning. I’m struggling with the same type of emotion I compartmentalized earlier, this time for a different reason.

  “Isn’t that Amber’s apartment?” Titus asks softly.

  I jerkily nod, not trusting myself not to say anything. He stares at me for a long moment, before he looks skyward. As if he’s praying for strength.

  “Sonofabitch.” He flips the sedan in a U-turn and I smile slightly through my worry. Because no matter how much he chastises me about Amber, he has a soft spot for her too.

  We race through the streets of St. Louis, occasionally throwing on our sirens to make people get out of the way. Titus darts in and out of traffic and I’m pretty positive he drove on the sidewalk once or twice. I’m hanging on to my “oh shit” handle the whole way. He made a fifteen-minute drive in five minutes. He pulls up to Amber’s apartment building behind the other patrol car and we both jump out as soon as he throws it in park.

  The doorman sees us, and he almost stops me; I guess Amber has him trained well. Titus and I both flash our badges at him. He gets a look like he just sucked a lemon, but he lets us up. I forgo the elevator in lieu of the stairs because I’m not patient enough to wait. I start taking them two at a time with Titus hot on my heels.

  The moment we reach Amber’s apartment, I hear laughter coming from inside. Using the base of my fist, I pound on the center of the door. The door opens up and the Andre the Giant fucker is staring back at me. Before I know it, my fist is crashing into his face. He stumbles back two steps as I cradle my now throbbing hand, and Titus starts swearing behind me. I see the blood seep between his fingers as he cups his nose and I get a twisted sense of satisfaction. I smirk slightly, then see him narrow his gaze at me and drop his hands.

  “I’ll let you have that one, because I know it’s tough to lose such an amazing girl. But she’s with me now, she chose me. You’re going to have to accept it and let her go. Because I have no plans on fucking up or on giving her up. Now, do you want to go check on her after her apartment got ransacked or not?” Daniel says, wiping the trickle of blood from his nose on the back of his sleeve, and sniffs. He beckons us forward, but puts a palm flat on my chest. “If you ever put hands on me again, I’ll put you down.”

  I take a step towards him, but Titus pulls me back by my forearm. I glare at him but he gives me a subtle shake of his head. I turn to respond to the behemoth and he’s already disappeared. That’s when I get my first good view of Amber’s apartment. It’s the first time I’ve been inside it, and it pains me to see it was probably beautiful once. But now all I see is slashed furniture. Overturned tables, broken glass, and shredded clothing are everywhere. It looks like whoever did this was searching for something. I can see Titus is making the same assumptions. We both stare at the surroundings grimly, before we follow the voices into what I’m assuming is Amber’s bedroom.

  I see Amber speaking animatedly to the responding officer, talking with her hands, using dramatic gestures, and it hits me like a punch to the gut. I’ve well and truly lost the one person who was supposed to be mine, because I was too afraid she would end up like my mother. I’m momentarily stupefied. Then her words pause as her eyes meet mine and for a moment, she looks like she’s about to cry. I start towards her but she looks away as Jolly Green Giant in the corner clears his throat. But, it’s enough. I know she’s not over me. Not even close.

  “Rollins, Butler, we’ll take it from here,” Titus says in a commanding tone. The uniforms whip around to face us and after a shared glance, they quickly nod and slip past the two of us.

  Amber turns to look at Titus drolly. “Couldn’t stay away, huh, Greybeard?” she snarks.

  “Of course not, Miss James. I’d never get any entertainment then,” Titus deadpans.

  “Can you tell us how you discovered the break-in?” I cut in.

  “Well, Moose and I— err, I mean, Daniel and I, came back from the hospital and discovered my front door damaged and ajar. We both went inside and we discovered the place destroyed.” Her tone is matter-of-fact, while she stares at Titus, unwilling to meet my gaze.

  “Was there anything missing that you could tell?” I ask quietly.

  “Like I was telling the other officers, my dildo collection is strewn all about. They probably stole a bunch of them. Perverts. Probably Ronnie two doors down. He’s a bit of a creep,” she tells us, starting on a tangent, but I butt in.

  “How is it you’re so calm? Is there anything you all are hiding from us? Could this be connected to Nastassia Bennett?” I ask suspiciously. Amber’s eyes flare and finally fall on me with a heated gaze, from anger this time.

  “I thought you were Narcotics, Detective Stone. Why are you working a burglary right now? Why can’t you accept that maybe I’m a nice person and I was just at the hospital to check on a sweet girl I met last night? Or that my apartment was the one unlucky enough to be ransacked, like so many others have been in this city? Why do you think I’m lying and hiding something?” As she asks question after question, her voice begins to rise in her rage and my dick starts twitching in response.

  “I ask because I know you, and I don’t think you’re being one hundred percent honest with me, Amber. You’re too calm right now. You know more than you’re telling. Something doesn’t add up,” I retort hotly.

  “You don’t know shit, Stoney. And, I’m fine, thanks for asking. Now, if you’d please leave, I’d like to fuck the brains out of my boyfriend, Daniel.” She grabs Daniel’s hand and leads him out the bedroom door. He looks back at me, smirks, and shakes his head.

  Titus blows out a breath and pushes me forwards towards the front door. He has to all but toss me out because I’m itching to go break Daniel’s face again.

  He grips my shoulder and whirls me around. “So, that went fucking well.”

  Chapter Fifteen: Amber

  As soon as the door closes behind the two interlopers, I pick up the first thing I see and throw it. It just so happens to be a giant purple dildo with a suction cup on the end, and it sticks to the wall. If that isn’t the perfect analogy for my life, I don’t know what is. Daniel clears his throat multiple times, as if trying not to laugh, and some of my rage dissipates a little bit. I whirl around, taking in the extent of the damage in my apartment. The entirety of the life I’ve built over the last two and a half years is destroyed.

  “Someone has a hard on for you, babe.” Daniel’s voice floats over to me as he surveys the damage. I feel more and more violated as time passes. “All this rage, it’s personal with you, but your cover isn’t blown and you haven’t had threats before now. Who have you pissed off?”

  I take a seat on the ruined couch and put my head in my hands. My mind is racing a mile a minute trying to work through all the possibilities.

  “I don’t know. Obviously it has to be connected to Dark Angels or Club Exile. I’m leaning more towards Exile because I’ve worked at Dark Angels a long time and nobody has come after me like this. Maybe I saw something I wasn’t supposed to see at Exile?” I ponder aloud, replaying my visit in my head.

  “Well, either way, you better compile your report because Michael wants to see you, now. He says we need to get our asses to the new coffee place off of Main,” Danny says in my direction as he checks his phone.

  “Not the Starbucks we always meet at?” I ask in disbelief. Michael is a stickler for routine and monotony.

  “He says no, because until we’re
positive if they’ve made you or not, we’re not taking the chance,” he replies after a moment.

  I stand and take another good look around, internally cringing. Being sliced to pieces was easier than seeing all of the personal belongings I’ve accumulated sliced to ribbons and trashed.

  “What am I supposed to do about this place? Where am I supposed to stay, Moose?” I ask quietly as he finally looks up from his phone. He smirks slightly at me.

  “Michael is putting us up in a couple of swanky hotel rooms. He’s got cleaners coming to fix this mess for you. We can’t have you losing your security deposit because Ronnie wanted to take a peek at your dildos, can we?” His poke at my airhead cover story goes over like a prostitute in a nunnery. I just give him a droll look and he throws his head back and laughs. “I fucking love Amber James, just so you know,” he tells me with a wink.

  I dust off my pants and grab my bag, ignoring the giggling giant until I get to the slightly broken front door. I motion for him to follow me; we can’t have the boss man waiting too long. The snickers behind me aren’t stopping either. I feel the beginnings of a migraine hitting me hard, and the day I’ve had is catching up with me. I just pray this meeting with Michael doesn’t get my blood pressure up all that much. Wishful thinking, and all that.

  Chapter Sixteen: Amber

  Pulling up in front of the new coffee shop, Hot Brews, I’m expecting Danny to put it in park and come in with me. So, when the truck stays idling next to the curb as I unbuckle my seatbelt, I glance at him questioningly. It’s his turn to give me a droll stare. We have a staring contest for two minutes before he breaks the silence.

  “Michael says it’s you and him. I’m to get us set up at the hotel and pick you up when you’re done,” he tells me softly. I blow out a breath and he chuckles slightly, winking. “Besides, Delilah will need an update from her favorite person, or she’ll show up here like a demon on steroids.”