Songs For Cricket

by Terri E. Laine

  “Where are your sheets?” she asked.

  I glanced down at my bare bed. I hadn’t thought an extra set of sheets necessary. The plan had been to wash them in the morning when I did laundry and put them back on before I went to sleep. As it was, I’d spent most the previous night in her bed.

  “I don’t have any.”

  Her fingers caught in my hair and angled me so I could look up at her.

  “You aren’t on an island. I have some. Let me go get them.”

  I didn’t want to let her go. We’d just found each other, yet this one vindictive person could destroy everything. But I released her.

  Her smile was sad, and I thought there might be more to it than just my fucked-up circumstances. She opened the door and started across the hall when August appeared at the top of the stairs.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked her.

  He pointedly didn’t look toward my open door.

  “So you care now?”

  Surprisingly her snarky response didn’t spark anger within him.

  “You’re my sister. I’ll always care about you.”

  “Yeah, and Shep is your best friend. He needs you now more than ever––especially since they’ve practically kicked him out of school.”

  I didn’t want August’s pity. I wanted his forgiveness and understanding that my love for Finley was real and not a betrayal of his trust. But I said nothing and neither did he. Finley disappeared in her room, shutting the door softly. August stood there for a second as if deciding what to do, but a second later he moved in another direction. The click of his door shutting was the finale to a spectacularly messed up ending to my day.

  When Finley didn’t immediately come back, I took out my phone. Just as I was about to unlock the screen, it vibrated in my palm.

  “Mom,” I said and got up to close the door.

  I wasn’t keeping Finley out, but I also didn’t want my conversation to be heard by everyone in the house. Mom wasn’t going to give up, and it was time I told her at least some of what was going on.

  “Hey, baby. How are things going?”

  “I’m good.”

  That was a lie. She worked most evenings and nights, and I didn’t want her worried about me when she’d be leaving for work soon.

  “You say everything is okay, but you haven’t answered me about your game this week.”

  She’d asked if I could get her tickets so she could come. Now there was no avoiding the truth.

  “I’m not playing.”

  I didn’t want to tell her any more. She’d want to drive here to make hell with the university’s administration, and that wouldn’t help me.

  “Well, we knew that was a possibility. You are a freshman. But I miss you, and you’ll be in Texas.”

  Southern Texas is where a bunch of colleges were located.

  “Mom, that’s further away than coming to my game here next week.” I held my breath, hoping she’d accept my excuse.

  “Fine, but don’t forget who’s your biggest cheerleader.”

  She always had been. She’d done everything she could to make up for Dad’s failing, including working three jobs just so I could have the things I needed for football or my musical aspirations.

  “I know you are,” I said.

  The silence that lingered was disconcerting. “There is another reason for my call,” she said hesitantly.

  From the somberness of her tone, I was sure she’d somehow found out about me being forced out of school. Though it didn’t make sense considering she’d asked about my game unless she was giving me a chance to come clean. Had the university informed Mom of the situation though technically I was an adult?

  She continued in my silence. “I got another letter for you from your dad.”

  It wasn’t welcome news.

  “I don’t want it,” I spat.

  That was the last thing I needed right now, a reminder of who fathered me.

  “I know,” she said in that understanding and patient way of hers. “But I’ll keep it with the others. One day you might change your mind.”

  “I won’t.” Hate coated my words with poison.

  He’d turned out to be a modern day Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. The man I’d grown up loving, who had been there for me, coaching me in sports, being a Cub Scout leader, and teaching me how to be a man, turned out to be the worst kind of monster.

  “Shepard—”

  “How was he caught?”

  I’d been around eleven when the police had come around asking questions about a missing woman who’d temporarily worked in Dad’s office. He’d been a labeled a handsome and charismatic man, well-regarded as the top dentist in our community. But when things started to heat up, beginning with the police searching our house and every room in it including mine, Mom had stopped turning on the news.

  It was the summer before my eighth-grade year when he’d been found guilty. That was when we’d lost the big house next door to the Farrows due to an unpaid mortgage thanks to Dad, and Mom moved us to Grandma’s trailer park in a different school district.

  She blew out a breath. “Women were speaking out who had worked in his office. He had such a revolving door. Anyway, they began telling their stories of how he’d . . . hurt them. They were going to get him on that alone. But the woman he’d taken and hidden away at your grandparent’s property he’d inherited, was the clincher.”

  “How did they find her?”

  At the time, Mom had given me a child-appropriate, watered-down version of Dad’s arrest and subsequent conviction. I’d never asked more. Though over time, I’d heard bits and pieces. I’d just tried to move on and not remember the false man and how he’d so thoroughly obliterated our lives. But now, these answers had become important, and she had firsthand knowledge no news report could give.

  She swallowed audibly. “She’d been kept in a shipping container converted into a tiny home. He’d had one of those on the property and had chained her foot to something in the loft area. I don’t remember what. He’d left a window open. There was a highway not terribly far off, but her screams wouldn’t have been heard. She’d apparently been desperate enough to hang by her foot to reach the two burner cook top. They say she used a pillow to light a fire in hopes to bring help. It didn’t come in time.”

  “How did they connect her to Dad?”

  There had to be more. Anyone could have stashed her away there, though he’d be the primary suspect.

  “Everything burned inside.” She didn’t have to add more. “But she’d been pregnant, and there was enough DNA left for them to determine he’d been the father.”

  That was news to me. I’d had a sister or a brother.

  “Shepard—”

  She’d sounded like she’d wanted to apologize on his behalf. I stopped her.

  “Don’t try to explain it away.”

  “I’m not. He’s a monster. I accept that. But even if no one else, maybe not even me, he loved you.”

  Mom had testified against him, still our community crucified her for not knowing. They gave me a pass because I’d been too young. On the opposite side of town, it had been the reverse.

  “And that’s supposed to make me feel better?” I snapped.

  “No,” she said, sounding defeated. “I guess not.”

  “If you had to do it all over again, would you give up your dreams and marry him?”

  She didn’t even hesitate. “Yes.”

  “Why?”

  Mom was tenderhearted and a romantic, you could hear it in the songs she wrote. She’d given up her opportunity to be a star when Dad strolled into that bar and saw her singing on the small stage. He’d used his looks and charms to convince her he’d give her the world if she married him. Look how that had turned out.

  “Because you are the best thing I’ve ever done in my life. I would relive it many times over as long as I had you.”

  She may have thought her words wer
e kind, and they were. But for me, it added more guilt. If I’d never been born, she might have lived a better life.

  “I love you.” I paused. “I have to go.”

  “Shepard, wait, there’s one more thing.”

  I wasn’t sure how much more bad news I could take.

  “What?”

  “I’ve met someone.” She quickly added, “Not recently, but I didn’t want to tell you about him until I was sure. His name is Hank, and I’m hoping you’ll let me bring him to one of your games so you can meet him.”

  I’d known Mom dated, but she’d never introduced me to anyone before.

  “Is he good to you?” I asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Then you don’t need my approval.”

  She tried to prolong the conversation with talk about my grandmother, but we finally said our goodbyes.

  I lay back on my bed and began to toss the ball in the air again, trying not to be pessimistic about the outcome of things. But I was pragmatic enough to know I needed a contingency plan. If I was forced to quit school, where would I go? With Mom in a relationship, as much as she loved me, would she really want her grown son to move back into a cramped two-bedroom trailer with her and Grandma?

  29

  finley

  Shepard’s door was closed when I opened mine. I could hear the sounds of faint conversation and smiled. Finally, August and Shepard were working things out. I slipped back in my room, placing the sheets on the dresser. Maybe one good thing could come out of today.

  While passing the time, I did some more searching for an alternate class to take instead of the one with Professor Wright and still came up empty. I vacillated on whether or not to contact him for assistance but opted not to. He’d written me off as a pre-madonna. I highly doubted anything I asked of him would be taken seriously.

  Instead I opted to write my original advisor and asked for her help. In my email, I acknowledged my reassignment but requested that she take me back.

  When I checked the hallway again, Shepard’s door was still closed. I wasn’t sure what the protocol for a girlfriend was, but I decided to give him a little more time. Things might not have gone well with August.

  Just as I was about to turn, August’s door opened. So Shepard and August weren’t talking. When my brother’s eyes barely glanced at me, I decided enough was enough.

  “August, wait!” I said when he stepped back into his room.

  I darted forward and stepped far enough into the doorway, so my foot could stop him from shutting me out.

  His eyes finally met mine.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, and I was. “I never meant to come between you and Shepard.”

  “But you did. You forced me to choose between you.”

  It wasn’t the response I’d expected, and I inadvertently took a step back.

  “Why do you have to choose?” I asked.

  He gave me a look like I didn’t get it, and I didn’t.

  “You’re my sister. I’ll always choose you. And when things eventually go south, I’ll have to kick his ass.”

  I hated to admit his words stung. He’d known Shepard better than me. What did he know that I didn’t?

  “Why do you think things will go south?”

  His brows rose in that come on look. “When has Shep ever dated a girl for more than a couple of months?”

  It was true, Shepard didn’t have the greatest track record when it came to relationships.

  “He dated that one girl for six months.”

  August rolled his eyes, probably annoyed that I remembered information like that. And I felt a little foolish that I’d paid so much attention to Shepard’s dating life.

  “So what do you want?” I asked. “Should I break things off? Then can things go back to the way they were?”

  I wasn’t sure I was ready to do that. I hoped he’d see the stupidity of my offer and patch things up with his best friend.

  “Things can never be the same, Bea.”

  I didn’t admonish him for using that nickname because he spoke like there was nothing to be done.

  “Shepard was supposed to protect you, not fuck you.”

  My jaw dropped as August’s eyes focused over my shoulder.

  “Stop being an asshole, Auggie.”

  Cooper stood in his open doorway.

  “Don’t call me that, Coop.”

  “Don’t be a dick,” Cooper snapped back.

  August pointed at himself. “A and B—” he said, pointing at me, “—are having a conversation. C your way out of it.”

  Cooper came forward. “Really funny, Auggie.”

  I stepped between them, not liking the growing tension. I didn’t need my brothers at odds too.

  Cooper surprised me and didn’t back down. “But the joke’s on you. You’re the only one who didn’t see that they’ve been into each other for years. They just didn’t act on it because of you and maybe Dad.”

  August’s reproachful eyes landed on me. “What else do you want from me, Bea?”

  Cooper cut in. “This isn’t about them, Auggie. There’s something else going on. Is it Emily?”

  His contemptuous words lashed out. “There’s nothing going on between Emily and me, not that’s anyone’s business.” He glanced over at Shepard’s closed door as if in reminder.

  I knew my brother. Cooper had been right. Something was eating at him.

  “What did she need to tell you?”

  Our fight momentarily forgotten, he answered.

  “Nothing. There’s nothing to say. We broke up. I moved on. So should she.”

  And that was the end of that. August stepped back and shut his door, leaving Cooper and me in the hallway.

  “Do you believe him?” I asked.

  Cooper shrugged. “He isn’t talking. Maybe you should ask Emily.”

  I added her to the list of people I needed to talk to. I’d planned to call Mom tonight as well.

  I broke out of my thoughts when Cooper’s hand landed on my shoulder.

  “August will come around,” he said. “Don’t break things off because of him. Do it if you want to, not for any other reason.”

  I hugged him. “I just hate I came between them,” I whispered.

  “You can’t choose who you fall for.”

  I looked at Cooper, like really looked at him. There was sadness in his handsome features.

  “Is everything okay?” I asked.

  He gave me a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

  “I’m okay, Finley.”

  He left me for his room, and then I was alone.

  I walked over to Shepard’s door and put a hand on it to knock. But when I overhead him mention something about his grandmother, I assumed he was on the phone with his mother. Back in my room, I turned on Netflix and watched one of their original series about cults. I found it fascinating.

  Not knowing I’d fallen asleep, I awoke warm with Shepard wrapped around me. I hated to get up, but my alarm had gone off.

  When I moved, he reached for me. “Don’t go,” he said sleepily.

  “I wish. But I have—”

  I didn’t say the rest. It just seemed mean.

  “You can say it. You’re going to practice where you’ll be great. I wish I could be there with you.”

  I leaned down and kissed him because I could. And because we hadn’t kissed since our one time together.

  “I’ll come home for lunch,” I said.

  He smiled. “You don’t have to babysit me. I’ll be fine. I need to contact my professors to see if I can make up any assignments I might miss.”

  I absolutely hated this for him. “This sucks.”

  He shrugged, and I just wanted to crawl back in bed with him. His tousled hair and sleepy grin were beyond sexy. He pulled me down for a deeper kiss, and I let him.

  Long minutes later, I pulled back and said, “I have to get ready, or I’m never going
to leave.”

  As I grabbed my things, I asked, “Did you talk to August?”

  I wasn’t sure if they had traded words. When he didn’t respond right away, I turned back before opening the door.

  “I haven’t.”

  There wasn’t enough time to explain my conversation with my brother.

  “Oh, when I came back—”

  “My mom called.”

  “Oh,” I opened the door mad as hell. “How is she?”

  He took in a deep breath, his body lifting and then deflating.

  “I haven’t told her everything.”

  His mom was a worrier, and I understood his reluctance.

  I gave him my best smile. “There’s nothing to tell. You did nothing wrong.”

  The thoughtful curve of his mouth was filled with thanks. “Go, or you’re going to be late.”

  When I headed downstairs, Cooper was the only one waiting for me.

  “Where’s August?” I asked, still pissed.

  He seemed to sag. “He left early, I guess. Sent me a text not to wait for him.”

  I wasn’t sure yet how to fix things. Though I was determined to do just that.

  We drove to practice in companionable silence. August never showed up, and I had to rush to class.

  My morning went better than the one before, but then again, I couldn’t imagine it getting any worse.

  I texted August during lunch because he hadn’t been at the café either. The text I got wasn’t from him. I immediately called Emily back.

  “Is my brother with you?” I demanded once she answered.

  She seemed to splutter as she found words. “No. Why would he be?”

  “What’s going on between you two?”

  “Nothing . . .”

  As she trailed off, I grew more impatient.

  “Look, I’m trying to stay out of your business, but he’s been off since I saw him arguing with you. What’s going on?”

  “He won’t talk to me,” she said with a sob.

  “About what? If there is something wrong with him, I deserve to know.”

  “He won’t talk to me, I swear.”