EMMA SPENT THE next four months as a servant, in the small house of her cousin Sadie. She slept on the sofa in the living room with a scant sheet, thin blanket, and old rags stuffed into a pillowcase for her head. She had no privacy, and sleep was denied her until Sadie, and her roommate Joanne, felt like going to bed. On the weekends, that could be very late indeed.
Sadie made it clear, daily, that if she had to spend her hard-earned money feeding Emma and her baby to be, Emma was going to work hard to earn it. And earn it she did, several times over. She was the first to rise, making sure breakfast was ready, the lunches made, and everything was prepared or done according to Sadie or Joanne’s desires. Sadie’s to-do list was posted on the refrigerator each day, and as the months went by, the list grew. Joanne stood by, watching Emma’s situation with amusement, adding to Sadie’s list as she saw fit.
Emma cooked, scrubbed, and cleaned until her hands were raw and sore. If anything needed to be done, it was assigned to Emma. Every other Saturday, Sadie or Joanne would drop Emma off at the grocery store to get the shopping done. Neither woman lifted a finger to help the young mother, in any way.
The meager clothes she brought with her were soon too small. Reluctantly, Sadie took Emma to the Goodwill and purchased a couple of old, maternity outfits. Her cousin grumbled and complained for months about what a burden Emma was to her. Emma was never provided with adequate compensation for her work, assisted in any way with her needs, or given the general courtesy a stranger would have had in Sadie’s home - not even a kind word.
And yet, Emma was content. She had a roof over her head, some food to eat, and Monday through Friday, while the women where away, the tiny house to herself. She was able to sneak hand lotion for her rough hands and take short soaks in the tub for her aches and pains.
Hoping to stay, she completed the chores each day to the best of her ability. If she worked hard enough for them, wouldn’t they want her to stay? She was determined to try.
Otherwise, where could she go? The thought of returning to the farm was never allowed to live. She stepped on that thought with an iron will. She would never go back! Never! The humiliation from her family and friends was unbearable and unforgivable. Her pride wouldn’t be broken. There was no going home.
Soon her back ached more often than it didn’t, she had a hard time getting up from the sofa or just about anything else she rested on. She hid her suffering, so determined was she to earn a place for herself and the little one to be.
Spring turned into a blazing summer. How different this summer was, without Fred. She missed him and the life they might have had. Everything had changed so much since last year and she had grown so very old inside.
One Saturday, pushing a shopping cart down the aisle, her time came. The store manager tried to call an ambulance, but Emma talked him into calling Sadie instead. With complaints and scolding, Emma was driven to the Valley Hospital to have her baby, alone. Her cousin couldn’t be bothered to stay.
Hours went by and Emma experienced pain like she had never known. In agony and exhaustion, her baby girl was born. Emma looked with love and delight at her child, whose cries were letting the world know that she was there.
Emma smiled with pleasure. “What shall I name you little one?” she asked softly. “I know… I’ll name you Ann,” she whispered as she remembered her maternal grandmother, a kind and tender woman. “Ann is such a beautiful name.”
Emma was overjoyed by the sound of her little girl’s name… “Ann.” She tenderly repeated it again and again as she looked at her beautiful child, rocking her in her arms, so small and in need of her mamma. Emma sighed and knew she would have to find a way to provide for them both now.
The rest of the day was spent sleeping and resting. Like a queen, she was given meals and taken care of. Even a kind word was said now and again. Emma reveled in the respite from her hard work at the house. It had been so long since someone had been kind to her.
A nurse came in, on and off, to help Emma feed her baby. Soon, the day turned into night and before she knew it, it was time for her to return to her cousin’s house and the work that awaited her.
On the day of her departure, Sadie called and told Emma be ready and in the lobby by 10:00AM sharp. Emma checked out early and sat down in the lobby with her precious child to wait. Ten o’clock came and went. By one o’clock in the afternoon she was still patiently waiting. She worried, but what could she do? Exhaling sadly, she rocked Ann back and forth. She’s such a good baby, Emma thought as she tended to the new person in her life.
Eventually they were picked up and taken back to the small house with the sofa for their only bed. Sadie made it clear she wasn’t sympathetic to Emma’s plight, now that the baby had come. The din from the child’s cries, according to Sadie and Joanne, drove out any desire to have a servant in the house.
Within a few short days, Emma had applied for welfare. Before long, she was renting a broken-down mobile home, in a dingy old park. The social worker assigned to her case provided food stamps and a few scant things for the tiny family. A broken-down mattress was placed on the bedroom floor for the mother and infant. Through the Salvation Army, a few more things were purchased. Good neighbors gave what they could from their meager belongings - an extra plate, mismatched eating utensils, an old lamp.
Again, Emma was content. She had another roof over her head, food, and most of all… she was alone to make her own decisions, now. The difficulties that exist with poverty still remained - heat, clothing, and money to make ends meet were always inadequate. Emma was determined to take care of Ann and make do. After all, what else could she do? She didn’t have a high school education, nor possess the skills to find steady employment. Besides, how could she leave Ann? She had no one to care for her little one. Trapped in a financial prison, with no means to get out, she didn’t even try.
Ann began walking and talking. At an early age she became conscious of her mother’s need to control everyone’s life. Her mother did find work once in a while, but the jobs didn’t last long. As soon as she started telling everyone what to do, she was jobless again. After all, most employers liked to run their own companies.
Back on welfare they went, and poverty remained. Nothing was ever new. They weren’t warm enough in the winter or cool in the summer. There was never enough to eat, and the few clothes they had were mismatched, thread bare and usually the wrong size.
The years flew by, and when Ann was old enough to have friends, her mother’s control created a social void that was agonizing. The Spanish Inquisition must have been a picnic compared to her mother’s cross-examination of her friends. Emma wanted to know who they were, what they talked about, what they did, and the minute-by-minute, second-by-second accounts of everything that was said or done.
Ann found it easier not to tell her mother about her friends. She kept the few she had at a distance and never brought them home.
Ann also ached for a father, but she observed when a man did take an interest in her mother, it took just a few minutes in Emma’s company to see a glazed look creep into his eyes and he soon found an excuse to leave… forever.
Emma’s governing nature even extended to TV and movie personalities. She wrote letters to radio stations, politicians, and corporations, doling out “constructive criticism,” as she called it. Her correspondence was rarely acknowledged.
Emma drove away everyone who might have been a friend or offered help. She was all alone in life, except for her Ann. And if she didn’t have friends, she would make certain that Ann had the right ones.
As the years stacked one on top of another and the hardships remained, Emma still refused to swallow her pride and talk to her parents, let alone seek help from anyone in her family. She was determined to do it all on her own. Unfortunately, most of her family had given up on her and wasn’t willing to bridge the gap anymore. The pain, for them, was still fresh, just as if it had happened yesterday. Slowly, Emma’s family slipped away, out of her
reach through neglect.
Ultimately the old, dilapidated mobile home became so broken down and decrepit, it was hard to believe anyone lived in it or that anyone should.
Before long Ann was attending high school and discovering that boys liked her. They wanted to call her and take her out, but how could she accept? She couldn’t bring them in contact with her mother. So, she would say no. Yet, they persisted. The ingenious ones called her on the phone, or found their way to her door.
The minute anyone contacted her, Emma would stand nearby, dancing back and forth, from one foot to the other, trying to get her questions in, even before Ann was done talking.
On her first date, she tried to meet him at the car. But, before he had pulled up next to the trailer, her mother found a way to intervene and the questions started.
Ann snuck out once, and met her date at the entrance to the trailer park. She was ecstatic with this maneuver until she got home and the interrogation began. Ann didn’t get to sleep until the early morning hours, and to make matters worse, the boy had turned out to be a jerk.
Now, because of her mother, the old familiar glaze started to develop in the eyes of her dates. They melted away out of Ann’s life, avoiding her, whispering behind her back. Before long, she had the reputation of being Attila the Hun’s daughter.
Ann gave up dating. It wasn’t worth it. But then, Sean Henderson came into her life during her junior year in high school and he turned out to be different.
Ann met Sean at the Mica Community Church, a place she would never have gone to, if it hadn’t been for the choir. Ann loved to sing.
Church to Ann was as alien as the moon. Her mother never spoke of religion, any religion… one way or the other. Neither of them had ever set foot inside of a church.
But one pleasant summer day, Ann was bicycling past a small country church, its windows wide open allowing the beautiful music to drift in the open air. Oh, the harmony and the beautiful words. They spoke to her heart. She stopped for a second to listen.
Before long she was sitting under the shade of a large maple tree with her eyes closed, taking it all in. She heard a man talking about grace and something about God and a man named Jesus, whoever he was. What he was talking about seemed so strange to her, but she sat there and listened. More singing floated in the warm summer air, and before she knew it, people were coming out the front doors of the church.
Getting up, Ann was about to mount her bike, when she saw Cindy. Cindy was a cheerleader at her high school, a casual acquaintance. Someone she sat next to in Biology class and said hi to if they passed in the halls, or asked how she was doing, when she didn’t know her well enough to really care.
Cindy noticed Ann, waved and walked over to her. Ann found out that day that the church was open to anyone who wanted to come, and she was welcome to join the choir, if she wanted to. The choir practiced at the church every Thursday night at 6:30PM. Cindy even offered to pick her up, if she needed a ride. Ann declined, but told her she would try to come.
Ann desired to join the choir. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to sing that wonderful music? But she couldn’t accept a ride. Ann no longer allowed anyone to come near her home. Emma never learned how to drive, nor could they afford a car even if she had. No, she didn’t want to be obligated to Cindy and expose her classmate to the poverty that she lived in. She was too ashamed of both her life style and her mother.
I can take the bus when I can’t ride my bike, she reasoned.
Now… how to ask her mother and get permission to attend? She knew her mother would ask a lot of questions that she didn’t know the answers to. But, surely that wouldn’t matter. All she knew was that she would be able to sing during practice and on Sunday mornings. I wonder what it’ll be like singing in front of people?
Riding down the road on her bike, with the echoes of that music still in her head, she hummed a vague tune, made up from her heart. The closer she got to home, the more her excitement grew, until she could contain it no longer.
Emma’s eager daughter flew through the front door of the old trailer and started talking so fast that Emma was silent for the first time in her adult life. She couldn’t get a word in, even if she wanted to.
But, as soon as she heard the word “church”, Emma’s eyes darkened and her face turned to stone. “No church!” Emma yelled. She didn’t care why Ann wanted to go. At no time, nowhere, and for any reason was Ann going to start going to a church, any church. Emma would give no explanation why. The door was closed on the subject and the conversation terminated.
Ann didn’t know it had invoked sad recollections of her mother’s past. Memories of her old life on the farm, her family, and the rejections she’d suffered with the tyrannical system of morality they lived by, brought fresh wounds to her heart. At least, that’s how Emma saw it. Consequently, Ann’s pleas and petitions fell against the stone wall of her mother’s heart and died.
But, the desire in Ann’s heart to sing in the choir was strong, so strong that she couldn’t take no for an answer, this time. She was determined to stand up to her strong-willed mother for the first time in her life. A gate had opened in Ann’s heart, and she didn’t want to stop the flood of desire that flowed there.
Besides, Cindy and Michelle, cheerleaders at her high school, attended that church. Ann fantasized about becoming a cheerleader someday, and if she could get close to the girls, maybe they would help her get accepted onto the squad. The cheerleaders seemed to be so happy and popular.
Ann begged at first, but that just made her mother angry. When she realized that her mother wasn’t going to give way, Ann became sulky and stopped talking to her. A campaign of silence ensued.
Weeks went by and the silence was acute. Emma shouted and scolded, she pleaded and begged her daughter not to be so cruel, but Ann was resolute.
In the end, Emma’s stone heart wavered and finally crumbled. Ann was allowed to attend church, reluctantly.
Having her only child shun her was unbearable. Emma had devoted all of her life, time, and love on Ann. She had given up so much to have her child in her life. The thought of Ann not loving her anymore was excruciating. Ann was all she had, the only thing in her life that mattered.
Then the thought, What am I going to do when it’s time for Ann to leave home? How am I going to cope without my Ann? That question plagued her for just a few seconds. Then she shook it from her mind, with a smile. Ann will always need me. After all, I know what needs to be done and how to do it? Suddenly another happy thought surfaced. Maybe I can even move in with her!
Quickly, Ann joined the choir, and attended on a regular basis. She made friends easily there and enjoyed the companionship and events offered by the youth group.
To her surprise, she found that for some wonderful reason, her mother wasn’t interested in anything to do with church. She didn’t want to hear about the religion, theology, activities, or even the people that she met there. Ann basked in the wondrous respite from her mother’s constant inquiries. If she did get too inquisitive, Ann would bring the name of Jesus into the answer and her mother would shut down and change the subject. What a sad way to treat the Savior’s wonderful name, but Ann was only attending church - she hadn’t met Him for real yet.
Sean Henderson and his family had attended the little church all of his life. He was handsome by some accounts, and very popular with everyone. He knew how to turn on the charm with women of any age. He was active in choir and played soccer with the youth group. He liked Ann the first time he saw her and made sure he stood as close to her as he could in choir practice and during the church service.
Ann received his attentions shyly at first. As expected, she was apprehensive about how he would react to her mother, if they ever met. She tried to ignore him, but he couldn’t be stopped. He was indifferent to her rejections, and continued to chip away at her resolve. It was like talking to a stone wall. He worked hard at getting around any obstacles that got in his way. The more she was determ
ined to keep him out of her life, the more he was determined to be in it. It was a game to him.
Ann soon became irritated. She tried avoiding him, but he would seek her out, smiling and paying special attention to her, turning on his charm.
Once in a while, she caught him flirting with the other girls, when he though she wasn’t looking. She soon realized how shallow and selfish he was. He was interested in only himself and what he wanted in life.
All the girls in his circle of influence seemed to be oblivious to the flaws in his character, flocking around him as if he were a rock star, including Cindy and Michelle. They were jealous of Ann, at first, until they realized she really didn’t want him around. They couldn’t believe that Ann wasn’t interested in the richest, most popular boy in the county.
Once Cindy realized Ann really wasn’t interested in Sean, they became friends. That fall, with Cindy’s help, Ann tried out for the cheerleading squad and was accepted onto the team, the inner circle of the most popular girls in school.
Ann was beautiful at seventeen and now her reputation centered on the group she belonged to at school and not the mother she had.
Despite her continued disinterest in Sean, he found out Ann’s phone number and where she lived through Michelle. He was unwavering in his determination to win her over. He showed up at her front door, one day, with gifts of flowers and a few small things he thought she would like. Angered at his persistence she told him “No thank you!” and shut the door on his face.
What’s it going to take to get rid of him? she wondered.
Undeterred, he started showing up when he knew Ann wasn’t home and making Emma feel special. It had been a lifetime since anyone had made her feel special. She longed for it, eating it up like a hungry stray.
He soon was coming over to help out with odd jobs that Emma needed to have done. He was the first person immune to her inquisitions. It rolled off his back like water off a rock. He was such a charmer that Emma soon accepted him into their little family circle, ignoring Ann’s pleas and concerns.
Emma longed for his visits. She knew Ann couldn’t possibly object to someone as special as Sean, once she got to know him. Emma knew what was best for her daughter. Before long, Emma was throwing Ann into Sean’s arms. Ann was so embarrassed.
Ann tried to keep up her resolve, but she got weary. Oh, how she wanted to get out of this dump, the poverty, the want, and away from her domineering mother.
Sean had a good job in his father’s business and had just inherited quite a bit of wealth of his own. As he persisted, he was able to wear Ann down to the point where she started to believe that he really might love her.
Once she started down that path, to dream about a life away from her mother, she was doomed. She saw in Sean things that didn’t exist and dreamed of a life that could never be. Her emotional images of Sean and the reality of their relationship didn’t match at all.
Nevertheless, in June of her senior year, Ann graduated from high school and married Sean Henderson. Nine years later, her marriage was over.
Once they married, Sean lost the excitement of pursuit and Ann diminished in his eyes. In fact, he ignored her for the most part, even when she went to work for him at his office. After all, she was there when he wanted her, if he wanted her.
Eventually, Ann became pregnant, and he started working late at night. At least that’s where he told her he was. He dropped her off at the house, after work, and would be gone for hours.
Years went by and Ann grew accustomed to his lack of interest in her. It hurt, but she threw herself into her work, raising the children and keeping a pleasant home. After all, this was her only experience with marriage. How was she to know it wasn’t supposed to be like this?
Then, one cold, crisp Sunday, when Marty was three and Matthew was a few months old, she was standing in the lobby of their modest country church, waiting for Sean. As she stood there with Matthew in her arms and Marty holding onto the edge of her coat, she noticed that her husband was paying special attention to Cindy. He didn’t hide his affection for her friend at all well. She watched Cindy returning his affection. They looked like newlyweds instead of friends. Ann’s heart broke.
Sean made light of it when she talked to him later. He implied that she was foolish and stupid to think such things, but she could see no concern or remorse in his eyes. She knew something was wrong, but kept silent and waited.
As time went by, the small church community started whispering about Sean and Cindy. Ann was mortified, angry, and hurt. She tried to talk to Cindy, but her friend had grown cold and distant. She no longer returned her phone calls, and she avoided talking to her in church.
Sean started to stay away nights, on and off. And when he did come home, he would go downstairs to his “men’s den” in the basement where he lived and slept.
During the yelling and crying that went on when he was home, Ann found out that her husband and her best friend were having an affair. Sean claimed that they were in love.
“What kind of love is that?” she yelled.
Then and there, to let her know where she stood in his eyes, he admitted to having multiple affairs with other women during their marriage. He wouldn’t tell her how many, but what did that matter? One was too many for a marriage to survive.
In the end, Sean moved in with Cindy and abandoned his family.
When Pastor Henry became aware of the talk about Sean and Cindy, he asked Ann if she needed any help. But she wanted to keep her life private, as much as she could, so she declined.
Pastor Henry tried to talk to Sean and Cindy by himself, but they weren’t interested in anything he had to say.
A week later, after a lot of prayer and discussion among the elders of the church, Pastor Henry and the elders went back to talk to both Sean and Cindy. They tried to get them to reconsider the path they were on. Pastor Henry talked about the families and friends they were hurting. They were told the church couldn’t endorse their behavior. It wasn’t good spiritually for anyone at the church.
Both refused to end their affair. Pastor Henry told them that as much as it broke his heart, they wouldn’t be welcome at the Mica Community Church as long as they continued living against the principles that God had set down for his people to live by. He was sorry, but he had to think about the families he loved and cared for. He told Sean and Cindy that they had been considered part of that family, but as long as both of them refused to stop their relationship, he had no choice but to protect the rest of the church body and not allow them to attend any longer.
Sean and Cindy weren’t moved. They could care less.
A couple of days later Pastor Henry stopped by the house on the lake to talk to Ann. He could see that she had been crying, looking drawn and weary. He gently asked if he could talk to her. As he was welcomed into the house, he sat down and explained why he had come.
He told Ann about the Christian principles their church lived by and why he had talked to Sean and Cindy. He wanted Ann to understand how important it was that their church place God’s principles and teachings above everything else in this life. He referred to the Scripture in 1 Corinthians 5, which talks about not allowing a member of the church who is involved in sexual immorality, greed, idolatry, slander, drunkenness, or swindling to continue in the church.
These are the only things God asks us to address in this way, he told her. After all, when a marriage dies with unfaithfulness, only God can truly heal it. And if a member harms the church in this way, they must be separated from it until God can heal them.
In prayer and trepidation the elders met and tried to convince Sean and Cindy to stop what they were doing.
If God will not compromise His character, then we can’t either, as His followers. There was no room for false pride, fear of what others might think, or even the desire not to hurt someone... God must be first in our lives. His principles must stand tall and untarnished.
Ann was not sure she understood, but she tried. She
nodded while she listened to him, astonished in her heart that Pastor Henry and the elders would go to such lengths to protect the families and children at their little church.
Then he shocked Ann, telling her that he would have to explain from the pulpit Sunday, about Sean and Cindy, and why they were being excommunicated. He promised to use as few details as possible, but the congregation needed to know that their leaders were serious in upholding the laws of God and His teachings.
Ann was mortified. How could she live down the public humiliation of what Sean and Cindy were doing? To bring it all out in the open!
She knew that divorce was coming - how could it not?
She pleaded with Pastor Henry, asking him if there wasn’t another way to handle it. The more they talked it over, however, the more she realized it was the right thing to do. After all, the people she cared about already knew about it, and Pastor Henry needed to bring the facts out in the open, avoiding gossip and harm to the church.
She asked him if Sean’s family knew about Sunday. He had just come from there, he informed her.
Sunday - how could she ever go to church again?
But she did. She wanted to hear what would be said and somehow found the courage to go. After all, this wasn’t her fault, was it? Her friends were standing by her and she couldn’t leave the church and go somewhere else, could she? That would only add to the emptiness her husband had begun. No, the fellowship and friendships at church were precious to her.
That Sunday, Pastor Henry, with the elders standing behind him, told the church what had happened. Why Sean and Cindy weren’t allowed in the church anymore and how Pastor Henry regretted their decision to stay together. He talked about God’s love and the principles the church must live by if Christianity was to survive in this world.
He talked of forgiveness, when it was honestly asked for, and the hope they could cherish in their returning to God, someday.
Later, Pastor Henry offered his council to Ann again and this time she accepted. His wife, Tiffany, was always right beside him. Ann saw the power of God in them and what a real Christian marriage should be like. She would cry, sob and get angry at her situation. Then they would council and love her. They gave her biblical principles to live by, and they saw to it that others would step in to help whenever the need arose.
Ann soon came to admire the Christian faith of Pastor Henry and Tiffany. She began to live by the principles she was being taught and found healing and strength in doing so.
One night, about two months after her divorce, she was having coffee with Pastor Henry and Tiffany in their home.
She confessed she would really love to have the faith they showed, day after day.
Pastor Henry asked her if she believed that Jesus was God’s gift to mankind. That His love was the most precious gift anyone could receive.
She said she did, but felt so unworthy.
Pastor Henry told her that she only had to believe Jesus had died for that unworthiness. That He had taken her sins on himself for her benefit. He asked if she believed that.
Deep in Ann’s heart she knew it was true. She opened her heart wide and allowed the truth to take root. She acknowledged it out loud and for the first time in her life, Jesus become real to her. She felt His presence, knew in her heart that Jesus was alive and well, wanting to know her more. Jesus was no longer a word she used to keep her mother at bay.
Ann wanted to know all about Him. She was hungry for Him. What a funny thing to be, hungry for Jesus, but that was how it felt.
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A Tale Of Transformation Page 5