A Tale Of Transformation
Page 8
DAYS PASSED AND weeks went by. Ann gave a lot of thought, during that time, to what she had learned in her pastor’s study. She desired the faith he had talked about and to be free of the feelings of being a failure to God. She wanted to KNOW that God loved her. She wanted to KNOW that she could be with Him forever. She wanted the FAITH to know.
As a result, each night before she went to bed, she curled up in her overstuffed chair in the corner of her room, opened her Bible and started to read a chapter, before she prayed. Soon her eyes became heavy, the events of the day stole her energy, and the stress of life put her to sleep. With a jolt, she would wake up, the lamp still on, the Bible fallen to the floor, and her efforts ending in failure. In frustration, she asked God’s forgiveness, prayed for her children, and got into bed to finish the night.
Yet day by day, when she awoke, little bits of knowledge were present in her heart that weren’t there before. They strengthened her faith, and the little seeds grew as she applied them in her daily life.
As she continued to read, she learned how she could please Him. She tried living by these new principles, but it was hard. Too often she found herself worrying about the things in this life and not thinking of the eternal things she needed to know. Yet, slowly, God opened her eyes and guided her into wisdom and understanding. Ann opened His Word every night, faithfully, with a new resolve to do better. Bit by bit, day by day, baby steps were taken and her faith grew stronger.
During this time, her prayer life took form. Praying was new to her, but as she read the Word of God, she felt a desire to talk to Him, to tell Him of her needs and her sincere wish to please Him.
Soon she was praying for her friends. The fact that she added her mother, and eventually even Sean and Cindy, showed how much God was changing her into one of His children.
She knew she wasn’t ready to forgive them yet, but she was willing to try, even when she didn’t feel like it, because He had asked her to.
She learned faith wasn’t a feeling, but a determination to do and believe in the right things. She came to believe God had her best interests at heart and that he would make everything right, even the bad things that had happened in the past. She exercised the faith He gave her and found freedom in her heart by doing so. Healing from her pain and doubts was close at hand.
As summer came to an end, the dream, or vision as Pastor Henry had called it, became a dim memory. The old patterns of her life continued, except now she was making time for God.
Then, one gray day in September, at her office in Mica, the winds of change stirred, and life as she knew it changed.
Shelly, sitting across from Ann’s desk asked, “How do the Colesons like their new cottage at the Crest Haven Golf Course?”
Ann smiled, thinking of the hours she had sat listening to Millie Coleson complain about her husband’s excessive golfing.
“According to her, her husband Harold isn’t in a hurry to get to heaven. He’s found it here on earth with all the golf courses he plays at. She tells me he’s there 24/7,” she told Shelly with a laugh. “She explained to me that she plans on joining the Ladies’ Aide Society to keep busy and then she wants to buy out as many stores as she can, in retaliation for her husband’s neglect. I think she’s joking, but deep down I imagine she’s really lonely. Anyway, I’m glad she has her children and grandchildren to keep her busy.”
“How do Marty and Matt like school this year?” Shelly asked.
“Marty really likes her new teacher, Mrs. Arnell,” Ann responded. “She tells me her teacher is smart and funny. As soon as she gets home, she’s off to the kitchen table to do her homework. She works hard every night.”
Ann thought for a second, “Is there something wrong with her? How did I end up with such a great kid? I don’t have to nag her about anything. She helps around the house joyfully, and watches Matt like a child twice her age.”
“She’s special alright,” Shelly said with a genuine smile. “I think you’re the luckiest person in the world to have such wonderful children,” she added, yearning for children of her own.
“And Matthew is growing up so fast. It won’t be long before he’s in kindergarten. Where does the time go?” Ann wondered.
“Don’t ask me,” Shelly smiled. “I guess you have to make each day count. You never know when life will turn a corner and something will change.”
“I’m sure glad I was able to sell the Colesons’ home and find that cottage for them on the golf course. That money should keep us going through the fall. I was getting behind in my bills, so it’s nice being caught up. I wonder how long it’ll last.”
Ann’s phone rang on her desk. “Mica Creek Real Estate, Ann speaking…”
“Ann, I need to talk to you,” her ex-husband’s voice spoke to her, reminding her instantly of the years of neglect.
Ann’s heart plunged into her stomach, she hesitated a second before answering. “I don’t think we have anything to talk about,” she said in a firm voice, “unless it’s the money you owe us.”
“Ann, I’ve thought about this a lot and I want Matthew back in my life,” he said just as firmly. “I want him to live with me. I think a boy should be with his father. I want to get together with you so we can talk about it and work out the details.”
“Where have you been for either of your children?” she responded with some justifiable anger. “You haven’t seen them for years. How can you even think about doing this? The court gave me full custody, which you didn’t object to, by the way. And I don’t think it’s good for either child to be arbitrarily jerked around by you.”
“Ann, I’m not going to argue with you. You can’t offer the children any type of financial security and I can. I’m prepared to take you to court, if I have to,” Sean said hotly.
“Your children wouldn’t be in the precarious financial state they’re in, if you’d been there for them, even a little. You haven’t supported them financially, emotionally, or in a way a real father should. You can take me to court until the stars fall out of the sky and the earth comes to an end. I know they’ll never award you anything. You haven’t been a father to either of them, ever. The answer is no now, and it will be no in the future,” Ann said emotionally.
Sean said quietly and coldly, “You don’t have the last word on this. I have your mother on my side, and we’ll prove you’re unfit. I have all the money I need to get this done, Ann. Matthew will be living with me before Christmas, you’ll see. You know I always get what I want, don’t you.” He said cruelly, referring to his courting of her. He knew she would never forget his dominant will, when he wanted something. “This isn’t over, Ann.”
“Yes it is!” she said hotly as she slammed the phone onto the receiver. She sat shaking, her face turning red, tears brimming in her eyes.
“Ann was that Sean?” asked Shelly in shock.
“Yes!” Ann responded trying not to cry.
“After all this time, what did he say?” Shelly wanted to know, concern in her voice.
“Oh, Shell.” Ann said sadly, as a few tears started to slide down her face. “Sean is trying to take Matthew! He said nothing about ‘can I see my children’ or ‘how are they’… just ‘give me my son!’ He didn’t even mention Marty, who misses him so much.”
“Ann, I’m so sorry,” her friend responded in a miserable voice.
“He’s so selfish!” Ann exploded with emotion. Placing her face in her hands, she said, “After all this time, he wants to take Matthew!”
A short silence of mutual hurt rested between them.
Shelly offered, “I wouldn’t worry, Ann. The courts made their decision long ago.”
“I’m not so sure,” she said as she lowered her hands to the desk. “The courts can always change their minds. He can be so determined. And he said he had my mother on his side. What did he mean by that? He wants to prove me an unfit mother, how? Is he going to invent something? I wouldn’t put it past him. He has money and pull in this town.”
“Ann…” Shelly tried to calm her.
“Besides, this will never be good for Matthew,” Ann continued. “He doesn’t even know his father. Sean is a stranger to him. He was a baby when we were abandoned. And if he should be forced to go and live with his dad -- I couldn’t bear it. How can I accept a selfish, egotistical, jerk of a man raising my son?”
Then with shock and tears flowing again, she said hysterically, “What if Matthew grows up to be like his father? Oh, Shell, what am I going to do?”
Shelly got up, walked around her desk, leaned down and placing her arm around her best friend.
She gently said, “Ann, it’s going to be okay. It’s going to work out alright. You need to calm down or you’ll make yourself sick.”
“I’ll try,” Ann said as she stood up, wiping the tears from her face, gathering her coat and purse. “I have to go home. I need to figure out what I’m going to do,” she said in a daze.
Then she exclaimed “The Madisons! I need to cancel my appointment with them.”
“Ann, let me take the appointment. They’re new clients, aren’t they? I’ll tell them you had a family emergency,” Shelly offered.
“Oh, Shelly, thank you. I can’t think straight right now.” Ann paused for a second to gather her thoughts, then continued. “Here’s a list of homes I was going to show them and my notes on what they’re looking for,” she said with silent tears still falling.
Ann and Shelly hugged.
“If you need anything, anything at all, call me. You know I’ll be praying for you.” Shelly offered kindly.
“Yes, I know,” she replied absentmindedly.
Ann started for the door, then turned to say weakly, through a small smile, “Thank you for being such a good friend and being there for me, Shell.”
“You bet… you know I’ll always be there for you.”
Ann walked out into an overcast, gray day. Opening her car door, she got in behind the steering wheel clutching it for support. Her world seemed to be spinning out of control. Placing her brow on her hands, she prayed, “Oh Lord, please, please don’t let this happen. Please protect us, especially the children. Marty will be hurt again and Matthew won’t understand. I don’t think I can face this again. I can’t! Please don’t let this happen. Please help us.” she begged. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she started the car and drove out of the parking lot.
Driving home, a sudden urge to see Pastor Henry arose. The impulse became a need and it rapidly became imperative to see him. She had to talk to him… now. This couldn’t wait. With screeching tires, she turned the car around, heading straight for her pastor’s home.
Soft rain started to fall as she drove down the street to his home. She envisioned the angels were crying over the sad events of the day, as the water splattered on the windshield. It comforted her to think that maybe heaven was grieving too.
Her tears fell softly and silently down her cheeks as she entered his driveway and parked the car. She said a prayer that Pastor Henry would be there. As she walked up to the front door, another prayer that he would see her on such short notice. When she rang the doorbell, another prayer went to God for his mercy and his help.
Pastor Henry answered the door. Ann broke down in deep sobs before she could say a thing and placed her head on his shoulder. In shock, he put a comforting arm around her and guided her into his home. He knew something was very wrong.
Tiffany and Pastor Henry dropped everything, concentrating on listening and helping their friend. They listened to her fears, her heartbreak, and her needs. Offering comfort, they gave her sound advice. They told her that she wasn’t alone. That the church would be praying for her and they would help if they could. He explained to her that God loved her and the children, that He cared about what happened to them.
A few hours later, they prayed with her, asking God to intervene, to protect Ann and the kids, but most of all… that God’s Will would be done.
Ann felt better, a little… like being saved from falling off a mountaintop, but still clinging to the ledge, high above the valley floor.
After driving home, she curled up in her chair in her tiny bedroom and cried, and then she prayed. From exhaustion, worry, and stress, sleep overwhelmed her.
She woke up, a few hours later, just in time to pick up the children. Quickly washing her face, she rushed out to the car. As she drove to pick them up, she decided not to say anything to them. It would only scare and upset them.
Ann picked up Matthew first, then Marty. She tried to smile and make small talk with the children, but she couldn’t hide the sadness in her eyes or the look of strain on her face.
Soon she was silent, deep in thought. Marty sensed something was wrong, but sat quietly, watching her mother, not saying a word.
All through dinner and well into the evening, Ann hardly said anything. After dinner, Marty sat in the living room with the TV on, watching her mother in the kitchen, while Matt watched the cartoons. She saw tears on her mother’s face and the frightened look in her eyes she had seen before. It was like the time Daddy had gone away, and that scared Marty. She scooted closer to Matt and little tears of her own filled her eyes, sliding silently down her face.
“It’s time to get ready for bed,” Ann told the children from the kitchen, a little while later.
Marty immediately jumped up, got Matt ready for bed by herself, tucked him in, and then jumped under her own covers, wrapping them around her in a blanketed cocoon.
Ann was so preoccupied with her troubles, that when she came in to kiss them good night, she didn’t realized she hadn’t helped them to get ready for bed.
Vaguely listened to their prayers, she leaned over to give Marty a kiss good night.
“Mommy?” Marty said very softly, hesitating… “What’s wrong?”
Ann looked startled. Focusing on her daughter, she replied. “Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry. Please don’t look so worried. I just heard some very sad news today, but it’s going to be okay. Everything will work out fine,” Ann tried to smile. She bent down, gave her a big kiss on the cheek, and hugged her tight.
“You’ll see. Now go to sleep, sweetheart.” Ann said, tucking her in, and kissing her goodnight on her forehead. She gently stroked her daughter’s hair.
“Me too, Mommy?” asked Matt from his bed.
“You too, little man!” Ann said with exaggerated feeling as she went over to him, gave him a big hug, smothering his face with tons of little kisses, and then pulled the covers up to his chin. Matthew giggled with glee and pretended to be asleep.
Ann’s heart swiftly responded to the love from her children, but just as quickly it was stabbed painfully with the thought that she could lose Matthew. Turning off the bedroom light, she glanced at her children longingly and left the door ajar. Every night she allowed the hall light to softly illuminate their room. It made them feel safe. How she wished she had the power to always keep them safe.
Locking up the apartment, she went to her room. Sitting in her soft, overstuffed chair she tried to concentrate on her scripture reading, but it was no use. Everything came back - the conversation with Sean, the fear, and the unfairness of it all.
She remembered Sean’s threat about her mother. How could he use her to get Matthew away? She knew her mother to be a controlling and opinionated person, excessively so. She also knew Emma was upset about not being able to see them anymore.
But, to Ann’s knowledge, Emma had never told a lie in her life. That’s what was so infuriating about her. Emma had an unfaltering belief in her ability to get things done, that she was always right, but she was never contriving about it. Ann believed her mother to be one of the most honest people she had ever known.
Yet, Sean certainly could c
harm and manipulate her. Could he persuade her there was something wrong with Ann? Had he talked her into something that would bring ruin to them all?
Ann sat there trying to decide what to do. She wanted to call her mother, to ask her. She knew her mother would tell her, especially if she could tell Ann how right she was about something. But, she didn’t dare. She hadn’t spoken to her for months.
The last time they had talked, she had said a lot of hurtful things to her mother. It had been building up for years. She told her mother that she hated her. That there wasn’t any way she would ever be welcome in her life or the life of her children again. She was never to call or come over. Ann didn’t need her telling them how to live or what to do. Ann told her that she was totally capable of taking care of her own children and that she was fed up with her mother’s critical spirit and interference.
Ann refused to answer the phone when her mother’s name showed on caller ID. If Emma called from a different phone, Ann hung up on her.
The last time Ann saw Emma, she had traveled across town by bus, showing up at the apartment. Pounding on the door, her mother called to Ann. She scolded, cried and begged Ann to relent.
But, Ann stood on the other side with tears in her eyes and a heart of stone. She listened to the pleas to be let in, to let her talk to her, to forgive her. But the door never opened.
Finally, Emma realized the door wasn’t going to open and that she may have lost the only person in her life that mattered to her. She turned, stunned, with tears in her eyes, walking slowly away.
Emma was lost for the first time in her life. She didn’t know what to do. She tried to make amends, but Ann would have nothing to do with it.
Finally, when she realized there was nothing she could do, she stopped trying. Emma had never let her own mother back into her life, why would Ann be any different?
Emma sat in her old trailer, scared and adrift without her daughter. The days ran into months. She stopped writing her critical letters and kept to herself. How could she give out advice when she was so unsure of herself? She sat in the dark trailer and watched TV to avoid the crushing reproaches that surged through her mind and heart about herself. She fell asleep in her recliner during the day and slept fitfully through the night. She was so lonely.
She came to regret what she had done to her own mother, and Emma cried deeply for the first time in many, many years. For the loss of Fred, the loss of her mother and father, the loss of her brothers, and the loss of a life… which could have been very different, if she had been different… if things had been different.
No, Ann thought. I can’t talk to my mother. It would open the pain and hurt again. I can’t invite her back into our lives. If I open the door just a crack, she’d be all over me again. I’d like to know what Sean has been saying, but talking to mom is out. For now, I’ll just have to wait and see what happens.
Then her attorney, Mr. Tomlinson, came to mind. She’d have to call him in the morning. But she was reluctant to do it. Once she called, the snowball effect would take place. First the cost, followed by the time, adding the stress of court, and God only knew the outcome.
Her emotions exploded in anger again. The cycle of crying, praying and wrestling with this problem continued, relentlessly. Exhausted, spent, and depressed, Ann fell asleep in her chair.
When she awoke the next morning, stiff and sore, she knew deep in her heart that life as she knew it was never going to be the same again. Change was coming and she didn’t know how to stop it.
When she called Mr. Tomlinson, he told her it wasn’t necessary for her to come into the office. He assured her that if her ex-husband could find an attorney who would take his case, he would be ready. There was little chance it would ever go to court. After all, Sean had proven himself to be an unfit father.
Somehow, though, that didn’t make Ann feel any better. She didn’t trust Sean and knew he would find a way if he could. She dreaded what might be coming.
* * * *