A Tale Of Transformation

by Alexa Stewart

The day of Matthew’s funeral dawned brilliant and clear. Frost covered the landscape, little puffy clouds of vapor drifted in the air from the warm breath of those outside.

  Emma had gotten up early, made a light breakfast for everyone and dressed herself in her black dress. It was old and threadbare, but it was the best she had. Ann also dressed in black, a pantsuit that she would never wear again, because of the memory it would now hold.

  Has it really been a week since I lost my son? She couldn’t believe the time was passing so quickly.

  Marty stayed by her mother’s side all day, holding her hand as often as she could. The funeral home was decorated by the ladies from the church. They had worked with Ann to make a collage of photos from Matthew’s life. Flowers were on every available surface. Shelly and Jim were there attending to Ann’s every need, giving her their love, moral support, and caring hearts. The daycare workers came, along with Nancy from the hospital, church friends, and even Sean’s parents came.

  Ann hadn’t seen or spoken to them since Sean divorced her. They had stopped coming to the little church and moved on with their lives somewhere else. She knew they missed their only grandchildren terribly, but they had to be loyal to their only child. Now, it broke Ann’s heart to see them so alone in the world. They must be suffering terribly from the loss of their son and grandson, she thought.

  The Henderson’s stood apart in the back of the chapel, and Ann’s heart went out to them. They were good people and she wanted them to know she didn’t blame them in any way for what Sean had done with his life.

  Approaching them, Ann shook Bill’s hand and gave Eva, Sean’s mother, a hug. The two women cried and offerings of forgiveness were given and accepted.

  Eva reached down, giving Marty a big hug, while Marty reveled in Nana Eva’s affections again. Papa Bill offered his big bear hug for his only grandchild.

  “Would it be too much to ask to see you and Marty once in a while?” Eva asked softly.

  “You’re both welcome in our home anytime. I never wanted to be parted from you in the first place, but I understood why. I really did, Eva,” Ann offered.

  “Thank you,” both the grandparents said at the same time, with guarded joy illuminating their faces.

  “I’m so sorry about the way Sean handled his desire to have Matthew back in his life,” Eva said. “From what I’ve learned, he was frustrated with some legal advice he’d gotten and had been drinking heavily the day he took him. I believe that if he’d been sober, he wouldn’t have taken Matthew the way he did. At least I hope so,” she added unhappily.

  Ann was surprised to learn he’d been drinking. She understood some things now, that hadn’t made sense at the time. It was going to be hard to forgive him and his selfishness. The fact that he had been drunk made her feel sorry for him a little… but just a little.

  She would have to work hard to erase the hate she felt for him. She would try, because that is what God wanted from her, not because Sean deserved it. She understood that she needed to do this for herself, so she could move past this pain and not be a victim of his selfishness all of her life. Besides, it wouldn’t help her relationship with his parents, if she held onto any bitterness. I’ll take baby steps, inch by inch, step by step, a little each day.

  Ann asked Bill and Eva “How was Sean’s funeral? I hope you understand why I didn’t come,” she said with a heavy heart.

  “Ann, we do understand,” said Bill. “He didn’t treat you or the children at all well, we’re sorry. I wish I knew why he treated women the way he did. He wasn’t raised that way.”

  Ann responded, “I wish I understood it as well. It’s too bad he didn’t learned how to love and cherish others. I’m sure his life would have turned out differently, if he had.”

  Ann reintroduced her mother to Bill and Eva, and the small group sat down together. During the service Marty sat in between her mother and Grandma Eva, with Bill next to his wife. Emma sat on the other side of Ann. Shelly and Jim sitting behind them.

  It delighted Shelly to see Sean’s parents included in Ann’s small family again. She could envision more love and support for her friend, if this trend continued. She smiled with her hope.

  The family went through the motions of saying good-bye to their special little boy. The service was beautiful. Pastor Henry talked of hope, love, and the joy little Matthew had been to everyone. How he was loved by all who knew him. And about the hope we all have of seeing him again, in the next life.

  The memorial service came to an end and Ann turned to Bill and Eva asking if they would like to attend the graveside service with her. They were grateful.

  Standing at the back door, Ann said good-bye to all who had come.

  Her new family, Emma, Eva, Bill and Marty, along with her good friends the Fergusons, went to the grave site to say good-bye to Matthew, for now. Ann held Marty close, for comfort as well as to keep her warm on that cold, crisp day.

  Pastor Henry said a small, short service for the family as they stood around the grave site. He closed the service in prayer and Ann passed out roses that she had collected from the chapel. Each person walked up to the grave site, said a prayer, or spoke of their love for Matthew, dropping the lovely flowers onto the casket. With tears spent and emotions gone, Ann said her good-byes to her son. She told him she would see him someday. That she would love him forever and ever, and never forget the joy he had given her for all of his short life.

  It was time to say good-bye. Shelly gave Ann a sincere hug and told her she was so happy to see all the grandparents here and that she would see her at work on Friday. Jim put his arm around Ann for the first time since she had known him, tears brimming in his eyes. He didn’t say a word. He just hugged her, then turned to join Shelly as they walked away together.

  Emma stood nearby, observing the love shared between Ann and those around her, especially Ann’s relationship with her daughter. How she wished she could have shared in that type of love.

  Well, I have a second chance now. I can always learn, she reasoned with optimism. In her heart she prayed it would succeed. Suddenly, she realizing she wanted to make this a real prayer, If you’re real God, help Ann and I to get along. Help us to be able to live together. Let us be a real family.

  Finally, the long, hard day came to an end. One by one they got in their cars and went their separate ways. Arriving at the small apartment, three generations emerged from the car -- mother, daughter, and granddaughter -- tired and sad, but with a new gladness at being together.

  After dinner, the evening was spent in quiet companionship. Marty lay on the floor reading a book, while Ann and Emma spoke softly on the couch.

  When it was time for Marty to go to sleep, she was put to bed with special hugs and kisses.

  “Love you, sweetheart. God bless you, and I’ll see you in the morning,” Ann told her little girl.

  “’Night, Mommy,” Marty said, still aching inside for Matthew. But, she was glad she didn’t have to sleep in the room by herself. “Is Grandma gonna come to bed soon?” she asked.

  “I’ll be in bed before you know it,” Emma told her. “Your mother and I want to sit and talk for a little while longer. I’ll try not to wake you, when I come to bed.”

  “You won’t wake me, Grandma,” she exclaimed. “And even if you do, I can go right back to sleep,” Marty explained.

  “Well, just the same, I’ll try not to wake you. But when you open your eyes in the morning, I’ll be right there,” she said pointing to the bed. “Unless I snore so loudly that you won’t be able to sleep at all,” she said with big round eyes, her mouth in a frown as she joked.

  Marty giggled at her grandmother’s funny face. She turned over, pulled up the covers, and tried to sleep. Ann turned off the lights and left the door open a crack.

  At the table in the small kitchen, Emma and Ann stayed up talking about the funeral and the love they shared for Matthew.

  Finally, Ann said good night to her mother and gave her a hug. It sti
ll felt awkward and strange, for she wasn’t used to doing it, but it came from her heart.

  Emma looked startled and hugged Ann back. “Thank you Ann. Good night, dear.”

  “’Night Mom. See you in the morning,” Ann said.

  Ann went to her room, got ready for bed, then sat in her chair to read Scripture and pray. Long into the night she talked to God and He comforted her. Exhausted, emotionally drained, she got into bed, and fell into a deep sleep.

 

  The Return