Shameless

by Storm, Zee Shine

  Of course I wasn't going to ask her that. She wouldn't just abandon her life for anyone. We needed more time. I needed her to believe in this as much as I did. It wasn't that simple.

  "It feels good now but what happens when her husband comes back?" she persisted. "When she starts to tell you that she's too busy to see you. When you're aching to be with her but she's laughing away with him. When she tells you it's not safe to meet and always expects you to remain her dirty secret. It's going to hurt, Ziad. It's going to hurt real bad. Is that the kind of life you want to live?"

  I couldn't answer her because her eyes were glistening with tears by the time she had finished speaking. Then, to my shock, she let out a bitter laugh.

  "Karma's such a bitch, huh?" she said out loud while looking away. "I took one of hers and now she's taking one of mine."

  I didn't understand what she meant so I kept quiet, unsure of how to deal with this emotional side of my aunt which I had never, ever witnessed. Her hand came out to touch mine which frankly astounded the hell out of me.

  "I don't believe in labels," she told me in a calm voice. "I don't believe I need a ring on my finger to know my place in your dad's life. The same way I don't believe I need my name on those adoption papers to care about you and regard you as my family."

  I was breathing so hard at her rare display of affection and emotion. To have watched her being so distant all my life only to learn that she really did think of me as her own was unsettling.

  "I'm not going to tell your Abbu," she said to me in a shaky voice. "I won't tell him because this is going to hurt him ten times more than it's hurting me. But you need to stop this, Ziad. It's not going to end well for you."

  I hated hearing those words from her even as I wondered what made her so damn sure that this wouldn't end well. She spoke as though she could feel exactly what I was feeling right now. But I loved Skye. I couldn't give her up this easily. I didn't think I could ever be happy again without her in my arms.

  "Aunt Jasmine. Please. I need you to not interfere in this. We're both adults, okay. I know what I'm doing," I insisted with a pained expression, wishing I could just get through to her and make her see things my way.

  She let go of my hand then and straightened, regarding me sadly. "Loving someone is a beautiful thing. But if you start to lose yourself in the process than you gotta stop and ask yourself, is she really the best thing for you?"

  I was quiet after she had spoken whereas she got up and began to leave the kitchen.

  "Aunt Jasmine?" I called out, feeling kind of bad that I had opposed her so strongly in this matter when she was only looking out for me. "Who was it?" I asked tentatively, wondering if I was on the right track or just being silly. "The man who hurt you?"

  She looked at me for a while with a bleak expression. I really did feel sorry for her and also a little guilty for thinking that she didn't have my best interests at heart. She'd shared something with me today that I hadn't ever expected to bond over with her and I wanted her to know I did appreciate it.

  "Nobody you know," she answered me in a flat tone before presenting me with a kind smile. "Somebody I'm glad you never got to know."

  ~~~

  Cole

  He was holding me so close and so tightly as we lay in bed at 2 a.m on a Friday morning, murmuring drowsily and trying to put off sleeping. I'd have time to rest on the flight back home and Jasper had taken the day off from work to catch up on sleep later in the afternoon. In another twelve hours, I'd be returning to Italy and I felt both happy and miserable at the thought.

  The desire to be with Skye and the kids was overwhelming and yet, I felt bad about leaving Jasper behind. These two weeks had been awesome. I'd accompanied him to his shoots or just lazed around in the hotel room watching Netflix and reading, waiting for him to come back. During the evenings when he was free, we went out to dinner, the movies or to some show or event. On his off days, he took me sightseeing around Queensland. It had been a blissful, fun-filled and loved-up vacation. But it had to end sometime.

  "You're not going to take any more contracts that last this long in the future," I told my lover in a determined voice. "Three months halfway across the world is just ridiculous, Jasper."

  "Mmm." He nuzzled my neck, his stubble prickling me slightly. "I promise this is the last time. I miss you all too much. Especially Jacob," he said gruffly. "I think I'm finally ready to settle down."

  I pursed my lips in the dark. That would be the day. I had always supported his career and couldn't be happier for him but I wanted him home more often as well. Our family never quite felt complete without him around.

  "I wish you could stay longer," Jasper murmured to me, rubbing one large hand across my bare chest. "We had fun, right? Why not stay back for another week or so?”

  I let out a sigh. "Wells, we've gone over this. I already feel bad about leaving Skye to cope with everything on her own for an entire fortnight."

  "Skye is fine. I spoke to Jacob and he's being good to her, helping out a lot."

  "It's not the same. Jacob is a kid."

  "A kid who knows how to be responsible."

  "Okay." I moved out of his grip and frowned at him. "Are you going to spend our last day together arguing about this again?"

  He scowled at me. "I'm not arguing. I'm stating facts. You know she's doing okay over there. There's no need to hurry back."

  Exhaling roughly, I slumped back against the headboard and closed my eyes. He'd been trying to convince me not to go back since last week. I didn't know what was up with him. He knew very well that I should return home and be there for my family now. I'd stayed away long enough.

  "You still haven't spoken to her, have you?" I asked suddenly. "What the hell happened? Did you guys fight again?"

  Jasper turned his back on me and pulled up the sheets. "Don't go back yet," he maintained like a stubborn child without answering my questions.

  "I have to go back, Wells," I snapped in an irritated tone. "I don't know what your problem is but you need to remember the fact that she's my wife. She's the woman I committed myself to loving and supporting for the rest of my life and I'm not going to just abandon her to go frolicking on another continent with you for an indefinite amount of time."

  The hum of the air-conditioner was the only sound in our room. Jasper kept still for a few seconds before throwing back the sheets angrily and getting out of bed to walk across the room stark naked. Then he slid open the glass doors and strolled out to stand on the balcony under the night sky.

  Great. Now he was going to brood. Naked. Outdoors. This was some next level stuff even for him.

  I wasn't planning to apologise for my outburst. Almost twenty five years we had spent together and by now, I knew that these petty things didn't really bother him. I said stuff, he got mad about it, then he got over it. And when he came back to me as though we hadn't fought at all, the make-up sex was still hot.

  So I ignored him, turned over and tried to go back to sleep, wishing he would come back to bed soon and also wishing I could just tell him to fuck this stupid job and come back home with me tomorrow.

  I didn't want all this space and distance bullshit in our relationship anymore and frankly, I thought we were all getting too old for this. I mean, how hard can it be to put aside the past and conduct a healthy relationship like mature adults after almost two decades of knowing each other? No labels, my ass.

  More than anything, I wished Jasper and Skye would just get over themselves and grow the fuck up sometimes.

  ****

  Chapter 15

  Ziad

  I was watching the needle-like leaves of the huge deodar cedar tree above me fluttering and falling in the midday breeze while lying on the ground with my hands behind my head, feeling utterly and totally relaxed. It was lunch time at school and many of the students chose to spend it outdoors. I blocked out their voices and focused on the feeling of all being right in my world again. The conversation this morning with aunt Jasm
ine had put my mind at ease somewhat.

  In the middle of my musing, I got a text from Skye and smiled as I read it.

  - Are you coming over tonight?

  Yeah. I couldn't wait to see her either so I proceeded to let her know exactly what I was planning to do to her once I did go over and we could be alone again. That was why it took me a while to realise that Jacob was standing over me and regarding me with a thoughtful expression on his face. I wiped off the stupid grin on my own and pressed the phone to my chest.

  "Hey. What's up?" I said lightly, blinking up at him.

  He moved his gaze to my phone, then back to my face and folded his arms. "Is she really all that special?" he asked me with a small frown. "You won't even tell your best friend about the first girl who managed to put that look on your face? I'm not going to try and steal her, you know. I actually am pretty happy for you."

  I let out a sigh, feeling guilty as hell about having to go behind his back this way. I couldn't tell him anything and this secrecy was slowly starting to affect our friendship. He thought I didn't trust him or didn't consider him worthy of confiding in.

  "Jacob-"

  "You missed lunch with the team again," he broke in flatly. "Tomorrow's a huge deal for me, Zi. I hope you won't screw that up as well."

  "Of course I wouldn't," I replied, sitting up. "We're going to win, okay."

  He flicked his eyebrows at me as his lips thinned in an expression of doubt. "Let's hope so. I know I'm giving a hundred percent. Not sure about you though."

  He strode away then and I watched him go with a gloomy expression. I didn't blame him for his resentment. He had no idea what was going on in my personal life and for him, winning was a huge priority. Jacob had always been ambitious and becoming a legendary soccer player was his ultimate dream. He deserved it too, more than I ever did because to me, it was just a sport that I enjoyed and was good at. To Jacob, it was everything he worked for.

  If we won tomorrow's game, it was going to put us on the map. We had scouts from Milan coming who were always on the lookout for the best, young talent. I wasn't going to let my team down. Especially not when my best friend was counting on me. But tomorrow was another day. I had far more important things on my mind right now.

  ....

  The only patisserie that remained open in the village after eight p.m was on the corner of via Picoli (Picoli street) and it was relatively new. It occurred to me suddenly today that I'd been to Skye's place countless times to stuff my face but I had never once brought her anything to thank her or show my appreciation.

  She liked croissants and had a preference for iced mocha so I decided to order those. The place was cute, well-lit and had that pleasant aroma that hung around in sweet shops like these. Only a few customers were scattered around, finishing up their desserts and coffee before the shop closed for the night.

  There was nobody at the counter so I spent some time making my selections and removing my wallet to get the money ready. A minute later, the door at the back swung open and out walked a girl, fixing her pale, blue eyes on me. My body went taut with shock and I almost dropped my wallet as I took in her appearance. She didn't say anything but simply stood there looking at me, just like the last time and when I opened my mouth to speak, no words came out.

  Then suddenly, her pink lips curved up in a sweet smile and she voiced a greeting in a lilting voice in Italian before asking me how she could help me. Instead of answering, I forced my gaze away from her to look around at the other customers warily.

  "Don't worry, they can all see me," the girl said.

  When I glanced back at her, her eyes were lit up with humour. Shaking my head slowly, I let out a resigned breath.

  "You know Jacob," I stated and she nodded at me.

  "My dad knows his dad," she told me. "I'm Sierra, by the way."

  I almost laughed at that. "Yeah. I figured," I said dryly.

  She bit her lip as she smiled. "Sorry. Jacob said nothing ever spooked you so he made me do it. He's been really great helping me out adjusting over here."

  No wonder I'd never seen her before. She wasn't from around here. "Guess I'm not the only one keeping secrets," I said under my breath before placing my order.

  As she rang up the bill, I thought of Jacob and Aali scheming to make a fool of me and decided to play a little joke of my own. So I told Sierra not to let him know that I'd already met her and she considered it for a moment before giving me a wink.

  "No problem," she said easily, handing me my order and change. "It's only fair. Sorry if I scared you too much."

  I shrugged at her. "I'm just happy to know that there is no girl here who met a fate like that. It really had me worried about this community in general."

  Sierra laughed at my words as I said goodbye and started to leave.

  "See you at school, then?" she called out, making me turn to look at her in question.

  Her pale eyes carried a spark in them as she regarded me with interest. "I'm starting Monday. Hopefully you can get to know me and realise I'm not that scary."

  Okay. I just gave her a polite smile and nodded before walking out of the patisserie, my steps increasing in speed when I thought of being with Skye again tonight.

  ....

  "My husband is coming home tomorrow," Skye informed me after we had finished having two rounds of sex in the spare room again that night.

  I stiffened at her words, staring up at the ceiling blankly.

  "Zi, did you hear me? You have to go back tonight. He'll be here early. And we have to stop meeting like this."

  My breaths started to sound more like gasps as she continued speaking. A sensation of falling overcame me except that I was still there in bed, lying in her sheets and bathed in her scent.

  "Why?" I asked her at last and could sense her gaze on me.

  "Why? Because I'm married, that's why," was her exasperated answer.

  "So?" I argued, feeling my blood heat up. I didn't know if it was my fear speaking or my bravery but I reacted out of instinct. "People get divorced all the time."

  Skye laughed at me then, half in disbelief and half as though she thought I was being ridiculous. "I'm not going to divorce him, Ziad. I love him."

  It made me angry. How could she be so blind regarding my feelings for her? To want to dismiss me at her whim just because her husband was about to show up after everything we had shared.

  "If you love him, then why are you sleeping with me?" I asked her with a bite in my tone as bitterness started to creep in. "If you love him, then why didn't you think about him when you were letting me inside your body, Mrs. Sawyer?"

  She fell quiet after I blurted all that out. Maybe she was just as shocked as I was to hear those words coming out of my mouth.

  "You need to go," Skye told me in a low voice after a whole minute passed in brutal silence. "And don't text or call me unless I do it first. You promised me, Ziad. I'm choosing to trust you so please don't let me down."

  ****

  Chapter 16

  Skye

  Cole had informed me that he might be home by four in the morning so I set the alarm for three a.m and spent about an hour cleaning up but trying to be as quiet as possible so that I wouldn't wake the kids. None of them had any idea that he was returning today and I knew they would love the surprise.

  After taking a hot shower and making myself some coffee, I sat at the kitchen table to wait for my husband, smiling a little at the prospect of seeing him again even as worrisome thoughts about Ziad invaded my mind. He'd felt bad for a while but then he'd left calmly after giving me a hug and apologising for his words.

  Almost every man had an ego, I supposed. It didn't matter if they were eighteen or eighty. Him suggesting something as outrageous as a divorce had shocked me. Ziad might claim that he was only in this for the sex but it was obvious he had a crush on me and had spoken out of jealousy. He was a sweet guy and I did believe that he would never try to hurt me or my family by lashing out just because he r
ealised my attentions were no longer solely on him but I was going to have to keep my distance from him now.

  The affair would have to end. Zi needed to understand that him and I had only been a temporary thing. We'd given in to our attraction and shared some beautifully passionate days and nights but I was married and I couldn't just string him along for an indefinite amount of time.

  It was the right thing to do except I felt so reluctant to do it. I was a woman after all and the way he had devoted himself to me and made me feel like a queen was beyond flattering. It felt too good. This was most probably how a lot people ended up having affairs. I had never imagined I'd be one of those people but now that I was, I became aware of a need to justify things to myself.

  Ziad's words had struck a chord in me.

  If you love him, then why are you sleeping with me? he had asked.

  I hadn't minded his words because he was just a teenager. I was raising three of them and if you started to get offended by everything a teenager said to you, you'd be a pretty miserable human being. But it did get me thinking so hard about something I had been avoiding thinking about.

  Did I love my husband? Yes. There was not a doubt in my mind that I did. Was I sleeping with Ziad with the intention of causing pain to my loved ones? Not at all.

  Did I even think for a minute that I would allow this affair to ruin my marriage or my family while engaging in it?

  Never.

  I was caught up in the magic of being made to feel like a goddess. At my age, it was addictive. It contributed to me becoming a lot more positive about my body and myself as a female. It didn't have anything to do with how I felt about Cole...or Jasper.