“Can you help me avoid hitting a tree or careening off a cliff?”
“You really don’t have to worry about cliffs on this section so we can skip that for now. As for trees? If you don’t head in their direction they will generally leave you alone.”
“Ha. Ha. Ha. Well, let’s get this done. I’m eager to try these out.”
Skye guided Dan through the basics and up the hill for the first run. “I’ll go down and you follow.”
“Are you sure I shouldn’t go first so you can pick me up?”
“I’ve already shown you how to get up if you fall down. I think you’ll be fine.”
“You’re mean.”
Skye grinned. “Good. Maybe it will keep you from getting hurt.”
“Why did you ever stop skiing?”
“I fell for a boy and got sucked into the wrong crowd. Doing anything healthy became a thing of my past. Recreation became about sex and drugs…not skiing, art, reading, or even Zumba.”
“You consider Zumba recreation?”
“I get to go dancing a few days a week without someone trying to buy me a drink or proposition me, so, yeah, I do.”
“And you get paid for it.”
“Right, without it being a strip club.” She winked at him. “Catch you at the bottom.”
~*~
She took off down the easy slope, grateful that she had an opportunity to get used to the balance and movement on the skis. She missed this. Now she really couldn’t afford a hobby. But for today she would enjoy herself. She slid to a stop at the bottom of the hill and turned to watch Dan. He was a strong man and she was confident that with a little practice he’d be mastering the most difficult hills.
She stood and held her hand up to keep the sun out of her eyes. Dan pushed off and slowly started his descent. He started out straight and slowly began to move to the right and left. He made it to the bottom and with a swish came up to her. “Shall we do it again?”
They went down that hill several times and moved to one slightly longer.
After their second time down that hill, Dan seemed to try to be a little fancier in his descent. She watched, giggling but pleased at how much he grasped in their short time there. As he came down the last half of the course, his ski broke and he somersaulted forward, the other ski bending his leg at an odd angle.
Skye unlatched her own skis and ran as fast as she could up the hill to the prone body lying in the snow. Ski patrol was on his way down. She dropped to her knees in the snow. Dan held his side and laughed.
“Pride goeth before a fall…” he gasped.
“Or a broken ski. That was not an issue of skill, Dan. Where are you hurt?” She leaned over to unhook what remained of both skis. He tried to straighten out his one leg. He groaned as he pushed himself to his elbows.
“My ego has a dent here…” Dan pointed to his ribs, “…and here.” This time he pointed to his knee. “But I don’t think I broke anything. I also don’t ever remember doing a somersault in the snow before in my life. While I don’t recommend it, or wish to do it again, it was quite fun.”
The patrol arrived. Slowly, Dan rose to his feet, and they walked him down the hill. Once in the lodge and out of his ski clothes, the patrol looked at his side a little more closely.
“I think you should go to the doctor,” she said.
“I will. Probably need an X-ray of my ribs, not that there is much they can do for that except it means no Zumba for a while.”
“Would you stop smiling?” Skye couldn’t believe how jovial he was in spite of his pain. “You might have been seriously hurt and you act like it’s some joke.”
“Oh, trust me, it hurts and it was definitely not a joke, but Skye, don’t you see? I got out and played. I lived today. Not to serve anyone. Not to please anyone. Not to do any duty or job. I played and I had fun.”
Skye shook her head. “I should never have agreed to this.”
“I’m glad you did. I think part of the fun has been the company I’ve been with. You were a great teacher. Thank you, Skye, for making this such a memorable day.”
“I’m totally lost here as to why you feel this way, but if you enjoyed yourself in spite of that tumble I’m happy for you. I, however, have responsibilities and need to get home to relieve my mom who is probably pulling her hair out with my kids.”
“Your kids are great, Skye. Tell her to play Legos with them and she’ll have fun.”
Skye shook her head. This was a different man than the one she met only a few weeks ago. “Let me know what the doctor says?”
“Will do.” He gave her a salute as he struggled to his feet and zipped up his coat. Together they walked, well, Dan limped, to their respective cars.
The pastor was insane. Weren’t they supposed to be serious? Staid? Boring?
This man really wasn’t a pastor at all.
He was human.
~*~
Dan stretched out on his bed and reached for his bottle of water to take the pain pill the doctor prescribed. Every inch of him hurt, but he couldn’t stop grinning. When had he ever had so much fun? Had he ever really played?
Memories of running around his neighborhood with his brothers and neighbors playing cops and robbers with sticks for guns. Racing bikes around empty parking lots. Kick the can. Soccer in high school and basketball. Yet with none of those did he remember feeling joy like he did today. His therapist was right. He hadn’t been living. Hiding in his grief trapped him. He’d been entombed in ice and it took a spunky neighbor to help break him out of his shell.
He really should apologize to her. She’d been genuinely worried about him. Sure, he bruised some ribs and twisted his knee, but nothing was broken and he’d heal up soon enough. As he drifted off to sleep, he wondered what else he could discover to do that would be fun. He only hoped he didn’t have to wait until he was healed up to find out.
~*~
On Sunday, he was back at Orchard Hill. He didn’t want to be anywhere else. He waited to see if Skye would show up and when she did, he approached her.
“Hey, kids all settled?”
“Yeah.”
“Wanna sit together?”
“Aren’t people going to talk?”
“It is what people do.”
“No. I mean about us.”
“There is no ‘us’ is there? We’re neighbors.”
She looked at him and shook her head. “Fine. Suit yourself.” She walked away, and he stopped to pat someone on the back and grab a bulletin. He spied her toward the back on the right side.
He slid in next to her. “Why back in the shadows?”
She shrugged. “All the better to make out with you, I suppose.” She covered her mouth quickly, and he spied her pink cheeks as she ducked her head and tried to hide behind her hair.
Dan wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that. “Wow. Here I thought I was the one who got my brain rattled on that hill.” He settled back to focus on the room. They had redecorated the stage. He liked it. He glanced through his bulletin. Skye settled back beside him but let her hair fall forward like a curtain shielding her face. Dan couldn’t help but grin.
Sharon used to tease him like that early on, but not after he became a pastor. He hadn’t even realized how much he missed that kind of repartee with a woman. Of course, Skye wasn’t his wife so the comment was a tad on the inappropriate side, but it pleased him anyway. She must think he was attractive to make a comment like that, right? He’d forgotten what it was like to sit with a woman, as a man and not a pastor. Not that he would act any less honorably, but it was almost as if the role robbed him of the ability to…
Had Sharon been aware of that wall? They never touched, kissed, or in any way showed affection when in public. The thought grieved him. Another failure to chalk up to his frozen heart. The one that was cracked but now letting in the warmth of…what? Affection? Attraction certainly.
But she could never be a pastor’s wife.
Why not?
S
he doesn’t love Jesus.
Yet.
She’s divorced.
So? She wasn’t a Christian then and even if she had been, her divorce would have been permissible.
She doesn’t look the part.
He paused at this. He looked around at the diversity in the congregation. So what? She didn’t look like a cookie-cutter pastor’s wife.
Wait a minute. Who started talking wife here? He wasn’t in the market for a wife.
You’re lonely.
True. But that didn’t mean he had to pick up the first woman to cross his path.
She’s about the eightieth if you had been counting. And the only one to shake you out of your comfort zone.
And he had definitely needed that.
He stood for worship but never forgot the woman next to him. When they sat for the offering, she leaned over. “You have a beautiful voice.”
“Thank you.” He pulled out his Bible and pencil to take notes. She took out her phone.
He scribbled his notes and she typed them on to a blue note pad on her device. Interesting. He’d never thought of doing that before.
After they stood for the last song, he followed her out of the row of seats.
“See ya later, Dan.”
“Yeah, later.” She walked away and he quickly averted his eyes. Other bodies already interfered with the view. He moved out to the café to talk to people he knew before heading home.
Alone.
The emptiness of that word haunted him. Not so much now because of missing Sharon, but the fact that in a year since her death he’d done nothing to develop relationships where he might have company, to laugh, talk, or do something. He rubbed his wrapped rib. Not that he was even up for bowling right now. And laughter? Well, that rather hurt too. So perhaps home for a nap was a good call after all. He’d figure out the rest later.
~*~
The next day while painting, Skye found herself humming one of the worship songs from the day before. She did a quick search and found a radio station that played Christian music. The music moved her in new ways. There was more light in her painting than the previous ones. She finished one with a bird soaring. She chose watercolors today and the soft shades blended and created in her a sense of hope and freedom. Freedom. She leaned back in her chair to consider the work.
Would she ever feel that free inside? Would the darkness of her past always cast a shadow over her? She never thought about that before. It took all she had to make it through each day caring for her kids and providing for them. But art was an introspective career and emotion was huge in her work. She looked at the bird and longed for it to be her. For her soul to be that free. To soar above the hardship and pain of life.
If God really cared for her like the songs she listened to and the pastor and even Dan had spoken about…why had she suffered as much as she had?
Because I made choices I knew weren’t the best even at the time.
And why?
Because I was afraid of being alone—like my mom.
And where did that get you?
Divorced. Alone. With two beautiful children.
Tears ran down her cheeks. The thing she most feared had happened, but she survived. Didn’t she? They were making it. The kids were doing better and she was starting to make some strides in her career.
I am so lonely.
She was also too busy to go out and make new friends who weren’t doing drugs. Skye left not only their apartment, her husband, but also all their friends. She changed her phone number and moved outside of Milwaukee County to avoid any and all contact with people she used to hang out with. She didn’t want to get sucked back into that lifestyle. She didn’t want her children raised by a strung-out mom. Or killed in some drug bust gone bad.
This was all Dan’s fault. She’d been content with mere survival until he showed up. Handsome. Caring. Asking questions that forced her to think, he changed everything.
Her kids were happy and wanted him to come back to babysit.
Riley was in jail, this time for attacking Dan.
She’d attended church—twice. She’d gone skiing which she’d not done since high school, and up until Dan fell, she’d enjoyed it. She still couldn’t believe how hard he laughed as he tried to get up from his strange and painful position in the snow. She almost wished she’d recorded a video of that run. It was funny, but at the time she was so concerned he was hurt.
He’d limped, and she noticed how carefully he sat yesterday.
She wondered how he was. She hadn’t heard him leave his apartment. But where would he go? He couldn’t work out at the Y and it was freezing outside. What did he do since he couldn’t work?
She walked away from her painting. The music was still on and she flicked it off. The painting drew her eye again. Freedom. Was Jesus really the key to that? Her mom thought so. Dan did too.
But Dan’s wife died. He’d been forced out of work he loved.
None of this made any sense, but logic didn’t appear to be the qualifier for faith in Jesus. If she understood it correctly, faith was an act of believing without proof.
From where she stood, faith was equal to foolishness. Wasn’t it?
But how many times had she believed in someone she could see and been disappointed, hurt, and betrayed?
Could an invisible God be better than the humans He supposedly created?
They aren’t all horrible.
Yeah, but none are perfect.
I was.
“God?” she whispered.
Silence met her plea.
She shook her head and blew her nose. The man next door had some explaining to do.
She crossed the hallway and knocked on his door.
“Coming.” The voice came faintly from inside and something crashed.
The door whisked open to reveal Dan in a T-shirt and jeans.
“Hey, Skye. Wasn’t expecting you today.”
“I need to talk.”
“Like a sit-down kind of talk?”
She nodded.
“I could meet you for coffee in fifteen minutes. Would that be OK?”
“Do we really have to go out in the cold to do this?”
He frowned and nodded. “Listen. Don’t take this personally. As a pastor, I need to protect my reputation, but it’s more than that. You’re an attractive woman. If I start spending time with you alone behind closed doors, it opens the door to intimacy and that might become physical. I would never want to dishonor you or any woman in that way, but I am a man and can be tempted. So, I play it safe.”
He wasn’t rejecting her, but protecting her. “OK. I’ll meet you at the coffee shop.”
He smiled. “Good.”
The door closed and she went back to her apartment to grab her coat and purse. If it weren’t for the fact that she had questions for him, she would almost anticipate this as a date.
Danger! No. He was right. There could be nothing between them. He was a pastor. She was surprised lightning hadn’t singed her fuzzy boots for daring to walk into the hallowed halls of a church.
Except Orchard Hill didn’t look like any churches she’d seen before. It was filled with space and light outside of the sanctuary and no windows at all in the theater style auditorium. Not a stained glass window to be found. It was somewhat sad that the art that filled old church buildings was no longer a part of the current religious culture. Maybe God didn’t need artists anymore like He did in centuries past.
She shivered at the cold in her little car. She didn’t have a lot of time to meet before the kids would be home. As she walked into the restaurant, she got a text from the Y. An instructor was sick and they wanted to know if she could teach the class. Around dinner time again. She rolled her eyes.
Dan limped in and gave her a wave as he whipped off his stocking cap. His fingers raked through his blond hair making it spike on top. Soon he was sitting across from her at a tiny table, warming his hands on his cup of joe. His steamed frames were sitting on
the table. She placed hers next to them.
“Coldest winter in forever around here.”
“That’s what the weathermen say.” Skye drank him in. He was an attractive man, but up close he was overwhelmingly beautiful. No wonder her subconscious chose to paint him.
“Maybe I should find a church in the south or California?”
“Would you really move away?” Her hands shook as she blew on her hot tea.
He shrugged. “I’ve considered it as a possibility. Would I just be running away?”
“I tried running away. It helped a little, but the fact is I took my biggest problem along.”
“And that was?”
“Me.”
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“It’s not your fault.”
“I realize—it’s just, I understand all too well.”
She nodded. “I have questions.”
“About what?”
“God,” Skye whispered.
“I’m not Him but I’ll try to answer what I can.”
“Why did God create man if he were to be so evil?”
“Initially man was good. It was all good. God made the world and everything in it and then made man. He realized man would be alone and created woman to be a helper. They were happy in paradise. I’m guessing Wisconsin is as far removed from that as possible, at least right now. They could go anywhere, talk with God. He only had one restriction on them. There was one tree in the garden that they were told not to eat from. That tree was called ‘the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.’
“All they had ever experienced was good. Evil was a mystery to them. Satan masqueraded as a snake and teased and tempted Eve, the woman, and she ate of the fruit and gave it to Adam who also ate of the forbidden tree. They violated God’s law and now full awareness of evil had been unleashed. They were banished from the garden and no longer would live eternally in paradise with God.”
“So, they were given a choice?”
“God always gives us a choice. He doesn’t want puppets to worship Him. He doesn’t want adoration that is forced and false. He longs for us to come to Him with hearts filled with love and gratitude for the wonderful gifts He gives us. All of Scripture is filled with the history of man making choices and the consequences of those actions. Physical death is inevitable and didn’t occur until after that first sin. That’s what sin is at its most basic, a choice to disobey God.”
Bratwurst and Bridges Page 7