Bratwurst and Bridges

by Baganz, Susan M. ;

  Dan gave him a wave. “I’m going to hit the shower here and head in to work.”

  “Lunch?”

  “Probably stop somewhere and pick something up.”

  “See ya later. Tonight’s your late night, right?”

  “Yeah, first time back since the beginning of the year.”

  “Try to enjoy it.” Andrew grabbed his keys and headed for the lobby.

  Dan picked up his stuff and headed for the showers. When he was done, he stalled for a few minutes in the lobby pretending to check his phone. He really did check his e-mail until he spied Skye coming toward him.

  Her eyes grew wide as she saw him standing there. “Dan?”

  “I had a racquetball game this morning with Andrew.”

  “Pastor Andrew?”

  “Yeah.”

  “How’d it go?”

  “He beat the pants off me but since it was my first time, I didn’t do too badly. I’m sure I’ll be sore tomorrow.”

  “If not later today after sitting at your desk.” She headed out to the freezing cold.

  “You got time for a cup of joe?”

  She stopped, and looked at him. A shiver shook her. She nodded. “I’ll see you there.”

  ~*~

  Skye pulled into the coffee shop parking lot and found Dan’s car pulling up next to her. She really wished she’d showered at the gym. This is not a date, so don’t worry about it. She got out and he held open the door to the restaurant for her. The scent of coffee beans made her smile. Soon she’d feel warm. At least for a few minutes until she needed to brave the cold again.

  She found a place to sit, and Dan brought a hot drink and placed it in front of her. She sniffed it and looked up at him, puzzled. “This isn’t coffee.”

  “No, a chai latte. I remembered you had some in your cupboard at home and not much in the way of coffee. You keep your coffee maker on top of the fridge, indicating you only use it on rare occasions.”

  She took a sip and warmth spread through her. Not just from the drink but also from the man who noticed that coffee was not her preference. “Thanks. That was sweet of you.”

  “Nah, just observant. How’s the new car working out?”

  “I like it. It’s much nicer than the one I had.”

  “How are you recovering physically from the accident?”

  “My neck is still a little sore. I can’t fully turn it to the right so I need to turn my body to look over my shoulder when backing up. Makes some of my Zumba moves more difficult, but I manage. I can live with that. Hopefully, with stretching, it will get better.”

  “No chiropractor?”

  “Considering it, although I suspect it would have been better to go right after the accident.”

  “Maybe, but it might still help.” Dan slid a card across the small table. “This guy goes to our church. He’s helped me in the past and he’s good. Takes State insurance too. I asked but didn’t mention your name. Since it was an accident, I suspect it will have to go through that insurance. Did they ever catch the guy?”

  “Yeah, they did. I’m not the only one he hit. He was on some prescription that had ‘do not drive’ listed as a caution he failed to heed.”

  “I’m glad they got him.”

  “And he had insurance. The company has already called me to make things right. They did say that seeking medical help was covered. They were surprisingly nice about it.”

  “Good. I’m glad. How’s the painting coming?”

  “My art is going surprisingly well and I can’t help but think you are right about your talk about the Holy Spirit. I went back to read John, chapter seventeen, where Jesus talks about going away. He asked God to bless those who didn’t even know Him yet. The request was to keep us from the evil one.”

  “Right,” Dan whispered as he leaned forward and she was drawn to the stars in his eyes.

  She swallowed. “I started to think of all the ways God had already done that. I don’t know how I got out of that marriage alive. God put Riley in jail and doors opened for me to walk through. It wasn’t easy, but it could’ve been much harder. That brick he threw through your window was intended for me. It might’ve harmed one of the children, or myself. I walked away from the car accident, the children were not hurt, and you took care of them when I couldn’t even call anyone.

  “And then, Friday—Friday was the weirdest one of them all.”

  “What happened Friday?”

  “It’s almost too weird to share.”

  “Try me.”

  “Fine. I was painting and in my zone. When I stepped back, the picture on the page was nothing like I ever imagined. It was beautiful. I couldn’t believe I had painted it. A deliveryman brought me flowers. No card.” She leaned forward. “Do you know that in all my years on this earth no one has ever bought me flowers? No one. Ever.”

  She wiped the tears from her eyes. “But this was the kicker. They were the exact same flowers I had painted. Almost an identical match. I didn’t paint roses, Dan. Roses are the traditional Valentine’s Day flowers but I didn’t get roses. And the colors? Even if someone had seen that painting, and went out to buy me flowers, they could never have gotten it totally right. But these were.”

  Dan sat back in his chair and his hands fell off the table. “Whoa. That’s amazing.”

  “So how can I deny any more that God loves me and cares about me? Given all the evidence and realizing how bad I’ve messed up in my life…He’s been there, waiting.”

  “You decided to accept that gift?”

  “What did Pastor Andrew say on Sunday? That following God is telling Him you’ll do whatever, wherever, whenever. That terrifies me. But He’s already at work. I might as well trust Him.”

  Dan’s face lit up with a grin. “Skye, you really mean it? You’ve recognized you’re a sinner and need a Savior?”

  “That was the easy part.”

  “You accept that Jesus died and rose again for your sins?”

  She nodded. “And yes, I’ve decided I don’t need to be Thomas…God’s shown me Himself in plenty of ways for me to believe. It was the choice to give up my will to His that was hard. And I expect it will continue to be for a long time. He will help me with that, won’t He?”

  Dan nodded. His starry eyes swam. “Yeah, Skye. He’ll help you. He already has. Welcome to the family.”

  “I’m glad you asked me to coffee, as I longed to share that with you but couldn’t find a time to do so.”

  “Me too. We’ll call it a divine appointment.” He glanced at his phone. “Speaking of, I should probably head back to church to work on my message for Sunday.”

  She placed a hand on his arm. “Wait. How was your Valentine’s Day, Dan? I thought about you and as much as I understood how, prayed for you.”

  A tear fell from the stars to travel down his cheek. “Yeah, well, it was rough, but you know, God showed up when I needed Him to as well. I was a traditionalist when I was younger and had even proposed on that date. Figured I wouldn’t forget the date and that it would be important not to. I was right. It was…and I haven’t forgotten.”

  “Good memory?”

  “The best kind of memory, but it brings up a world of hurt too not having her by my side to celebrate and remember.” He rose and zipped up his coat. “I really do need to go. And Skye, I really am thrilled with your news and look forward to seeing that painting someday.”

  Skye watched him go and sat to sip her chai. Her heart was heavy with Dan’s brief revelation. The depth of his pain reached out to her. She finished her drink and headed back into the cold. For once in a long time, she had an image in her mind that she wanted to paint.

  ~*~

  Once the kids were down for a nap, Skye picked up her brush and went to work. The object of her canvas was similar to the one that graced that magazine cover. Only this one portrayed grief and love lost. She stepped back from it when she was done and stared at the eyes that had penetrated her secrets and challenged her faith. Had she
gotten it right?

  She loved this painting, but it aroused sorrow within. Good art was supposed to evoke emotion, right? Feel what the artist felt. Empathize with the object of the picture. The only problem was she could never sell this one. She’d never do that to Dan. She couldn’t expose his pain to the world. She picked up the canvas, took it to her bedroom, and placed it on top of the dresser. What else could she do with it?

  ~*~

  Sunday morning came and she managed to get her kids to their classes and sat a little closer to the front this time. She didn’t want to watch Dan on the big screens. Skye wanted to see him as he talked. She spied him down to the front on one side with the senior pastor and they were whispering to each other until the worship team kicked the service off.

  It was still strange to her that people clapped in church. She noticed it before sitting in the back. She gripped the seat in front of her. The second song she at least had heard before. It was easy to pick up the tune, so she sang. The words made sense now and joy overwhelmed her. Before she realized it, she was sitting down with her notepad open on her phone.

  Dan started to talk and she was drawn in…just like when they would go to coffee, or talk in the hall. It was like his words were written just for her. She found the book of James in the Bible on her phone and read along with him in the first chapter.

  Suffering, perseverance, growing in faith. Dan started talking about losing his wife and she could hear his voice choke up as he talked about how difficult that struggle had been.

  Her notes took shape.

  When things are hard—

  Hold on to faith, and recognize God loves you.

  We can ask for His help and wisdom.

  Good gifts sometimes come out of deep pain.

  Faith may waver but God is always steady.

  The worship team took to the stage and sang the song that had been playing in her car when she had her accident. This time the promise she heard was that God’s love never fails.

  Finally, a man she could count on.

  And she was His.

  ~*~

  Skye got the kids and tried to find Dan, but he was surrounded by people wanting to talk to him and have him pray for them. A surge of pride overcame her, and she shook her head and turned to leave. Why would she feel pride in his message? She held no personal stake in his life. It wasn’t like she was in love with him or anything.

  Or was she deceiving herself?

  How else could she have painted him like she did the other day? She arrived home, and went to her room, closed the door, and stood in front of his picture.

  I don’t love you. I can’t.

  That tear looked real.

  OK, so maybe I do. But you could never love me. You are so out of my league.

  She sunk to her bed and wept. She grabbed a tissue, blew her nose, and went to get the kids some lunch. When she put them down for their naps, she went back to the painting.

  I love him.

  And there was nothing she could do about it.

  ~*~

  Dan came home ravenous and exhausted. Eat or sleep? Eat then sleep? Or sleep then eat? He kicked off his shoes by the door, hung up his coat, and padded to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and frowned. He pulled out a plastic container of leftovers and popped it in the microwave. He’d never rest well if his stomach was pitching a fit.

  He sat at the table and ate a few bites. Memories flooded his mind of the moments when he came home on a Sunday like this to a warm meal, fresh-baked apple pie, and the lavish praises of his wife who would talk to him about his message and what she got from it. They would discuss. Debate even. And for a short time, he imagined he was as good as any of the great preachers out there.

  He wondered what Skye had thought. Maybe it was better not to know.

  His phone beeped indicating a text message.

  Great job this morning.

  Skye. He texted back.

  Thanks. Did it help?

  Yes.

  Good. That’s what I needed to hear.

  Needed? You OK?

  Dan looked at the screen. He didn’t dare get that honest with her. Yeah, just tired. Gonna take a nap.

  Rest well. Kids are napping too.

  Will you paint?

  Not today. Might take a nap myself for a change.

  He closed his eyes…longing shot through him. A shared wall was all that separated him from a cure for his loneliness. But he wouldn’t cross that line. He couldn’t.

  Rest well.

  He put his dishes in the sink and dragged his weary body down the hall. Defeated by buried dreams and forlorn desires, he collapsed into bed, praying that sleep would rescue him.

  ~*~

  He could’ve stayed home Monday morning. When he was married, he usually did. But the empty rooms of his apartment closed in on him and he needed to escape. He took his guitar with him.

  Before he left though, he scraped the frost off Skye’s car while his warmed up. At least that would be one less thing for her to worry about.

  Once at the office, he dropped off his things, tuned his guitar, and headed to the sanctuary stage. He turned on only enough light so he wouldn’t trip over anything. He found a stool and sat down, strapped on his guitar and let the music flow. He was so wrapped up he didn’t notice when the lights outside the room turned on. It was just him, his guitar, and God.

  Lord, I want what I can’t have. It’d been one thing to go into ministry with Sharon as they had prepared together. But to bring any woman into this was cruel and a horrible way to start a marriage, wasn’t it? He wasn’t even dating someone, but he was thinking marriage. How twisted was that? Only, he’d been celibate for over a year and he missed the physical intimacy of marriage as much as he missed the friendship. Someone always in his corner. Someone who lifted him up when ministry got tough, and the attacks came.

  He wasn’t even dating anyone, but he couldn’t even consider the option with the end result he desired. He didn’t want to risk hurting someone just to ‘try them out.’”

  It’s not your choice.

  The chord he strummed was off. He paused his fingers. He kept forgetting that it wasn’t all his choice. Any woman he desired had a choice as well. He definitely wouldn’t let her go into a possible marriage without understanding how hard it was. Sure, he wasn’t a soldier, police officer, or firefighter, but he still faced slings, and pointy arrows from well-intentioned, but at times, fire-breathing dragons.

  He loved the church. He loved this church. Too often people forgot that he was human too. That he made mistakes. He was far from perfect. Attacks cut deep. His internal calendar was littered with scars and broken moments, where he wondered why he even stayed in this type of work.

  He was part of a great church. He worked with wonderful staff and they had fun in the office. They laughed and cried together over the joys and hurts of the larger church family. The hurts sometimes outweighed the joys…at least as far as they affected his emotions.

  A shadow made its way down the center aisle. As he came in to the light, he mounted the stairs to the stage and pulled up a stool.

  “You did well yesterday,” Andrew said.

  “Thanks.”

  “What’s got you gloomy…other than it’s Monday?”

  Dan gave a half grin. “Mondays aren’t the problem.”

  “What is?”

  “Me. I’m the problem.”

  “Care to explain?”

  “I’m ready. I am finally ready to fall in love again. But I’m scared.”

  “What’s scaring you?”

  “Asking any woman to walk this path with me. You understand how hard it can be.”

  Andrew nodded. “You didn’t know me when I was younger. I was already a pastor when I met Jennifer and fell in love. I was also too naïve to realize how challenging the journey would be. Neither of us had a clue. But here we are, twenty-two years later and still going strong, if not stronger, than we were then.”

  “Y
eah, but I do know.”

  “So, you be honest about the challenges that life might hold and let God lead her. You’ve done enough marriage counseling to realize the challenges couples face go far beyond what we struggle with in ministry. Life is hard. Having a friend to walk through it with you makes it easier.”

  “I’m so lonely. I don’t want to fill that longing for the wrong reasons.”

  “You haven’t even started dating anyone. Don’t you think you’re jumping the gun here?”

  “Date or no date, my heart doesn’t differentiate.”

  “You’re in love?”

  “Yeah.”

  “How long have you known her?”

  “Seven weeks.”

  “Skye?”

  “Yeah. I didn’t even fully realize it until she shared with me that she had come to faith. It was like the last piece of the puzzle fell into place. I was already attracted to her…but a baby Christian?”

  “Have you told her how you feel?”

  Dan shook his head. “I’ve not said anything.”

  “Court her.”

  “In this fishbowl?”

  “You can be discreet, but why do you need to hide?”

  “There might be more like Amy out there.”

  “Maybe, but you’ve not shown them any interest so I wouldn’t worry about them.”

  “Until rumors start flying.”

  “Keep your nose clean and let them fly. They won’t stick.”

  “Seriously? You’re OK with me dating?”

  “I’ve been waiting a long time for you to be ready. Sharon wouldn’t want you to walk this path alone and I seriously don’t think God does either.” Andrew pulled out his phone. “How about dinner at our place later this week? Bring Skye and her kids. I would like to get to know the woman who unwittingly holds your heart.”

  “Are you sure about that?”

  “Yeah, my daughter Anna might even be willing to help entertain the kids so we can have adult conversation…and if Skye ever needed someone to talk to about the challenges of ministry, Jennifer would be a great friend for her to have.”

  Dan took the guitar strap off and lowered the body of the guitar to the floor. “Thanks. Thanks for pushing, for understanding, and for being a friend.”