by Stone, C. L.
Apricot frowned and motioned to me to bring her the paper. “Read it to me.”
I shut the door and then read the characters. “You are creating enemies. Please check your kimono boxes.” I showed her the paper, wondering if I’d read it incorrectly. It didn’t make sense to me. “What kimono boxes?”
Apricot’s frown deepened and it wrinkled her lips. She motioned to me to hand her the paper, and she dropped it into a pitcher of water on her table. The ink smudged and dispersed, staining the water.
She grabbed me by the shoulder and ushered me to the door. “Come,” she said.
We left her room, her still in her lovely silk kimono, looking like a young empress, and myself so common, and I thought it ludicrous, like a dream.
The hallway was dim as there was a roll of clouds hanging over Kuni, making the house dim. I slid across the wood platform behind Apricot. She walked so quietly that I barely heard her. I tried to mimic the way she walked to stay just as silent.
We went around the wooden walkway around the courtyard, past the maids’ quarters and to the storeroom.
“I’m not supposed to be over here,” I said.
“Not uninvited,” she said. “I’m telling you to come with me.”
Apricot opened the storage room side of the far building. She took a lantern and passed it to me to hold.
She urged me into the room to light her way. I wasn’t sure why she wanted me to walk ahead of her, but she urged me on, and I sensed she was nervous to be in the storeroom. Maybe she wasn’t supposed to be in here either.
The room was filled wall to wall with red lacquered boxes stacked one on top of the other, the stacks so high that some were taller than either of us. There was a path among them so we could access ones deeper in the room.
As we inched forward, I could read some of the black lettering etched on placards.
Hatsu – White yukata with blue cranes.
Yuki – Blue formal kimono with pink flowers.
The placards were matched to different lacquered boxes. Always a name and a description. Some had the name of the former empress inscribed on them.
“These are all the kimono my mother owns,” she said. “People pay a lot of money just to rent one for an evening. They’ve been passed down by the grand empress as gifts to my mother.”
I swallowed, fearing being caught even looking at the boxes. Some had been among royalty, and I felt unworthy of being around them. I held the lantern high for Apricot but kept my arms tight to my body to avoid knocking any over.
On the far side, just before the end of the rows of boxes, we finally found a couple of stacks with Apricot’s name on the outside.
“Here’s yours, too,” she said, pointing to boxes two stacks to the right of hers.
“Mine?”
“What she plans to give you if you are selected. You’ll probably wear one on inspection day.”
I trembled at the thought. A kimono as lovely as what Apricot wore would be given to me? I couldn’t picture it.
Apricot had me hold the lantern closer and opened one of the boxes with her name on it.
Inside was a delicate powder-blue summer yukata robe with white and purple flowers. An obi in a deep green color was included alongside.
It seemed fine. She closed the box and then moved on to a second. She lifted a sleeve part way, but nothing seemed out of place. “Check yours,” she said.
We moved together toward the stack with my name. I took a deep breath and opened the top one.
Inside was a fine yellow kimono with green leaves fluttering in the breeze, alongside an orange obi.
Only the smell of it was unbearable.
I closed the box immediately, but it was clear that someone had dropped something foul inside the box intended for me. The stench was so intense, it lingered even after the box was closed.
“We have to get these out!” Apricot cried. “Whatever is in there will ruin all the kimono!”
I set aside the lantern carefully. Apricot slid each of the lacquered boxes with our names into my hands, two at a time, until I couldn’t carry any more.
We carried what we could out of the storeroom and further back into the rear of the kitchens, where food was stored. There was a table there where we stacked the boxes.
I went to retrieve the other boxes left behind and the lantern, and by the time I got back, Mrs. Satsu and two of the maids were standing in the kitchen next to Apricot.
The smell hit me as soon as I walked in. It was rancid, like sewer water and dead, rotting flesh. Not all of them had such a smell, as Apricot had many kimono. Those were carried out to avoid absorbing any smell.
Mrs. Satsu examined the remaining open cases and covered her nose with her hands. “I don’t see what could be causing the smell.”
The maids lifted each kimono out, inspecting them. “I see nothing,” one said.
“It must have been sprayed on, like perfume,” Apricot said.
“Then they are already ruined,” Mrs. Satsu said with a displeased expression. She raised her eyes to me. “This will cost thousands of taels to replace.”
My heart sank. The kimono she had intended for me was unwearable.
She had the maids close the boxes and send them to a cleaner to see if they could be salvaged. Other maids were sent to the storerooms to check all the boxes and make sure nothing else was destroyed.
In the end, only mine had been tampered with. I realized then the message hadn’t been for Apricot at all—only for me.
We had been lucky to have been told, or that smell might have escaped the boxes to ruin all the kimono in the storeroom.
Apricot returned to her room with her escort. Sota, Shima and Ryuu were summoned. Mrs. Satsu brought us to the tatami room.
She shut the door and used the white crystals quickly. Her displeasure was etched into her face, causing her wrinkles to deepen until her lips almost disappeared.
“I’m so sorry about your kimono,” I said and sank to the floor, kowtowing before her. “I’m so sorry.”
Sota, Shima and Ryuu said nothing but fell into place behind me, bowing as well to her, following my lead. I wasn’t sure why they needed to do the same. I was the one who had been targeted.
Mrs. Satsu approached me. “They will have to be replaced, Mizuki,” she said in a low tone. She came to me, standing over me in my kneeling position.
I stared at the floor. I didn’t know what I’d done, but I couldn’t help but wonder if this was my fault.
“You must have done something to have caused someone to do this to you,” she said.
“I did nothing,” I said, but without conviction. I didn’t know if I should tell her about the letter Sota had sent off and how I was involved. Would she have felt I’d tattled on one of the students she expected to be chosen? Would she believe I’d done it out of jealousy?
I couldn’t imagine who else it could have been. Had that girl and her escort been released and now they sought revenge on me?
The fact that Sota didn’t speak up about this told me he didn’t think we should say anything, either.
“As I don’t know who else to blame, I must charge you the costs of those kimono. You may not have done the deed, but your actions were enough to drive someone else to do this. And if you won’t say who, then you are the only one left to pay for them. Those kimono I selected for you were invaluable, worn only by the grand empress herself.”
I gasped, daring to look at her, sure she was mistaken.
Her face was solemn. “You are her size, and your features are similar to hers. I thought there was a good chance they would help you. Now, you have nothing.”
I lowered my head again, defeat reeling through me. My actions had caused someone else to do this to me, and to Mrs. Satsu, who had nothing to do with this. They would cost a fortune in taels. She was at a severe loss. There was little chance I could be selected without a fancy kimono, and I now had none. I had already lost before even registering. I had zero chance
to succeed. “I can get my things,” I said. “I can go home.”
“Home?” she spat at me. “No.” She knelt and touched my shoulder with a harsh shake. “I can’t let you go home right now. You will never pay this off in ten thousand lifetimes if you go home.”
I closed my eyes tight, feeling the swell of emotion in my throat and the knot in my stomach increase. She was right, of course.
“Not unless you register and succeed,” she continued. “Not unless the emperor picks you.” She tugged my shoulder to get me to sit up and face her.
I did, with tears sliding down my cheeks. Fear captured my heart, keeping it contained within a cold glass jar. It was hard to breathe, hard to think. “I can’t win,” I said.
“You can,” she said in a softer tone. “You have to.”
I sniffed and tried to get my raging emotions under control. I gained nothing from falling apart in front of her.
“She can pay you back out of her taels when she succeeds,” Sota said in a gentle tone behind me. I sensed he had sat up.
“I can pay you from mine if I gain a position,” Ryuu said. “And if not, I’ll trade from the northern country to the south and back to help repay it.”
“I have nothing,” Shima said, “but...I’ll give up what I have to help. I’ll work for your house. Whatever it takes.”
The jar around my heart crumbled at hearing them speak up for me. This had been my fault. Ryuu and Shima especially had had no hand in this. I felt they were making promises they would regret. It was one thing to work together, but quite another to throw themselves into a lifetime of debt for my actions.
Neither had a reason to be so nice to me, and yet they continued to be kind. It confused me in so many ways.
“Your team is small right now,” Mrs. Satsu said, rising away from me to stand tall. “But you’ve chosen wisely to trust in them. Keep this up, and you’ll be unstoppable.” She turned away from me and left the room, closing the door to give us privacy.
It felt like closing the door on the last of my strength.
THE ILLUSION OF CONFIDENCE
AFTER MRS. SATSU LEFT, I fell onto my side, staring blankly at the wall.
I could have destroyed all of our chances, not just for my own group, but for everyone within the House of Satsu. For Mrs. Satsu herself, and for Apricot. The stink left in the storeroom could have spread through the entire thing, bringing the House of Satsu down with it.
Who could have tainted the kimono? Who would risk so much? We’d all heard the guards come in and take someone for just talking about conspiracy and sabotage. Now someone has actually done so, and with precision.
For me.
The harder I tried to gain control of myself, the harder it was to stop wishing I had taken no part in writing a letter and not asked Sota to become part of it.
I was numb. Whoever it was, maybe they wouldn’t stop.
Maybe the only way to save my own life would be to return to my house and hide.
Apricot was right about watching my back.
Would there be even more to worry about in the Immortal City, where a wrong move meant the guard cutting off my head, or worse?
Maybe this had all been a mistake. Every part of me ached, thinking of home. Thinking of my parents.
I should have been with them on the ship.
A strong pair of arms lifted me suddenly off the floor. Without words, Ryuu carried me out of the tatami room.
“Get a tub,” Ryuu said to Sota as he carried me down the hall. “One as big as she is. Bring it to our room.”
Sota didn’t stop to ask. He simply walked away. Shima followed him, as if knowing none of us should be alone now.
Ryuu brought me to our room, sliding the door closed with a kick of his foot.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered to him.
“Shh,” he said. “Not now.”
I didn’t have the energy to tell him to put me down. I let him carry me. He kicked the futon out of the middle of the room, creating some space, and then lowered, kneeling on the ground with me, and waited.
He cradled me and hummed another folk song from our village. The Taka sitting on the windowsill perked up at hearing the tune and sang along.
It was enough to get me to stop staring off like a madwoman in complete shock, but my misery continued. Could I have ignored what I’d heard? Should I have confronted whoever it was myself instead of sending Sota to the authorities with a letter?
I couldn’t imagine who else would have sabotaged the kimono meant for me. But it felt like at every turn, we would face such problems. Why should we dare stay?
Sota returned with Shima, carrying a large tub behind him, and maids followed behind them with buckets of water. Shima put the tub down in the center of the room.
Sota spoke, “We should probably do this downstairs.”
“No, here is fine,” Ryuu said. He placed me on the futon and then rose to stand near the tub, looking inside it. “Sota, go get those salts and other things from the bathhouse. Whatever you were using last time.” He motioned to the maid with a wave of his hand and then snapped at her like I’d seen Mrs. Satsu do. He spoke with power and authority. “I want a fresh kimono and cloths to wash her.” He turned to Shima. “And bring up some hot water. Fill the tub.”
Instantly they moved, and Ryuu scooted the tub on his own to sit next to the window, shoving the table away to make room.
When he was finished, we waited while Shima brought buckets of water upstairs, and when the tub was filled, he brought up one more bucket to sit beside the tub.
Sota returned with a crate filled with paper packages. He shooed the maids out, taking the cloths from them and rolled the door closed.
“We could have just taken her to the bathhouse,” Sota said.
“Isn’t that how all this trouble started?” Ryuu asked.
I sat up quickly. “You shouldn’t blame the bathhouse.”
“I know you’ve been as pale as snow ever since you left the bathhouse.” He dipped a cloth into the warm bucket of water and adjusted me until he could take hold of my feet and scrub. He did it roughly, and when I complained, he scratched his forehead. “I’m probably not very good at this.”
Sota came forward, but Shima stopped him. “Let me.”
“It’s my job,” Sota said.
“I need to learn,” he said, and gave him a solemn look. “We all need to know, so we can help her. Because we may need to, in situations like this.”
“If we go into the palace, we’ll always be targets for the corrupt.”
“Then trust us,” Shima said. “Let’s be careful who we trust, but trust us.”
Sota slowly nodded. Ryuu relinquished the cloths. Shima knelt in front of me, taking my feet, washing me.
Shima was quiet and remained focused on my body, washing. This time, though, he did a light massage of my muscles as he went. If Sota had done this for him at the bathhouse, then he mimicked it very well. He learned quickly.
“I don’t see how this helps,” I said, disheartened they were working on me when I felt so low and helpless.
“My mother once told me the key to confidence is comfort,” Ryuu said. He moved to lie on the futon, staring at the ceiling. “Once you become comfortable, you’ll find the confidence you’ll need to win this.”
“You place this all on me,” I said. “After all that has happened...”
“No one is tainting my kimono with stink,” he said. “They don’t see me as competition, and I don’t blame them. I was never serious from the start.”
“I’m nowhere near ready,” I said.
“You will be,” Sota said.
“You’re our best shot,” Shima said. He scrubbed at my knees and thighs, focused on his task. He rinsed my skin.
I felt their confidence in me was misplaced.
But perhaps I wasn’t trying hard enough. Was I giving the same effort they were showing me now? Apricot said I could have become a wife of the emperor if I had applied. Mr
s. Satsu had brought me so many miles to the capital, picking me out of many other girls. Sota and Shima and Ryuu were placing their bets on me, joining me on this journey.
And what Ryuu had said struck me. He hadn’t been targeted. He wasn’t considered a threat.
Someone thought I was.
Shima took his time washing my body and preparing the warm bath with more salts and scented oils and creams, as directed by Sota. The water in the tub changed into a powdered blue.
When I got in, I relaxed, looking out toward the city. Sota and Ryuu remained nearby in the room, allowing me to soak.
Their plan to get me to calm down and think of what must be done did do me some good. Concerns about what had happened and why drifted from my mind. Instead, I thought about what was ahead of us. I wanted to make sure Mrs. Satsu was repaid for the kimono. I wanted to show Ryuu and Sota and Shima I was worthy of their trust in me. I couldn’t keep looking to run off every time something horrible happened. What good was royalty that cowered after every defeat or problem?
Every day they showed me kindness. I had to remember that not all people were deceitful. That most of us tried to do the right thing, to be good.
No wonder the emperor was desperate to find good people, and why the registration and inspection were so important. If he was just, and good, and wanted to rule in such ways, I had to help. People shouldn’t live in fear of such vile actions as I had faced.
If I were him, I’d want people I could trust around me, too.
I relaxed in the tub, listening to the sound of the wall of dragon stone slithering on itself in the distance, wondering what lay beyond it. Wondering if I would ever know life inside the wall.
OVER THE NEXT WEEK, Ryuu and Sota and Shima confined me to my room.
“We must be more cautious than ever,” Sota said. “Someone knows you’ve got a good shot at a position. So let’s not give them any more opportunity.”
I didn’t argue the point, and spent more and more time looking out the window at the city when I wasn’t studying. It made me feel safe knowing they were looking out for me, and that gave me confidence like Ryuu had promised.