A Fire Upon the Deep
Page 68
* [vsv] June 10, 1991 Definitely not “only when”. I mean “when lots of rules are broken”
* mARK 01Jun89
* [vsv] May 31, 1991 QU for clv: When historically was the nature of glacier and glacier-valleys realized (the dynamics)?
clv: Agassiz mid XIX’th century, though an observant local could have deduced the dynamics of mountain glaciers most any time
* [vsv] May 31, 1991 “summer patches” is awkward and ambiguous
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* Slightly iNCON but good.
I say to leave it, but try to make it more consistent by PRO writing
For instance, don’t make it so terrible to separate for brief times
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* INCON usage hei? since you show it later in Samnorsk.
Oops: Hei really is Norsk for Hey or Hey there. Yecco.
Okay. So maybe I should eliminate it from Tinish? — done 03Feb91.
May be sort of awkward feeling, though
* CHKd sp bass
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* qU How is parallax possible without a background? Solution: Make the torch visible as a shape Guinness says human acuity is 1 minute of arc. The torch must be several times this, actually. Seems reasonable that they would start hearing it around 50000ft ~ 15km. If Wicky has human far visual acuity then that would make the torch substantially longer than 3e-4*15000m = 4.5m In the text you imply the violent heating effect of the torch is 300m, so this looks quite consistent with being able to see its shape on first sighting Human interpupil is .07m and stereo range is 10m, so with a interpupil of 10m we have range 1429m, and even 30m gives only 4287m = 2.66miles
* [vsv] June 20, 1991 actually, with multiple eyes, some forms of res might be enhanced (even if individually, they are not better than humand — and puppies are worse, remember), thus conceivably the ranging could be somewhat better.
You should revise the TINES.TXT file appropriately
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* CHKd sp timberline
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* [vsv] June 10, 1991 deleted the reference from the previous paragraph connect with fønwind fires PRO write this difference in summers later on.
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* PRO write crickers and woodborers
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* mARK 02Jun89 PRO write this stuff (Hightalk …) in later, too
* [vsv] INCON what about this reference to ears
I think I’ve done an adequate fix-up (there may be targets of opportunity, later) PRO write ears IMPER Interesting, there are only two references to ears in Blabber “The Blabber’s ears perked up.” “clipped the receiver to her ear” It does make some sense that they would have dog-like ears for “low-freq” sounds: “low-sound ears”
* PRB tympanum tympana ears etc yecco. Latin: drum Greek tympanon drum Webster tympanum, pl tympana or tympanums. My reading of the definition
I suggest that packs can use each in either way
That is, the membrane can be used for sending or for receiving.
tympani=timpani a set of three kettledrums. Comes from italian and thence from Latin tympanum tympany — resonance on percussion
* [hld] “intra-pack” probably sounds like high compression 100K baud modem one of the trellis-coded things. Some pattern in it has periodicitiy in limb-motion time scale. White noise with chipr and warble perhaps. Could possibly use “spread-spectrum” pseudo-noise coding to allow some amount of independence between intra pack comm. Nervous systems seem to be able to generate chaotic “almost periodic” clocks that could be used as correlation filters. IMP : I wouldn’t use same membranes for sending and receiving. Bad problems with cooking the receiver with ~120dB power differences between the receiver threshold and the transmitter output. Also, I don’t see an easy way to use direct membrane drive for high frequencies. The max direct muscle contraction rate for a single muscle fiber is about 1KHz. A possible out is a piezo-membrane, a biological analog of a PVDF electret; There would still be a problem with the ~1KHz nerve pulse rates. I’d use some specialized multi band transmitters —ie, “organ pipe array” with enough controlled coupling between pipes to make trellis coding and phased array directionality work.
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* CHKd sp: hill crest
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* pRB iNCON How fast would this cool? You’re assuming <12h
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* PRO write what Tyra was up to over the next few hours?
* [vsv] June 10, 1991 She was snooping, unseen by all — remember Tyrathect knows this country
I don’t think I will show this, though something would be possible along these lines at the end of the Tyrathect scene in c13.txt
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* [vsv] okay : pRO write Servant, Servant of the Flenser
Also get rid of the term High Lord. — not sure I did (January 24, 1991)
The ranking should be essentially: The Master (Flenser) The Lords (includes Flenser, Steel, Tyrathect) The Servants (of various ranks) of the Flenser Shreck is a “high Servant” c30) Servant used most often in c04 (occasionally elsewhere, inlcuding c15 and c30, so I don’t think I’m going to try explicitly to make more common (or less) June 11, 1991 Military ranks (some in parallel with the Servants) Outsiders may use the term Flenserist to apply to any member of the movement, June 11, 1991 and Flenserists to apply to all the members June 11, 1991
* TUF May 31, 1991 Unfortunately, the next paragraph appears to be the first use of the term “Servant”
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* [vsv] May 31, 1991 Why should a pilgrim’s memories be any longer than other people’s? In fact, they should be shorter.
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* NÆH : REN Scriber isn’t quite right; how about Scrivner? Scribner? Or something that shows his perceived brilliance?
* NÆH : REN Also consider spelling Peregrin instead of Peregrine Latin is Peregrinator
Some PRB QU with using given names here?
* [vsv] June 10, 1991 TUF : May 31, 1991 Is being “new” clear enough (even in vsv’s own mind?)
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* [vsv] June 10, 1991 TUF : May 31, 1991 Are these packs mentioned anywhere else? No, not as of June 1, 1991
* Almost INCON . This implies another merging with an adult member. Praps Rum was a puppy of the same pack as that member. I don’t want to get too much into it without a lot more background, since it would make Pilgrim’s life look too violent
Or maybe the newby reference far below is to Rum’s previous pack, and it’s Rum that is being referred to directly below:
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* [vsv] June 1, 1991 I consider the two preceding paragraphs to be an answer (perhaps too subtle) to the motivational questions that jrf2 raises in c04
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* iNCON ladder reference, I think I’ve cleaned this up, and the problem about inferred radiation
* [jrf] suggests saying “Dad” instead of actual name here:
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* [vsv] [ur] NOTE what this implies about torches in other stories BKG July 17, 1991
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* [vsv] June 10, 1991 TUF (and there is some):
* PRO write. All through the story, I think you should have recollections of her parents. Toward the end, she might recognize that they were less painful. (Also the memories can be used to motivate her in ways other than hate)
* REN “ultrasound” collision with other ultras
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* mARK 02Jun89
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* QU Ask MG about this placement
* INCON ? Saying Johanna is one of the older (or oldest) students in the school implies that the Straumers have highschools away from family most of the time.
* IMP : “‘Testament’ can mean a lot of things.”
rEN : Straumli Realm does not take an article (done in t1 and t2)
* [vsv] INCON oops, gotta make it clear that everything was set up for communication before the ambush
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* [vsv] usage “the High Lab” instead of “High Lab”
* [ur] Might be easier to do this later when Amdi and Jefri are talking about setting up comm
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* QU iNCON ? with the talk of hot turf?
* [vsv] CHK BKG INCON birdcall
* CHKd sp birdcall
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* [vsv] Oliphaunt RETRO here?
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* ? CHK it seems to me this must be on the right side if she is southwest of the boat
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* What a silly way to die. But they passed out of her sight to the right.
* [vsv] June 2, 1991 “what a silly way to die” out of place from a thirteen-year-old?
* QU is it okay my mixing “wolves” and “dogs”? I mean the distinction to to be mainly in the mind of the observer
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* [vsv] June 2, 1991 “Lost in the madness”? (presaged in preceding paragraph)
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* [jrf2] what is a rendezvous pylon? TUF June 10, 1991
* [vsv] 10Jun91 10:46:29pm mARK June 2, 1991 Hmm, smart flechettes? How does this compare with the pistol that Pham is using in c37?
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* [vsv] IMP PRO write flamethrowers
Perhaps this could be in the scene with the nest of wolves much later
You have already put some flamethrower stuff into the denouement
* CHKd sp: flamethrower
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* PRB QU Is it too unbelievable that she doesn’t have use of her legs?
* [jrf] Yes, a little
* [vsv] May 31, 1991 I don’t really mean the gross implication of “spicy” smoke. Dropped it June 11, 1991
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* was 02.txt, p21
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* [vsv] note term “flametroopers”. PRO write or drop
April 13, 1991 jrf Wants more about Scriber earlier, trying to show that he’s an intelligent creature who can’t quite put it all together (poor bogosity filter)
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* [jrf] In general could we have a better term than “member”
* [vsv] Except for what the Victorians did with “member”, this term seems perfect. Suggestions?
* [jrf2] It’s okay as long as you don’t use it for anything else
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* [jrf] prefers “Ugh”
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* INCON ? that apparently there was ultrasound before the speakers were posted?
* [vsv] June 1, 1991 Do you really want to have this misunderstanding about the ultrasonics? ( — I think it’s okay)
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* [jrf2] generally finds “Flensers” confusing. Maybe use “Flenserites”? or Flenser’s Servants
* [vsv] June 11, 1991 Decided to use “Flenserist”
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* [jrf2] travoises?
* [vsv] but travois is the preferred plural in my dictionary
unfortunately, it’s a little ambiguous later paragraph
June 2, 1991 went with “travoises”
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* PRO write? Gotta have a reason somewhere for the separate taking of Johanna
* [vsv] This is easily explained as a separate intrigue; unfortunately, I don’t see where to shoehorn it in
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* [vsv] INCON QU that he later turns up on a cart? Seems reasonable to me if there are no paths around here. NÆH : Might PRO write this sort of problem in army scenes at the end
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* CHKd sp worldwide
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* QU Is it okay that Scriber has not appeared to be fraudulent before now?
* [vsv] I added a little earlier
* IMP he should not be used to killing
* QU hummock v hillock. I think Johanna is the only one who uses the term hillock. Similarly for “meadow” v “field” Hmm. This is even consistent with her usage at the beginning to t3!
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* NÆH : PRO write (or delete): browsing
* [vsv] Note also the use of choir
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* INCON Note what this segment implies about the interrogation methods possible among Tines!
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* This illustrates how a given name may be built up from member level names (see
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* QU Is this okay postponing hailing Scriber till after the preceding paragraph?
* [ur] INCON ? use of sex id for a member? You use “it” quite consistently for frags and members a little later in this chapter. But you also use gender (cf Kwk). I think the important point is that gender is not so often socially significant? does that make sense?
* [vsv] [ur] actually gender is much more appropriate for individual members!
* [ur] IMP BKG ID two types of gender pronouns; the ones for whole packs much more complex MODE issue <— Yes! June 11, 1991 but this should just be the subject of low level correction (unless you do end up with a MODE interlude
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* mARK 02Jun89
* CHKd sp meaning “to lie doggo” “in hiding”
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* QU Action too rushed?
* qU Paw claws or tines. Make clear they are artifacts
* QU too much blood and guts? (both human and tines?) PRB Probably should make it clear that this is considered horrible stuff
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* [jrf] “plenty of noise” repetitious?
* [vsv] I don’t understand?
* [jrf2] This phrase “plenty of noise” seems an oddly pedestrian way to sum up what follows. Do you need to say it? (Unless it’s a “code phrase” to tines like “wet work” is to humans
* [vsv] June 11, 1991 — deleted the reference
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* pRO write Collective
* IMP review location of chapter breaks
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* PRO write war of the Plains Herds
BKG REN webster catamaran = tamil for tie+tree (maram)
I couldn’t find trimaran in the webster CHK research this more
* [vsv] Changed “multimaran” to “multiboat” and “bimaran” to “twinhull”
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* pRB Gotta decide if whitejackets are lords. (see resolution in notes above).
* [vsv] PRO write Tenth (or n’th) Attack Infantry
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*
[jrf2] cammies? — deleted reference June 11, 1991
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* [vsv] June 6, 1991 Probably should mention crossbows somewhere before c18
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* pRO write or delete “HL” usage
pRO write “get-of-bitches” instead of “sons-of-bitches”
* [vsv] Unfortunately, don’t see where to shoehorn this in:
PRO write the element of politics in this separate removal. Was this a plot against Steel? You probably have to tie up this loose end somewhere
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* [vsv] [ur] June 2, 1991 Maybe delete last sentence of the preceding paragraph?
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* QU First aid? Internal bleeding symptoms?
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* mARK 03Jun89
* pRB Shouldn’t really be a “small castle”
* [vsv] PRO write “newby” real late in the book, too