A Fire Upon the Deep

by Vernor Vinge

  Note 246

  * QU Things like Skroderiders in previous sf literature?

  [jrf2] Like them in what way?

  * [vsv] CHK INCON whether you have used gender previous in connection with Blueshell and Greenstalk — yes, you do, but I don’t think it’s too bad June 8, 1991 CHK for repetition with the Lost Time 1 stuff:

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  Note 247

  * CHKd 1000km from surface to Docks?

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  Note 248

  * [vsv] [ur] June 8, 1991 Lots of AWK in next two paragraphs

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  Note 249

  * QU INCON ? Is it too implausible they didn’t remark the Galaxy when they were on the skiff?

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  Note 250

  * PRB probably should have them both move up to the window

  * [vsv] June 8, 1991 Conflicts with the fact that they were just outside.

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  Note 251

  * TITLE The Zones of Thought— more a series title actually, or the name of this whole fictional universe

  * TITLE How about Among the Tines, Book I of The Zones of Thought

  * [vsv] see notes in c07 June 8, 1991 do you really mean “quite complete”?

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  Note 252

  * PRB somewhere I want to get in the possibility of just a good copy being made of Pham and then having him returned. QU doesn’t really seem like there is space to do it here? — never mind June 12, 1991

  PRO write, probably as a news item. Analysis of Old One, in terms of close coupling and size — NÆH June 12, 1991

  Instead this might be done when Ravna is trying to get Pham out of his funk, on the OOB

  * TITLE (or part of a speculative news item): The Slow Zone, cradle of thought

  Chapter TITLE “Gray Code” (though I have no idea what its significance could be in this context)

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  Note 253

  * [vsv] IMP note in this paragraph mention of sapient devices

  * [vsv] June 12, 1991 minor: Might try to use “wheelies” elswhere, though actually it looks like an ad hoc ism on Pham’s part, to be dropped once he is really familiar with the Riders

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  Note 254

  * [jrf] A terrible “pick-up” line (middle of paragraph) <? — vsv>

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  Note 255

  * [ur] single line space deleted for now January 26, 1991

  * [ur] WARNING. Sidebars should be 1space indented to avoid autoindent problems Even then it’s wise to work with them with autoindent turned off

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  Note 256

  * [JLC] neat name!

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  Note 257

  * CHK consistency of times

  * [vsv] [ur] June 12, 1991 minor: wish it didn’t look so sextigesimal

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  Note 258

  * [ur] 07:21:29 Docks Time, 27/09 of Org year 52089 (Clock Slop < 15 seconds)

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  Note 259

  * [ur] [light gloss]:

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  Note 260

  * [vsv] [ur] INCON rethink this number along with other traffic stats elsewhere in the story

  * [vsv] [ur] June 12, 1991 Nuts. The times below may be too pointed (pointing the reader unnecessarily at the threat of Death Cubes)

  * [vsv] April 14, 1991 I think 500h and 7h are okay

  * [vsv] June 12, 1991 implication between this time and the Straum posting in c06 that the Relay “day” is 35/36 as long as mine

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  Note 261

  * [ur] CHK these numbers and percentages (and in comparison with the number of available backbone tranceivers)

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  Note 262

  * ID I bet it hurt to relay this message!

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  Note 263

  * [vsv] June 12, 1991 Quite possibly the biggest Peep of all time

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  Note 264

  * QU Does Ravna seem too blasé about the fate of Straumli Realm? QU Is it too crass that she didn’t go running off to Grondr the night before with news of the refugee ship? If so, how to make it not crass?

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  Note 265

  * QU Implausible that Grondr would have allowed his phone image to look disheveled? Possible SOLN RETRO write a comment about his looking so unflappable that he probably didn’t even have phone disguises [weak and awkward]

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  Note 266

  * [hld] Old One should need all that much bandwidth for two-way sensory tap on a human. Raw receptor bandwidth is probably about 500Mbyte/s, much less if tap into post processing stages of the brain

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  Note 267

  * QU How about a little nausea here? NÆH June 12, 1991

  * [jdv] Who was having sex? Why? Who was that masked man? Did Pham have a good time?

  * [vsv] I’ve tried to do that in c16.txt now.

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  Note 268

  * [vsv] June 12, 1991 leaving following as FRAG , because it makes the jolly last paragraph seem more out of place: how much of her could Old One have copied?

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  Note 269

  * QU May want to strengthen reference to refugee ship in this last scene?

  * [jrf] YES!

  * [vsv] Now I don’t understand my question or your answer

  Hm, maybe this is where jrf wanted limited dialog with Jefri?

  * QU Does this ending make Ravna appear too shallow?

  * [jrf] YES

  * [vsv] I think I’ve improved this some. Should I go further by deleting her speculation that this could improve her academic standing?

  * [jrf] What religion stuff? (I must be missing something here.)

  * [vsv] Eg, Mary

  * [jrf2] “Mary” … Well yes, but 1) presumably Ravna takes precautions, and 2) This is utterly unlike the general notion of god and woman. Cloaked in human rags of Pham was a Power, not a God. There’s a mechanistic device here, not a mystical presence.

  * [vsv] Still seems to me at least like some of the cloaked encounters with Roman gods.

  * [jrf2] This ending of the chapter you have now is better. The speculation is, I think, kind of neat, if you make it a little serious by making her pause before thinking of it, so it’s more an afterthought.

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  Note 270

  * [ur] Using w.bat and wc.com to do 1500words/day

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  Note 271

  * [vsv] ID It would be nice if there were some consistent name for the refugee ship — especially if it were short, clear, and everyone could use it! — TUF June 12, 1991

  * RETRO INCON Make it clear that the first interiew with Tyrathect is before Steel looks inside the refugee boat. Also, decide in that scene whether you want Steel to gloat about the future

  * [vsv] I don’t think this is serious: General PRB loose packs are a very common thing, and also similar to what happens to Peregrine and to Flenser/Tyrathect. You should justify this more in the various appropriate place. Some time review the matter-of-fact nitty-grittiness of On the Wings of Song.

  * PRB So what makes Flenser different/worse than Woodcarver

  Pack-involuntary experimentationHeavy use of pack-wide operant conditioningLots of pack murder and general totalitarian attitudes toward packs

  * PRB ID General analog of a womanizer: rapists v those who want a puppy “I want to have your puppy” Tropic attribute How to work this in Seems like there are a lot of things that would probably go on that would really look like Steel inhumanity, but would be almost the norms for the race

  * [MG] ID maybe agrav just got busted

  * [MG] ID maybe this is analog of Sikorsky sky crane (ie container ship)

  * [MG] P
RB seems like big fleets would be produced in Transcend, various interesting consequences

  * [MG] What about the transhumans’ “polluting the waters” of the Beyond,

  Engineers’ dreams as nightmares, A point for transhumans, argle-bargle points important here Related to the McGuffin and the Surge

  * [MG] analogy with polluters causing algae bloom

  * [vsv] BKG IMP : ID some difference for packs between the “sexes”

  May be weak in several ways, but (among other things): Pack(s) that fissions is/are generally considered female Packs that have a majority of a one sex are often said to be of that sex (and their behavior often fits the other criteria)Trying to get others to bear/keep pups is male strategy. Note that this would change depending on replacement needsThere may be cultural perspectives (and packish languages) that make entirely different classifications of pack personality modes and strategies.

  * ? RETRO intelligent behavior on the bimaran

  * [vsv] NOTIME :

  * IMP ID Use of singleton guards in the castle RETRO

  Note that this could be a relatively humane use for the tragedy of fragments; however, it also calls for a fairly large amount of retrowriting

  MG suggested having tincan telephones used within the castle

  * ID Fuzzy pink dataset. Why she didn’t have a better one gives some interesting insight about the High Lab

  * [vsv] I think I have done some of this (see also my note about having Johanna understand about the two Tinish views of everything)

  General PRB with doors BKG TINES PRO write: On private cabins, it seems to me the doors would be quite small. On public buildings, it would be impossible to make a door big enough for more than one pack to use at the same time (though there could be multiple doors.) There might be some motive for having a door wide enough to admit a pack walking abreast (ceremony, safety of pack, to allow for freight). Some public building doors would be small for security.

  * [vsv] I think this is okay now February 9, 1991 : IMP ! Evolution of Steel’s misconceptions about humans and his plans toward them

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  Note 273

  * T2.TXT as a whole covers the original p93-166 (74p), about 21837w This was second part of 05.txt, p93-100

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  Note 272

  * [vsv] IMP INCON Should put in more reference to moon, maybe even a statement somewhere of what a month is (see BKG in t1) see notes in c01

  * RETRO say how the boat was provisioned BKG Here’s the orientation: They’re going south, so starboard is west, and port is east. Johanna is in the starboard pod (see t1) with her feet pointing south

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  Note 274

  * [vsv] jrf, you mentioned that I should rearrange Johanna’s priorities a a little so that she is more concerned with Jefri than revenge. I think that is a good idea, but I’m unclear just where to do it. For instance, the revenge stuff works quite well on this boat scene. Should I just insert her thinking more about Jefri, or do more with the Jefri thoughts later on?

  * [jrf2] What’s important to me is the way we perceive Johanna at first, because first impressions last. (I know this isn’t our first look at her here on the boat, but it’s the first one with her under duress.) My big concern is that we don’t see her first in an unsympathetic light. So have her thinking about Jefri, and then also do the revenge stuff. See opportunity noted several paragraphs down.

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  Note 275

  * [vsv] I think it’s okay February 9, 1991

  * CHK that this isn’t too much like her awakening after the assassination attempt later

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  Note 276

  * CHKd sp sailboat

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  Note 277

  * mARK 05Jun89

  * RETRO maybe you should mention that the dataset was on the travois

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  Note 278

  * ?gobbling?

  * PRO Should be giving her lots of water?

  * ? PRO twilight life of the half dead

  * PRO RETRO somewhere make it crystal clear why interpack speech is in the human range (there is a start in your early discussion of Hightalk (High Speech?)

  * [vsv] again this could be related to Johanna’s observation of the two Tinish modes c12) Yes, IMP : Some of this could be related to using the external ears for interpack speech (this is also connected with why High Speech might be difficult to some). Some of this could also come up in the romance scene between Woodcarver and the injured Peregrine. <— NÆH

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  Note 279

  * [jrf2] [ur] in re Oliphaunt: Maybe have her think/worry here about Jefri reminded by this incident. Think fondly, for a change, parentally.

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  Note 280

  * [vsv] [ur] June 3, 1991 Is there too much such silent wailing (Ravna does it several times about Pham, and Pham about Blueshell)

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  Note 281

  * mARK 05Jun89

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  Note 282

  * mARK 06Jun89

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  Note 283

  * IMP QU should I delete the fishing scene: It didn’t move things forward, They should know it could be quite dangerous.

  * DELETED , but you might put in in the fishing sequence: FRAG : The waterfall of her dreams was the sound of water cut by their bows.

  * QU should I delete the fishing scene? and just have the canteen? NÆH

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  Note 284

  * ? QU Might readers get the following image confused with a description of the sea critterlets?

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  Note 285

  * mARK 08Jun89

  * CHKd sp shellfish

  * QU Is it okay to use “fillet” here?

  * [jrf] YES

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  Note 286

  * [vsv] March 30, 1991 “comnet” above (suggested by jrf2) is good but not used elsewhere NO TIME June 12, 1991 was 06.txt, p101-124

  RETRO write loops in jackets for standing

  * QU decided not to RETRO write the Y-shape. Okay? Yes 03Feb91

  * PRO RETRO Somewhere I want to be able to describe their jackets, the openings, the straps, etc

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  Note 287

  * CHK INCON ? Did you earlier say/imply that the bolt had gone all the way through? — can’t find such a reference February 9, 1991

  * CHKd sp arrowhead

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  Note 288

  * QU Is it plausible that she could still observe this clearly?

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  Note 289

  * [jrf2] “… murders” too cool. How about “… since the landing”?

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  Note 290

  * CHKd sp city-state CHKd according to Webster, it’s wood-carver

  * ID Heh heh. Maybe Pham is Lazy Larry?

  [vsv] June 1, 1991 Huh?

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  Note 291

  * [vsv] this makes some of the discussions between Woodcarver and Pilgrim repetitious TUF June 12, 1991

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  Note 292

  * If you leave “marriage” in here, then PRO write it — deleted it here

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  Note 293

  * BKG TINES Notion (and idiom) “loose pack” could be common in lower class areas (eg, waterfront)

  * CHKd sp gearbox windmill

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  Note 294

  * CHK that you don’t have too many cloudless days

  * [vsv] June 2, 1991 Might check again, in particular Tyrathect’s commentary about clear days, and the presentation of the fønwind stuff

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  Note 295

  * 03Feb91 CHK was anything deleted here? (p138, okay)

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; Note 296

  * mARK 09Jun89

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  Note 297

  * INCON do consistent spelling of two legs: I suggest Two-Legs

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  Note 298

  * iNCON He talks earlier of this part of the world being legend to him

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  Note 299

  * PRO write froghens.

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  Note 300

  * NÆH PRO write be nice to make the point somewhere that Scar is not by himself articulate (praps in chatting with Woodcarver)

  * [vsv] June 2, 1991 CHKd sp half-timbered

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  Note 301

  * CHKd triptych from Greek tri+ptyche three folds

  Really a PRB lem to talk of multiptych ?

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  Note 302

  * CHK BKG TINES this may put an upper limit on Tinish visual acuity

  * PRB what about the fact that Peregrine has seen pictures on the dataset? Possible SOLN : You need a magnifying glass to see the pixels. This would need some PRO writing DONE