by KL Donn
“No, Li, I’m honest. And I mean what I say. This asshole made the biggest mistake of his life putting hands on you, and I’m not about to let it ever happen again, with him or any other guy.”
“Crew,” she sighs, and I damn near drop to my knees at her feet because it’s not a sigh of annoyance, it’s one of desire and acceptance.
Pressing my head to hers, I say quietly, “Don’t deny me, little phoenix, please. Anything in my past is just that, my past. I’ve been yours from the minute you walked into my office, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
A glimmer of tears sparkles in her eyes as she clasps my arms and steps in closer to me. “There are things you need to know about me, Crew, about my life before we met. My childhood.” I’m sure there’s more about her father that I’m not privy to yet. Or about the scars.
“Whenever you’re ready to tell me, I’ll be ready to listen. Nothing will make me change my mind about us, though, Delilah, so if you’re afraid of that, don’t be. I’m here for good. For forever.” Wrapping her arms around my waist and laying her head on my heart, I’ve never felt so complete in my life.
I know there’s a long road ahead for us, but I’m willing to do the work and grumble through my impatience to get there. Even if she’s ready to give up.
Delilah
* * *
Secrets, lies, nightmares, they all comingle for me. I’ve spent nearly half my life hiding from all of them too. Until Crew Malcolm, I never thought I’d have the desire to share them with anyone. After his speech today, however, I find I want to.
I’ve yearned for a shot at an everyday life, and of course, on the first chance I took, it blew up in my face. I left battered, bruised, and feeling like a complete failure. But Crew took care of me. Making promises of love and safety. A real life together. If he hadn’t made those same declarations this morning, I might not have believed him. He was trying to give me what I wanted, and in doing so, it sent him into overprotective mode.
“You’re thinking too much,” he mutters from his spot on the couch two feet away from me as he watches a basketball game while I package up the hazelnut cream tealight candles I made a couple days ago.
“I’m not,” I protest. After going back to my house to get everything I’d need for a few days while here, I also grabbed the orders that needed packaging this weekend. Working with my hands helps keep me calm.
“The furrow between your brows says otherwise.” He laughs as he slides down to sit on the floor with me. Twirling my wet hair in his fingers, he pulls the strands closer to smell. “Even after using my shampoo, you still smell like sunflowers.”
Smiling softly, I chance a glance over at him to find him watching me. The intensity in his eyes steals my breath away. It’s not only lust he feels for me, it’s so much more. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I feel the exact same way for him; I just don’t know how to express it.
As the TV continues to play, I can feel Crew’s eyes as they remain on me while I work. It’s disconcerting but also thrilling. I’ve never had anyone pay so much attention to me before. I enjoy it.
“Why’d you start doing this?” Crew finally asks as he mutes the game.
Wrapping the final candle and placing it in the box, I turn to face him. “I was between jobs and needed something for income so I didn’t lose my cramped apartment at the time. DIY projects and start-up businesses had a good clientele online. I used to sell at different flea markets around the city and did well, but I was only able to cover the very basics of rent and bills, so I still needed a full-time job.”
“Do you want to do it full time?” I watch as he picks up the cherry blossom bath bomb and smells it. His nose scrunches, and I let out a little giggle. “I could get used to that sound.” Reaching up, he glides a finger down my cheek and across my jaw before rubbing along my bottom lip and pulling on the plump skin.
Licking across his finger, I’m fascinated as his eyes darken and jaw tightens as a vein bulges along his temple with his desire. Leaning forward, not knowing where the bravery comes from as I suck his thumb into my mouth, I close my eyes and lick along the length.
An animalistic growl erupts from Crew, and before I can react, his hands are seizing my hips and dragging me into his lap. With my legs on either side of his hips, I can feel the bulge of his impressive erection pushing against my core as his hands caress up my back, moving my shirt along with them.
“There is so much I want with you, Li, but I don’t want to scare you away. I don’t want to push you for more than you’re ready for. You want to stop, say it, and I’ll back off. Got it?” I barely nod before his mouth is crushing mine. Even sitting on him, he’s still taller than me, and it doesn’t take much for him to dominate the kiss.
My heart pounds rapidly in my chest, and when I place my hands on him, I can feel his own out-of-control rhythm. My body feels like it’s on fire as his tongue plays with mine. Pushing its way into my mouth and exploring. Flicking across the top of my mouth and teasing me to follow along after him.
His hands on my back are unrelenting with gentle pressure as he adjusts for the bruises forming across my shoulders while holding me close. I fist his shirt in my hands, my hips beginning to move on their own. Swaying gently back and forth along his length. I can feel him growing and shiver with anticipation of completing the actual act of sex.
Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine being here with Crew. Not like this. Not so intimately. I have this craving for him that my body has total control of. Dragging his shirt up his body, I get my first substantive feel of his heated flesh beneath my fingertips, and when he lets out a guttural groan of appreciation, I nearly combust.
Breaking free of the kiss so I can breathe, my chest grudgingly expands as I try to inhale a lungful of air. “I’ve never...that was... Does it feel good?” Nothing that I’m saying makes sense, but Crew somehow knows what I mean.
“It’s like fireworks. Only your body explodes into the beautiful cascade of blinding colors and deafening sounds. Your head buzzes with the sound of a thousand bees finding the perfect sunflower. And the overwhelming numbness that takes absolute control of your body is so addicting you want to do it over and over again. Knowing you’ll only find that kind of perfection with the one person you’re meant to belong to.”
Wow.
I don’t even know how to respond to that description. It’s exhilarating and terrifying, and I really hope he’s right because that’s precisely how I imagine sex with Crew being like.
“Let me show you,” he whispers in my ear as he lays me down on the floor, the TV still flashing with the game on, but no sound can be heard from anything other than us.
Lying before him on my back, Crew grasps my shorts and panties, pulling them down my legs, tossing them onto the couch, and settling down on his stomach in front of me. I’m so nervous and excited that I just allow him to manipulate me how he wants. Placing my legs over his shoulders, I can feel the hot puffs of air from his mouth against my mound.
Feeling his tongue flick out against my clit, my mouth opens on a muted cry as my back bows, and I grip the carpet in my fingers. Closing my eyes, I bite my lip and wait for his next move. Anticipation flows through my veins like a drug, and I don’t want it to stop.
From the first stroke of his tongue along my lower lips to the way he clenches my thighs and holds me in place, I can’t breathe. I can’t think coherently other than to admit Crew was wrong. Pleasure from his body is so much better than fireworks.
Crew
* * *
Witnessing Delilah exploding in ecstasy was an experience I had no idea I was missing out on until she was coming right before my eyes. Her entire body flushed a beautiful crimson, and her perfect breasts shook with the exertion just breathing had on her. She was so limp, I had to clutch her to my body, and when she fell asleep in my arms, I couldn’t stop staring at her.
I never want to stop. She’s all I want to look at all day long. Every day. Unquestioningly, Delilah i
s the sole woman I want to belong to me, no matter how I’ve felt about love, marriage, and babies in the past.
I watched my parents growing up, and they were madly in love with each other, so I know it exists. Unfortunately, sometime after my mother’s death, I forgot what love looked like. Felt like. And now, as I watch Li sleep, her eyes twitching behind her lids as she dreams, and the cute little half-smiles that appear on her lips occasionally, I remember it all again.
How consuming it can be.
How addicting.
How much I used to want it exactly like my parents had.
The same way my brothers Cross and Crux have it now.
For months, I’ve warred with myself over my attraction to Delilah. I always blamed it on how skittish she was, but now, in the silence, I can admit I was afraid. Terrified to allow someone so much control over me in the way my father did my mother that when she died, an enormous piece of him went into that grave with her.
Brushing the hair off the side of Delilah’s face, I can picture my entire future with her at my side. The mother of my children. The other half of my soul. What I feel for her has been building for six months and is so much more than love. There is no accurate description for what she makes me feel other than obsession.
Chapter 5
Delilah
Sitting at the bistro table in Crew’s kitchen, I watch the sun rise out the living room window. His penthouse is smaller than I imagined it would be but bigger than a bachelor pad. It’s washed in shades of black, white, and gray, with hints of navy blue thrown in with the curtains, a couple of pillows on the sofa, and the area rug in front of it, but otherwise, it’s boring. But it’s comfortable and welcoming.
I’ve been sipping coffee for the past hour, trying to figure out the meaning of the previous night’s actions. And also fighting over how to tell him about my past because whatever last night was, it will be nothing if I keep secrets from him. When he was just my boss, it was easier to hide the tragedies of my upbringing. This new dynamic makes it a bit more difficult and confusing.
Hearing padded steps coming from the direction of his room, I get up and grab another mug, filling it with the warm brew and adding in a single scoop of sugar the way he likes it. I have the cup held out for when he rounds the corner to the kitchen.
“Good morning.” A satisfied smile crosses his handsome face as he takes the cup in one hand while placing the other around the back of my neck and pulling me in for a sweet kiss.
“Morning.” I blush. I wasn’t prepared for the easy intimacy.
“Why didn’t you wake me up?” He takes a sip of his coffee, leaning a hip against the counter where I’m still standing.
I shrug, and he raises an eyebrow. “Thinking,” I reply, filling my own cup.
“About?” He still has the distracting grin on his face.
“Last night.” His smile widens with satisfaction.
“I enjoyed that too.” His free hand brushes along my back, sending shivers wracking down my spine.
“I have to tell you some things, Crew.” Watching as his smile slowly fades away is disheartening.
Guiding me back over to the table, he gives me his full attention. “I’m all ears for anything you want to say.”
Swallowing a sip of coffee, I have no idea how to proceed. It’s not something I can spit out. “I grew up in foster care from the time I was eleven. Some were good, some were bad, some just were.” The understanding in his eyes is almost too much to bear because how can he know? He grew up in a home with parents and brothers who loved him. “I can’t say that I felt familial with any of the parents or other children they fostered in any of the homes. So I was always alone. I grew to crave solitude whenever I was shifted from one home to another.” Thinking back on the loneliness makes my chest constrict.
His eyes shift to my shoulder, likely thinking of the scars. “That how those happened?”
I nod. “I was labeled a problem child pretty early on. There was one father who enjoyed hurting the kids in his care. Most never said a thing. Too afraid of him to. Others ran away. I fought back; I spoke out. It just got so much worse. When I was finally sent to live with the last family, they were nice enough, but I never gave them a chance. I couldn’t, not after what he did. What that mother allowed him to do to me. I don’t trust easily, Crew. I don’t know how to. Everyone who was ever supposed to be an advocate for me betrayed me, and now I never know when I’m going to get bit in the ass.”
I didn’t realize I was crying until he lifted a hand to swipe the tears off my face and pull me into his lap. “Sshh, you’re safe now.”
Pushing up to look him in the eye, I murmur, “That’s just it, I don’t think I ever will be.”
Frowning, he asks, “Why’s that?”
Blowing out a deep breath, I know I have to tell him now. “The reason I was in foster care, Crew, is because my mother died when I was young, and my father...” I have to pause to catch a lungful of air. “My father is a serial killer.”
Lowering my eyes, I wait for the inevitable rejection I’ve been dreading. The blood pounding in my veins roars through my ears as I begin to panic and hyperventilate. It’s been years since I’ve had a panic attack, and waiting on Crew to respond to my confession has pushed me past every limit I have.
A gentle finger under my chin raises my head, and in Crew’s eyes, I see the one thing I’ve craved since I was a young girl.
Acceptance.
Letting go of all the tension I’ve been holding in, I accept Crew’s desire to comfort me as he holds me close to his chest. Not saying anything and not asking any questions. For a few minutes, we’re just two people dealing with a shocking revelation.
“I already knew.” I hear his words, but they don’t fully register.
“What?” I gasp as I stare up at him.
“Yesterday, when you came back from lunch and fell asleep on my couch. I called a friend to find out more about this asshole who thought he could touch you. As soon as I said your name, Zack knew who you were. He filled me in on a few things.”
“L–like what?” My words stutter.
“How many victims, who they looked like, why.” Frustration bites through each word.
“Why?” I repeat. It’s the one answer I’ve never been given.
Clasping me by my hips, Crew lifts me to sit on the table in front of him. Examining me with a critical eye, I know he sees more in me than anyone else ever has. “You think they were murdered because he resented you.” My eyes cast downwards. “You are the spitting image of your mother. Your entire life, you’ve looked identical to her, Li.”
“He got rid of all her pictures after she died. I don’t remember what she looked like or what her laugh sounded like. Her voice is a mystery to me. He took all my memories of her.” I can feel my chin begin to wobble as the tears return.
“Christ,” Crew curses under his breath as a hand brushes through my hair softly. “I wish I could give it all back to you, baby.”
It’s been so long since I’ve allowed myself to wallow in the things stolen from me from my childhood. Sitting up straighter, I wipe the teardrops from my face and take a deep breath. “I’ve built a life for myself here, Crew.” I look him in the eyes as his fingers stroke across my thigh and back.
“I know you have.”
“I may not have friends, but I have two jobs I love.” Chewing my bottom lip, I struggle to keep eye contact, even when his gaze darts down to watch the motion.
“Know that too.”
“If you break my heart, I don’t know if I’ll survive.” Saying the words out loud makes my heart slightly cramp because I know the possibility of it happening is undeniable.
“Delilah.” His tone is gentle as he stands, cupping my cheeks as he towers over me. “Breaking your heart is the last thing on my mind. I said it before, and I’ll say it again until you believe me. I’m in this for life. You’re the only thing I’ve ever wanted for myself since driving the company to the t
op of its game.”
If not for the sincerity in his eyes, I’m not sure I would have believed him. But there’s a vulnerability in them that has me smiling with relief and leaning into his touch. I’ve wanted Crew Malcolm from the day I met him, never imagining I could one day call him mine, but here we are.
Gripping his wrists, I stroke up his arms as I slide off the table and lean lightly up on my toes to him. I’m not ready to be the aggressor yet, but one day, I’ll take the lead. Until then, I’m more than happy to allow Crew to control our intimacy.
Crew
* * *
After spending too much time making out in my kitchen this morning, Delilah was finally able to convince me to head into the office because, despite my protests, there is work to be done and contracts to be written. Now that I’m here, all I can think about is her scent when she exploded for me last night. Over and over. Delilah is sensitive, and therefore, her pleasure was right at the surface, just waiting for the right touch.
“Crew!” Whipping my head up at the shout of my name, I see Todd standing in my doorway laughing.
“What do you want?” Glancing down, I see I’ve been reading the first page of this contract for a while.
“For you to get your head out of your ass? Or would it be out of Delilah’s–”
“Don’t even think about finishing that sentence if you plan to wake up tomorrow,” I growl.
Raising his hands as he enters the room, the amusement in his stare is more pronounced. “Fair enough, man. Just dropped everyone’s timecards and expense sheets off with her. The crew wants to know if they’ve still got the week off?”
“Of course.” I’d never renege on that.
“Good.” He nods, but I can see he’s got more to say.
“Spit it out, Todd.”
Dropping into the seat in front of my desk, he drags a hand down his face. “Look, it’s not my business, but Delilah...” My gaze narrows with a warning that he ignores. “Just don’t break her, man. She’s a precious soul and has been through enough.”