Chaos

by Alexis Noelle

  As I walk out of my room and into the common room all the conversation halts. I can feel every brother’s eyes on me. I walk straight through and out to the parking lot. For a minute, I don’t hear the tell-tale footsteps behind me. After a minute, I still don’t hear footsteps, I hear pounding. Each step sounds as loud as my heart beating in my own ears. I want to turn around, to see the look on his face, to see how I’ve affected him. I don’t though, mainly because I don't trust my own face.

  Getting into the car is no easy task for a couple reasons:

  1) My car is low.

  2) Bending in this dress is almost impossible.

  3) My legs are shaking from the heated gaze coming from Torch.

  I finally get into the car, breathing a sigh of relief and exhaustion. I pull away and head toward Randy’s house hoping that he’s even half as affected by me as Torch is.

  Randy lives about twenty minutes outside of town. His house is the kind that you would expect to see in a magazine. A three story white family house, white picket fence and all. Everything I’m sure no one would expect me to want. I put the car in park trying to gain the courage to do this. I haven’t had sex a lot, but this is different. This is loaded with hope for a normal life.

  Hope that I can make myself want normal.

  Hope that the entire time I don’t think of Torch.

  I walk up to the door daring a quick glance back at the end of the driveway. Torch is standing there, his arms crossed over his chest, and his gaze fixed on me.

  I shouldn’t be doing this.

  I should walk down there to him and tell him what I really want.

  Tell him how scared I am to end up like my parents, and how everything that happened with Viper still haunts me.

  I should do a lot of things but I’m a goddamn idiot.

  I turn around and knock on the door. No one answers, but Randy’s car is in the driveway so I know he is home. I try the knob and it’s unlocked so I walk in.

  I shut the door and force myself not to look back.

  I can hear music coming from upstairs so I follow it.

  That’s when I find the man I came here to give myself to.

  The one I had hoped would save me from a life I only associated with pain and heartache.

  The man with his dick currently buried in someone else.

  Chapter Twelve

  Torch

  It takes every ounce of control I have to not go after her. I would have if I hadn’t talked to Twisted earlier. He told me I need to let her come to me. The more I try to force myself on her, the more I’m pushing her away. Tracie has it in her head that this asshole is the kind of man she needs. As much as I’ve tried to convince her that she is wrong, it isn’t working. She needs to come to that conclusion herself.

  I watch the flame spark and go out time and time again from my lighter. She asked me about it the other day, but it wasn’t the time to share my past with her. I haven’t really talked to anyone about it. Everyone has their own shit that they keep to themselves and for me, my story isn’t one I care to spread around.

  The scent of smoke hits my nose and I look around me trying to find the source. The neighborhood seems to be quiet though so I brush it off to maybe someone grilling in their backyard.

  I stare at the house hating that she is in there with him. The fact that his hands could be on her instead of mine is enough to drive me fucking crazy. If this is where she’ll be most nights, I might need to trade off with one of the prospects because there is no way in hell I can show this much self-control again.

  I smell the smoke again, this time even stronger. I stand up straighter and that’s when I hear her voice yelling. My feet start to move on their own, racing toward her. My heart pounds as I remember the smell of smoke, the cries of people I love. I speed up rounding the house and entering the backyard. I come to a dead stop when I see the sight in front of me.

  Tracie is screaming at the asshole that lives here while she stands in front of a pile of his shit that’s burning. Her hands are on her hips while her long blonde hair hangs down her back. She has never looked sexier than she does putting him in his place, standing in front of the flames, in that sexy red dress.

  I can’t hear everything she’s saying but she yells something about a slut, and him regretting it. Fucker has no idea what he threw away. I can’t help but be happy though, now that he’s out of the way there is no one standing between us. I don’t care what everyone keeps telling me.

  I’m done letting her come to me.

  Tonight, I’m taking her.

  He pulls his cell out of the pants he has on and I know it’s time to get her the hell out of here. I walk up to them, passing her and heading straight for him. I grab the thin phone out of his hand throwing it across the yard. “Make that call and I’ll break your fucking hands. We both know you deserved this shit. Now it’s time to tuck your dick in between your legs, go back into that house, and never speak to her again.”

  “Who the fuck do you think you are? This is my house. I won’t—”

  I fist his shirt and lift him an inch off his feet. “I’m the one who will put you in the ground if you ever even look in that girl’s direction again. I don’t give a shit who you are. We are leaving. Put out the fire and don’t you dare call the cops.” I let him go and smile as he falls on his ass.

  I turn around to see Tracie glaring at me. “Yeah, I know. You aren’t coming with me, I shouldn’t have done anything, blah fucking blah.” I take her arm leading her around the house to my bike.

  She rips her arm from my grasp. “Get off of me, Torch. You should have minded your own damn business.”

  I sit down on my bike. “I’m gonna tell you once, get on. I’ll send someone for your car.” She opens her mouth to argue. “I’m warning you, we can do this the easy way or the hard way.” We stare at each other for a few minutes before she begrudgingly climbs onto the bike. Feeling her try to maneuver in the tight dress brings a smile to my face, especially knowing that her skirt has to be hiked way up and barely covering her ass.

  Her hands reluctantly grip my hips; I wrap them around my waist before pulling away from the house. Having her on my bike pressed against me feels so good. It’s all I’ve wanted for the longest time. She might think I’m taking her home but there is only one place that she’ll be tonight and that’s my bed.

  I feel her tense when she realizes where we are going.

  I know she will fight me and if I’m honest, I’m looking forward to it.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Tracie

  As he drives, I realize that we aren’t going to the clubhouse, he’s taking me home. A chill runs through me at the thought of being alone with him. It’s so hard for me to fight the way I feel about him and right now all I want to do is feel wanted.

  Randy might not have been someone I really cared about but no one wants to be cheated on. I feel unwanted, disposable, and unimportant. I know Torch wants me and that makes going to his house so much more dangerous for me. On a normal day, fighting him off takes all my willpower, today I don’t know if I can.

  Or if I want to.

  I try to relax letting the freedom of being on a bike take over my body. The wind making me feel like I can fly, like I’m free. That’s how I always feel when I’m around him. Free, like I can do anything I want without judgment.

  I’m also scared when I’m with him. That fear wins out over everything and it’s the reason I’ve always kept him at arm’s length. I’m scared that he’ll hurt me the way that I’ve seen friends get hurt by brothers. I’m scared I’ll get hurt because of who he is, and the enemies he has. I’m scared to be my mother.

  Then I think of Nikki and Lucy, how happy they are. The way they fought for their relationships and how much the boys love them. I want that. The only question is can I handle it?

  The bike comes to a stop and I look up to see that we are in front of his house. The pit in my stomach grows deeper as the engine shuts off. I know he
’s waiting for me to get off the bike. As I do, my legs feel like jelly, not from the ride but from the anticipation. I wring my hands as my teeth gnaw on my bottom lip.

  Can I really do this?

  Do I really want this?

  Torch stands up and faces me. His expression is overwhelming. He stares at me like at any minute he might devour me whole. I break his gaze not being able to take the intensity of it anymore. I turn away walking toward the house hoping to shake off some of the jitters that are running rampant through my body right now. When I reach the steps, I hesitate.

  His hands wrap around me from behind. “I don’t know what you’re so scared of, but I’m not gonna hurt you, Trace.” He spins me toward him. “For the longest time I have wanted nothing more than to make you mine. I am going to treat you like a queen. You will have everything you could want. I’ll keep you safe and happy. You just need to let me.” His mouth is only inches from mine.

  Safe.

  Happy.

  Those are two things that I haven’t felt in forever. As he says them to me I believe him. My hand reaches up to brush his cheek. If I was going to break my rules for anyone, it should be for the man who has been waiting for me. The one who has stood by and let me make mistake after mistake, waiting until I was ready for him.

  I lean up, pressing my lips softly to his.

  My hands wrap around his neck and he pulls me harder against him. The soft kiss I initiated catches fire and he pushes his tongue into my mouth. I open to him letting him own me and take control like I know he wants to. His hands lift me up and he walks us up the steps.

  My feet touch the floor and I pull away for a minute looking into his brown eyes. His hand digs into his pocket pulling out his keys. Once we step inside I don’t really know how to act. I’ve been here before, but it was never under these circumstances.

  I can feel him standing behind me, the heat radiating off his body, and warming my skin. If I took a half step back, I’d be pressed against him. My tongue darts out to wet my lips as I contemplate my next move. I never pictured tonight ending here.

  I jump when his hands touch my hips. Taking a deep shaky breath, I try to relax. This is Torch. I’ve known him forever. There is nothing to be scared of. Then again, I have known him forever. If this goes bad and I lose him, it will crush me. My mind spins with all of the different possibilities, all of the outcomes that tonight could produce.

  “Stop thinking.”

  His voice rumbles in my ear.

  “Just feel.”

  His hand skims my side leaving a trail of goose bumps in its wake. His breath warms my neck and I lean my head back against his chest. A sigh releases from my mouth. I want to let myself go. Let myself finally have what I’ve wanted for all of these years. His lips drag over the skin between my neck and shoulder as my hands rise to wrap around his head.

  “Tell me what you want.” I jump at the sound of his voice breaking me from the trance he had me in.

  I want him to take me.

  To make me his.

  I want to feel what it’s like to be cared for by someone.

  I turn and look into the eyes of the man I have been too scared to face for years. “You.”

  He groans. “Are you sure? Once you say yes there is no going back.”

  I bite my lip. “I’m sure.”

  His hands fist my hair as his mouth crashes against mine. He walks us backward; my heartbeat speeds up as I realize where he is taking me.

  My mouth dries and I start to get lightheaded.

  I’ve only had sex once since Viper.

  I cried for an hour after.

  Can I do this?

  Get out of your head, Tracie.

  This is Torch.

  Just breathe.

  I feel something hit the back of my knees and fall back onto the bed. I look up at Torch, trying to even out my breathing. He looks at me as if he can see through my soul. Can he tell? Does he know what’s going on in my head?

  “Let go of it. You don’t need to be afraid. You don’t have to pretend with me. The reason it never worked with them is because you need someone like me. Give me control and I promise that you won’t regret it.”

  I nod as I look up at him, trying to let all of my apprehension go.

  His hands cross over his chest as he grips the hem of his shirt and pulls it over his head. I swallow hard as I take in the sight of his tattooed chest, the black tribal lines trailing over his defined muscles. His hands slowly move down to his belt, the jingling heightening the anticipation before his jeans drop to the floor. He reaches down pulling off each of his boots before extending one of his hands out to me. I take it letting him pull me to him.

  “Relax and let me take care of you. It’s okay to let go.”

  His hand reaches around to my back slowly easing the zipper of my dress down. I pull the straps off my shoulders before peeling the fabric off my body and letting it fall. Deciding to be daring, I grip the waistband of his briefs giving them a tug and letting him spring free.

  Closing my eyes for a minute, I remind myself of where I am and that I’m safe here. His hand takes mine as he pulls me up. Torch kisses me; I can feel the emotion that I’ve blocked for years pouring out. I’m tired of fighting, of pretending, of being guarded.

  With a small push from him, I fall back onto his bed. He stares down at me and I can’t help but want to cover myself with my hands.

  “Don’t hide from me, ever. You’re gorgeous. I will make sure you know that every day. Tonight you will be mine, and I can promise that you’ll never regret it.”

  He lowers himself down to me, his lips closing around one of my nipples while his fingers roll my other. I arch my back and moan from the sudden and fierce attack. My fingers dig into the rumpled sheets surrounding me.

  Torch lifts up to look at me, a smile plastered across his face. “If that affected you so much, this is going to be fun.” He winks before his mouth presses against the skin between my breasts.

  His hands brace my sides as his fingertips trail lines of pleasure across my sensitive flesh. His kisses continue as he works his way down. Each swipe of his fingers on my skin going straight to my clit. When his lips reach my waistline I freeze. This is new territory for me.

  “You better hold on tight, baby.”

  He wraps an arm around my waist to hold me in place as his other slowly making its way to my core. When he drags his fingers through my folds I groan. He inserts one of his fingers into me and I arch into his hand. It feels so good and I instantly want more. He strokes my inside easy, hard, fast, slow, I can’t keep up.

  I whimper when he pulls out, but before I can object he puts two fingers in me and now I’m writhing. I look up at him. He’s watching me. He starts to lower his head and my eyes widen with the knowledge of his intentions.

  His tongue darts out quickly flicking my clit and I yelp. I can feel myself tensing. I’m building and it’s nothing like I’ve ever felt before.

  “Are you ready?”

  His voice breaks through the quiet room.

  I nod.

  “Tell me you’re mine. Let me hear what I’ve wanted to for so long and I will make you explode. I’ll give you everything you’ve ever wanted. Just let me hear it.”

  I take a deep breath. “I’m yours.”

  He smiles before his head dips again. This time his whole mouth covers my clit as he sucks and flicks me quickly. His fingers stroke me hard and deep and my legs begin to shake. I can feel myself about to come, my back arches and I scream his name as I let go. He sits up, his face glistening.

  “Baby, that was beautiful.” He lifts my limp body and moves me onto the bed more. “Now it’s time for the real show.”

  My eyes widen. I don’t think I could handle another one like that. I don’t even have the feeling back in my legs yet. He climbs on top of me and I can feel him pressing against my already sensitive skin.

  “I have condoms. If you want me to use one I will, but I want to feel you.
I want you to be mine in every way possible.”

  When everything happened I had an IUD put in so I know I’m safe as far as getting pregnant. I would never consider this with any other guy. When I look in his eyes I see a man who has waited until I was ready for him. Someone who would do anything for me. Someone who I could easily fall in love with. I want to make him happy, to give him what he wants.

  “Take me like this,” I say to him, my voice soft and breathy.

  A groan sounds from his chest before his mouth kisses my neck. I feel him press against me and try to relax. His hand tucks a stray piece of hair behind my ear, and he gives me a small kiss on the lips. It’s a simple gesture but it’s one that shows intimacy, caring, that tells me I mean something to him.

  He pushes into me and I gasp at the fullness and squeeze my legs around him, my entire body going tense. After a minute I loosen my grip on him and take a few breaths. He slowly pulls out of me before sliding back in. The slow pace begins to become less uncomfortable and more pleasurable. My fingers run through his hair as he begins to speed up and plunge deeper inside of me.

  “Goddamn, Trace, you feel amazing,” he whispers in my ear and I shiver. Torch sits up and pulls out of me and I groan at the loss of him. He smirks at me before pulling me up so I’m facing him on my knees.

  “Turn around.”

  I do as he says. His hand runs up my spine and pushes down in-between my shoulder blades. My face is pressed against the sheets when I feel him at my entrance again. He slams into me and I yelp. Fingertips press into the skin of my hipbones as he begins to move. Each thrust forcing me farther into the mattress and forcing a scream of pleasure to rip from my throat. I start to build again as a part of me wonders if my body can handle coming apart again.

  I feel his hand trace around my body. His finger slowly begins to rub circles over my clit and I fist the sheets as I explode around him. I feel him tense behind me before a loud growl sounds from his chest.