Wicked Dare: A Romantic Comedy

by Kira Graham

  “What the hell is your problem?” Connor asks, the words a hiss of air when I look up at him and snarl.

  “I’m busy working, I have no time for this shit, and to top it all off, Lu’s being weird. She won’t sleep over if it isn’t a weekend, despite the fact that she hired that new girl to help her. And she left her freaking dog at my house too, so on top of owning a killer cat, I now clean up dog shits that look like two cows had a shit party in my apartment. On top of that,” I growl, Keenan just bought a new company and I have six months to find a way to bankrupt him or buy it out completely, or I lose this next round. Oh, and Lu texted me and demanded I give her key back because, and I quote, she doesn’t want me coming into her place in the early-morning hours, sleeping next to her and then leaving,” I huff, throwing my arms up.

  “You do that? Bruh, that is just creepy,” Connor laughs, his mirth dying down when I glare at him and shake my head.

  “Do I look like I have a death wish?” I snarl. “I barely sleep when she’s at my place, Con. You think I’m risking sneaking into her place and cuddling with a rattled, feral animal? She’d kill me.”

  “Okay,” he murmurs, frowning darkly. “Then what’s her deal?”

  “I don’t know! Which is why I’m sitting here trying to finalize contracts while I go over footage from the camera on her street,” I huff, my eyes crossing on the screen.

  “You think someone’s going into her place?” he asks, coming around the desk to stare at the screen.

  “I don’t know, but I wouldn’t put it past Gia or one of her brothers. They live to annoy one another,” I mutter, pausing the footage and scrubbing at my eyes.

  I’m bone-tired, I feel like shit, and to make it all worse, I have movie night with the fam tonight and Lu won’t come. Apparently she has plans with Kat and Gia which I am not invited to because “you’re a boy; you wouldn’t get it.” I would. I get it. I could get it.

  “Well, I don’t know, man. Even Gia said she’d never go near Lu while she’s sleeping. It’s why they don’t live together anymore,” Connor murmurs, making me frown.

  “Well, someone’s pranking her, because she was clear. I even called her to ask and she snarled at me to stay out of her bed when I’m not invited. And she said it offends her that I’d leave the animals alone overnight just to cuddle with her. I don’t know. Lu sleeps like her body’s gone into a coma, so if she wakes up to someone sneaking in, they’re sneaking in. I figured if I could find out who it is and let her kick their asses, I’d be out of the dog box,” I say tiredly.

  Don’t even know why I’m in the dog box. I’ve been so great lately. I’m thoughtful and I let her win at everything, no matter how hard that is for me.

  “So, you find anything?”

  “Nope. Whoever it is, is stealthy. I’m going with Patty. Lu once told me she likes to scare her, and she’s been known to copy her keys,” I shrug, blowing out a breath and cursing when I hit a dead end with last night’s footage.

  “Nothing,” Connor says, stating the obvious. “You need to tell her about…”

  “Are you nuts? She’s already got a bug up her ass about something,” I grunt. “You tell her.”

  “Ooooh, no. That is not happening. I’m already in the shit with Gia for telling you about the wedding. I ruined her plans or something—at least that’s what she said. I’m not making this worse for myself,” he laughs, retaking his seat.

  “Shit. Think we could fool Peter into doing it?” I ask, beyond desperate now because it needs doing.

  I just don’t want to do it. Aaaaand, that’s pathetic. A grown man not wanting to tell his girlfriend that she’s actually his wife. I swear to God, I didn’t ever think anything like this would happen to me. Not falling in love with Lu, not meeting a family this whack, and definitely not ending up married to her either. Hell, we’re still dating, here, for God’s sakes.

  “No. The asshole is way too savvy. But we could…” he drawls, his eyes twinkling brightly.

  I don’t get it at first, but when I do, I start laughing and, oh, God above, I laugh with pure happiness for the first time in days.

  “He deserves it, Cam,” Connor says softly, grinning hard while I chuckle.

  “For the ship,” I confirm, nodding piously.

  “For the ship.”

  Chapter 19

  Louisiana

  “I’m not okay with this,” Kat whispers, already shaking beside me and half-crying because, let’s be honest, she’s a freaking baby and we all know it.

  Why is she here with Gia and me, you ask? Well, because she deserves everything she gets from me—and that includes me scaring the bajeezus out of her. By that I mean that I’m playing on one of Gia’s biggest fears right now, and this schlub is such an ass, she refused to admit it. Instead when I suggested this little trip, she clamped her lips shut and nodded.

  You see, Gia is terrified of all things ghostly. Now, I know what you’re thinking. We were in a cemetery and she didn’t have any problems with it. But in haunted locations that I’ve been talking about all day? Oooooh, she’s scared—and I know this because she’s wearing sneakers and jeans. Them’s running clothes.

  “This is such bullshit,” Gia hisses, her bravado so weak I nearly laugh my ass off.

  I myself am not afraid. I laugh in the face of ghostly fears. Mwahahahahaha.

  “Oh, chill out,” I huff, keeping in a snicker of glee. “This is going to be fun, Gia. Just look at this place,” I say giddily, my nerves alive with anticipation as I look at the building.

  It isn’t that scary-looking, to be honest, but I was working under a time crunch and when I called to ask about a solo ghost-hunting experience, this was the only place I could pay for one. Money talks. I’m going to be eating Ramen for the next two months, but as I stare up at the Morris-Jumel Mansion, I find even myself shivering. As per request, the lights are all out inside, lending a creepiness to the place that I don’t think would be here any other way. It’s not decrepit and run-down like I wanted it to be, because it’s a museum, but what it lacks in the creep factor it makes up for in story.

  “Apparently it was built in the seventeen hundreds, and it has seen its fair share of death and mayhem. The lady I spoke to said there are a lot of ghost hunters coming and going in this place and that they’ve had everything from actual sightings to recorded EVPs and disembodied voices,” I crow, rubbing my hands together and pushing open the unlocked front door.

  It’s dark inside as I do it, and even I feel a sense of eerie disquiet as I step inside, but I shake it off and tell myself it’s just anticipation of the night to come.

  “Oh, Lord. I don’t wanna go in there,” Kat whines, her sad, shaking voice adding a fear factor I wasn’t anticipating.

  I’m a little unsettled, I’ll give you that, but it’s so worth it when Gia steps inside and sniffs, pretending not to be scared.

  “Oh, grow up, Kat. There’s no such thing as ghosts,” she snarls, though I can see her face in the camera I brought with to record this experience, and she’s not looking so confident when I shut the door and we’re plunged into darkness.

  Okay, I admit it’s creepy as hell as we’re swallowed by the dark, and even I feel freaked out when I hear a creak coming from the stairs, the fact that it’s so loud making me swallow and hold tight to my intentions. I’m going to scare the hell out of Gia, and then I’m going to beat her to death with one of her dismembered limbs for tricking me into getting married.

  “Oh, please. Can we just leave—oh, sweet Jesus! What was that?” Kat cries, clinging to me so hard I tremble all over from her shaking.

  That was a sound. A footstep. Definitely a footstep, and I tense up. I don’t like the dark. I really don’t, and I don’t want to be here either. But I have to. It’s the only thing in the world that scares Gia, and even if I’m freaked out, I have to do this.

  “It’s just an old house, Kat. Calm down,” I huff, panning the camera around the front hall while Gia hyperventilates besi
de me and seems to freeze in the darkness.

  Her eyes look like shining orbs through the camera’s lens. Two big, wide, shining orbs that are trained into the darkness while her nose flares and she grinds her jaw.

  “Wanna hear a few facts?” I ask, nearly laughing out loud when Gia sneers a no and continues to stand completely still.

  To my left is a parlor-type room that is completely black without the aid of the camera, and even I have to admit it’s creepy as heck. Creepier still is when I start walking towards the stairs wile narrating what I want to call Gia’s comeuppance.

  “This is Louisiana Sugar, coming at you from the famously haunted and spooky Morris-Jumel Mansion, one of the most haunted locations in New York, according to experts. The house is located in Washington Heights and was built in seventeen sixty-five and said to be one of the oldest and most haunted places today,” I say into the camera, grinning for my audience because I know Dad will get a kick out of this.

  “It was the residence of a British colonel and later served as headquarters for troops during the American Revolution. After that it’s said to have become an inn. But through it all, everyone who has been here reported seeing ghostly apparitions and even hearing voices. At one point the house was bought by a wealthy guy named Stephen Jumel and his wife Eliza, but the marriage didn’t go well, according to rumors, and in eighteen thirty-two, Jumel died. Some say it was pneumonia, while others speculate that he fell on a pitchfork and died of blood loss after his wife removed his bandages and watched him bleed out. Whatever the cause, he died, and then Eliza married another guy by the name of Burr, famous for having been the vice president of the United States. Burr himself also died in the house three years later, and Eliza is said to have lived out her life here as a recluse who suffered from dementia and subsequently died in eighteen sixty-five aged ninety,” I tell the camera, listening to Kat whimper as we walk up the stairs.

  The place is hella spooky, I cannot say it isn’t, and even I’m starting to freak out a little as we make it into the Aaron Burr room, every hair on my body standing up straight as soon as we’re in. I don’t know what I was thinking doing this because honestly, I’m just as freaked out about this stuff as Gia is.

  But I’m going to soldier on here and do this. At the very least I can say I’ve been in a haunted mansion. The room we’re in has a bed, a chair that looks like it has striped fabric of some kind on it, and there’s a bust in the corner by the bed that has Kat screeching low in her throat before she realizes it isn’t a person.

  “This, is the Burr Room, folks, and it’s said to be the most haunted part of the house, the only room more haunted being the basement. Which is our next stop,” I say cheerily, hearing Gia moan from the doorway before she runs inside to stand right next to me.

  “Oh, Lord. I’m not going into a basement!” Kat whispers vehemently, her nails digging into my arm skin.

  “Now, Kat. This is just for fun. There’s no such thing as ghosts,” I laugh, though I nearly pass out when I hear a soft shuffling noise out in the hall.

  Not a ghost, not a ghost, I repeat to myself, setting the camera up on a tripod and standing back to look around. There isn’t that much to see, to be honest but, Lord, is it spooky.

  “I want to leave,” Kat moans, her voice trembling out while Gia’s own breath is a raspy staccato of fear.

  “No way. We’re here to catch a ghost,” I say as confidently as I can, getting my phone out to access the recorder and set it on the bed.

  “Is there anyone here with us?” I ask, my mouth curving when Gia grabs hold of me and whimpers. “Eliza Jumel. Is it true that you killed your husband?”

  There’s a scrape to the side, a clear and distinct footstep that sounds like a shuffle, and I tense up, my body going cold.

  “Aaaaaaaah.”

  The moan is long and protracted and coming from just outside the open door. Oh, shit! Oh, shit on a stick, I moan silently, my eyes round with fear when I hear another shuffle and imagine an old crazy woman out there, just waiting to pounce.

  “Lulu! Please,” Kat cries, her face landing on my shoulder as she tries to hide.

  “Eliza? Mr. Burr?” I continue, my voice a rough rasp of fear that I pray isn’t translating as I hold in a shiver.

  “Luuuuuuu,” the groans, causing my asshole to clench. “Louisiaaaaana,” it repeats, sending chills down my spine.

  “Oh, shit!” I hiss, now thoroughly freaked out because that isn’t what I wanted to happen.

  This isn’t supposed to be fear and haunting and some ghostly maniac calling my name. It’s supposed to be Gia shitting her pants and running out of here while she cries in terror and sobs all the way home in the car.

  “Let’s go!” Kat yells, trying to drag me out.

  There’s just one problem. There is no way I’m running out of that door and into the arms of a murderous ghost.

  “Oh, shiiiiit!” Gia screams, turning in circles to look around, her breath a quiet sob.

  “Lu! We need to go. Oh, my freaking hell, I don’t wanna die in this house. Please?” Kat screams, shaking so hard she’s shaking me too.

  Okay. Fine. That’s all me—but dammit, this wasn’t supposed to happen.

  “Oh, my Lord. Oh, my Lord in heaven,” I whisper, also turning and looking right at the camera.

  When I hear a footstep, right outside the doorway, I nearly piss myself all the way to my ankles.

  “L–L–Lu… Please. Oh, God. I can’t do this. I don’t wanna be murdered by a ghost. Not some old lady with dementia,” Gia hisses, finally giving up her fearless sham and grabbing on to me.

  If I could see her face right now, she’d probably be crying—and that is exactly what I wanted. I just wish I wasn’t crying too.

  “Okay. Let’s go!” I hiss, rushing over to the camera after I shake them off and grabbing it, tripod and all.

  And that’s where I stall because no sooner have I grabbed it than the door suddenly slams shut and I swear to God, my bowel releases. Thank you, Jesus—I was so busy today I haven’t eaten more than a bagel.

  “Lu!” Gia screams, twisting around in the dark and then rushing at me, fear coming off of her in waves.

  “Window!” I yell, fumbling the camera back around so I can see.

  Problem? I can’t get the window open, and there isn’t anything in the room to throw through it to break it either.

  “Lllllluuuuu,” a ghostly voice groans, the sound so eerie I whimper and twist around, plastering my back to the wall. “Georgia Suuuugar.”

  “Oh, Jeeeeeesus!” Gia whines, now outright sobbing. “Don’t hurt me! This wasn’t my idea.”

  “Shut up!” I wail, crying silently as I close my eyes, my stomach heaving with dread.

  “We’re leaving!” Kat screams, tugging at me to move.

  I can’t move. I can hardly breathe as the door handle rattles, and then I’m fighting screams when it suddenly bursts open and hits the wall. Fuck this. Fuuuuuuck this, I think, bursting out of my panic and running for the door. I run like a lunatic and nearly fall down the stairs, and the others aren’t that far behind me as we hit the hall and go for the front door. Which won’t open.

  “Open it!” Gia screams, slapping at my back while I twist the knob.

  “It won’t open!” I yell back, my heart beating so hard it feels like I’m going to pass out or have a heart attack.

  “What the hell do you mean, it won’t open?”

  “It won’t open!” I screech, freezing when I hear more footsteps and twist around to stare into the darkness.

  “Lu. Oh, freaking hell, we need to split,” Gia screeches, her tear-stained face pressing into my shoulder while she sobs.

  We really do need to leave, and with that in mind, and since I’m the only who isn’t clinging, I shake them off and rush forward. I can’t see a thing, and any sane, rational person would use the damn camera. But I can’t think. Not when I hear something bang to the right and hear a deep, unholy laugh echo in the dark.


  Please, Jesus. Pleeeeease, I moan silently, running headlong into the darkness while all my mind can think about is that movie I watched with Cameron. I think it was called The Conjuring or something, but right now I can’t be sure. All I see is some macabre woman in black coming for me. Shit!

  “Run!” I scream, somehow reaching what I think is a door and ripping at it until it opens.

  “Oh, thank you, Jesus,” Gia wails, throwing herself out with me and running so hard that by the time we move around the house and to the front where a cobblestoned path is, we’re wheezing.

  Problem.

  “Where the fuck is Kat?” I scream, turning around wildly to look for her.

  “I don’t know. You had her,” Gia wails, falling to her knees and gasping.

  “Kaaaat!” I yell, my eyes blurred with tears while my heart races.

  Kat isn’t anywhere in the dark front yard, and she doesn’t answer when I call out again.

  “Katherine! Where are you?” I wail.

  No answer.

  “Oh, God. Oh, my God. We gotta go back.”

  “Oh, fuck no,” Gia gasps, coming to her feet and shaking her head wildly. “Not happening.”

  “But she’s still in there,” I yell, dropping the camera and making a really bad realization as I do. “My phone’s still in there too.”

  Oh, God. Oh, my God—what am I gonna do? I can’t just leave my phone here. Most of my customers’ contacts are in the thing.

  “Well, that’s too bad because I’m outta here,” Gia snarls, turning and storming off just as a light pops on somewhere in the house.

  I’m going to pass out. For real. Or die on the spot as I turn and grab Gia, my eyeballs widening as I point.

  “Looook,” I whisper, my hand shaking so badly my fingers clench.

  “Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no,” Gia moans when we see Kat run to a window on the ground level, her hand beating at the glass.

  It’s as she’s screaming that we see something dark come up behind her, and then I’m screaming too.