Moonshine and Malice

by J Lee Mitchell

  “The real question should be how the hell did Spenser Penn find out about it so fast? He shoved a microphone in my face and started grilling me about it just now. I almost chocked on my own tongue.”

  “He was at the butcher shop? What’s he doing, stalking you?”

  “No. I brought it on myself, I suppose. He was interviewing Chance outside the sheriff’s station and my curiosity got the best of me. I’d like to say I handled the whole thing like an adult, but I let Chance get under my skin and I think I probably made things worse.”

  “Well, things aren’t going so well here, either, so the sooner you can get back here the better. Andy woke up on the wrong side of the bed and Lyle is having a complete meltdown. I’m not sure how much longer Mike Collins can keep either one of them under control.”

  “Okay. I need to pick up the meat for tonight’s class, then I’ll be right there.”

  Q’Bita hung up and let out a long sigh. She almost jumped out of her skin when she heard Hilde’s voice behind her.

  “Sounds like things aren’t going so well at the Red Herring Inn.”

  “I’m sure everything will turn out just fine, Hilde.”

  Hilde started to say something else but Q’Bita was already walking away. She hated being rude, but some situations required it, and Hilde Sanders' propensity for gossip constituted a situation today.

  “Sorry, Hilde, gotta run. See you this evening in class.”

  ***

  Q’Bita finished her shopping and was headed back to the Red Herring Inn when she heard sirens behind her. She glanced in the rearview mirror and saw a Castle Creek Sheriff Department SUV. It was coming towards her fast, so she pulled to the side of the road. As the vehicle passed, Chance threw her a sadistic smile and tipped his hat in her direction.

  Q’Bita pulled back onto the road and gave it some gas. She had no doubt where Chance was heading, and she knew she'd better get there soon so she could referee the pissing match that was bound to occur between Andy and Chance.

  Chapter 14

  It was a warm afternoon and Q’Bita had been driving with her window down. As she rounded the front of the Inn, she heard Andy and Chance squaring off.

  “I don’t give a coon's crap who lost their damn mind and decided to let you play sheriff. You’re an insolent a-hole, and I have no intention of letting you muck up this investigation.”

  “You can run your pie-hole all you want, Andy. You’re not hurting my feelings. Besides, I wouldn’t expect a coward who thinks he can use excessive force to intimidate innocent suspects to have any respect for the badge.”

  Q’Bita saw the look on Andy’s face and knew she needed to intervene before Andy racked up assault charges on top of his other recent charges. She pressed down on the horn so hard it hurt the palm of her hand, but it got the job done. She hopped out of the car and planted herself directly between Andy and Chance, who were both staring at her like she had three boobs.

  “Okay, you two. Let’s just calm down. I get that you two have a hay wagon full of unresolved issues, but the Red Herring Inn is a place of business and I don’t want to have to spend the rest of the afternoon explaining this to our guests.”

  Andy had gone silent and Chance started to protest, but Q’Bita held up one hand and made a gesture that made it clear Chance was to keep his comments to himself. She started towards her car and turned back to the two of them who were still glaring at each other.

  “Don’t just stand there. Get over here and help me get these groceries into the cooking school, and then you two can continue your discussion in private.”

  Once they got inside, Chance didn’t waste any time goading Andy again.

  “It’s been real fun catching up with you again, Andy. I hope you’re going to use some of your time off to work on your tan. You’re looking a little pasty. You might want to try some fishing to relieve some of that pent-up stress you've got, and maybe even do a sit-up or two. Looks like all that pie you’ve been eating is starting to catch up with you.”

  Andy was about to reply when Q’Bita grabbed Chance by the arm and tugged him toward the swinging doors leading to the dining room.

  “Ouch, Q’Bita. Careful with those nails. Andy might like it rough but I’m more of a lover than a fighter.”

  Q’Bita hadn’t meant to grab him so hard but she wasn’t sorry that she had.

  “Shut up, Chance, and come on.”

  Q’Bita loosened her grip slightly but still steered Chance towards the door. As they entered the dining room, she could hear Lyle Chalford’s voice coming from the main lobby, and he didn’t sound happy.

  “This is preposterous. I am the victim here. That knife is worth thousands. It was hand-made for me by the world-famous Japanese swordsmith Iyo Kinaki. His work is so extraordinary that every chef in the world would kill to own one of his blades.”

  Mike Collins was busy writing down Lyle’s statement and didn’t look up until Chance cleared his throat. The look on Mike’s face matched his lukewarm greeting.

  “Chance. You didn’t have to come all the way out here. I have this under control.”

  “Don’t get all butt-hurt, Mikey. I’m just here to make sure you don’t let Andy do any more damage or let this one stick her nose in another murder investigation.”

  Lyle Chalford took a step towards Chance and looked him up and down.

  “Please tell me that you’re an authority figure and that you’re here to do something more effective than ask me a series of annoying questions and scratch misspelled gibberish into a tiny notebook.”

  “Wow, I see you’ve made your usual underwhelming impression, Mikey.”

  Mike Collins rolled his eyes at Q’Bita and then went right back to asking Lyle questions.

  Q’Bita saw Jamie and Rene standing in the doorway of the office. Neither was making the slightest attempt to hide the fact that they were eavesdropping. She excused herself and started to make her way towards the office but stopped short when she heard Lyle exclaim, “And where do you think you’re going, Ms. Block? In case you haven’t been informed, I’ve been robbed. I demand that you lock down this establishment and request that these gentlemen make a full and thorough investigation. I am well past the point of frustration with this whole charade and will not hesitate to obtain legal counsel if I am not afforded swift resolution.”

  Lyle had pronounced charade as "sure rod". Q’Bita loathed people that over-enunciated certain words to sound more sophisticated than they really were. She turned toward Lyle and fought the urge to throw up a little in her mouth while she forced herself to be polite.

  “Mr. Chalford, I understand this must be quite stressful; however, I have complete faith in Deputy Collins and our state police. I’m sure they will get this all worked out soon.”

  The look on Chance’s face was not amusement, and Q’Bita knew she’d hit a nerve; that, at least, gave her some pleasure.

  “Mr. Chalford, I’m Sheriff Holleran…”

  Chance’s introduction was cut short when Rene snorted so loud he almost choked on his own spit.

  “Sheriff? I thought Andy shit-canned him months ago.”

  Chance looked directly at Rene and then flicked the badge on his left breast pocket.

  “Last time I checked, this little tin star right here said sheriff. I’d offer to show you my handcuffs, but I don’t want you getting all kinky on me, creampuff.”

  “Just because I slap on a blonde wig and a pair of stilettos doesn’t mean I expect people to call me Marilyn Monroe, so I’m still not sure how that broach makes you sheriff.”

  “It doesn’t. Having his head run up Red Dixon’s ass is what makes him acting sheriff, emphasis on the acting part.”

  Everyone had been so busy watching the back and forth between Chance and Rene they hadn’t seen Andy enter the room.

  “Excuse me? Can we please focus on what is important here? I want to know when I will be getting my property back. I wish to put this horrible little town and all you people
behind me as soon as possible.”

  Chance took a step towards Lyle and placed a hand on his shoulder.

  “Mr. Chalford, why don’t we go into town and finish our discussion in my office?”

  “Your office? Don’t get too comfortable, Chance. You won’t be there that long.”

  “Luckily for me, that decision isn’t up to you, Andy. I guess we’ll both have to wait and see how things turn out, but I’m thinking most people won’t have any problem voting for me once they watch Spenser Penn’s broadcast tonight. Q’Bita gave him a heck of a sound bite. You won’t want to miss it.”

  “Damn it to hell.”

  Q’Bita hadn’t meant to cuss out loud, and now she could feel her cheeks flushing as everyone turned to look at her. She tried to avoid Andy’s glance but he’d already locked eyes with her and she couldn’t look away.

  “Something you wanna tell me about, Q’Bita?” Andy asked.

  “It’s nothing, really. Chance is making it sound more exciting than it was.”

  Chance laughed.

  “I don’t know, Q’Bita, I was thinking of using a clip of it in an upcoming campaign add. I imagine most folks in town would be super impressed with your cuss mouth and ladylike behavior.”

  Q’Bita wanted to snap at Chance again but decided that would just make the situation worse. She couldn’t tell if the look on Andy’s face was confusion or anger.

  “Andy, why don’t we go in the office and I’ll explain everything?” Q’Bita said.

  “Merciful Mable, get a move on, woman. I’m dying to hear what you did.”

  Q’Bita stopped in the doorway of the office and waited for Andy to join her. She motioned for Jamie and Rene to leave. Jamie took the hint, but Rene was still parked on the corner of the desk, inspecting his nails.

  “Out. I want to talk to Andy in private.”

  “Fine, but I’ll expect you to keep it short then come find me and fill me in. I’m an inquiring mind and I need to know.”

  “You’re a plus-sized pain in my ass, Rene, but I love you anyhow.”

  Q’Bita leaned in and Rene gave her a double air-kiss before flouncing out of the office.

  Andy was standing just inside the doorway, and Q’Bita was relieved to see his expression had softened somewhat. He’d stuffed his hands in his pockets and was scuffing the floor with the toe of his boot.

  “Your brother certainly has his hands full with that one. I’m not sure how Beecher does it. Rene is exhausting at times.”

  Q’Bita laughed.

  “He’s exhausting all the time, but he grows on you.”

  “So, you wanna tell me what happened, or should I just wait until I read it in Spenser’s column tomorrow?”

  “Funny story, really. Spenser now has his own segment on WCMP.”

  “WCMP? How the hell did that happen? Wait, don’t answer that. It doesn’t take a genius to smell Red Dixon all over that crap pile.”

  “Exactly. When I got to town, Hilde Sanders accosted me in the parking lot of the butcher shop and started prattling on about…”

  Q’Bita hesitated for a minute. She still wasn’t comfortable talking about Jock’s death with Andy.

  “About my pap?” Andy finished her sentence.

  “Yes. While I was trying to dodge her questions, I saw Spenser interviewing Chance and I walked across the street to hear what Chance was saying. I thought maybe there’d been a break in the case. When Spenser saw me coming, he pounced on me. I guess it just caught me off guard, then Chance started to run his mouth, and I might have called him an ass while Spenser was filming me.”

  Andy let out a huge laugh. It startled her.

  “Now that is something I wouldn’t mind seeing on the nightly news. I hope it felt good.”

  Q’Bita released the breath she’d been holding since they’d entered the office and leaned back against the desk.

  “It felt great… for about two seconds. Then I realized that I might have made things worse for you. That’s the last thing I want, or you need, right now.”

  Andy closed the distance between them and wrapped her in a big hug. She sunk into his chest and put a check against his shoulder. As usual, he smelled like soap and fresh air.

  “I’m the one who should be comforting you,” she whispered.

  “Babe, it’s okay. My heart hasn’t been this broken since I lost my mom and dad, but as long as I have you, I know I’m gonna get through this.”

  Q’Bita grabbed him tighter and kissed his shoulder. They stayed this way for a few moments longer then Andy stepped back and looked down at her.

  “So, what was Chance saying in this interview?”

  “Nothing about the case, unfortunately, but I’m sure we can catch it on the news. Hilde tells me that Chance gave Spenser exclusive access. Spenser will be following him everywhere.”

  “Exclusive access? What the hell is Chance thinking? You can’t conduct a murder investigation with a reporter following you like a dog in heat.”

  Their conversation was interrupted by a knock at the door. Q’Bita looked up to see Mike Collins standing there, looking nervous.

  “Hey, Andy, you got a second?”

  “Sure, Mikey. What’s up?”

  Mike stepped inside the office and closed the door.

  “I just wanted to give you a heads-up about what the state police have so far.”

  “I appreciate this, Mikey, but if this is going to get you in trouble with Chance, well, that’s a position I don’t want to put you in.”

  “Trust me, Andy, if I thought for one second that he’d be able to solve this on his own, I’d have walked out the door the second he walked in. I need you to know that I’m only putting up with his crap because I’m trying to do right by you.”

  Q’Bita watched Andy’s face as he took in what Mikey was saying. The weight of the last few days was finally starting to show, and Q’Bita had to hold back tears.

  “I wish I could tell you both that we’ve made a bunch of progress, but we just haven’t. Earl and Beanie are lawyered up and we don’t have any other suspects at this time. Hopefully Chance will get something useful when he talks to Lyle Chalford. I’d say it’s no coincidence that he’s missing a fancy knife that sounds a lot like our murder weapon.”

  “The state police don’t have anything else at all?” Q’Bita asked.

  “No, just speculation. Since we haven’t been able to locate the prize check, their working theory is robbery gone wrong for now.”

  “But?” Andy asked.

  Mikey hesitated before answering, and then spoke softly, like someone gossiping in church about the preacher’s wife.

  “Honestly, Andy, robbery just doesn’t feel right to me. I know we have a lot of out of towners here right now, but I haven’t run across any of them that seem the killer type. I also don’t see one of them following Jock out into the middle of nowhere and running him down then killing him. This whole thing seems more like an act of desperation, and that reads more Earl-and-Beanie to me.”

  Mike stayed for a few more minutes and then said his goodbyes, promising to keep them both in the loop as the investigation continued.

  Andy rubbed his hands across his face then scratched at the side of his head.

  “Hey, handsome, could I interest you in some pie? I have a secret stash in the walk-in and you look like you could use a slice.”

  “It’s like you can read my mind sometimes. But for the record, I could eat a whole pie right about now.”

  She was glad to see his humor was still somewhat intact. She grabbed his hand as they left the office and was glad that at least for now things had calmed down.

  Chapter 15

  Q’Bita and Liddy Lou stood behind the stove, watching people arrive for the evening class. They’d planted Evie and Rene by the door to keep an eye out for Hilde Sanders. They all agreed that the best way to deal with Hilde was to give her something to do that kept her as far away from the rest of the gossip hens as possible, and shucking c
orn seemed like the perfect task.

  Q’Bita and Liddy Lou watched as Evie turned on the charm, and Hilde ate it up with a spoon.

  “It’s amazing how pleasant that old goat can be when she wants something.”

  “Wow, Nana, some best friend you are,” Q’Bita said as she gave Liddy Lou a little hip check.

  “Evie and I have been friends for so long that there just ain’t no sense in putting lipstick on a pig and trying to call it Miss West Virginia.”

  “Hum, sounds like a way to ruin perfectly good bacon if you ask moi,” Rene said as he joined them at the counter.

  “How’s it going up front?” Q’Bita asked.

  “Oh, Hilde was more than happy to volunteer, especially since Evie told her that she’d comp her a free class next week for helping.”

  While everyone got their refreshments and headed to their seats, Q’Bita observed Hilde’s usual crowd clustered near the drink station.

  “Well, Nana, I guess I'd better head over there and break this up before it gets out of hand and we don’t get any cooking done.”

  “Oh, wait, we should have a signal just in case things jump off and you need backup.”

  “Rene, you have to stop watching so much TV. More than half of them are in the church choir. I seriously doubt any of them are packing heat.”

  Liddy Lou made a clucking noise and shook her head.

  “As much as I hate to agree with Rene, I’d keep an eye on ‘em. I know for a fact that Nancy Kauffman carries everywhere she goes, and I see that the iced tea is getting low, so that whole bunch is likely to get hostile soon.”

  “Nana, do not encourage him; he’ll only get worse.”

  Q’Bita approached the group. They grew quiet and then stopped talking as she joined them.

  “Hello, ladies. Nice to see you all this evening. Are you looking forward to class?”

  A few heads nodded and a few mumbled in agreement but none of them made direct eye contact, and Q’Bita knew they’d been talking about something they didn’t want her to hear. She reached for the iced tea pitcher and was about to excuse herself when Nancy spoke up.