“Hmm.”
“What?”
I peered at him, illuminated by the bright light of the moon overhead, and the slightly brighter antique post lights that dotted the park.
“I was just picturing little Nate Williamson, all dressed up in his little boy scout uniform. It’s cute.”
“I was very cute, I’ll have you know.”
“I never knew you were in boy scouts,” I said after another sip, “What else don’t I know about you?”
“Good question.” He said, settling next to me. He leaned back on one elbow, bring his larger body even closer to mine and it sent a shiver of reaction through me. “Well, I was a pretty big nerd growing up. I loved comic books and I read all the time. My dad hated that I wasn’t good at any of the ‘manly’ sports he tried to force me into. He signed me up for boxing and it…well, it didn’t go great for me. I’ll just leave that at that.”
“What else?”
“Nope, it’s my turn. Why did you cancel our date?”
His question caught me off guard, though I knew it shouldn’t have. I glanced over at him, taking one big gulp of the cold beer in my hand for courage.
“I was all dressed up and ready to meet you. I was really excited about our date.”
“Then what happened?”
“Thalia came in to my room, crying. She told me how you broke up with her and I just…I couldn’t go through with it. I wanted to tell her, Nate. I wanted to tell her about us.” I paused, biting my lip again, “Well, not everything about us. But about the date. And there she was, sobbing into my duvet because you two are over.”
He was silent, contemplating for a moment.
“She didn’t seem that upset when I talked to her the other night. In fact, she seemed relieved to be honest.”
“Thalia is…complicated.”
“You don’t need to tell me that. I was the one who dated her for a year,” He must have caught my wince, “Sorry. Too soon? I know we’re moving fast, but,” He paused and then finally shrugged, “It just feels right with you. The last thing I want to do is rush you into something you’re not ready for.”
“And you just got out of a long relationship.”
“Thalia and I never had a real relationship,” He said, shaking his head, “We were just using each other. Means to an end. There weren’t any real feelings between us. I want you to know that.”
It did make me feel a little better, hearing him say it. But it didn’t take away the way Thalia had burst into tears earlier. I could only imagine how she would react when I told her that Nate and I were dating, let alone that we’d slept together.
No, it was too much to even think about.
“So,” I took a determined swig, “It’s my turn to ask a question now, right? Why did you decide to be a doctor?”
“My family has a long lineage of doctors and lawyers.”
“So it was like, choose one or the other?”
“Something like that?”
“Did you ever want to do something else?”
He looked at me from the corner of his eye and took a long sip.
“You know, I think you might be the only person who has ever asked me that question.”
“Really? You must not talk to a lot of interesting people, then.”
He choked on a laugh, “No, I guess you’re right. My family is…complicated.”
“Try me,” I whispered, the words coming out hoarser and sexier than I had anticipated. I cleared my throat, waiting for Nate to answer.
“My family is wealthy, and very well-connected. There is nothing more important than the family’s reputation. That was drilled into me from the time I was a kid. There were only ever two options for me. Go into law, or medicine. I wanted to help people, so I decided to pursue medicine.”
“Geez, that sounds…confining.” I shook my head. My mom had always supported me, no matter what I wanted to try, no matter how crazy it seemed. She’d always made me believe that I could do anything I wanted to. I couldn’t imagine growing up with my entire future being dictated like that by somebody else.
“That’s one word for it. Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do. I get to make a difference in people’s lives every single day.”
“That’s very noble of you.”
“And, it keeps the family happy. There’s a lot to be said about not rocking the boat.”
I stared at him for a long moment, “My whole life has been about rocking the boat. As a kid I was bullied, I hated my body. But as I grew up, I realized that different was beautiful, that my body was beautiful and worth celebrating.”
“I agree with that,” Nate said roughly, “I would love to celebrate your body.”
A blush raced across my cheeks and I was thankful it was too dark for Nate to see it.
“I was a plus-sized model trying to make it in an industry that worships size zero, and now I’m trying to make high end fashion accessible to other women who look like me, women with curves, women who don’t fit the standard mold. I couldn’t have done any of this if I’d been satisfied with the status quo.”
“It’s easy for you, Poppy–.”
I interrupted Nate’s statement with a sharp laugh.
“Easy? Nothing about my journey to get here has been easy, Nate. You always had money, you always had connections, you could have anything you want with the snap of your fingers. You’re a lot like Thalia in that way. You both grew up never wanting for anything.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Isn’t it?” I finished my beer and wrapped my arms around my knees, leaning over to look at him wear he was still lounging on one elbow. “Tell me then, Oliver Twist, have you ever been worried about paying rent? Or getting your electricity shut off because you can’t pay your bills?”
“Well, no, but–.”
“Did your parents ever have to work two, sometimes three, jobs just to put food on the tables? Did you have to get a job when you were fifteen to help out with money?”
“No, of course not. I was in school.”
“So was I, Nate. I was in school, and working part time. My mom couldn’t afford to buy me clothes from the mall so she would take me to thrift stores. I learned how to tailor my clothes so they would fit me, because that was all she could buy. And I love her for teaching me those lessons, because that’s how I fell in love with fashion. That’s when I started to realize just how empowering fashion can be.”
“I didn’t know that, Poppy. I’m sorry.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry for. People all have their stories, they all come from different places and different walks of life. But you did have a choice, Nate. Just like I did. You chose to go along with your family’s plan for you. I chose to take a risk. The jury’s still out on whether or not it was worth it,” I finished with a soft chuckle.
“Of course it was.”
“This business could fail, Nate. The industry is tough enough, I know that. I worked my way up from the very bottom rung. But trying to be a plus sized fashion designer? That’s even tougher. It’s hard to make people care. And if I fail, then Thalia and Jefferson fail with me. And I’d have to find some other way to pay back the money Thalia’s parents lent us, and then…” I trailed off, my breathing growing heavier and more panicked with every word as my thoughts spiraled into the darkest corners of my worries and fears.
My chest tightened, my heart beat started to pound so hard it hurt.
“Nate, I can’t breathe, I can’t…”
“Hey, it’s okay.” Suddenly he was right beside me, rubbing my back in rhythmic, soothing circles, his voice pitched low and soft as he leaned me forward. “Calm down, it’s okay. Just focus on your breath. Try it with me okay. Inhale slowly. Nice and slow. And then exhale, just as slowly. One more time for me okay?”
We sat like that for another several minutes, just breathing together, the sounds of the city at night dim and far away.
Slowly, my pulse began to slow back to normal and my chest l
oosened enough that I could breathe again with a sharp, stabbing pain rushing through my body.
“Have you been having a lot of these panic attacks?” Nate asked after a moment.
“They aren’t panic attacks, I just get a little stressed sometimes. I have a lot of pressure on me right now.”
“They are panic attacks, Poppy. And they can happen in different ways, too. Unprovoked mood swings, exploding and lashing out.” He cupped my face with his hands and tilted my chin up to meet his gaze, eye to eye.
“You have to slow down, Poppy. You have to take care of yourself, otherwise, these attacks are going to keep happening, and they are going to get worse and worse until you wind up back in the hospital again.”
“It’s nothing, Nate.”
“No, it’s not!”
I was taken aback by the seriousness of his tone and my first reaction was to pull back, to step away from him.
“I can take care of myself, Nate. I always have, and I always will.”
“You don’t have to do it all yourself, Poppy. Let someone help you. Let me help you!” I could hear a protective note in his voice and it wrapped a blanket of warmth around me, like a cocoon. “I have an idea, actually, if you’re up for it.”
“I’m up for anything, hot stuff.”
He gave me a long heated look in the dark before shaking his head, “I think there’s someone you should meet. Someone very important to me, and I think you’ll like her a lot.”
Her? I thought, fighting a small ping of jealousy.
“Who is it?”
“I’ll introduce you tomorrow. I think she’ll really be able to help you.”
Jealousy reared its ugly head again, but then Nate was leaning down, kissing me soft and so gentle it made my chest ache, only this time for a completely different reason.
“What do you say?”
“If I say yes, do I get something in return?”
“Anything you want.”
I grinned in the dark, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him down on top of me, wrapped together in the night, the stars and moon winking down from above.
“I want you.” I whispered, a moment before his lips met mine again, and this time the gentleness was gone, replaced by the same need that ripped through me. Nate pulled back a little, just enough to look down at me and I was rocked by the emotion I saw shining in his dark gaze.
“I’m yours.”
I melted into his kiss once more, as need rose up inside me and we lost ourselves in each other.
8
Nate
I knocked on the ornate, black lacquered door and shot Poppy a smile that I hoped was more encouraging than I felt. After last night together, I’d woke up feeling amazing, not in little part to the incredible sex, but also confident in my plan.
Now, standing in front of that oversized door, staring at the gargoyle headed door knocker, I wasn’t so sure. I wanted to help Poppy. I wanted her to see how destructive her habits and patterns of behavior were, and how serious it truly was. But, another part of me had concocted this whole plan as a way to spend more time with her.
I’d learned last night that I needed to take things slower with her, but I’d been fantasizing about her for a year now, and here I was, standing just a foot away from her and I felt like some invisible wall had grown up between us over night.
Poppy was independent. It was one of the things that drew me to her in the first place. She wasn’t anything like the vapid socialites I had grown up with. She was one of the strongest women that I knew. And I also knew that she hated feeling like she was weak or dependent on someone else.
She wasn’t the type of person to ever ask for help, even if she needed it. I could only hope that she saw that I was trying to help her, to protect her. I glanced back at her and bit back a grin.
Poppy was decked out head to toe in black leather and fringe. Her boots had a three inch heal that still only put the top of her head at the middle of my chest. Skin tight black leather looked painted on her legs, and cupped her ass in a way that had made my jaw drop when I’d seen her walking towards me this morning.
A soft looking, charcoal colored top emphasized the dip of her waist and gave just the slightest hint at the lush cleavage peaking up above the lace that teased me with tantalizing glimpses.
Covering it all was a black leather jacket with long fringe that hung off the arms and swung whenever she moved, wrapping and unwrapping around her body in a way that drove me insane. I’d never actually been jealous of an inanimate object before, let alone a jacket. I was experiencing a lot of new emotions lately, all because of Poppy.
“Whoa, nice house,” Poppy whispered as we both waited nervously.
“Wait until you see the inside. She spared no expense.”
“She must be rich as Croesus.”
“Probably richer.” I said with a small grin.
“So, who is this lady again? I really hope you didn’t bring me all the way out here just to introduce me to some old girlfriend, or even worse, someone who thinks throwing money at problems is the way to solve them. This isn’t something money can solve, Nate, and we both know that this is–.”
“Hmmfph.”
The sound drew Poppy up short and we both turned towards the door. An austere looking older woman with pure white hair piled up on her head in a perfectly coifed bun stood scowling at us both from just inside the parlor.
“You both know that this is, what, exactly?” She said, her voice at once smooth as butter and soft as a whip. Age hadn’t dimmed her ferocity at all. If anything, it had made her even more intimidating, which I’d thought was an impossibility.
“Um, that this, uh, a wonderful chance to meet you.” Poppy stuttered and I bit back a laugh at her flustered rosy flush. God she was gorgeous when she blushed. I knew first hand how that rosy red hue would travel down her body, caressing all of her curves in exactly the way I wanted to.
“I’m sure,” The older woman said, before turning to me with the same scowl. “And what do you have to say for yourself?”
“Hi, grandmother.” I fought to hold back my grin as I leaned forward and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
“The nerve. It’s been weeks since you came to see me last and then you call up out of the blue and ask if you can ‘drop by’ of all things.” She turned and swept back inside, calling over her kaftaned shoulder, “Well, are you coming in or are you just going to stand there with the door open all morning?”
“Your grandmother?” Poppy hissed at me in a whisper as went walked inside after my grandma, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
I shrugged. I wasn’t about to tell her that it had thrilled me to see that little bit of jealousy when I’d told her I had a woman I wanted her to meet.
She led us into one of the large homes many sitting rooms, this one in deep forest greens and gold gilding. Neither of us spoke until she finally gestured for us to sit before taking the velvet covered chair for herself.
“Well? I’m assuming this isn’t just a social call.” My grandmother gave me a sharp, knowing look, her gaze going from me to Poppy and back again.
“Oh, right. Grandmother, this is Poppy Black. A…friend of mine. Poppy, I would like to introduce my grandmother, the indomitable .”
“Ooh, indomitable. I like that, Nathanial.” She gave me another one of her looks before nodding towards Poppy, “It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance, dear.”
“You too, Ma’am.”
“Ach! Don’t call me ma’am. I hate that. Makes me feel like an antique. Call me Izzy. Everyone does.”
“Well, nice to meet you, Izzy.”
“Of course it is,” My grandmother accepted with a casual wave of her beringed hand.
“Now, Let’s hear it, Nathanial, before you explode. I can practically hear your thoughts buzzing irritatingly from here.”
I glanced over as Poppy coughed, and she looked like she was trying to hide a laugh behind her hand. I just rolled my eyes good natur
edly. I was used to my grandmother’s antics.
“I wanted to ask for your help.”
“What do you need, dear?”
“Not for me, for Poppy.” Both women’s eyes turned to be, one dark brown and the other ocean blue but both just as sharp. I hurried on before they could interrupt me, “You see, Poppy is a fashion designer, an artist like you. She’s been working herself so hard that she ended up in the hospital and has been having anxiety and panic attacks. I’m worried she’s not taking care of herself.”
“Well, she’s a grown woman, Nathanial. I’m not sure what you want me to do–.”
“I was hoping you could tell her about when you were younger and working. Mother always said that you had to take a year off because you’d nearly worked yourself into a mental breakdown.”
“Hmph. Your mother would say that.” My grandmother grew quiet for a moment, then folded her arms. “It’s not entirely untrue. I was not only an artist, but I was a woman, gasp!” She shook her head in derision and Poppy nodded in commiseration, “And I was working in a time when women weren’t taken seriously as artists. They still aren’t nearly as well represented as women should be, but that’s an entirely different conversation.”
She paused and took a sip from the ridiculously tiny porcelain tea cup at her elbow before going on, “I had to work harder than any one else, at least that’s how I felt at the time. It did take its toll, after a few years. And yes, I did suffer from a breakdown. In a fit of rage I destroyed all of my paintings. Burned them all.” She paused and let out a delighted laugh, “What a silly little twit I was.”
She leaned forward, whispering to Poppy conspiratorially, “I was the black sheep of the family, if you couldn’t tell. The Williamson’s were synonymous with par excellence, and then I came along and, gasp again, I didn’t want to be a housewife and mother, the only acceptable profession for a well to do young woman of my social standing.” My grandmother waved the thought away as if it was a fly, buzzing in the air in front of her, “Could you imagine how dreadfully boring?”
“But you did settle down, eventually, grandmother.”
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