Miko was an older woman who had worked in the L.A. fashion district for as long as I had been there, and as long as anyone else had, for that matter. She and her partner, Amy, lived in the tiny apartment above the shop, a cramped one bedroom that was as long and narrow as the store was.
The place smelled perpetually of black tea and cinnamon. I had spent many afternoons, and a few drunk nights there, as they listened to me complain about losing out on another job, or comforting my tears after being rejected yet again by the modelling industry I never quite fit into.
The both held a special place in my heart, and not only that, Miko always had the best. I looked around the shop, overwhelmed by the ceiling high stacks of fabric. So many choices, so many prints and patterns.
I could easily get lost for hours browsing the shelves, but luckily I knew exactly what I was looking for. I needed the black lace, the same matching lace that I had bought two weeks before.
I had come in the day after getting the call about the magazine feature, frantic and desperate, worried about the time constraint, and secretly worried that I wouldn’t be good enough.
Mika hadn’t been in the shop that day, and one of her assistants had helped me pick out the lace. A part of me really needed to see Mika, to hear her reassuring voice, to know that someone believed in me.
Knock it off, Poppy. You don’t need anyone else to believe in you but yourself, the thought whispered in my mind and I knew it was true. It was just hard to remember, especially after the last few days.
The first week had gone great, I had finished the designs, got the perfect fabric, and started designing. But nerves or something was getting the better of me and I felt nauseous and shaky, suddenly exhausted.
Nate told me it was the anxiety, that I needed to slow down. That I needed to cancel the magazine feature.
We’d gotten into a fight about it, but afterward, he’d apologized. I knew he was just worried about me. But he also knew that I couldn’t just put my entire career on hold, not after I’d worked so hard to get where I was.
And besides, making up after the fight had been more than worth it.
A small, sinful grin curled up the corners of my mouth as I reached out and ran my hand along a satin soft swatch of fabric the exact color of a baby fawn.
“My flower, is that you? And why the hell are you smiling at my new Carranti suede that way?”
I looked up at the sound of Miko’s voice. Gruff and to the point, just like always. Her bark was far worse than her bite, though. Miko was one of the kindest hearted people that I knew.
She walked towards me in a black and white kaftan that billowed out behind her like butterfly wings. She looked like she was about to take flight. Her long hair was coiled up on the top of her head in a bun that knew better than to let even a single hair slip out of place.
“Hi Mika.”
I smiled at her and she reached towards, giving me a kiss on each cheek but when she pulled away, she paused, staring at me strangely.
“What? What is it? Do I have something on my face?” I wiped at whatever it was but she just shook her head, her eyes narrowing as she scanned me from head to toe, and then all the way back up again.
“Mika, what the hell? If I have cream cheese on my face just tell me already!” The bagel was the last thing I’d eaten earlier that morning, or was it yesterday? I couldn’t even remember.
“You’re…you’re glowing, Poppy girl.”
Mika was the only one I let call me girl, and it had more to do with my respect for her than the fact that she was nearly forty years older than me.
“I am definitely not glowing,” I snorted, “Sweating, sure. Pale and a little sickly looking, that I would believe. No, it’s definitely the sweat.”
“No, it’s not, girl.” Mika grabbed my hands and spoke, shocking me, before I could pull them away, “I always know these things, Poppy. I’ve never been wrong.”
I searched her lined, leathery face, “What are you saying, Miko?”
“I’m saying you’re pregnant.”
I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t stop it. I just opened my mouth, threw back my head and laughed.
“That’s ridiculous.”
Miko just shrugged, finally letting go of my hands, “I’m never wrong.”
“Well, there’s always a first time for everything,” I had to physically shake myself to dislodge her words and the shock they caused, “I’m actually here to pick up more of that black lace.”
“Of course.” Miko nodded, all business once more. She took fashion seriously, as seriously as I did. It’s why we had become such good friends in the first place, despite the differences in our age. “I have a few new swatches I’ll give you too.”
Miko went right to a shelf, climbing the tall library ladder with ease despite here years and plucked a bolt of fabric down from one of the upper rungs. She grabbed a few more prints on the way down until her arms were so full I wondered how she was even climbing down the ladder without being able to hold on.
“How’s Amy?” I asked as she cut and bagged the fabric with military precision. I knew her partner had been sick with pneumonia for some time.
“She’s doing okay now,” Miko said, her expression tightening for a minute, “We’re both old people now. I guess we’ll just have to resign ourselves to that.”
“You? Old? Never!” I gasped, giving her another hug. “I’ll bring some of my famous chili by next week okay? We’ll have dinner and catch up.”
Miko opened her mouth as if she was about to say something but then changed her mind, just nodded and giving me a small smile.
“I would love that, girl. And so would Amy. She loves your chili.”
I gave her one last wave as I turned and left the store. I considered going straight to the studio but my apartment was closer and honestly, as soon as I stepped outside another wave of exhaustion hit me.
Maybe Nate was right, not that I’d ever admit it to him. But maybe, just maybe, I did need to take it a little easier. The photo shoot for the magazine article was the next day, the designs were nearly done. And I didn’t want to show up with bags the size of Texas underneath my eyes.
I nodded, telling myself a little nap would do me good, and I turned down the street towards my apartment.
I let out a sigh of relief when I walked inside and no one else was there. I hated to admit it, but I had been doing my best to avoid Thalia the last few weeks. Well, if I was being honest with myself, for months now. Ever since Nate and I started dating. I knew I should just tell her, just come clean and tell her the truth about everything.
But I was scared. I was scared of how she would react to me and Nate being together, and more than that, how she would react to me keeping it from her for so long.
Another part of me, though, was thrilled. I loved having a secret and Nate was such a delicious secret. It gave me a hidden thrill, to know that I had him.
Guilt churned inside my stomach, heavy and nauseating. I pressed my hands to my abdomen. No, I really should just tell her. The sneaking around couldn’t go on much longer. But every time I thought it was the right time to bring it up, Thalia would break down and tell me how lonely she was, or how much her parents were on her back now. Somehow, they had found out about the breakup. I had a sneaking suspicion that I knew who was behind it. Nate’s mother.
I couldn’t imagine that she’d have kept quiet about it for long, but at least she hadn’t told anyone that Nate and I were together. Probably because she hated the idea and thought if she didn’t talk about it, it wasn’t real. Or I would just disappear faster if she didn’t make a fuss over me.
I shook my head. Well, obviously she had never met Poppy Black before. I didn’t give up. I didn’t just blend quietly into the background because it was convenient for someone else.
My temper rose just at the thought and I forced myself to take several deep, calming breaths that did nothing to ease the nausea still swirling inside me.
Trying to
distract myself, I walked over to the small kitchen table and drew out the fabric. I laid out the lace first. It would be the perfect detail to finish the main showpiece of the photoshoot, a full length, curve-hugging gown.
There were three other pieces of fabric and I drew them out one by one, running my hands over them, feeling the different textures, examining the different patterns. I swayed on my feet as a sudden wave of dizziness swept over me.
I grabbed the back of the chair, trying to steady myself as another bout of nausea turned my stomach.
I had to blink several times to clear my eyes, but it didn’t seem to matter. The pattern of the fabric was still swirling beneath my gaze and I had to look away and swallow hard to get my stomach to settle one more.
It had been like this for days now. I knew what Nate would say.
You are working yourself to death, Poppy. You don’t have to work this hard. Why are you doing this to yourself? You’re going to end up right back in the hospital.
“Get out of my head, Nate.” I whispered to myself, wiping a bead of sweat from my brow. I set the patterned fabric aside.
I couldn’t remember the last time that I had eaten. Maybe that was it. Maybe I just need a little sustenance. But even just the thought of food made me want to run to the bathroom.
I had been working non stop for the last two weeks to make sure everything was perfect for the magazine shoot. Maybe I was having another panic attack.
This felt different though. I was more sick to my stomach, and I didn’t have the heart pounding, couldn’t breathe, debilitating anxiety that I had experienced the last time.
I grabbed my stomach with one hand and covered my mouth with the other as I ran towards the bathroom. I was shaking so bad I had to sit on the edge of the bathtub to try and calm myself down again.
What the hell is going on with me? I thought, slightly panicked. And then that slight panic ballooned into full grown fear when Miko’s words echoed through my thoughts again. You’re pregnant. You’re pregnant.
I couldn’t shake them. I couldn’t get the words out of my head. And it didn’t make it any better when I realized I couldn’t remember the last time I had my period. It wasn’t abnormal for me. I was on birth control and some months I would skip completely. But I still couldn’t get her words to vacate.
With a muttered curse I dove towards the cabinet under the vanity and tore through the thousands of dollars worth of makeup that Thalia stored there. Finally, my hands found the rectangular pink box towards the back.
Thalia had had a scare about a year ago and since then she always kept a few pregnancy tests stocked in the bathroom. My fingers were shaking so bad that I dropped the damned thing three times before I could finally get it open.
I help my breath the entire time I took the test and then put the cap on, too afraid to look. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t make myself look at the little window that held the test results. I grabbed it resolutely in one hand, covering my eyes with the other as I walked out of the bathroom. I couldn’t do this. I was too afraid to look.
“Poppy? What are you doing?”
Thalia’s voice suddenly right in front of me scared me so bad that I jumped, and the test when flying, skidding across the hall to land at my friend’s heeled feet.
“What is this?”
“No! Wait…”
But it was too late. Thalia had already bent down and picked up the test. And then froze when she realized what it was.
“I couldn’t look. I don’t want to know.” I said in a near whisper after a long moment of silence.
Thalia glanced at me, her eyes so wide I could see the whites all the way around her irises, and then back at the test.
“Oh, honey. You definitely want to know.”
I drew in a deep, sharp breath, stealing myself for whatever the results might be.
“Just tell me…What does it say?”
“Poppy, it’s,” Thalia paused, and I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. My whole world waited on one single world, “It’s positive.”
“I’m pregnant.”
“You’re pregnant!” Thalia suddenly shrieked, then ran towards me and gave me a massive hug. Somehow, seeing that ridiculous grin on her face made me feel better about the whole thing.
“Oh my god, I’m going to be an aunt!”
I let out a hoarse laugh at Thalia’s exclamation as she hugged me again, and this time I held on. I wasn’t ready to reveal who the father was yet, but at least Thalia was excited. I honestly didn’t know how I felt. I was still too much in shock but I knew there was one thing that I needed to do, and it wasn’t going to be easy.
Oh god, I had to tell Nate. How the hell was I going to tell Nate?
18
Nate
“I know that look.”
I looked up from the patient chart I was reviewing, well trying to review. To be honest I had been staring at the same numbers for almost five minutes now but couldn’t seem to make my mind stay focused on the task at hand.
“What look?” I asked, glancing up at Barbara as she came barreling down the hall towards me carrying a biohazard bag. I didn’t look too closely at the contents. The nurse’s job was far from glamorous and I knew that anyone who said it wasn’t as tough as a doctor’s didn’t know what the hell they were talking about.
“That look. The one that’s plastered all over that pretty face of yours right now.” Barbara shook her head, her red hair bouncing under the fluorescent hospital lights, “You’ve been walking around with that goofy grin on your face for weeks now. So spill it. You’ve got someone new in your life don’t you?”
“Something like that.” I muttered with a smile, and it wasn’t goofy, I thought to myself, but even so I tempered it a little with an arched brow, “Besides, my love life isn’t anyone else’s business.”
“So you admit it then.” The nurse said smuggling, dumping the bag and her gloves in a medical grade receptacle.
I shook my head in confusion. “Admit what?”
“That you’re in love.” She chortled and I had to keep my jaw from dropping. But there was no use denying it.
“Is it that obvious?”
“Oh, you have no idea.” Barbara gave me a motherly look, still shaking her head, “But I won’t tell anyone else if you don’t want me to.”
“It’s just, it’s still kind of new and I don’t want…”
“Don’t you worry. I don’t gossip you know that.”
I gave her an arch look.
“Much, anyway,” She shrugged, and then her expression melted into a smile. “I’m happy for you, honestly, I am.”
We both walked towards the next patients room, down the hall. Barbara gave me a sideways look and I knew she wanted to say something more. Finally, I huffed a sigh.
“What is it? You might as well just say it.”
“It’s just that, it’s nice to see you happy,” She paused and gave her head another little shake as if she was trying to decide how much to say, “Your last girlfriend? The blond one?”
“Thalia?”
“Yeah, Thalia. She never was right for you. I’m glad you realized it.”
I opened my mouth to defend her, but I knew that the nurse was right.
“I learned my lesson.” I said after a long moment, “I am, you know. Happy.”
“I know.” Barbara grinned at me, “I know love when I see it, and you are knee deep in it.”
It was my turn to shake my head, but I didn’t deny it. What was the use? It was just the truth.
We finished the rounds and I was just signing off on a new patient regimen when my phone buzzed in the pocket of my white lab coat.
An electric thrill shot through me when I saw that it was Poppy calling me. Just seeing her name pop up on my caller I.D. made me grin.
“See, there it is again. That goofy grin of yours.”
I shot Barbara a look out of the side of my eyes but she was incorrigible. She’d been giving me hell all morning
for looking like a lovesick puppy but I just shrugged it off. There really was no use denying it.
My grin widened as I answered the call and put the cell to my ear.
“Hey, baby.”
I ignored Barbara’s snicker.
“Nate?” Her voice sounded soft and serious, not like Poppy at all, “Nate, I need to talk to you. Tonight.”
“Are you alright? Is everything okay? Are you having another panic attack? I can be there in fifteen minutes…”
“No! No, it’s…It’s not that. I just need…” She stopped and drew in a deep choppy breath that worried me even more, “I’m perfectly healthy. It’s not a panic attack, I just need to talk to you. Can we meet tonight? After your shift?”
“Of course,” I said quickly, still worried about her but there was nothing else I could think of to say. “Of course we can meet. There’s a little place not too far from here, Jasper’s. We could meet there. My shift is over at seven, I could be there at say seven fifteen? Does that work?”
“Yeah, that works.”
I hated the frailness in her voice. She sounded like she was just one light breath away from shattering into a million little pieces.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m sure, Nate. I’ll explain everything tonight okay? I promise.”
“Okay. I’ll see you tonight then.”
I hung up the phone and looked down at it, perplexed.
“Uh oh. Trouble in paradise already?” Barbara asked and I shook my head.
“I don’t know.” I sighed, putting my phone back in my pocket. “I guess I’ll have to wait until tonight to find out.”
“Let me just ask you, whatever it is, is she worth it?”
“What?”
“Is she worth it?”
“Yes. She’s more than worth it.”
“Then there you go. You don’t have anything to worry about.”
I kept repeating Barbara’s words in my head throughout the rest of the day but now, as I was sitting at my normal booth at Jasper’s, glancing at my watch for what felt like the hundredth time, I couldn’t stop the worried nerves that kept eating at me.
Best Friend's Boyfriend (Be My Boyfriend Book 2) Page 13