Exposure: Bloodlust Series Book 1

by L. L. Ash

  Papers flew across the room like snowflakes in a blizzard.

  Mason set his jaw.

  “We found a cure, and it worked for 6 days, Clarence. I just need to find one to last for longer. Even if we have to keep injecting ourselves, it would be worth it.”

  “But we would never really be human,” Clarence said in a weak voice, falling to his knees besides the desk he’d assaulted.

  “You need to get off your back like a bloody overturned turtle and come to grips,” Mason said pointedly to Clarence. “We had a setback. You lived as a human for an entire week. You slept in a warm bed, you ate food, bathed in the warmth of the sun. You found love in a beautiful woman. You are supremely blessed, ol’ boy. Crawling around like an injured animal is not becoming of you and it will not get you any closer to your goals. So suck it up and fucking act like a man. Before your woman finds another vampire to turn her out of sheer desperation.”

  Clarence’s eyes shot up to me and horror filled his expression.

  “You would never do that, would you?”

  “She’s the woman who braved the werewolf infested woods to come find you. The woman is desperate enough.”

  Clarence’s head dipped and the back of his hand came up to his mouth and nose as his shoulders silently heaved.

  Mason sighed and slammed the freezer door down before perching on it, one leg crossed over the other.

  “Give us a minute, please,” I asked Mason and he gave me a sharp nod before standing and leaving the cabin.

  I stood there and watched as Clarence sobbed. The strongest man I’d ever known knelt in front of me, his entire existence melting down before my eyes. Falling onto my own knees I pulled him into my arms and felt him fall apart there. Minutes passed as tears leaked down my cheeks, my arms embracing the only man in the world I’d ever really loved.

  “I’m so sorry,” he said after a while, his voice broken and hollow sounding. “I thought… I thought it was forever… I shouldn’t have...”

  “Shut up,” I commanded in the most authoritative voice I could muster.

  Clarence looked up at me surprised before I went on.

  “Don’t apologize for the fact that I love you. Don’t apologize that I had the best birthday, and the best weekend ever. Don’t apologize that you were pulled into this against your will. I will love you whether you are warm or cold. Whether you eat hot dogs or rabbits. I love you, and I want you with me. No matter what. The whole cure was just a bonus, Clee. My love and my feelings didn’t rely on it.”

  His eyes were shining, though there were no tears from his sobbing.

  “How can you love what I am?” He looked repulsed.

  “I don’t love what you are. I love who you are.”

  His head dipped again and his tongue flashed out to lick his lips.

  “I cannot promise anything, Addie,” he told me painfully. “I cannot promise the future. I cannot give you children or a family. I can’t give you the security you need as long as I am like this. I will stay young as you grow old. Life with me would be hell for you. I see that now.”

  “You want to know a secret?” I asked him.

  He looked curiously into my eyes.

  “I didn’t have sex with you because you were human. And I didn’t love you because you were human and took me to restaurants. I love you because this...” I tapped my fingertip to his chest, just above his heart. “This is pure. This is honest and chivalrous and loyal. Do you really think I’m so fickle that I wouldn’t love you anymore if you couldn’t be just like me?”

  “Why would you?” he shrugged. “You didn’t love me before. Because there wasn’t anything to love before I became human.”

  “There’s freaking plenty to love,” I rolled my eyes at him. “I just named a few, all of which are still true whether your heart is beating or not. And besides. Your butt is freaking fantastic, Vampire or human.”

  He finally smiled. The corners of his mouth turned up in restrained amusement at my attempt to lighten him up.

  “You know I would never turn you,” he whispered, any hint of smile I’d coaxed out of him, gone.

  “And why not?”

  “I could never wish this existence upon you. I could never have you hate yourself as I do.”

  “Isn’t that my choice to make?”

  “No. It is not,” he said sternly, his hand grasping mine in an exceptionally firm grip.

  “Fine. Don’t abandon me and I won’t need to,” was all I needed to say.

  “If I’d have known this would happen...” he shook his head. “I would have never taken your virginity, Addie. You should have more options than just me. The human part of me was selfish and self-pleasing. I wanted you and I took you.”

  “And I’m freaking glad you did!” I took my hand back, smacking both palms to his cheeks so he’d look at me and listen. “First of all, if I did decide that the vampire life is not for me, not being a virgin isn’t going to ruin any of my chances with anything. This is the 21st century, for hell’s sake. Secondly, I didn’t want anyone else to have it. It was yours before it was even yours. And it will always be yours. Like me.”

  He looked humbled.

  “You are an exceptional woman, Addie, Harper.”

  “You still plan on marrying me? Or do vamps not get married?”

  “I will, if you allow me,” he told me, his eyes dipping down to my throat.

  “Will you drink from me, then?” apprehension flowed through me at warp speed.

  “No,” he whispered, his thumb tracing one of the major arteries at the front of my throat. “But this is new.”

  His fingers brushed over my necklace and I touched it too before rearing back.

  “Will it hurt you?” I asked, remembering the cross dangling down my throat.

  “No, no of course not. It’s beautiful on you.”

  I sighed in relief and straightened before hugging his hand to my chest.

  “It was my present from Mom,” I told him. “I took it off earlier that night before you snuck up to the window.”

  He gave me a mild smile now.

  “I did some unbelievably stupid things in that week. I apologize for scandalizing you, Addie. I couldn’t control myself against the rush of human lust and hormones.”

  “You won’t hear me complaining.” I grinned at him.

  He lifted his hand and a chilled finger touched my cheek.

  “You are too good for me. You know that?”

  “Course I do. Guys are supposed to marry up, right? That’s what Mom always said.”

  Clarence laughed and to see his lips turned up the right way was glorious.

  He leaned forward and pressed his cool mouth against mine in a light, gentle kiss.

  “I do not deserve you.”

  “Sure you do,” I told him back, my voice sounding breathless even to my own ears.

  His thumb stroked my cheek again and he removed his hand, sitting back on his heels again.

  “So does this mean I’m going to have to go back to begging?” I asked with a guttural sigh.

  “Begging? For what?”

  He seemed confused.

  “For sex. If you don’t lust after me anymore...”

  “No,” he stopped me with a hand on mine. “It’s not at all that I don’t lust after you. Believe me, I’m starved for you like a man gone a week without bread to satisfy his hunger. I am just able to squelch the desires now.”

  “And why do you have to squelch it?” I asked, feeling weird about saying the word squelch.

  “For your good, of course.”

  I rolled my eyes.

  “But if I’m not a virgin anymore, and if you can’t possibly get me pregnant… what good would it be for me to squelch your lust?”

  He paused for a second. I could see his mind churning behind his eyes.

  “As always, a wise woman,” he said finally, his voice lowering as he smiled. “I cannot think of a legitimate or good reason.”

  “Finally,
you see sense!” I celebrated, throwing my fist into the air to pump.

  “So may I kiss you then?” he asked, inching closer.

  “I’d prefer if you did,” I told him and he did just that.

  Clarence kissed me thoroughly and breathlessly on the floor. Both of us ended up on our butts, one hand entangled in the other’s hair and one each propping us up on the floor.

  “So are you good now?” I asked him after we’d pulled away.

  “I’m sad,” he admitted, taking my hand in his after detangling it from his hair. “I was so hopeful for the future for the first time in 300 years. My dreams were cruelly snatched away from me for the second time in my lifetime. I’m not over that yet.”

  “I imagine not,” I nodded. “But are you done trying to make me hate you? Cause you’re not getting rid of me.”

  He smiled.

  “I wouldn’t want you to go anywhere. Unless you choose another man or another life, you will be mine.”

  I gave up trying to convince him and just decided to go with the flow. He’d know I was serious and dedicated soon enough.

  “So should we let your brother back in the house?”

  He shrugged.

  “He’s likely eavesdropping at the door.”

  “Am not!” came Mason’s shout from outside. “Now hurry up and fuck her. I’ll only wait outside a few more minutes.”

  “You’ve listened in on all you will, you deviant,” Clarence called back in amusement.

  The door opened and Mason came strolling in as if he hadn’t just been listening in on a private conversation and the ensuing makeout session.

  “And I have another bone to pick with you,” Clarence said, picking himself off the floor before reaching down to help me up.

  “Oh, have you?” Mason asked, sitting behind his desk and fussing with a couple of scientific machines I didn’t know what they did.

  “What business have you to give my lover lingerie?”

  Mason grinned.

  “Just trying to help things along a little. Seems as though it worked.”

  “With no help from you, I assure,” Clarence rolled his eyes. “Addie needs no assistance when it comes to luxurious smallclothes.”

  “Oh really?” Mason’s eyebrow perked upwards for a moment before he got lost in his machines again.

  “Clarence...” I admonished, not sure exactly why I was so embarrassed by the line of conversation.

  “Apologies, my love,” Clarence touched my upper arm gently. “I don’t mean to embarrass you. A lady’s intimates are not a subject for broad discussion.”

  “Since when do you consider me a broad audience?” Mason mumbled.

  “Fair enough,” Clarence shrugged. “I don’t think we’ve ever had a proper conversation in our lives.”

  “That’s more accurate,” Mason laughed. “And it never bothered you until the Earl got ahold of you. Proper gentleman and all that shite.”

  “I won’t have this conversation with you again, Brother.” Clarence sounded exasperated.

  “I’m just saying, you were a lot more fun when you were the Polish hustler. Gigolo suits you far better than gentleman. I bloody swear, that whoreson shoved a stick up your pasty arse.”

  Clarence threw his head back and laughed and laughed. He was acting far more like himself than the stranger I’d seen just an hour earlier.

  “And Darling,” Mason looked my way. “I need more of your blood if you don’t mind too much.”

  I thrust my arm out at him and he dug through a drawer for a syringe.

  He drew two more vials and both the men watched as blood filled the tiny glass jars. Clarence even licked his lips before turning away from us.

  “Go get some lunch,” Mason said pointedly, looking at Clarence only a couple feet away. “You know your bloodlust is stronger since your return. Go sate yourself before you attack the only thing in this world that you love.”

  Clarence obeyed immediately.

  He walked into the kitchen and got into a small fridge that sat on top of the little counter they had that substituted for a kitchen. Pulling a tall clear glass out of the cabinet below, he reached into the fridge and poured thick, dark red liquid into it. Replacing the lid and putting the pitcher back into the special fridge, he caught my eyes as Mason finished taping a small patch of gauze to my arm. He looked sad and almost ashamed as he turned his back to me and drank quickly. Hungrily.

  “There now,” Mason patted my shoulder, licking my tiny dot of blood off his thumb as was his tradition, before he sat back at his desk and put the vials into a small version of the fridge that sat on their countertop.

  “Eventually I’ll get this right,” Mason sighed before effectively dismissing us as he fell brain-first into his work.

  “Let me take you home,” Clarence told me quietly, leading me out of the cabin.

  He picked me up in one swoop and we were flying through the woods until we landed with a distinct thud on the roof of my little house. I opened the window and went in, but Clarence didn’t follow.

  “I need some time,” he told me as he poked his head in, looking me in the eye as I took a seat on my bed. “The change to human and back to vampire has left me weak and vulnerable. My bloodlust is strong and the animal offerings are not satisfying them as they were. I need time to situate myself back into normalcy before I can really be with you. Your blood is still sweet to me and I struggle being around you right now.”

  “So I just wait then,” I shrugged, pulling my knees to my chest after kicking off my tennis shoes.

  “I’m sorry, Addie. I know this is not what you wanted, and I’m sorry you fell in love with me.”

  “What do you mean?” I tried to hide the shock and hurt his words produced.

  “You made it clear you didn’t want a future with a vampire,” he said quietly, looking down at his hands as he rested his elbows on my windowsill. “When I turned human again, I thought I could make you love me that way, and I suppose I did. But now I’m the monster again and still, somehow I have your heart. I’m sorry for the pain and confusion it must cause.”

  “Stop apologizing,” I told him fiercely, sick of his pity party. “So, you’re not human anymore. Big deal. Life will be a little strange, but so what? We’ll make it work. And I know Mason will probably come with us when we eventually leave this podunk town, so I’ll have to get used to him, but it’s worth it. If we can’t have kids, we’ll adopt. Honestly Clarence, stop painting yourself as this demon creature. You’re basically human as it is, you just have a strange diet and you don’t really age.”

  His eyes were gleaming as he looked at me.

  “Your naïvety is touching, my Love,” was all he said.

  I just shrugged and waved him off.

  “Fine, go find yourself or whatever. I’ll see you when I see you, I guess. At least I know you’re not dead or something.”

  “Not dead in the way you imagined,” he murmured before straightening. “Please don’t go in the woods again. It’s still dangerous for a human.”

  “Yeah, whatever,” I waved him off again.

  He stepped away from the window and my heart sank.

  “Clee!” I rushed over and poked my head out to see his muscles bunching, preparing to jump.

  He turned to me, still poised to flee.

  “I love you,” I told him quietly.

  “And I love you, Sweet Girl.”

  With that he was gone.

  I growled and dropped to the bed again and sulked for hours.

  Chapter Sixteen

  It was weeks before Clarence appeared again. When he did finally return to the land of the living, he seemed to be his old self again. He came to school. Made occasional stops at my table with Genie but didn’t eat with us for obvious reasons. Well, obvious to me. I saw him occasionally with his thermos and knew what it contained. The thought brought the willies sometimes, but at the same time, it didn’t disturb me so much as it was just weird.

  I’d tal
ked to Mom on occasion and had to fudge the truth a few times about Clarence. She still wanted us to visit on the first holiday off and I was still planning on it, but of course, I hadn’t talked to the main reason for the visit. Clarence still generally avoided me except in very short spurts. He didn’t visit me in my room, he didn’t knock on my door. He would say the occasional hello to me at school and give the even more elusive kiss.

  My frustration had finally built up, so by the time Thanksgiving rolled around, I’d hardly talked to him or communicated anything more than a shallow greeting.

  The day before I was supposed to leave to Tucson, I put up the handkerchief and waited by the window impatiently for him to arrive. Not half an hour later he was tapping on the pane.

  I swung open the window with a scowl on my face and pointed into the room.

  “Get your ass in here or I’ll stake you myself.”

  His face went from surprise to amusement and cracked with a grin before he crawled through the window.

  Sitting delicately on the desk chair like only a well bred man could, he looked at me expectantly, as if he was prepared to get chewed out.

  “I know you said you needed time, Clarence, but seriously? What the hell?”

  He nodded in acknowledgement before opening his mouth.

  “I did need time. But I wasn’t sure where you were, mentally and emotionally. I didn’t want to push you.”

  My eyes widened in fury.

  “You freaking kidding me?” I screeched. “I’ve been trying to give you the freaking space you asked for! If you wanted to know where I was at, why didn’t you ask me?”

  He grimaced.

  “I didn’t realize you’d be so upset.”

  “My boyfriend’s been ignoring my existence for a month. You think that wouldn’t upset me?”

  His shoulders lifted in a weak shrug.

  “For being some all powerful and knowledgeable being, you’re still pretty freaking stupid.”

  He gave a small, guilty smile that told me he agreed with my assessment.

  “I apologize. And you are right. I am still stupid when it comes to women and relationships. I know how to woo them and bed them and that’s the extent of my experience. Until you, that is.”