Shattered Dreams

by Shirley Wilkinson

  Her flush faded almost as quickly as it had come up, and she narrowed her eyes at him. “Why didn’t you say something to let us know you were here if you knew we didn’t hear you?”

  It was his turn to turn pink. It was so fascinating to see it happen that Avila almost lost her line of thought at the sight of it. “Well, honestly, when I came in, and you didn’t hear me, I almost did say something. However, when I heard what he said to you, I was—well, I was at a loss. It was completely unexpected to find out you were the girl I had been looking for all those years ago, and so I listened for a few minutes.”

  Again, his confession that he had been looking for her was too much. She had to get up and walk around. When she turned to face him again, she could see that he hadn’t moved but had been watching her pace. He still had more to say. She could see it in his eyes, so instead of trying to be glib, she sat back down.

  “Look, Avila, I don’t even know if my father had made the connection when he signed those papers so many months ago, but I do know that what you did, what you put together, was an intricate, amazing piece of work. We all thought so, and when I found out it was only the last in a long line of accomplishments for you, I felt like an underachiever.” He laughed at his own expense. She knew it was an effort to make her feel better.

  His face grew serious again. “I never got to meet you then, but here you are now, and I am at a complete loss because I feel like I should know you more than this, and yet I don’t know you at all. Then there is the sense that it shouldn’t matter, because I just found out I have had the pleasure of getting to talk to one of the greatest minds of our generation on a regular basis.”

  Avila didn’t know what to say. She knew there was no way she could have told him everything about herself. She didn’t talk about the things she accomplished like trophies anyway, so it wasn’t likely to come up unless in a roundabout way. There had been no talk about nature or wildlife until recently, so it never did. She felt like his feelings were unjustified, but she could see why he thought that way. As for the last part, it was more than she thought she deserved. She only ever did what she felt needed doing, nothing more and nothing less.

  ―

  Galdren watched the emotions play across Avila’s face. Still, before she could respond, he held up his hand to let her know he wanted to continue. When she saw his hand go up, her eyes went wide before they narrowed, and she pressed her lips together.

  He chuckled under his breath at her visible irritation. The fact that she didn’t hide it from him, that she didn’t play games and was so open even when she was angry, was so refreshing. His chuckle did not improve her mood, so he quickly added, “I know there is no way you could have told me everything about your life, and I accept that there are things I don’t know yet, but this is a huge thing. I get it, I really do. I don’t like it, but I understand it. I know you enough just from these last several months to know you would not expect thanks for something like that. If I were to guess what you were thinking, it would be that you were doing your job. You don’t have to tell me if I’m right; I can see it on your face.”

  It looked like she was about to respond, but before she could say anything, again he stopped her. “Please let me finish.” This time she let him continue without the irritation.

  “Thank you. First off, you deserve thanks even if you don’t expect it and even if you don’t want it. What you did is a big deal, especially for someone as young as you are. You are singularly driven and amazingly brilliant.” She blushed again, but he continued as if he didn’t notice, “Secondly, I want to get to know you better. I know this is hard, and I—I know I haven’t made things any easier.”

  With his pointed reminder of a couple of nights ago, Galdren watched the instant transformation to Avila’s whole body and saw the paleness grow in her face as if she were feeling ill. If just the memory of what happened made her feel like that—he almost lost hope but continued anyway.

  “Avila, I apologize for the whole situation. I hate that it makes you feel the way you do, but I want to put it behind us because I want us to be friends.” He wanted to tell her that he just wanted to spend time with her, but the words wouldn’t come out.

  Galdren was confused but hopeful when Avila stopped clutching her middle. “Galdren, I have to apologize as well. I didn’t behave in a dignified manner, and even though I know I have said I would make this easy, I haven’t been trying my hardest. I do miss spending time talking to you.”

  He watched as she swallowed once before she looked away. He wasn’t sure if it was her nerves about what had happened or something else, but the sight of her wringing her hands had him moving before he thought of the consequences. His hand covered hers to still the movement, and hopefully to comfort her.

  He could see the alarm in her eyes when she looked up, so he released her fingers, but he didn’t move right away. It was foolish, he knew, but he enjoyed being close to her. “I just want you to know that you will have nothing to worry about, Avila. I promise you that I will never do anything like that again. I don’t want to hurt you.” He thought he saw a brief flash of pain in her eyes as he spoke, but it was gone before he was sure, and then her face was calm again.

  He stood up and backed away, thinking it was probably as far as he needed to push things for tonight. At least it seemed as if they were back on speaking terms again. However, before he could take more than a step, Avila reached up and grabbed his hand. She looked at their two hands for a moment and then up at him.

  “Thank you, Galdren, for everything. I know I said it a long time ago, but I want to make sure you know I mean it, for everything in between now and then too. You have been generous and kind and have become a friend, really. I know you mean what you say, and I appreciate the kindness in which your oath was given. I—I am glad that I have had the honor to get to know you even if the circumstances aren’t the best, and, well, I’m happy we’re on regular speaking terms again.” She smiled when she said the last part and squeezed his fingers before letting them go.

  She was always so unexpected. Galdren didn’t move for several moments, but he was smiling at her. She could be read so easily most of the time, and he knew her personality well enough by now to know how she would react in most situations. Still, at just the right moment, she always seemed to do the unexpected. She wasn’t moving either, for that matter, just kind of looking up at him with a silly half-smile on her face. Goddess, they made a pair, but he knew this was not good, and he needed to get out of there.

  “Good night, Avila. I will still be back tomorrow as originally promised, and I hope you will be ready for Saturday.” With that, he turned to go. At least until she called out.

  “Galdren, coats? Will you have all we need to stay warm, especially one to fit me? It is going to be much colder there than it is here, and I have never had a heavy coat.” He hadn’t really thought about it before, even though he knew they would need extra warmth. He had assumed the castle would have everything they needed, but now that she brought it up, he realized she couldn’t wear one of his or even one of the guards’. He probably needed to get her one before the end of the day tomorrow, as well as any other cold-weather gear the guides thought she might need.

  “I will have it with me when I come tomorrow.” Her bright smile at his simple statement was enough to remind him again why he needed to leave.

  Before he made it to the door, he was stopped again by her voice. “Good night to you too, Galdren. May your sleep be untroubled.”

  ―

  Avila wasn’t sure where that particular adage had come from, but it seemed familiar, and it felt right. As Galdren closed the door behind himself, though, she wasn’t quite sure how she felt about the rest.

  She had nearly gotten sick when he reminded her of the kiss they shared, but it had passed when he entreated her to remain friends. After that, she was left feeling confused. She still felt rejected and
hurt; he had kissed her, after all, not the other way around, but he wanted to be friends? Being friends with him was easy. Even before that, when they were talking, the conversation had flowed so smoothly that it was a simple matter for her to forget that she was mad at him. If she would admit it to herself, she missed spending time with and talking to him. If a friend is what he wanted from her, then friendship was what it would be.

  The idea filled her with relief. There was no use even trying to deny that. She couldn’t stand the thought of it being bad between them indefinitely, so this was one step closer to normal, at least. However, there was still an ache in her chest that she couldn’t shake. What was the point of deluding herself? She cared about him. Really, truly did, even if he didn’t return the feeling. Her internal acknowledgement could make her dealings with him more challenging, but not impossible. There was absolutely no way she could let it go back to the awkwardness that was there before; that was even worse.

  Olva brought in dinner not long after Galdren left, which was a welcome distraction. It didn’t take long for her to finish the meal, and it was too late to even think about going over any of the information again as she had planned. Instead, she decided that it might be best to call it an early night instead of trying to keep the circling thoughts at bay. Surprisingly enough, she managed to go to sleep almost as soon as she climbed into bed.

  10. Gear

  When Professor Gilbert arrived, he was stunned to see the transformation in Avila. There was color back in her cheeks again and light in her eyes. It didn’t take him long to be caught up in her mood, and there was an easy banter between the two of them whenever she wasn’t too focused on trying to finish something. Before either of them realized the time, her lessons for the day were almost over, and Galdren had quietly slipped into the room.

  When Avila noticed him arrive, she gave him a smile and went back to her work. It froze Galdren where he stood for a moment. When the professor noticed the silent byplay between them, he thought it might be appropriate to talk to the prince while Avila finished her work.

  “Prince Galdren, how are you this afternoon?” His voice was pitched just low enough not to carry across the room.

  “I am well. I had some things that I needed to bring for Avila, but they weren’t ready when I left the castle. Someone should be bringing them shortly.” Galdren kept looking in her direction as he spoke. It wasn’t hard for the professor to see that he was preoccupied.

  “Well, I’m sure she will be happy to see it. She has mentioned the fact that she was supposed to be getting cold weather gear today. For the trip tomorrow, that is. I must say, there is something about her today that is quite remarkable. She has been in the most excellent mood. I would almost go as far as to say she is happy, maybe for the first time in some time.” Professor Gilbert knew he couldn’t ask what was going on, but he did want the best for both young people. However, he also knew that they might not be the best thing for each other, with the situation being what it was.

  “Really?” The prince’s face split into one of the biggest grins Fredrick had seen on him since he was a child. It didn’t take long for him to school his features again, but there was still a small smile playing at the edge of his lips. “Well, I’m glad. To be honest with you, Fredrick, we had kind of—well, we had not really been fighting, but sort of. We made up last night. We decided that being friends was better than the alternative. I am glad she likes the idea too. I want her time here to be as easy as possible.”

  “So, what are you smiling about? Do you have a surprise for me that you are hiding somewhere?” Avila had finished her work and walked up to them without either one noticing. Thankfully, she had not caught any of their conversation.

  “Well, first off, I am smiling because they are contagious, and I caught yours. As for the present, it will be here shortly. I couldn’t bring it myself.” Avila laughed at Galdren’s poke about catching her smile, but when he told her the gear wasn’t in yet, she affected a fake pout.

  Professor Gilbert didn’t miss the subtle shift in the prince, or the young man’s slightly widened eyes. He was old enough and had seen enough to know what was going on, even if it seemed the other two people in the room did not. His heart broke for them both. It would likely not end well no matter their desires; not with the mindset of so many of the nobility. Too many had gone far too long without setting foot off Aril, and it often showed. If Avila and Galdren ever figured out their feelings, it was never going to be an easy path for either of them. Someone was going to get hurt, and most likely, both would be.

  He knew there was not much he could do except guide where he could and be there when needed. It pained him to feel so useless. He also knew that any chance he would have had to talk further to the prince was past, and it was time for him to leave. While the two younger people carried on, he gathered his things.

  “Are you going to leave before my gear gets here, Professor? I won’t get to ask your opinion on its weather worthiness.” Galdren rolled his eyes at her, and she smiled at his reaction.

  “Avila, you know you will not get anything less than perfect, and I am sure you will have an excellent trip tomorrow and discover many exciting things. I am also positive that you will be warm while you are doing it. I do have to get going for the night, however.” Professor Gilbert picked up the last of his things as he was talking, and he bid them both good night as he headed for the door.

  ―

  After he left, the silence stretched for a few moments. It was broken by a knock. When Galdren opened it, Olva was there with two men Avila had never seen before. They quickly deposited the boxes with her new gear and left.

  It was boxes, too—several of them to be exact, much more than she had anticipated. She had thought it would be a new coat and maybe some warm socks and shoes, but this had to be much more.

  “Well, are you going to stand there and stare all afternoon, or are you going to open them and see what’s in them?” She was still hesitating after he asked, so he walked over and handed her one. “Here, open this one first.”

  It wasn’t too hard to pull the fastening back from the top of the box, and when she did, she pulled out a beautiful dark green winter coat. It was made of a material that trapped body heat, but it was comfortable to wear. She threw it on to gauge the fit, and it was perfect. Snug, but she could still move easily, and it covered her past her hips as well. “It’s amazing. I don’t know what this is made of, but it is so light, and I’m already burning up in here.” She loved the color, too, but was so impressed by everything else she forgot to mention it until it was back in its box, and she was on to the next thing.

  Galdren was smiling at her enjoyment, and it was only the first box. He handed her another parcel. This one had boots and socks. That covered all she thought she might need, but there were still two more boxes. She went ahead and tried one of the boots on to check the fit. It was so perfect she wasn’t even sure the break-in time tomorrow would be that bad.

  As soon as she put the boot back in the box, he handed her the next one. In it was a pair of gloves made of the same wonderfully light material as the coat, an old-fashioned knit cap, and a matching scarf, all in a beautiful rust red. They were almost like brilliant fall foliage. She took each piece out and looked at it in wonder before placing it back in the box with care, as though they were all fragile things. She was beyond words now. There had already been much more than she expected, and there was still more to go. She didn’t know if she wanted to cry or go and give the man a hug. For the moment, she accepted the last box with a smile.

  Avila opened the last box slowly, unsure of what she might find in there. When she finally got it opened, she pulled out a pair of pants. She could tell just by looking that they were more than likely just her size. They were muted brown and tapered off in the leg, so they could easily be tucked into the boots to both be kept out of the way and to conserve warmth. They were als
o much sturdier than any she had, though they didn’t feel like they would be too heavy to wear.

  There was only one thing left in the box. When she reached in, her hands felt what had to be one of the softest things she had ever touched. She pulled out a sweater knit so finely that the stitching could barely be seen. It was of the most amazingly soft material—and it was a light sage green. “Galdren, I—I don’t know how to thank you for all this. This is gorgeous. I love it.”

  “Seeing you smile is thanks enough. Besides, you do need to be warm tomorrow. Now I know you will be.” Avila was thrilled with everything, but when she saw him blush, she barely heard what he said next. “I hope I didn’t go overboard.”

  That was too much for her to process. She didn’t even pause to think about the consequences before she wrapped him in a crushing hug. Almost as if by reflex, his arms wrapped around her as well. With her head still pressed to his chest, she whispered, “You do so much for me. As much for me as anyone ever has, and you never get anything back from me most of the time except for my sharp tongue. I am so sorry, and I am thankful that you are such a wonderful person.”

  She began to cry into his shirt, but instead of backing away, his arms tightened around her. She stood there for several moments with her head on his chest while his hand lightly caressed the back of her hair in a soothing gesture.

  Avila felt silly for starting to cry, but when he pulled her tighter, she couldn’t even try to fight it anymore. She wasn’t sure why she was crying. It wasn’t as though she was angry or sad anymore. Maybe she was learning to live with her situation and be grateful for what she had instead of pining for what she did not. After her tears dried, she stood there a moment longer, feeling his hand on her hair, knowing it was a guilty pleasure but not able to make herself pull away. Finally, when she had no more excuses to be there, she stepped back, and his arms fell away from her. She almost shuddered with the feeling of loss it left behind.