by S. Tron
I go through the corridors my shoes clucking the floor; it was probably better if I had taken them off, I could not stay there, see Andrew flirting with a beautiful, younger, thinner woman.
I can't find the showers. I'm hungry, sweaty, jealous and lost. I lean my forehead on the cold wall in defeat. I can hear the anger in Andrew's footsteps "Jude!" He sounds as angry as I feel, he has no right, I turn to him "what!" I snap back. He is so close we are a breath away.
"Never walk away from me-" Andrew says through gritted teeth. I opened my mouth to speak but Andrew cuts me off "don't tell me not to tell you what to do, she's nothing, we got drunk one time after GB Team trails, she did not make it, I did. It was a fuck, that is it".
I want to give him my peace of mind, deciding to let it go I ask him where the showers are, that seems to infuriate him, "you will not shut me out, fuck Jude, let it out, I know you want to bite my head off I ca-"
"You are right" I cut Andrew, "I do, but I have no arguments, you owe me nothing, you are my trainer, I'm just a foreign, amateur, a widow-"
Now Andrew is the to cut me off "that is truly how you feel?" Andrew sounds sad and angry, his dark chocolate eyes searching my face, I can see all the emotions going through his mind; I think of my panic attack, the reason it happened.
After a long moment, I look down at my feet, "where are the showers?"
Andrew insists on taking me; teeth still clench, fists close, we are quite all the way. Reaching for the handle, Andrew catch me, and pins me to the wall, each of his hands is in each side of my shoulder, caging me in, Andrew leans towards me, his lips almost touch main, speaking in that low, seductive voice of his, "you know, she got nothing on you, not in looks, not intelligent, not in talent and definitely not on the effect you have on me" my breath catches. I feel my face warm up; burgundy will be my guess, I duck and go in the shower room, before the door closes Andrew sticks his foot in the way "I will wait for you here" he says, eyes full of concern.
"That's our thing," I say with a smile.
The shower is a great thinking place, the hot water washing all evil thoughts away and I think of Andrews words, I'm still hot and bothered, Andrew, stood so close I could smell his citrusy smell, his voice is so low it vibrates through me. Though I'm all kinds of hot, remembering my reaction last shower, the guilt that came with my release is not worth the pleasure. Knowing we need to work together, I think that we should have a talk, maybe over breakfast, as on cue my stomach rumbles, i finish quickly and go out to dress, putting on my favorite black jeans and a black T-shirt that says in small letters on the upper left corner; first of all, no. Second thought, no. I love These funny shirts, a glance in the mirror, not bothering with makeup, I wear my glasses and walk out.
Andrews face lights when he sees me, his on the phone, saying to someone we'll be there soon. I can see he appreciates the shirt or my breast, I blush.
"Let's eat; I'm starving"
"Well, about that, hold your Scottish, red hair, temper till I finish, we are going to eat breakfast with a friend of mine, she's a nutritionist, a sports nutritionist"
Am I that bad, Andrew seems very cautious in his words, "am I that difficult?"
He doesn't answer, and my emotions start to well, I can see he thinks how to answer "never mind", I say with a huff "lets go", I start walking, and Andrew stops me, he stands a good feet away, his hand reaching out to touch my hair, he thinks better of it and drops it down.
"You are certainly not difficult, you can be a pain in the ass, but you are easy-going, and very understanding, seems like you trust easily, and you'll do anything for the people you love, or just to any person who needs help, am I right so far?" I nod, completely confused how well he can read me. "My guess is someone took advantage of that, don't know who, when or what, but he did a great job messing with that beautiful head" his hand reach up again and stroke my chick very gently, I lean in to his touch, closing my eyes "you will open up to me, eventually." I sigh. I have no words, this man just met me, and he knows more about me then my friend, more than my family.
As if reading my mind, Andrew lean towards my ear and whisper "you think too hard, I can almost hear it" that errands him a big, happy, smile.
16. Andrew
Dimple, a cute, sexy dimple, and it was just for me. I did not plan on sharing my thoughts with Jude; it seems nothing goes as planned with her. During the drive to Joann's place Jude's head is deep in thought, she presses her lips together, then release and again, a nervous habit she has, I want to stop her, but I already saId too much, she has a lot of insecurity, she masks them under her attitude. I want her to open up to me, tell me what happened, who broke her spirit and why, maybe where that person is so I can give him a peace of mind, or a fist to the face.
Deciding the best way to cut her thoughts will be work, I tell Jude about Joann, her husband was an athlete and she is a cook, he always told her he didn't have power on Sundays, still had rough training that day, she changed his diet without his knowledge, he got great results, then Joann told him. "Joann will tell you that story better than me, funnier for sure" I apologise. "The point is her husband didn't know, she used the food he knew and loved, just did things differently or according to the training schedule."
I let it sink in, Jude nods.
When we arrive Joann is waiting for us outside, giving me a big motherly hug, I introduce the two women, being the big, loving woman she is, she offers Jude a big hug, Jude's hands go around Joann, she seems to need that hug. "Ok," Joann announced "first, food. second, work.
Joann's food is absolutely amazing, during the meal she tells us her story, Jude is laughing so hard she's in tears, I love her smile, Jude doesn't giggle, like most women, she laughs, a warm feeling fills me every time she does, I need to make Jude laugh more often.
"So," Joann says, "how was my bacon and eggs?"
"Amazing" Jude says, "I could eat another plate if I weren't afraid the buttons on my jeans will pop". Joann laughs in appreciation.
Another thing I noticed during the meal, Jude can eat, of course, she just run 10,000m but still, she loves her coffee that I know, she has a different moan to each one, when we got to Joann's she had coffee, moaning like the first day we met, my dick stirs in my pants, then she had a louder moan for the eggs, that made me hard, for the bacon she gave a low growl, for that my cock gave her a standing ovation, I was never happier to have a table between a woman and me.
Joann says "the eggs made from egg whites with a little bit of egg yolk, so your kids will not notice, the beacon my lovely lady, is tofu" she announced with pride. Jude jaw drops "you have got to be shiting me!". I chuckle at that.
Joann continues with a menu, explaining how to make different things when it is best to eat them, Jude is writing everything down in a small notebook she had in her bag. They speak a long time about Judes pastry chef studies, exchanging recipes and though. My mind comes back to their conversation when Jude says, "I have the most amazing triple chocolate chip cookies, their so easy, I make them with my Sam all the time". Joann gives me a suspicious look, she knows me so well, I never brought anyone here, she was my dirty secret of success.
Jude looks between us, her face falling, I know we have a crazy attraction, off the roof chemistry and enjoy a good banter, this though is the first time she looks a bit sad about this Sam, maybe I do have a chance, I erase this though very quickly, we train together I will make her an emotional wreck if I press this thing, focus on work I tell myself, my heart gets the best of me, the word that comes out is "can you make them for me?".
Jude faces light up like a Christmas tree, though she is Jewish so probably a Menorah?. She asks Joann for her approval to work her kitchen, they get going in a minute, seeing Jude in the kitchen was spectacular, though she gave Joann the recipe she did not go by it, they had fun together, my phone rings, Marcus, I show them the screen and say
I will be right back.
Marcus, of course, gave me a full interrogation, he heard from Angela about last night and was happy,h I was going by his plan, he asked me about today's run, saying people saw us in the running track, he knows the schedule, so he thinks we are resting now, I try to avoid lying, not only because it's Marcus, in life, so I try to finish the conversation. We say our goodbyes, and I walk back to the kitchen, both women jump like caught teenage girls, "were you girl speaking about me?" I say with a wide grin, Jude's blushing gives them away, I chuckle.
17. Jude
The second the kitchen door closes after Andrew, Joann asks "so who is Sam, he makes your eyes light so bright."
"He's my baby boy, want to see? He is four, and I have a baby girl, Matty, she's two years old."
Joann stars laughing, I don't understand why and it's a little insulting, she saw my face and stops.
"Sorry dear it caught me by surprise, you look so young, and you have two of them, show me!"
I take my phone out, it is full with their pictures, the three of us, a few of Daniels, of course, Joann asks, and I only say he died in an accident.
"You probably miss them very much," Joann says after looking at me.
"It's not just that, Every time I speak to them, well mostly with Sam because Matty doesn't really speak, Andrew is upset, I don't know if it because he hates children or just hate getting stuck with an old widow, he needs to build a special schedule so it will fit the children and me, he could have gotten one of Those supermodel, track runners he likes so much, but got me instead" I let it out, and it felt good, Joann chuckle and tells me "you should know Andrew never done anything he didn't want to, and never brought anyone here before" I want to ask her what she means, but Andrew comes back, I shut my mouth.
He tells us about Marcus interrogation, how I'm really supposed to rest between training, I'm standing with Joann in the kitchen, placing cookie dough in tries, Andrew takes one, raw, I swatted his hand, so he shoves it in his mouth, the sound that comes out of his through makes my panties souk, a long moan, in his low voice, I can feel my nipples hardened, Andrew noticed it, his chocolate eyes are almost black from desire. Joann clears her throat; I snap out of it, Blushing. We bake the cookies, Andrew eats one from every try that comes out, so does Joann.
When we finish I help clean the kitchen, though Joann Insist I don't need to, my thoughts drifting away to Sam and Matty, I miss the two bugs. A hand goes around my waist and chin on my shoulder; his low voice rumbles through me once more. "If you continue to feed me like that, I might never let you go", I will need a change of panties when I get home.
I thank Joann for the lovely time; we exchange numbers, one more friend I got today, we leave happy with a box of cookies.
Andrew picks his phone to call a cab, I put my hand on his arm, "why you never take the tube? It's so easy and much cheaper."
"people". He answers.
We take the tube.
Like in the pub, there are glances, people taking Andrews photo in their phone. I mouth to him. Sorry, he brushes it off. We go off in King's Cross to change line, I spot a piano, and without a word to Andrew, I go to the piano, fast, afraid someone will take my place. I seat, feeling the seat, roaming my fingers over the keys to get the feel of them, their weight. The first song that comes to mind is hallelujah by Leonard Cohen. I play and sing quietly. After that, I play Let it be by Poul McCartney. Then I play my children's favourites, Color of the Wind from Pocahontas, How far I'll Go from Moana, a stranger like me by Phil Collins from Tarzan, Can you feel the love tonight by Elton John from Lion king. I play and play, people stand around me, singing, clapping. I hide my face in my short curls. I feel a hand on my shoulder, not hot like Andrews, I panic and stop playing, it's a police officer, I think maybe I'm not allowed to play the piano, immediately I stand up and apologise, looking for Andrew in the crowd. He isn't there; the police officer asks me something, but I'm too panicked to notice, I collect myself and ask him to repeat that, he asks me to play the last song and move along, too many people are standing here, it's becoming a problem. I apologise again. Then Andrew Appears from behind me, he also apologises to the officer, telling him this is the last song and we're out, All the time with his arm around my waist and chin in my shoulder, he whispers in my ear "Hey Jude".
I sit back down; my heart is beating loudly, I feel nervous, I'm performing for Andrew, the people clapping to my return, I start with singing and then the piano as Paul McCartney does. As I sing the words Paul wrote to John Lennon's son, Julian, how he believed in him, wanted him to know he can do whatever he wants, because of Pauls love, to let Julian know someone believes in him. From the day my children came to this world, I tried to give them that feeling, you can do whatever you put your mind into, you can fail, it is just a part of life, but you will get up, I will be there to support you with love, care, devotion and lots of belief in your abilities. I finish my song, and the crowd in silence, I close the piano and whisper a thank you, Andrew is by my side in a second, enveloping me in his massive arms, his smell is so intoxicating it wraps around me, I feel like home, tears streaming my face, deep longing to my children, and Daniel, I didn't let myself miss him, I focus on my anger, I had the children, now I let it out, I know I'm a mess, but I know Andrew will help me with his devotion.
Someone clears a through, I look up to Andrew chocolate eyes, I don't see a concern or devotion like I thought I would, it's something else, a warm feeling pass through me and my heart tightens.
"I'm a mess," I say, Andrews' eyes fixed on main "you're beautiful".
A throat clears again, I turn to see the officer, he reaches his hand out, and we shake, "that was beautiful, thank you miss…" I say Jude and blush in every shade of red, he stifles a laugh, and I smile, "nice to meet you, officer?" John McClane. I burst out laughing; officer John joins me.
"I guess we were meant to meet; it's faith" I smile at him, and we go our separate ways.
Andrew and I go to our platform. I apologise and ask if we're late in our schedule, Andrew does not answer. Instead he asks about me playing the piano, it is a new thing, I started learning about 18 months ago, telling Andrew about the considerable part music have in my life, it is easier than I thought, in my eyes I have given him a massive part in soul, I want him to know that, so I continue by saying "I don't usually play Hey Jude, every time I do, I cry. Music has a huge part of my life and being the super-sensitive person I am; I connect deeply with the music and words. When I run, it helps me go through whatever is bothering me, but it has to be with music, the music helps me understand my feelings, why am I bothered and how to go through it" Andrew is silent, thinking. "I'm sorry, I'm babbling, and annoying and we are off schedule because of me" Andrew turns to me, take my hand in his, he looks me up and down, then he looks me in the eyes, "I never have, in my life, felt so consumed with music than at the moment you played, the world stopped, and now, you gave me words for those feelings, and you gave to me, you opened up to me, with something very precious for you, and I appreciate it very much, it's worth every day we may have".
The train arrives, we go in still holding hands.
Why then when he says those beautiful word, he feels miles away.
18. Andrew
We get to my house, I show Jude around, where is what, the entrance floor is a big living room with a dining area and a full kitchen, there's a door to the basement where the gym is, upstairs there used to be four-bedroom, now there are two gusts bedroom with joined bathroom, a master bedroom, mine, and an office. Angela arranged for Jude's luggage to be brought in. I show Jude her room, tell her to change, have a drink of water and meet me downstairs. The last twenty minutes in the tube, and walk to the house was silent, not the smooth silent we usually share, a thick, heavy sIlent, I know she feels terrible, she shared, and I pulled away. I too changed my clothes and freshened up; I need this exercise as well.
I'm mesmerized by her, I'm pulling back because I can't stop the dre
w she has on me, I told her, the music consumed me, but more so, Jude consumes me, I want to know more about her, I want to touch her, I want to taste her, I need to feel her lips, her body, it's not a want it's a need. And of course she has a boyfriend, and we need to work together.
I wait for Jude by the door of the basement, when she arrives, she is wearing tight short shorts, her legs on full display, I see one more tattoo creeping from her left foot to her calf, a tank top with no bra, thoughts of her opening her legs to me, in front of the mirrored wall fill my head, I know I'm going to have a hard time trying to hide my growing erection, she looks mad, all thoughts of lust leave my head. I need to make it better.
We go downstairs, and I explain the method of our exercise, concentrating on work will prevent me from going savage on her, I tell her we need to strengthen and build muscle so that the bones remain healthy, I give her a series of exercises, and I show her how to work on different devices. When she starts, I want to start speaking; no eye contact will make it easier. I'm not sure what I'm going to say, so I open and close my mouth a few times, needing to find the right words. Jude snaps "spit it out already! For fuck sake" I chuckle.
"I'm sorry for the way I acted, I pushed you to open up, and I was an idiot."
"And?" She asks.
I can't tell her, we would not be able to work together if I do, even if she feels the same way, she has a boyfriend, and it will only confuse her. She had an emotional year as it is.
"And, and I loved it, hearing you play the best moment I had in years, I think I connected to your music as you do" she looks at me, with her green emerald eyes, full of understanding and more, lust? Acceptance? Love? Maybe I'm reflecting my feelings in her eyes. Love though, a big word, that I haven't said to anyone, ever.
We are in the gym for three hours, the mood is lighter, Jude says her hands are weak, she can't even do one pushup, she shows me, she really can't, how can a woman that determine can't do one pushup, I try to help her, holding her feet in place, she slumps on the mattress with a chuckle. Then I try to stand over her, each of my legs on the other side of her hips, I lean down holding her arms with mine, I feel her breath getting fast and shallow, my pulse quickens, I look at her tattoo, a Celtic sing all in black, between her shoulder blades, I want to kiss it. I lean down, holding her elbows and tell her to push up, she tries and fails with a nervous laugh. She turns to her back, now I'm standing over her, she lays on the mattress, her breasts spilling a little bit from her tank top, her eyes full of lust, she licks her upper lip, my gaze fixed on her tongue, I glance at her eyes, their on my mouth, the air in the room is thick, sexual tension buzzing in my ears, I lean closer, Jude phones ring, snapping her out of it. She runs to it.