by S. Tron
"Hi, baby! Yeah, I heard, well done!" I get so angry I punch the punching bag, and it rattles the room. She looks at me with concern; she is going to talk in her room. It is probably the best. I go on the treadmill, running as fast as I can, going in my head over how fucked up everything is. Finally, after years of meaningless fucks, isolated life, no friends, I find the woman that gets me, brings me back to life, and she's more fucked up than me, and she has a boyfriend. I fume during my run, thinking of how Jude process her feelings, I get it now, maybe the music will help, but my phone is out of reach. I go over and over how messed up everything is.
I jolt, almost falling off the treadmill when she appears at my side, "sorry I didn't mean to frighten you, you've been here for a while, and I made dinner".
Jude's food is divine; she made Salmon with potatoes and asparagus, found a bottle of white wine and opened it. We eat and chat, she asks me about my family, growing up in the nasty side of London, West Croydon, my parents didn't care much about me and my younger brother, Jeffrey, I made sure we will eat, get cleaned, go to school. Her face is full of competition; she reaches a hand for me, I take it and entwine our fingers, I continue, my talent discovered at school, they send me to compete, a lot. Our dad lost his job and became a mean drunk. I had a ticket out from there, but Jeffrey didn't, I asked the school to send him with me, they did the best they can, it wasn't good enough, I used to come home from competitions, see him with a black eye or a broken rib. Marcus took me in, made me the man I am today, Jude tells me how she calls Marcus Horatio Caine, I like that.
We also talk about the Olympics, the European championship, which she needs to do in two months, we talk about different places we each been in the world, I tell her how as a young boy, I had the GB team trails, she has them in five weeks, I went to Northern Ireland, I felt at the top of the world, I met Marcus and he told me it is only the tip of the iceberg.
We laugh a lot, enjoying our time, she asks me what happened to Jeffrey, where he is and do I get to see him. Unfortunately, he still lives in West Croydon, he is a mean drunk like our father, and he resents me for my success. I put him through school, I would have sent him to a university, but he did not want to, shut me out. Jude says she can't imagine her brothers not involved in her life.
"It's nice seeing you laugh so much," I tell her, she blushes.
"It's been a while, I laugh with Sam and Matty, with my brothers a lot, but it is not the same" hearing Sam's name gets my blood boiled, it takes me a minute to calm down, go back to the friendly conversation we have, she also said another name, Matty, I heard it before but can't remember when maybe her mother or a close friend.
"Is it like that since the accident?" I ask, trying to sound casual.
"No, and yes, people do not know how to act when they are around me, walking on eggshells. My brothers are the complete opposite; we laugh about it; sarcasm was always my go-to in hard times; my mum hates it. Is it hard for you to hear me talk about my big supporting family?" she asks all the hard question or was it I that started it.
"Yes and no, I thought of it when you spoke about them, it's like your time in the military, it is what it is," she thinks about it, and nods. Asks for our plans for tomorrow, it is going to be a hard day I tell her, she gives me her mischievous look, a crooked smile on her lips. "Bring it on," she says.
I did not notice we were sitting at the table for four hours; it is almost midnight. I tell Jude to go to sleep; we have a long day tomorrow, she refuses and helps me clean. When we finish we go up to the bedroom, she stops in front of her room and whispers "I had a nice time tonight, thank you". She turns to the door, and I call her name, she turns to me, walking toward her, keeping a safe distance, I reach my hand up to stroke her chick, she leans to my touch, thank you, I say softly. I take one small step forward opening her bedroom door, "goodnight Jude" I say and go to my bedroom. I hear her door shut and quite bang of her head against the door.
I feel the same, frustrated, my cock seems to be hard all day, I seat on my bed, thinking of Jude, her humour, her infectious laugh, my cock stiffens more, and I need to free it, I take my clothing off, turn the lights out a lay on my bed, maybe Jude is in her room thinking of me, touching herself, my cock jerks up, I need the release, I think of her body, how I stood above her in the gym, i stroke my self up and down, slowly, thinking of her on the same position, naked, her beautiful round ass up in the air, i stroke faster, squeezing my tip, thinking of her soft hair, running my fingers throw it and lifting her head, so she can see me in the mirror, fucking her hard. With that I explode, the orgasm is so intense I growl her name.
19. Jude
I bang my head on the door, so frustrated. The dinner we shared was so easy and fun; it reminds me of the times I had with Daniel, we used to talk for hours, though not so much in the last couple of years. I never thought I could be attracted to another man, my attraction to Daniel was first mental and second physical, our talks drew us together, first friends than lovers.
Andrew is the complete opposite. First, I was attracted to his body, that perfect body, he looks like a god, all rippling muscles and a big frame, like a comic superhero, I want to move my hands all over that muscular chest. I want His chocolate eyes watching me come. I feel my body screaming for his touch. Getting to know Andrew, hearing about his life, made me see a different side of him, vulnerable. I know he was caring and could be affectionate, now I see, like me, he hides.
I feel my heart squeezes a little bit, afraid to get hurt again, afraid to lose.
I get undressed, folding my clothes and going to brush my teeth than I turn the lights off. Tonight again, Andrew reacted in anger, hearing me talking about Sam and Matty, that's a sign, it needs to help me stay away from him. But a woman has her needs, at home sometimes I use my vibrator. I would lie to myself saying I'm thinking of Daniel, sometimes I did, most times I just wanted to get to come as fast as I can, no time for thoughts. I did not bring it with me, so I will have to do with my fingers, I try not to think of anything like I do at home, Andrews chocolate eyes is all I see when I close my eyes, I can see his chest, broad shoulders vividly, I can feel him whisper in my ear. One hand massages the clit, the other is pinching a nipple, I want his mouth on my breasts, sucking and licking, I want him deep inside of me, I push two fingers inside, and out, again and again, how will Andrew feel inside me, will he be a dirty talker kind of guy. I need more, I jumped from the bed going to my suitcase, I remembered one of my sisters in law gave me as a joke Ben Wa Balls, she made a comment about it, how I need something big and hard inside me, this is what I need, I open the box, taking them out and inserting them slowly inside my core, I put one hand on the wall for support, the other inside playing with the balls, it feels so good, leaving them deep inside, I close my eyes seeing Andrews chocolate eyes, picturing him deep inside of me, all it takes is one brush of my clit to take me over, I moan loudly, shivers running through me, the orgasm is so intense, so loud, I leave the wall and lay on the floor, I keep rubbing myself whispering Andrews name.
Waking up on the carpet, it takes me a minute to come to my senses, I get up, look for my phone and see I only slept for a few minutes, I went to my bed, taking out the Ben Wa Balls, my body shatters, I lay in my bed, I wait for the wave guilt to wash me, but it doesn't come, I try to sleep but I can't, I twist and turn, thinking it over, should I feel guilty for not feeling guilty, am i over Daniel, am i finally done mourning, could i ever be done mourning, do i have feelings for Andrew, all those questions, running in my head, thinking of Daniel, resentment to a dead person for dying. Since he died I was mad, so mad it ate me; the children gave me joy, running and music gave me comfort, my family gave me a peace of mind. Andrew gave me all do things, and he was right, I need to let it out if not the anger will chaw his way to my children and my family. With that realization, I fall asleep.
I wake up, finding a wrapped box on my bed, thankful that I moved to the bed, and hopefully I was covered when Andrew walked in. Deci
ding to the first shower and then look, I leave the gift on the bed. When I come out of the shower I sit on the bed and open the box, inside there is a note, ‘we are going to run all day, I wanted you to be comfortable' a pair of black sport leggings, a training bra and a tank top both in a light shade of blue, the fabric is light and feels lovely against the skin. I take everything out to dress and notice a smaller wrapped box inside, I read the note ‘now we match', opening it my breath catches, he bought me a smartwatch, the identical feminine version of his, it probably cost a fortune, I can't accept it, it's too much. I will get dressed and go to return the watch.
I smell fresh coffee, so I go to the kitchen, Andrew stands with his back to me, low training shorts are the only thing covering him, even his back-side is sexy as hell, I blush, remembering my need for him last night. "Thank you, it's so much I don't know what to say" I take a big breath, "but you need to take back some of it" Andrew turns to me in surprise "the watch costs a fortune, I can't have it" I explain.
"Jude, let me." he walks towards me, like a predator, lean, and silk. He stands a breath away, Taking the box from my hand, opening it, he takes the smartwatch and claps it to my right wrist. He looked into my eyes, hunch a bit so we will be eye to eye, "I knew this colour would be perfect for you, you look like an angel" I lower my gaze to the floor, he lifts my chin with his finger, a move that became familiar, he says softly, "my angle".
Someone sucked all the air out of the room; I stumble back, Andrew looks confused as I feel, I'm not sure he meant to say that out loud, I gather myself "when are we leaving?" When Andrew speaks his voice is hoarse and gravelly, "as soon as you finish coffee and breakfast" he gives me a weak smile.
He goes to get dressed, and I make a bowl of Greek yoghurt and peaches. My bag is ready. Andrew calls me to let me know the car is here.
The day passes so fast, five hours of volume runs, with small breaks for water and energy bar. Marcus stops by, and we chat a little bit before my drill Sergeant Andrew calls me back, I see the other trainees checking me, some of them have the GB Team logo on shirts and leggings, I also noticed a few women hovering around Andrew, my jealousy and anger burning my insides making me go faster, in the last run i do my best time ever, Andrew stands on the track with a massive smile on his face, he knows this lap is a winners lap, I cross the line and jump him, he hugs me, we are in our small bubble. So happy with each other. I know I couldn't have done that without him, I whisper it in his ear, he puts me down saying it's all me and my work. I hear clapping and a woman wahoos, it's Angela, Marcus and Liam. I hear someone huffs, the woman from Monday morning says something to her friend and sneakers, I turn my back to them and go to Angela, she throws her hand in the air "I love you. But don't touch me before you shower" I laugh at that.
Marcus tells me to go shower, and we are all going out to lunch.
I shower quickly, dress in a high waist tight jeans, a grey tank top that says 'if my mouth doesn't say it, my face certainly does', I wear a jacket and toss my hair a bit, put in my eye contact and a little bit of makeup. I walk out to see Andrew peeling away that woman off him, he can't see me from the place he's standing, she does, giving me a wink she whispers in Andrews' ear and licks his ear lob. I let the door slam. Andrew waited for me outside the shower door, he told me she meant nothing, and I want to believe him, I'm just so angry, so I turn and leave, Andrew says something in clip tone to that woman and rush after me, "Jude, love, there was nothing going on," I continue walking, "she's jealous and she knows that will affect you, she asked me questions about your training history", I want to believe him, but my anger gets the better of me, "they are so afraid of you, they will do anything, I told her to fuck off, that she should be terrified for her spot". I stop, turn to him, "if I get my spot, it means one of them is out?"
Andrew thinks about it, but I continue walking, anger boiling inside me. "Jude, fuck Jude stop running away!" I stop, "I'm not running away. I'm keeping a safe distance" that made him stop; I hear him growling in anger "fuck!" He yells. I keep walking.
20. Andrew
Fuck this woman is annoying. The minute I told her she's main, I knew it was the wrong thing to say to her.
We all seat in a small quiet place near the stadium. Jude and Angela go over her schedule for tomorrow's event, she doesn't want someone to do her hair and makeup, I try to listen, but I'm seated between Marcus and Liam that talk about today. I never saw any runner that can do a lap that fast, after five hours of training. Jude did not notice, every person in that stadium went quiet, all eyes on her, she was magnificent, graceful, determent. They should be scared, terrified. I tell that to the guys, and they agree, I see Jude is listening to us, and she blushes, I wonder if she blushes during sex, Liam asks me about Sabrina, I tell him she's fishing for information since yesterday, and she tried dirty moves to distract Jude, I look straight at Jude when I say that, she glances to Liam's face and back to me, I didn't move my gaze from her, and I want her to know it.
Marcus clears his throat, "it's super important that Jude will not only pass the trails, in five weeks, Jude you need to kill it, but that's also the only way they'll stop teasing you."
Jude nods.
We eat and have a friendly conversation, Angela asks Jude to come with her to dinner after her second exercise, she agrees. The thought of going home without her depresses me.
After lunch we seat outside the stadium, everyone left so it is just the two of us, Jude takes out her cigarette case, rolling herself one, I don't say anything.
I check the case; it is leather with great Britain flag on it, a bit faded but has a fresh look. "I bought it in Athens a few years back, me and Lee went there for brothers only holiday, I thought it would be my reminder, where I came from but now that I'm here it looks stupid".
"I love that you know who you are, though sometimes you need a reminder that you're better than what you think, still it what makes people drawn to you, so many people don't know how they are, I didn't know for years, it felt empty".
"You think all do girls are scared?"
"You want to know what Sabrina want?"
"No, Andrew, you don't owe me anything."
"Shit Jude, why do you have to be a pain in the ass."
She tries to show me she doesn't care, but I can see her body tenses. She throws the cigarette bud to the bin, and we go inside, now we run together, intervals. We run side by side, glancing at each other. She acts as nothing happened, but she is still tense.
She hums a song I don't know, so I use it to break the tension, she says it's a song from the movie Brave, I don't remember that movie, she laughs, do you know any of the songs I played on the piano? Moana, Pocahontas, Tarzan?
They sound familiar, but I never saw the movies.
She sings the song; I realize why she likes it, about a girl that has walls built around her and she wants to go out.
Jude goes to the showers and comes out in tight black trousers and a blue blouse, leather jacket, she is stunning, she has full makeup on, her eyes shine brighter and greener, she wears flat black shoes, the caveman in me don't want her to go like that when I'm not around, I say nothing about that. Enjoy your dinner; I will wait for you. I give her a card with my driver's number.
Angela is waiting outside, she has a tight knee-high skirt and red blouse, she also looks great, I tell her, and she smiles.
The women start going their way when I call Jude, she turns to me, and I kiss her on the cheek, you're stunning.
21. Jude
During our run, I think over and over about Andrews statement.
"I love that you know who you are, though sometimes you need a reminder that you're better than what you think, still it what makes people drawn to you, so many people don't know how they are, I didn't know for years, it felt empty".
Maybe that's where my anger comes from, without Daniel, who am I, no, he just told me what to do, I'm not myself for years, that is why I snap at people for telling me what to do, because I let him
dictate my moves, I did everything for everyone else, but me. A part of me is missing. I don't think Andrew is the reason for my anger and guilt disappearing; it's running, the London experience, it's me, without anybody else, not even the children, I understand now, I'm coming back together, I feel whole again.
I get dressed, take my time doing my makeup, I feel good, I still have a long way to go, I need to talk to Andrew, tell him everything, even if he pulls away like last time, he's the person that got me to realize what the problem is, I want him to know that Andrew is also a big part of me becoming me again, if he wasn't so annoying and a pain in the ass, I never would have understood.
I come out of the showers; he looks at me, head to toe, I feel my body hitting under his gaze, his eyes are hot, dark, hungry. A shiver runs through my body; I close my legs, my eyes fall to his lips, I want him to kiss me so badly, I want to know how he kisses, I glance to his eyes and see they got darker and hungrier. My mouth goes dry; if I speak now it will come as a hoarse whisper, I clear my throat, that breaks the intensity.