The Myth Of The Anal Probe

by David Larson

  “Your only hospital is a classroom?” Mike asked, surprised.

  “What else would it be?” she said. “There’s no better place to learn medicine than in a hospital.”

  They walked through the garden and back through a set of doors on the other side. The classrooms on either side of the hall were filled with children being taught any number of the basic classes. All along the way people smiled at them, or waved to Tawny. She stopped and introduced Mike to some of the kids that stopped to talk to her. She asked how classes were going and if there was anything she could do to help.

  Then, as they stopped in front a door leading to one of the classrooms a small boy ran out and threw his arms around Tawny.

  “Hey Buddy,” she said. But Mike noticed that the movement of her lips didn’t match the words she was saying.

  Tawny pointed at Mike.

  “This is my friend Mike,” she said.

  “Hi Mike,” the boy said cheerfully. “How are you?”

  Mike was taken a little aback by the small boy’s grown demeanor.

  “I’m fine,” Mike said. “How are you?”

  “I’m great,” he said.

  “We just had a spelling test Tawny,” he added

  “How’d you do buddy?” she asked.

  “I got all of them right,” he said.

  “That’s great Axel,” Tawny said as she mussed his hair.

  Mike felt as though he had been struck by a bolt of lightning. The boy turned and ran back into the class room.

  “Bye Mike,” he said over his shoulder.

  “Is that your son?” Mike asked in dumbfounded amazement.

  Tawny was a little surprised herself by Mike’s reaction.

  “Yes, it is,” she said. “Isn’t he a cutie?”

  This was it. Tawny had just introduced him to her son. What woman would introduce a man to her son unless she was certain that she wanted him to be a part of her life? This was the answer he was looking for. And when combined with what had happened the night before he was certain that they were going to spend the rest of their lives together.

  “He certainly is,” Mike agreed. “Does Bob ever come here to see him?”

  “I have to assume he does,” Tawny said cautiously.

  “You mean you don’t know,”

  “We’ve never talked about it,” Tawny said. “Everyone comes here and spends as much time with the children as they can. I have to assume Bob has been here also. I can’t think of a reason he wouldn’t be.”

  She was becoming a little more concerned as the conversation went on. But just like her earth-bound brethren, Tawny decided to let things go and see where they ended up before becoming too alarmed. Mike was a reasonable person. And she was sure that he was absorbing everything about the raising of children, just as he had absorbed other aspects of Haleian life that were much more complex.

  But the one thing that she was not capable of understanding was the effect human physical relationships had on human actions. She and Mike had been intimate and it was possibly the most intensely gratifying sexual experience she had ever had. But that certainly couldn’t mean that it would somehow change the person that Mike had been up until then. There was no reason for that. Sexual relationships in her society were like anything else, completely logical, open and sharing. Having sexual relationships with more than one person, occasionally at the same time, were everyday events here.

  Tawny instantly decided that she was simply being overly cautious. She had been involved so deeply in making sure that Mike being here didn’t negatively impact either society or Mike himself, that she had lost the ability to be subjective.

  She decided to wait and see what happened before she sounded any undue alarm.

  Twenty-one:

  The tables in the common area had been moved to the edge of the floor and people were dancing. Mike sat with Bob, Brizio, Mia, and Kate near the entrance. A soft tropical breeze was wafting through the trees and flowers surrounding them, depositing the delicate aroma of tropical Hale gently on their senses.

  Tawny had been sitting with them for a while until she saw someone across the room that she needed to speak with. The conversation going on around Mike was ancillary and muted. He watched Tawny glide across the floor and couldn’t stop thinking about the time they had spent together. He hated to see her go, but he loved watching her walk away.

  “…don’t you think Mike? Bob was saying. “Ever?”

  “Uh, what?” Mike said.

  “Wow,” Bob said. “What planet were you just on?”

  Bob was smiling broadly.

  “Get it?” He said. “What planet…oh never mind.”

  “I’m sorry,” Mike said. “I guess I was lost in thought.”

  “Lost in something,” Mia said.

  “I hear you went to the children’s center yesterday,” Brizio said.

  “Yeah,” Mike said absently. “I did. Pretty fascinating.”

  “Do you have schools like that on earth?” Kate asked.

  “We have schools,” Mike said. He was still watching Tawny as she sat talking to a group of people. “But they certainly aren’t like they are here,” he said.

  “Yeah,” Bob said. “They certainly aren’t.”

  “How so?” Kate asked.

  “Children start school around 6 years old first of all,” Mike said.

  “What do they do before that?” Mia asked.

  “They stay at home and grow up I guess,” Mike said. “But the biggest difference is the structure and curriculum. Everybody takes basically the same classes, until they get into the 9th or 10th grade. Even then, there isn’t a wide diversity offered.”

  “Wait,” Brizio asked. “They have to be, what 16 or 17 years old then, right?”

  “Yeah, that’s about right. People don’t go to specialized schools until they graduate. They’re 17 or 18 by then.”

  “That’s…” Mia said.

  “Screwed up?” Bob offered.

  Tawny was sitting on a bench talking to the other people around her now. A man that Mike had never seen before was standing behind her, and he had his hand on Tawny’s shoulder. Mike wanted to get up, walk over there, break the guy’s arm off, and systematically beat him to death with it. There was another side of him that kept yelling into his subconscious that things were different here. But his lizard brain was punching the voice of reason into submission. He reached deep into his reasonable side and pulled himself back into the conversation.

  “I met Axel yesterday,” He said to Bob.

  The comment was men to be as innocent as it could possibly be. But if he were to take a minute to be self-aware Mike would have realized it was more of an indictment against Bob. His tone punctuated that idea around the table.

  “Oh,” Bob said in a clipped way that was not characteristic of Bob’s quick wit.

  “Yeah,” Mike said. “Cute kid.”

  “Yeah, he sure is,” Bob said cautiously. “Smart as a whip too.”

  “Do you ever go see him?” Mike asked.

  Mia and Kate were sitting across from Mike and Bob. They both looked up at Mike. They were uncomfortable with where this conversation was going. Not because of anything that had been said, but more due to Mike’s sudden darkness. This was certainly something new to polite society on Hale.

  “Sure,” Bob said. “Almost every day. But I go see all of the kids over there. We all do.”

  “But do you spend special time with Axel?

  “Things aren’t the same here,” Bob said. “I would imagine that phrase is getting a little redundant by now. But the children are the future of our society here. No one person takes ownership of any one child.”

  Bob was sitting right next to Mike. Mike was hearing what Bob was saying but he kept looking across the room at Tawny.

  “Look buddy,” Bob said. “We should probably have a little private conversation soon.”

  It was way too obvious that Mike and Tawny had shared something personal together,
and Bob was pretty sure what that thing was. He was also sure that each person in that pair perceived that action in completely different ways. Bob was horrified that Tawny would have taken a chance like that. She knew that giving into something as primal as that with someone that could barely understand the concept of a society with no money, let alone something as deep as personal relationships, was like tossing gas on a bonfire.

  The man standing behind Tawny said something to the group. Tawny turned her face towards him and he kissed her…on the lips. Mike’s face flushed red and he jumped to his feet. Both his hands were balled into fists, and he stopped. Frozen there in that microsecond, caught between an irrational act and conscious control.

  The fact that the man also kissed the others in the group, including the men was lost on Mike. The interloper had touched the love of his life and then had the temerity to kiss her.

  None of this was lost on Bob or Kate.

  “Leaving,” Bob asked. He was trying to sound as casual as he could and cover the alarm in his voice.

  “What?” Mike asked.

  “It would seem as though you have someplace you need to be,” Bob said.

  “Yeah,” Mike said. “I’m tired. I’m going to go home and get some sleep.”

  “Good idea, brother,” Bob said.

  Mike slunk off in the direction of his home leaving the others in stunned silence.

  “What was that all about,” Brizio asked.

  “It looks like someone has tasted the forbidden fruit,” Bob said as he watched Tawny across the room.

  “What?” Mia said, “Mike and Tawny? Lucky girl.”

  “Maybe not so much,” Kate said.

  “Yeah,” Bob added. “Maybe not.”

  “I don’t know a lot about the customs on earth,” Brizio said, “But from what I do know that wasn’t a very smooth move on her part.”

  “Why not?” Mia asked.

  “Because,” Bob said. “People there tend to get a little possessive when they have a physical relationship with another person.”

  “Possessive how?” Mia asked.

  “Possessive as in that person belongs to them,” Bob said.

  “That’s crazy,” Kate said. “How could one person own another one? That doesn’t even make sense.”

  “No, it doesn’t,” Bob said. “And crazy is pretty much the operative word here. Entire wars have been fought for love. People on Earth think that kind of thing is romantic.”

  “Romantic?!” Brizio said. “It’s barbaric.”

  “Yes, it is,” Bob said. “And once that green-eyed monster is unleashed it’s almost impossible to drag that sucker back into the cage.”

  Tawny smiled across the room to Bob, and he smiled back as he stroked his beard. Things were going to change here and he had no idea how to stop the runaway train that was barreling down the tracks straight at all of them.

  Twenty-two:

  “What exactly were you thinking?” Bob asked Tawny.

  “What do you mean?” Tawny said.

  “I mean what exactly were you thinking, when you decided to have a sexual relationship with a person that comes from a species that is only removed from the rest of the animal kingdom by the thinnest of possible threads?”

  “I didn’t see any possible way that it might be an issue,” Tawny said. She was surprised that Bob was reacting with such obvious alarm. “He seems to be grasping everything here pretty easily. What harm could something as innocuous as sex do?”

  “Seriously?” Bob said, “I guess I’d understand if you had never been on a mission to Earth before. But, you’ve been there. You’ve seen how they act when someone trespasses on what they perceive to be their property.”

  “I guess you’re right,” Tawny said sadly. “But Mike seems to be adapting pretty easily to life here.”

  “That’s exactly what we need to be more conscious of,” Bob said. “He’s adapting. I don’t think he has any intensions of leaving here. I think that he plans to stay here, and spend the rest of his life with you raising Axel.”

  “That’s crazy,” Tawny said. “We’ve made it very plain to him that this was all just temporary. He has always said he understands that. Why would he think anything else?”

  “Crazy,” Bob said. “Let that sink in as far as it can possibly go. Those people are crazy and they don’t even realize it. I’m sure that Mike has – or had, before he fell in love – the best of intensions. I would guess that all of that is in the toilet now.”

  “Love?” Tawny said. “What does love have to do with anything?”

  “Come on T,” Bob said incredulously. “You know the answer to that as well as anyone does. You ran a ship to earth. You’ve studied them. Love comes in many different levels to these people. The love that they have for pop-tarts isn’t even close to the love they have for their country, and that is nothing like the love they feel for someone that is important to them. These clowns are wading around in a cesspool of insecurity that should rightfully drown them, and they don’t even know it. I’m afraid you’re getting dragged right in there with one of them.”

  “Where is all of this coming from all of a sudden?” Tawny sked. “Did you see something that makes you think there might be an issue?”

  “Do you remember when you were talking to the group from the space committee last night in the common area?”

  “Sure,” Tawny said confused. “How is that an issue?”

  “Well, my friend, with normal stable people it wouldn’t be,” Bob said. “But when John kissed you goodnight, our Earth buddy came out of his chair like he had been blasted out of it. I’m 100% positive that if I hadn’t said something to him he would have gone across the room and attacked him.”

  “What?!” Twany said. She was clearly horrified. “Why would he have done that? John kissed everyone when he left. I don’t get it?”

  “You had sex with it,” Bob said. “Now it owns you.”

  “He’s Mike,” Tawny said. “He’s not an it.”

  She wasn’t being defensive. She just couldn’t begin to understand why someone that had been so open to the way life worked on Hale would do a complete turnaround simply because they had enjoyed each other’s bodies.

  “You had better start looking at him as a subject,” Bob said. “And I think it would be a good idea to keep him away from the children’s center.”

  “Why should I do that?” She asked in surprise.

  “He brought up Axel,” Bob said.

  “Yeah,” she said. “What does that have to do with anything? He met Axel at school.”

  “He was acting like he and I might be in some kind of contest for Axel’s affection.”

  “Did he say that?” Tawny asked.

  “He didn’t have too. It was way too obvious by the way he was acting. I think we might need to bring this experiment to a close…soon.”

  “I think you might be right,” she said sadly. “How could I have not seen this?”

  “Humans can be extremely convincing when they want to be,” Bob said. “Especially when they’re lying to themselves harder than they’re lying to the people around them.”

  Twenty-three:

  Mike sat alone in the tram. The majesty of Hale slid by completely unnoticed by him. His mind was running liked a doped racehorse with an unconscious jockey. He felt like he hadn’t cemented his relationship with Tawny the way he had wanted. He couldn’t think of anything else to do, until the light came on. He had clearly not made the right impression at the most critical time. He knew he could fix that if he was given a chance. And there was no better place to start to repair that issue than right at the source.

  The tram drew silently onto the arrival pasture and the doors whooshed open. Mike stepped out and stretched. He was surprised he was able to find his way back here without help from anyone. But when the going got tough, the tough got going.

  Kids, and a few adults, were milling around the front of the building as Mike walked up the steps to the children’
s center. First, he figured that he’d just go over there and ask until someone could tell him where Axel was. He knew that if he had the opportunity to just talk to the boy one on one he would have the chance to square things with him. He knew fixing things with Axel was the only thing he needed to insure his place with Tawny.

  Then he figured that if he were to just walk into the building and start asking for a specific kid people might get a little suspicious. Since no one was apparently in charge of keeping an eye on the comings and goings of strange people at the center he was pretty sure he could just start walking around until he found Axel’s classroom. What he was going to do once he located the kid was still outside the purview of his plan. But he figured he’d cross that bridge when he saw Axel standing on it.

  Mike walked through the front doors and into the foyer. He had no idea if classes were in or out. Or if kids were walking between classes. He walked down the same corridor he and Tawny had a few days ago. Mike smiled politely at some of the adults that shot him inquisitive looks. Mike was on a mission, and Willy Wonka could have handed him a gobstopper and he wouldn’t have noticed anything odd about it.

  He continued through the back of the hallway and out into the courtyard where he and Tawny had seen the botany classes. Mike stood there confused for a little while. He didn’t remember there being so many choices in doorways lining the courtyard before. But then about the only thing that he did notice at the time was Tawny.

  “What the hell,” he thought. “I’ll just start here at the first one and keep going until I find what I’m looking for.”

  Mike walked through the first door and started down the hallway. All the classrooms he looked in seemed to have a lot of older kids in them. All of them had lab equipment lining the walls. Mike turned around and walked back out into the court yard. The next door took him into a hallway that was lined with lecture halls. What looked to be graduate students were listening to various speakers that seemed to be talking about physics.

  He walked back out into the court yard again.

  “Is there something I could do for you,” a man said from behind Mike. “You seem to be lost.”