Freestyle

by Bea Paige

  “Yeah, I guess,” I mumble, my words catching in my throat.

  Dax bends closer and whispers in my ear. “Actually, screw them if they don’t see what they have right in front of them. You’re my lucky coin, Pen. I’ll always take care of you.”

  My heart kind of does a summersault in my chest at his protective words and I sink into his side, wanting more than anything to wrap my arms around his waist but knowing if I do, I won’t be able to hide my true feelings towards him. We haven’t mentioned the kiss since it happened. We haven’t kissed again either and it’s not because I don’t want to, because I do.

  I really, really do.

  I’ve thought of nothing else.

  Actually, that’s a lie. I’ve been thinking about the others daily, wondering what it would feel like if they were to kiss me too. I’m a greedy, thirsty bitch, and my heads been all over the place because of it.

  “Dax…” I respond, pulling back to meet his gaze, the last thing I want is to get between them all. We should never have crossed that line. I’ve been so careful not to show my true feelings, to keep everything under wraps until that night when he almost killed a man for my honour. No one has ever stuck up for me like that before. I’ve always had to fight my own battles.

  “It’s okay, Kid. I get it.” He looks away from me, but I see the tenseness in his jaw and the flicker of pain in his eyes. There’s so much left unsaid between us and I know I should be braver than I am and talk to him. I just can’t do that now with everyone watching.

  “You don’t understand,” I say, trying to make him see that it isn’t him. It’s me. I’m the one who has fallen for all of her best friends. I’m the one who’s in the wrong.

  Ever since I walked in on Xeno dancing in the basement with his ex-girlfriend a few months ago, I’ve not been the same. Jealousy plagues me daily, and not just with Xeno. If any of my Breakers looks at a girl, let alone makes one their girlfriend it takes everything in me not to rage at the world.

  They’re mine.

  Except they’re not, not really, not in that way. We’re friends. We’re the best of friends and I just happen to be in love with all of them.

  Twenty minutes after he left, Xeno returns with flushed cheeks and a smug look on his face that he settles on me the second he walks into the room. I down the last of my drink and heave a sigh. What is it with him tonight?

  “I need the toilet,” I mumble, pulling out of Dax’s hold and entering the bathroom. I really should go home instead of crashing here like I do most weekends. Mum doesn’t care where I am, and if it wasn’t for Lena worrying about me, I would always stay out. Deciding that it’s best I head off, I push open the door to find Dax and Xeno toe-to-toe, York trying to break them up and Zayn shaking his head as though he’s hallucinating and not actually witnessing his best friends going at it.

  “You know exactly what I’m talking about, arsehole!” Dax growls, pressing his finger into Xeno’s chest.

  “Do that again, motherfucker, and I’ll knock you out!” Xeno explodes, shoving Dax with both hands.

  I don’t think. I act.

  Rushing forward I get in between them both. I might be small, but I won’t let that stop me. They might have tussled over the years I’ve known them, but I’ve never seen them like this with each other. Not ever.

  “Get out of the way, Tiny,” Xeno growls, not taking his eyes off Dax.

  “No. I won’t. You two need to calm the fuck down!”

  “Fuck, guys. Lay off each other, alright?” York intercedes, trying and failing to get them to stop.

  “Fuck you too, York. Acting like you don’t fucking know!”

  “Know what?” Zayn pipes up, getting to his feet. He’s still high, but this seems to be sobering him up fast.

  “Listen, we can talk about this,” York insists, a look passing between him and Dax. “We’re friends. We’re a team, a crew. Don’t do this…”

  But Xeno doesn’t listen, he shoves me to the side and punches Dax. I fall sideways, smacking my head against the corner of the upturned wooden crate that we use as a coffee table.

  “Fuck! Is she okay? I didn’t mean to hurt her…” I hear Xeno say before I pass out.

  I groan, my eyelids fluttering open as my vision blurs with colours and shapes. A sharp pain lances through my skull and I reach upwards automatically, only to find someone else’s hand already pressed against the spot that hurts. Blinking back the tears that spring to my eyes, I try and focus. Eventually, the colours and shapes form into a familiar person.

  “She’s awake,” Dax says gently, looking down at me in relief. He’s cupping my face with his free hand and stroking his thumb over my cheekbone. I try to sit up, but he shakes his head. “Not yet, you need to be still for a bit longer.”

  “Bloody fuck, my head hurts,” I grumble, heeding his warning.

  Dax chuckles at my response, but his smile quickly falls as he leans closer, serious now. For a moment I think he’s going to kiss me as his eyes soften with his touch. Then Zayn peers over his shoulder and he sits back suddenly, his fingers pressing against the bump on my head a little harder than he intended.

  “Ow,” I whimper, my head pounding in time with my heart.

  “Shit, sorry,” he mutters, pulling his hands away as guilt lacerates his face.

  “Fuck me, Pen, you scared us all to death,” Zayn says, blowing out a long breath. His night-time eyes rove over every inch of my face as he takes me in. There’s something in the depths of them that makes me feel all warm inside. Heat creeps up my neck at his attention. At both of their attention. “You’ve been out almost an hour.” He’s no longer high, and there’s a seriousness to his gaze that has me swallowing hard.

  “I’ll get you some painkillers. I always carry some in my rucksack,” Dax explains, indicating for Zayn to take his place, and moves away abruptly. I try to turn and look at him, but it hurts too much to move.

  “Thanks,” I murmur, blinking back the pain that’s like a knife pressed into my skull. “What happened?”

  “You cracked your head on the crate. Knocked you clean out. You’ve got a small cut and a lump, but it’s not deep enough to need stitches. York did some first aid and patched you up whilst you were sleeping,” Zayn explains.

  “How did I manage…”

  Then I wince as it all comes back to me in a rush. Xeno pushed me out of the way so he could punch Dax. They were fighting. My eyes widen and a sick feeling churns in my stomach.

  “Yeah, Dax and Xeno were at each other’s throats. York’s taken Xeno for a walk to calm him down. I’ve never seen him so upset.”

  “Because of his fight with Dax?”

  “No, because he hurt you. The guy’s cut up about it. The second you hit the deck, they pulled their heads out of their arses and stopped fighting.”

  “I can hear you, you know,” Dax grumbles from the other side of the room.

  “I know, dickwad,” Zayn retorts.

  “Why were they fighting anyway?” I ask quietly, though deep down inside I think I know the answer already.

  “Over you,” a familiar voice states.

  Zayn gives me a look before leaning over and pressing a gentle kiss against my forehead. The imprint of his kiss remains warm against my skin long after he’s pulled away. When he moves out of my line of sight, I see York and Xeno in the doorway. Xeno looks grim and York relieved.

  “We came back as soon as Dax texted us you’d woken up. How’re you doing, Titch?” York asks me.

  “Like I’ve had a bang on the head.” I pull a face, then wince, then laugh.

  “Fuck,” Xeno mutters under his breath. “I’m so sorry, Pen.” When he uses my name, I know he’s serious. He looks pale, haunted.

  “That’s Tiny to you,” I murmur, forgiving him in an instant. He didn’t mean to hurt me, I know that. We all do.

  Dax hands me the painkillers and after I’ve rested for another ten minutes, I finally feel okay enough to sit up. The pain in my head is a dull t
hrob but manageable. Drawing on a long sigh, I fold my hands together in my lap and look at each of my Breakers in turn, feeling exhausted but determined. “I think we need to talk,” I say gently.

  York grins, giving me a warm smile “Thank fuck. It’s time the air was cleared.”

  “I agree,” Zayn says, looking at me in such a way that makes my skin heat.

  Xeno catches my eye. “Yeah, we do need to talk. It’s time for the truth.”

  “The truth,” Dax repeats, nodding tightly.

  14

  Present Day

  “So, are you going to tell me what the deal is?” Clancy asks me as we sit together in the dining hall later that same week.

  It’s lunchtime and the place is heaving with dancers, stuffing their faces after a hectic morning of meeting their new teachers and getting more acquainted with each other.

  I look at my bottle of water and my green apple and wish that I could spare a few quid on some of the delicious foods available. Being poor fucking sucks sometimes. But I’ve got to look on the bright side. As long as I’m here, I can deal with an empty stomach.

  “Come on, spill,” Clancy insists, dragging my attention away from the wraps and salads, and back to her.

  “It’s a long story…” I hesitate, not really wanting to divulge my history with the Breakers but knowing she won’t drop it unless I give her something.

  “We’ve got an hour to kill before the final lesson this afternoon…” She smiles impishly, pulling a face.

  “What, only one more meet the teacher session left to endure today?” I roll my eyes. I get why they need this week for everyone to settle in, but I’m not five and I just want to get on with it.

  “Yep, that’s it for now. On Monday we can officially get back to checking out the competition… and the hotties,” she replies, wagging her eyebrows.

  “No hotties for me.”

  Clancy crinkles her nose, and chews on her lip. “Not even…”

  “Especially not them,” I cut in, knowing exactly who she’s referring to.

  “You are coming to Pink Albatross tonight, aren’t you? The whole cohort’s going. I’m planning on getting drunk and having some fun,” she asks, changing tactics.

  “Nope, I’ve got to work. Sorry.” Though I’m not really that sorry. I wouldn’t be able to afford the entrance fee to the club anyway, or any of the drinks for that matter. Who in their right mind spends ten quid on a cocktail anyway?

  “Boo! Can’t you call in sick?”

  “Did that last Saturday night. I’ll be out of a job if I do that again anytime soon…”

  Clancy chews on her lip. “Do you still get off at midnight?”

  “Yes, but…” I start to protest, but she cuts in.

  “That settles it then. I’ll come to Rocks with you and then we can head over to the Pink Albatross. I might even text Leo, see if he’s available to hook up…” she muses, tapping her chin with her finger. “Then again, I might just keep my options open. Plenty of dancers in the club, and all that.”

  “Wait, no… I was just going to head back home after my shift.”

  “Absolutely not. Anyone who’s anyone goes to the Pink Albatross the first Friday of the new term. It’s tradition apparently.”

  “Clancy, I really appreciate your friendship, I do, but I can’t go.” I look down at my measly bottle of water and half-eaten apple as my stomach growls, giving me away better than any words could.

  Clancy’s eyes widen, then her cheeks flush a little red. “I’m sorry, I didn’t even think.”

  “It’s alright. I don’t plan on being a pauper all my life. That’s why being here is so important to me. I need to make something of myself. I’ll do anything to make that happen.”

  Clancy smiles, giving my hand a squeeze. “You are already something. You’re an amazing dancer and if there’s anyone who’ll have a career in dance when this year is up, it’s you.”

  “I’d like to believe that’s true,” I reply, choked up by her compliment.

  “You know what,” Clancy continues, oblivious to my inner turmoil, “Despite how Tiffany likes to present herself, my parents aren’t loaded. We’re not poor either but we did fall just under the threshold, enabling my father to apply for the scholarship for both of us. Despite that, my parents send me and Tiffany an allowance every week. What I’m getting at in a roundabout way is that I’ve got enough to pay your entry into the club too…”

  “No,” I cut her off. “I don’t want to owe you.”

  “I don’t want the money back, Pen. I really want you to come because it’s tradition, because you’re my friend and because I don’t want you to miss out. Besides, Tiffany is going too, and she’ll do everything to try and ruin my night if I don’t have back-up. I could use a friend.”

  For the first time ever, Clancy drops the smiles she wears so beautifully and shows me her real face. Beneath the optimism is a girl with insecurities no thanks to her evil stepsister. I understand only too well what it feels like to live with someone who takes pleasure in making you feel unloved. How can I deny her now? Besides, I’ve always wanted to see what the Pink Albatross was like inside.

  “Okay…” I say, hoping I don’t regret this.

  “Okay, you’ll come?”

  “Yeah, I’ll come.”

  Clancy squeals and reaches across the table to hug me. “We are going to have so much fun!”

  “Let’s not get too carried away…” I grin, but my smile fades when I see Zayn and York stroll into the dining hall with Tiffany and Sophie. Great, that’s all I need. Clancy follows my gaze, then stands abruptly.

  “Come on, let’s get out of here,” she says overly cheery. “For the next hour, it’s just you and me, babe! We can discuss what we’re gonna wear tonight and you can spill your beans about those hotties that have got everyone in such a tizz. I’m a good listener, I promise.”

  “Sounds like a plan. I need to pick up some supplies anyway.”

  Making a quick exit, Clancy and I head out. Ten minutes later, we’re sitting on a park bench watching some toddlers and their mums have a picnic on the green. On the way, Clancy insisted on buying me a latte and a bun after she bought the same for herself in the coffee shop opposite the park. I try not to inhale the bun in one mouthful, and take measured bites instead, so it doesn’t look like I’m as hungry as I actually am.

  “So, you were going to tell me about your… friends?” She screws up her face, not sure what to call them. I don’t know what to call them either. Actually, that’s a lie. I know exactly what I want to call them. Arseholes. They’re arseholes. Coming back here and fucking me with like this. This was always my dream, attending Stardom Academy. They knew that.

  “We used to be.” I sigh heavily, and force myself to take a sip of the sweet coffee before continuing. Clancy remains quiet, probably realising how close I am to clamming up. “What I said in the dance studio was all true.”

  “You mean about the crew you danced with…” Her voice trails off when realisation dawns. “Oh, they were your crew. Zayn, Xeno…”

  “York and Dax. Yes.”

  “Fuck me. You lucky cow,” she exclaims, her eyes gleaming. The swear words sound funny coming out of her mouth. She’s kind of posh. Well, maybe not posh, she’s just more well-spoken than I am. Which isn’t all that hard, I suppose.

  “I was lucky to have them as friends.”

  “Was…?”

  “Yeah, was.” I sigh heavily. “Something happened three years ago. Something big. I can’t talk about it.”

  “Because you don’t trust me?” she asks, cocking her head to the side. She doesn’t look hurt, just trying to understand.

  “No, I think I can trust you. It’s just… It’s complicated. Actually, that’s not the exact truth. It’s dangerous. I can’t tell you. It’s better that way.”

  “Fuck. Are they gangsters or something? I mean they look the part, but I thought that was just their thing. You know, badass dancers with tats and
mean scowls, all mysterious and broody and sexy as fuck. Gets all the ladies hot under the collar, if you know what I mean?”

  I raise an eyebrow, but concede her point. “Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. They look the part because that’s exactly what they are, gangsters.”

  Clancy grins, her pretty white teeth gleaming in the sunlight. “Holy shit, girl. So what the fuck are they doing at Stardom Academy? I mean, I’m happy I get to ogle them and all, but…” I give her a look, and she holds up her hands. “I solemnly swear I won’t touch any of them with a bargepole, promise! Chicks over dicks, right?”

  I’m more relieved than I let on. Clancy is definitely a keeper. “I don’t know why they’re here, honestly.”

  “I bet they want you back in their gang. Are you living a double life too? Is my new best friend a gangster’s moll?”

  I can’t help but laugh, but it comes out sounding a little strangled. “We’re not in the States, Clancy. This is London, we don’t have gangster molls.”

  “Shame.” She grins at me, but her smile drops when I remain quiet.

  “So, let me get this straight. You were in their gang as kids,” she begins but I cut her off.

  “No, their dance crew. I was never in any gang.”

  “Okay, so you were in their dance crew. Something heavy went down which you can’t tell me about because you might have to kill me if you do…” she smiles again, but it drops when I wince.

  “I would never hurt you… not intentionally anyway,” I add, trying to make her understand what I’m mixed up in without having to spell it out.

  “Okaaaay, fuck. I think I’m getting a picture here. Right. So, now they’re back and Xeno is a motherfucking bachata teacher at the academy. So fucking hot by the way.” I grimace, pushing away the memory of his possessive thumb pressing into my back that first morning. “Zayn is a hip-hop genius and York is a fricking tap-dancing gangster,” she continues excitedly. “What about the big, tatted dude you battled against at Rocks? I haven’t seen him at the academy.”