But she couldn’t sleep. Jesus died for our sins. God is a forgiving God. Doesn’t God know our hearts? Her mother broke her marriage vows and paid a price for it every day of her life. She stayed away from the man, but Gemma had a feeling her mother had always loved that man. Would giving in to temptation be forgiven if she asked for forgiveness and never did it again? How did one stop loving another?
Would it be the same if she married one man while loving another? Was that a sin if she stayed true to her husband? She had to believe that God was all knowing and forgiving. Her mother was in heaven, wasn’t she? Gemma refused to think she wasn’t. It would be too unbearable to contemplate.
People made mistakes every day. In the Bible God commanded forgiveness.
Gemma closed her eyes, and her last thought was of her mother. Was she in heaven or not?
* * *
“You’re going where?” Teagan asked as he narrowed his eyes.
“I will cook for the Dews today. It didn’t look as though they’d had a good meal in a very long time. Would it be fine if I took some food with me?” She tried to smile, but she wasn’t in the mood.
“Did you sleep last night? Your eyes have circles under them.”
She glanced away. “I tossed and turned for a long while. I’m fine, though.”
“Does John know you’re coming? Did you make plans yesterday?”
She shook her head still avoiding his gaze. “Brogan went to tell him.”
“What does Brogan have to do with this?”
She looked at him. “He came to my room last night. He doesn’t want me here, and he’s just hurrying the inevitable. I’m mortified to know you all pity me. I need a home. No matter where I go lately, it’s been wrong, and I need to find the right one. I know the children will be a lot of work, but once I get a routine, it’ll be fine. It’ll keep me busy and not dwelling.”
He was staring at her, his jaw clenched. “Brogan came to your room last night? Were you in bed?”
“Yes, I had just gotten in but had yet to turn the lamp off.”
“Is John the man you have your heart set on?”
There were tears in her eyes before she turned away. “I have learned my heart doesn’t matter. A good man who won’t make a fool of me is what I need. I doubt he’ll want more children. It’ll be just perfect.”
“You don’t sound very convincing.”
She sighed and gazed at him, a sad smile on her face. “I don’t suppose I do. When I married Richard, I was plain stupid, but the men in the area were trying to take my land and unless I wanted to shoot them all, I thought I should get married. Funny how the man I picked to save me was the one who took everything from me, including my pride and confidence. Do what you have to so you can survive.”
“Does he know he won’t be allowed to touch you?” His voice was more sarcastic than he planned.
Shaking her head, she lifted her skirt just enough so she could run. The look on her face made him wince. He’d made fun of her secret terror.
He started to go after her, but he saw Brogan riding in. Teagan hurried out the front door and to the barn.
“Brogan, I think we have a few things to straighten out.”
“I don’t think so,” Brogan said as he pushed past Teagan.
“I know we do! Just who do you think you are? You tore the dress up, didn’t you?”
Brogan shrugged his right shoulder. “So, what if I did? I’m just doing you a favor. She tore your heart out once, and Ma was always saying that Gemma’s ma was a no-good whore. Gemma must be like her mother. We don’t need her kind living here!”
“Ma said that about Mrs. Maguire? I never heard it.” He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter anyway. How could you have treated Gemma that way? She is sweet and gentle. She has beauty both inside and out and when she looks at me… never mind. I don’t want you trying to get her off the ranch. That is her decision.”
“She’s taking her sweet time. I’m just pushing toward the inevitable!” Brogan shook his head and stomped away.
What was going on with Brogan? He’d best adjust his attitude. His hostility toward Gemma made no sense. If anyone should bear grudges it should be Teagan. His brother had always been easy going until… no, it was after he got back from the war. Just when Brogan had become bitter, Teagan wasn’t sure. Getting the ranch back up and running had taken all his time, and he still had a lot to do. Had he pushed his brothers too hard? Maybe they all wanted an equal say.
His father hadn’t wanted it that way. The eldest was in charge. Maybe he should ask for their input. He ran his fingers through his hair. Maybe Sullivan knew what was wrong with Brogan.
He asked Dolly to bring him coffee into his office. He had plenty of work to do.
A few hours later, he heard Gemma asking Dolly advice about children and what they liked to eat. He shook his head. She was still going out there. He pushed away from his desk and went into the kitchen.
“Still planning to go?” He tried to keep his voice as neutral as possible.
“Yes. I want to get there early to get to know the children. A seven-year-old shouldn’t have the responsibility of taking care of the house and the other children. I just want to help.”
He could tell she thought she meant what she said. He believed she wanted to help, but would it bring her a happy life? He sure didn’t think so.
“I’d be happy to drive the wagon out there for you.”
“Teagan, that is nice but I can drive. I know you have a lot of work to do, and I want nothing I do to interfere with ranch life.” The smile she gave him was so sweet he wanted to grab her up and tell her not to go, but he wouldn’t win her back if he took that approach.
“I’ll have someone hitch it all up for you.”
“Thank you, Teagan, I appreciate it.”
“No problem. Try to leave to come back before dark. The roads aren’t easy to navigate in the dark.” He waited for her to nod then he left.
One day with those kids would make anyone crazy. How John got them to be well behaved at the barn raising he had no idea.
Chapter Eight
Gemma slowed the horses to a stop before she had to turn onto John’s property. She patted her hair and brushed all the dust from her dress. It’ll be a good day. She flicked the lines, and the horses started again.
The house wasn’t falling apart. It needed a bit of care, but it was far better than her house had been. As soon as she pulled up, she set the brake and wrapped the lines around it. Standing she started to climb down. Where was John? She knocked on the door and heard a big commotion.
She opened the door and was horrified by the condition she found inside. There wasn’t one clean place to stand. Lorna the looked surprised, while John Junior sat at the table doing nothing. The three others were running through the house throwing what looked like porridge at each other.
Gemma was speechless. “What’s going on?”
Lorna shrugged. “The usual. John won’t help, and the others won’t listen to me. Pa will be mad at me when he gets home.”
“What if I helped you out today and we all clean?”
“Really?” Hope brightened her face. “I would like that.”
“Have you had breakfast?” Gemma already guessed they had porridge.
“Yes.”
“John, take Clark, Martin, and Aubrey out to the water pump and help them wash. Bring soap and a towel with you.”
She held the door open until they filed out. Looking around the room, she wondered where to start. The look on Lorna’s face was so sorrowful.
“Listen, honey, this is not your fault. You have too much to do. Does John Junior help at all?”
Lorna shook her head. “He thinks because he’s a boy he doesn’t have to help. I just don’t know what to do anymore. When Pa comes home and the house looks like this, I can see the disappointment in his face, and that makes me feel really bad.”
“We’ll have John Junior haul some buckets of water, and w
e’ll all work together to get this place clean. I bet we can even find something for little Aubrey to do. How does that sound?”
Lorna smiled. “That sounds like a fine idea.”
It took a lot of long hard work to get the house in order. They scraped plenty of porridge off the floors and the walls. John Junior thought he was going to sit and watch, but Gemma soon told him the way of things. After the house was clean, Gemma showed Lorna how to make stew and how to bake biscuits.
There were plenty of dirty diapers, and Gemma put them into a giant washtub and poured hot water they heated on the stove over them. She wasn’t sure at what age children no longer use diapers. She really didn’t know much about children. But she was able to get Aubrey, Martin, and Clark all down for their naps.
After that Gemma took Lorna and John Junior outside and led them to a spot under a big oak tree where she had them sit down.
“I know it must be tough with your ma gone, and there is a lot of work that needs to be done each day. John Junior, Lorna can’t do this all by herself, she needs your help. While she is the oldest and is in charge, you are the man of the family when your father’s not here. It’s your job to look after the little ones and make sure they’re safe and not making messes. We’ll have to figure out how to split the work so it’s fair. I bet it will make your Pa very happy.”
John Dew rode toward them and when he saw her, he smiled. He reined in his horse and slid out of the saddle. “Well this is a nice surprise. I didn’t expect you today.”
“Brogan said he would come over and let you know I was coming. I guess he forgot.”
John looked at the two children. “I hope you two haven’t been given Miss. Gemma any trouble.”
Gemma smiled. “Wait until you see all the work they’ve done. The house is so clean, and Lorna’s been busy cooking. The other three are taking naps.”
John’s eyes widened. “Well this I’ll have to see.”
Lorna took her father’s hand and led him inside. She blushed with pride when her father whistled.
“I’d forgotten the house could look this good. Gemma, you made such a difference in just a few hours. I thank you.”
Gemma shook her head. “It wasn’t me. It was your children, all of them. Even little Aubrey helped by washing walls. At one point I wasn’t sure we would get all the porridge off. It was stuck on pretty good, but we managed. I was just speaking to Lorna and John Junior about splitting up the work in a fair way, so Lorna wasn’t left with all of it. I’m hoping you’ll work it out. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have plenty of diapers to wash. Lorna and John Junior, I’ll need your help.” She stood at the door again and waited for the children to go back outside before she turned and smiled at John. “You’re welcome to help to if you’d like.”
John sputtered as if the water he’d just swallowed went down the wrong way. “As much as I enjoy washing diapers, I have stalls to muck out. I do appreciate you being here.” He stared into her eyes until she looked away.
Later, Gemma closed the door behind her. Though John was nice, and she had fun with his children, there wasn’t a spark. A spark that Teagan had talked about, the spark she felt only with Teagan.
* * *
Teagan paced back and forth along the front porch. Hadn’t he told her to be home before dark? He sighed and stared at the sky. The sun would set soon, and she would barely be able to see where she was going. Had she even started to drive home? He should’ve gone with her or he should’ve sent somebody with her or perhaps he should’ve sent somebody to escort her home. Now he was just plain worried. Anything could happen. There were wild animals out there, not to mention Richard was probably still around, and Texas was still unsettled. She could run into all kinds of trouble. Why did she have to be so doggone independent, anyway?
“You know your pacing will not make her come home any quicker,” Dolly said. She handed him a glass with a bit of whiskey splashed into it. “Wait, a few more minutes until it’s dark and then go after her.”
Teagan rubbed the back of his neck as he tossed back the whiskey. “Yeah, I best wait, or she’ll get mad thinking I was keeping track of her. I don’t know what John has that I don’t have.”
“Have you asked her? Have you even told her you’re interested? What is she supposed to think? You have men rebuilding her house. She probably thinks as soon as the house is done, you’ll pack her up and send her over there. Maybe you should just tell her how you feel.”
Teagan put the glass down on the table. He looked up at the sky and then at Dolly. He thought he knew how he felt, but what if he was wrong? What if it was all just one big mistake? What if she didn’t feel the same way about him? No, he couldn’t take the chance as much as he wanted to. Unless she said it first… that was a different thing altogether. He couldn’t picture her professing her love for him. He picked up his hat and was just about to put it on when the sound of horses’ hooves could be heard. He took a deep breath. What a relief.
He immediately went to her side and lifted her down. She was filthy from head to toe. “What the heck happened to you? You look like, well I don’t even know what you look like. Dolly, do we have enough hot water so Gemma can have a bath?”
Dolly chuckled. “I’m sure I could come up with enough.” She went inside.
“Seriously, what happened to you?”
Gemma looked down at her dress and then touched her hair. She stood straight and tall and looked him right in the eye. “I was helping at the Dew place. They’ve had a hard time of it since their ma died. The place was filthy, and poor Lorna was trying to do it all herself. John Junior thought it was women’s work, so he sat in a chair watching Lorna try her best to make sense of the chaos.”
“Why do I have the feeling you set him straight?” Teagan smiled at her.
“I set them all straight. I had every one of them working, even the little one. Did you know when porridge hardens on the walls or the floor it’s almost impossible to get it off?”
He laughed long and hard and then stopped. He couldn’t remember the last time he laughed like that. “No, I didn’t know about the porridge.”
She gave him a big smile. “If I hadn’t had to scrub it myself, I would never have known either. It was a lot of work, but I had a good time with the children.”
“And John?” Teagan took a step toward her. “Did you have a good time with him too?”
She shrugged. “He’s a nice man. He’s a good man and a good father, but I don’t know. I know I said I didn’t want any type of love or involvement, but now I’m not so sure. I need to rethink this whole marriage thing. Maybe the best thing for me is to go back to my own ranch alone. Maybe I don’t need a husband. I have my rifle, and I can hire a couple men to do the work. I’m sure eventually I’ll be able to pay you back.”
“But I thought you wanted children. Wasn’t that the whole point of finding a widower? You do know how babies are made, right?”
Her mouth opened and then closed as she stared at him. “You act like I’m some silly female who can’t make up her mind. I made up my mind years ago, but it was unmade for me by my father, and a lot has happened since then. Yes, I do know how babies are made.” She walked away and went into the house.
* * *
The next day Gemma was just finishing her coffee when Teagan came into the house. He glanced at her, but she couldn’t read his expression. Maybe he was right. Maybe she was some silly female who couldn’t make up her mind. She watched as he poured a cup of coffee and leaned against the counter sipping it and staring at her.
“Was there something I can help you with?”
“Not that I know of. Are you going out to see John? Or maybe one of the other widowers?”
She flashed him a look of annoyance. “I thought I’d spend the day here, but if you’d rather I go somewhere else…”
“No, I was just wondering. Actually, I came in to tell you to be careful. Richard has been sighted at your property again. Quinn’s over there now with
a couple of the men looking around to see if they can figure out what he’s up to.” He shook his head. “It must be something pretty important, or he’d have moved on by now. Is there a deed to another parcel of land? Or, I don’t know, I can’t think of what else it could be besides money?”
“Richard never met my father, so whatever he thinks he knows, someone else told him. But obviously he wasn’t told where or he wouldn’t still be prowling around the property. Did anyone go into town to get the sheriff?”
“Well, here’s the thing. Somehow the sheriff thinks you’re crazy. The bank owner Victor Lyons has everyone convinced that you don’t own the property.”
“But you have the papers, don’t you? Why don’t you show them to him? Richard has no right to be on my property.”
“I know, I just don’t want to show my hand until I can figure out what Victor Lyons has to do with all this.” He set his coffee aside. “Has Brogan given you any more trouble?”
She shook her head. “I haven’t even seen him yet this morning. I’m just gonna try to stay out of his way. He doesn’t like me for some reason, and I don’t think he’d tell me the truth if I ask why.”
He stared at her and smiled.
“Why are you staring at me that way?” Her face heated, and she was tempted to turn away but there was something in his eyes that prevented her.
“I was thinking you don’t look at all different from when we were kids. You still have that impish grin I always liked.”
Teagan: Cowboy Strong: The Kabvanagh Brothers Book One Page 7