Invasion

by Dmitrii Mansurov

  The fox looked around.

  "People have been searching for this secret for thousands of years, and you want me to spill it out? Just like that?" she grumbled.

  "So what?" the sparrow looked surprised. "I'm not a human. Don't be so greedy!"

  "Well, I suppose I can whisper it into your ear. Fly over here."

  The sparrow giggled.

  "Aye, I know all about your secret tricks!" it said. "You'd swallow me whole, tail and all! So no, thank you!"

  The sparrow hopped from branch to branch, chirped goodbye and got away, almost colliding with Yaga who was flying about her business. The fox sighed. Yaga was so lucky! Even her hut had chicken legs. The fox's belly, on the other hand, was basically eating itself at this point. Where was the fox’s happiness? Behind what mountains was it hiding?

  Come out, come out, wherever you are!

  ***

  In the evening, Baba Yaga was watching the farthest house in the village through a telescope. She didn't care much about the house. Her attention was focused on the goat Ivan who was running about the yard. Yaga watched him until she heard a wild neighing echoing in the sky.

  "What are those strange sounds?" she marveled, angrily directing the telescope up and looking for the celestial laughter. "I wonder which of them is laughing, the horse or Kashchey? I can bet he has arranged that lighting show of his again! And who are they transporting? Is that... is that Princess Maria? What an idiot! Doesn’t Kashchey know what he's gotten himself into? Little children caused more problems than they were worth, and an angry princess will bring him to his grave, immortal or not!”

  “And soon, he may be the only living person left on the planet... Cat Bayun, the lulling cat that lived in the distant western forests, had brought the terrible news of a new invasion of vampires. They had all been allegedly destroyed five thousand years ago, but apparently, some cunning wretch had managed to hide in a secluded corner. While the vampire was in hiding, humanity appeared and played right into his hands. People lacked immunity against the vampires, and after being bitten, they themselves turned into lovers of fresh blood. And now the vampire decided to get even for all the insults he'd endured by wiping out the distant descendants of those who had destroyed his kin.”

  "Fight those beasts yet again and at the end of it, we'll have to say goodbye to all our nerve cells," Yaga muttered. "The amount of blood they'll suck out of you, it's downright scary!"

  There had been no news from the old warriors. Yaga seemed to be the only one left. Over thousands of years, many of them had scattered around the planet. Some had died a long time ago, and there was no time to gather the remaining living ones. The vampires would destroy humanity a lot quicker.

  Yaga would have to fight alone, unless Cat Bayun found somebody from the old crowd. But first, she needed to protect her back. The potion for temporary mutations had been created thousands of years ago would have been most welcome, but the recipe was long lost. Before, it had been used against the vampires by changing their form and turning them into sedentary creatures that were easy to kill. Vampires developed an immunity against it very quickly, and the potion had to be “buried” in the depth of time. Yaga doubted that anything had changed in the past 5,000 years. Vampires were pernicious and could outlive even cockroaches. But that potion could be given to people to turn them into animals whose blood the vampires didn't drink. To restore the formula, Yaga had to carefully combine all the components and conduct tests on volunteers that actually had no idea they were volunteers. They just wanted to drink some water from a puddle.

  And now, she needed to catch that goat, study the effects of the restored potion on the human body, and, on the basis of that data, derive the formula of the potion for long-term transformation of a person into a beast. Preferably into a savage and ferocious one. If the vampire army was to be replenished with people, it was vital to make them impossible to find. It would be easy to catch the goat by flying into the village on the broom, but Yaga dismissed this idea immediately. There had already been rumors that the disappearances of people, animals, and birds were her doing. A volunteer was needed.

  Their dog, maybe? A nice dog loved to play and hunt, so it would gladly chase a goat. So, her plan entailed the following: to sic the dog on the goat, lure them both into the forest, then capture the goat and fly away as fast as possible to the hut. The dog would be free to run and hunt freely in the woods… until it met its wild ancestors, that was. That would be something to remember if it managed to escape from their hospitality.

  But there was a problem: the goat wasn't really a goat, so it wouldn't be scared off by a familiar dog. Well… Yaga would have to take Alena's house by storm, then.

  "I don't like it..." Yaga mumbled, folding the telescope and stuffing it in the pocket. "Where did these vampires even come from? And how did these people show up out of the blue."

  She sighed. There were more and more mysteries appearing every year. And then a sudden thought popped up in her head... What if she hypnotized the dog? What if she persuaded it that it adored bringing small goats directly to Yaga's house!?

  It wasn't a bad idea at all. It was at least worth trying.

  ***

  Kashchey hadn’t been flying on his ghostly horse for long, but he got so tired from having to hold the princess and fight the oncoming gust of wind along with turbulence that he almost fell from the saddle when the horse landed. It stopped in front of a hidden entrance to the castle on the flat roof of one of the four allegedly decorative turrets. The secret doors opened, and Kashchey entered the spacious turret and pressed the button. A high-speed elevator crossed the distance of forty meters in one swoop and stopped at the second floor, which was used mainly for storage of various stuff. Upon opening the door to the ever-vacant guest room, Kashchey put the sleeping princess on the bed and quietly walked away.

  'Who would have thought!' he told himself. 'I've had quite a powerful effect on them all!'

  No objections followed. And where would they come from, anyway? Kashchey stretched, squared his shoulders, and headed toward the viewing room. He was very curious to know how the king reacted to the kidnapping of his daughter. The impact of the sleeping gas had to last a rather long time, but Kashchey was hoping that the royal family members had already woken up.

  It was time for a documentary. The one shown in a five-foot plate with a golden rim. Unfortunately, he had no magical Apple. Kashchey had eaten it by accident as he was watching some tumultuous event happening on the screen. The image didn't get worse, but it became impossible to turn off the plate. Now, it was broadcasting events all day and all night long, occasionally stopping to produce strange repetitive videos of questionable things that Kashchey knew nothing about. The creatures that were promoting the efficiency of these things didn't look all that good themselves, so Kashchey didn't really believe their moving speeches about the newest wonders of the world. Instead, he was wistfully recalling a time when the apple was still rotating, following the usual plate trajectory.

  The numerous attempts to replace this Apple with others didn't bring about the desired results. The pieces of fruit quickly shrank and turned dry. He needed a de-aging apple, a special one, one that retained its form for literally thousands of years. It was perfect for the mysterious "signal filter" that was written about in the document that came with the plate. Kashchey sometimes cursed himself for knowing how to read, especially when it came to the most disgusting tales that poisoned his eyes. Kashchey suspected that there was some complex story behind these apples. He also knew that they were still growing on a single tree someplace in the middle of nowhere. This tree had an incredibly long lifespan, and for growing, all it needed was sand in large quantities. It lived by its own internal schedule, regardless of the seasons. For the apples to grow and ripen, three hundred years had to pass. These fruits grew in a small quantity, which was why they were protected better than anything else in the world. During each of the clips, Kashchey was thinking about conquering the
impregnable fortress, but arranging the apocalyptic light show (also known as overly strong protection) just to watch the plate in peace wasn't necessary. Not yet.

  Currently, the plate was reflecting the marvelous city of Slavnograd. The image was colored but without sound. Kashchey could determine the content of conversations of those present only by observing their hectic emotions. The most interesting thing wasn't the transmission itself, but the way he could watch the objects of his interest. Kashchey couldn't grasp how events made their way into the plate. Someone had to watch the audience to shoot them from different angles and sides. As they say, before you leave, you need to enter. And how all these people entered remained an unsolved mystery. Once, Kashchey turned on the stream and nearly lost his mind after seeing his own face up close. He'd spent ages on trying to find who had been spying on him. The empty air in front of him didn't seem like a suspect, but nothing else was in the vicinity. Actively waving his hands in front of him also didn't bring the expected results. The image didn't change one bit. Kashchey had to admit that everything around him was under the control of some unknown forces and their long, curious noses.

  "Long noses, huh? Well, I'll cut them down to size!" Kashchey promised firmly, and for the sake of reassuring himself, he pushed the idea of continuously monitoring the far depths of his subconscious. Reading dictionaries in the library of the castle after seeing the obscure recommendations wasn't in vain, and Kashchey learned a lot of strange terms. He had to bring the castle to order a long time ago, but he comforted himself with the thought that for an immortal, time wasn't an issue, so the day for research would come. Around the end of the next millennium, most likely.

  ***

  In the empty and seemingly endless hall, Prince Yaroslav stood in front of the depressed king, along with his younger brother Artem. The rest of the guests, who didn't have time to actually wake up and get over their excruciating headache, suddenly remembered about some urgent things they had to complete, so they rushed off in the middle of the night. In this particular case, considering what had happened, time was meaningless. Everyone knew about Kashchey and his doings, so they understood one thing clearly. Any fool could try to rescue the princess from trouble, but luck would smile only for a sheer madman. Or someone in love. And Prince Yaroslav fit both criteria perfectly. The guests wished him good luck whole-heartedly, apologized to the king, and quietly disappeared from sight.

  ***

  "Cowards!" Kashchey shouted into a plate. Unfortunately for him, the transmission was one-sided. "How about coming at me altogether? Where is the mutual assistance you monarchs are so proud of? Or is it ‘the two of you fight, the rest of us doesn't mind’ thing?"

  The desire to throw something heavy at the royals had almost led to catastrophic consequences. At the last moment, Kashchey realized that he was attacking a plate with one-way communication, so a copper statuette flew just above the target.

  "I am ashamed of you," he announced harshly, but then brightened again. "Then again, what am I going on about? Hurry up, you lazy bastards! Time waits for no man! There is so much more to come, and you're fixated on some sleeping princess? Good riddance! Eat ‘til you burst!"

  The princes who decided to look for Maria held his interest. They were clearly crazy if they decided to wage a local war against him. He remembered one of them well. It was the man that had been trying to protect the princess with all his might, and he almost succeeded. The second prince was just like the first but younger.

  "Looks like recklessness runs in their family," Kashchey muttered. "To die in the prime of their lives! And for what?"

  The grief-stricken king said something to the princes, who answered confidently. Then he rose from his throne and embraced them. Kashchey chuckled. He could easily guess what was going to happen now. The princes didn't waste any time. They jumped on their horses and rode toward his castle.

  "The showdown begins," Kashchey declared loudly, rising to his feet. Only deep silence answered him, silence that had become so familiar over the years. Kashchey cast a parting glance at the plate. The king was sitting on the throne, his head lowered as he stared at a small portrait of his daughter. The servants crowded a good distance away from him, not risking disturbing His Majesty.

  "You were much more cheerful when you were young, Nicodemus," he murmured.

  In the old days, the king himself would have rushed off to save his daughter, but the years took their toll. The kingdom required his constant presence and right now, he understood that he'd put himself in a solid and complex trap. He could only hope for the help of the young princes. Heavy thoughts came into his mind. The king had heard the terrible stories about the antics of Kashchey back in his childhood, and with all his heart, he hoped that the princes would be able to save Maria.

  The door closed behind Kashchey with a quiet click.

  ***

  Near outer space.

  Distance to Earth: two hundred thousand kilometers.

  The captain of a small interstellar ship that looked in accordance to its cheapness and simplicity while also resembling a hazelnut was desperately trying to slow down and not collide with the approaching planet. Otherwise, he might end up turning it into a radioactive, contaminated lifeless desert.

  Arriving at the edge of the Galaxy, the captain was very surprised when he stumbled upon an inhabited world that wasn't known to the scientists of the Galactic Union of Astronomers. And he did that on his first try. The captain had lost himself in staring at the bright, colorful colors of the atmosphere. It was nice to see something different from the widespread gray of many lifeless planets. However, it wasn't as nice when he forgot to hit the brakes in time. Now, he was watching the monitor in despair. The timer displaying how many seconds were left before the collision with the planet was flashing red. The captain tried to turn sharply and steer the ship away from the planet one last time but instead of succeeding, he ended up breaking the wheel.

  The ship entered the dense atmosphere and began to heat up rapidly. The captain was hastily trying to remember everything starting with his birth, and his attempts were richly spiced with the monotonous gut-wrenching thuds of his very heart. In other words, he was screaming hysterically, staring at the wrecked wheel in his hands, and wasting his precious time.

  The ship, having ceased receiving instructions from the pilot, belatedly switched to autopilot. The captain had no idea that such a thing existed on his vessel since he had purchased the ship during a firesale of old space technology, and it came without a user manual. The seller gave a 30% discount off the cost solely because of this, and the dazed captain bought it with joy, like the idiot he was.

  "In your case," he recalled a phrase from an old joke, "idiocy is a vast improvement!"

  "Not funny at ALL!" the pilot shouted for the sake of diversity. The next moment, a bunch of boxes fell on him from the shelf. The pilot stopped yelling in fury and switched to screaming in pain. Only then did he deign to pay attention to the monitor. His shouts were cut off abruptly. Although the speed of the ship didn't decrease, the distance to the planet ceased its rapid decline, and soon, it froze completely. The autopilot had managed to change course and fly at a tangent. The temperature of the outer surface of the ship stopped at eight hundred degrees and slowly went down.

  The ship trembled as it commenced landing procedures, still on autopilot. The captain leaned back in his chair weakly, closed his eyes, and didn't open them until he felt a slight jolt from the contact with the surface.

  Being a part-time navigator, co-pilot, cook, mechanic, flight engineer, and cleaner allowed him to spend an impressive amount of his salary on something more pleasant than the payment of the crew. So, the captain gulped a liter-deep mug of sedatives, enough for an entire crew, and wiped the sweat from his forehead. He supposed he could congratulate himself on the most successful landing in his life… a life that had almost ended. Still, firstly, no one was killed, and secondly, an unknown planet on the edge of the Galaxy proved to ha
ve oxygen and was inhabited by highly developed forms of life! Perhaps even slightly intelligent ones!

  Blue sky, white clouds, green grass… it was the ultimate dream of any space traveler! To receive such a gift from fate was like catching a black cat in a black room, especially if this cat had never been there in the first place. It was like discovering an oil field while digging a cellar, like the simultaneous death of a dozen of billionaire relatives, like losing a win-win lottery…

  "The last comparison is somewhat unfortunate," the captain reproached himself, without taking his fervent gaze off the planet before him. "The locals, like all the natives of other discovered planets, are terrible cowards for sure. They'll gladly give me power over them as soon as I show them a couple of cheap tricks!"

  The computer’s analysis showed that there were six continents on this planet. One of them was covered with an impressive layer of eternal ice. The others had no industrial technology or air pollution, and the largest continent was located in the northern part of the planet. No dangerous viruses present, as it would seem.

  "Well, we won't be wasting our time on trifles! Let's start with the conquest of the largest continent." The captain glanced at his reflection. "Nothing's wrong with that, right?"

  But first, he had to replace the steering wheel and drink a couple of more liters of sedatives. And not necessarily in that order.

  But he didn't manage to relax properly. An hour later, the monitor began to flare in alarm, indicating that the natives were approaching the ship. The captain blew the dust from his new helm and eagerly waited for the local residents. He was curious to see how scared they would be and how they'd run from the ship as if the devil himself was chasing them. How hilarious that would be!

  Three minutes later, the captain was staring at the screen silently, tension vibrating in his body. Instead of fleeing from the incomprehensible (and frightening, damn it all to hell, it was frightening!) object, the crazy natives began to throw knives at it. They used stones, too, as well as some handy garbage, and they did it with visible pleasure. Protective laser beams leveled these objects into atoms before they could reach the ship surface, and it looked like this process was the one that the natives liked most.