Hibiscus

by Sarah Pond

  'By the look on your face, I think it's a bit more than that.'

  Rachel looked serious, 'No, it can't be. It's too far away.'

  Tom decided to leave it, he could see that Rachel didn't want to talk about it any more.

  That evening, Lea rang Rachel to ask her how her first day back at work had gone. They chatted for a while, and Lea said, 'I'm really missing you. I wish you were coming home to me after work. I want to make love to you again. I can't stop thinking about you.'

  Rachel sighed, 'Look, it was amazing. But we've talked about this. There's too much distance between us to have a proper relationship. Maybe it's best that we don't stay in contact, it might be easier.'

  'Easier for who. Do you always do this, compartmentalise your life?' Lea sounded wounded.

  'Please don't do this. If we lived nearer, it could be different. But the fact is, we don't.'

  'Huh.'

  'What?'

  Lea said, 'I remember something you said at the cove. You said you were practical, and had let your relationship go because of work.'

  The comment stung Rachel. 'I don't know what else to say. You are amazing, beautiful and sexy. I had the best time with you. But I don't want to start making promises that I know I can't keep.'

  Lea was quiet on the end of the phone, and Rachel asked whether she was still there. When Lea spoke, Rachel could hear the tears in her voice, 'I've fallen in love with you.' And the phone clicked as Lea hung up.

  Shit. Rachel dialled Lea's number, but it went straight to voicemail. She tried calling again over the next few days, but each time it went to voicemail.

  Oh Lea. But what could she do. The last thing that Rachel wanted was to hurt Lea, but from the start they both knew that it could only be a short lived romance. Meeting Lea had also made Rachel realise just how much she wanted to be in a relationship again. It had been so good, but in reality, could she see herself with a woman long term? Until she had met Lea, she hadn't given it any thought. Also, she had been on her own for such a long time, work was about the only thing she had thought about until she went away. Well, there was nothing she could do about it at the moment.

  Lea was miserable. Nicola, who ran the cafe, could see how unhappy she was, but didn't know what to say to her. She just hoped that she would cheer up soon, and go back to her usual cheerful self. She didn't remember ever seeing Lea like this. One evening, there was a knock on Lea's door, and she opened it to see Sue standing there. 'I'm so glad you're back.' She threw herself into Sue's arms, and started crying.

  'Hey sweetie, what's up? Come on, let's put the kettle on and you can tell me all about it.'

  Once they were sitting down with their drinks, Lea said, 'You know the woman who was staying in your cottage? Her name is Rachel. Well, we really hit it off together. The last two weeks have been amazing, but since she went home, I'm missing her so much.'

  Lea told Sue what had happened, and how Rachel had told her not to keep in touch. Sue really felt for her. She was very protective of Lea, and treated her like a daughter. She hated seeing her so upset. 'Oh, you poor thing. Hopefully she'll come around. I know it's hard, but if she's never had a relationship with a woman before, she's probably trying to get her head around things. Give it some time.' Sue put her arm around Lea, and stroked her hair, as Lea cried into her shoulder.

  That first weekend back, Rachel decided to join her local gym. Being away, she had realised that she needed a bit more balance in her life. Work had overtaken everything for too long now. She booked an introductory session for the following week. The instructor was a really sweet guy, and asked Rachel what she wanted to get out of the sessions. 'I just want to tone up a bit, and get a bit fitter. I did quite a bit of walking on holiday, and realised I'm not quite as fit as I thought I was.' Then she smiled to herself, remembering her time with Lea. With the amount of time they had spent in the bedroom, was it any wonder she had been getting tired!

  'Well, I'll show you how to use the machines, and give you a workout routine to get you started. We can review it in about six weeks. How does that sound?'

  'Great, thank you.'

  Rachel decided that she would go to the gym a couple of times a week after work, then again at the weekend. It felt good to be doing something different, and when she thought about how things were left with Lea, it helped to work off some steam.

  The following week, Rachel rang Katy to arrange a get together. 'Hi sis, how are you?'

  'I'm good, thank you, stranger! How are you?' Katy wasn't used to her sister calling her. Usually it was Katy who would try calling Rachel, although she often got her voicemail. They arranged to meet for a drink near to where Katy lived in Hampstead.

  Katy was already there when Rachel arrived, as she knew she would be. She stood up to give Rachel a hug, then they sat down with their drinks. 'I was surprised to hear from you. Is everything all right?'

  'Yes, great. I've just got back from holiday.'

  Katy pulled a face of mock horror. 'Holiday? You actually took a holiday, my word! Where did you go?'

  'A very quiet part of Cornwall. It was beautiful. Very relaxing. It made me realise that I need to have a bit more balance in my life. A bit of me time, a bit less work.'

  'Hallelujah! How many years have we been saying that.'

  Yes, Rachel was sick to death of Katy, Mark and anyone else commenting on it. Well, they should try starting a business from scratch on normal work hours. Let it go, Rachel, you didn't come here for an argument, you came to see your sister. 'Yes, I know. Well, things are easier at work now. Anyway, while I was away, I realised how much better I felt when I relaxed.' She smiled as she thought of the time she had spent with Lea.

  'Well, I have to say, you do look extremely well. You've caught the sun too, it suits you.'

  'I became a bit of a beach bum for a couple of weeks!'

  As Rachel laughed, Katy smiled fondly at her younger sister. With her suntan and casual clothes, Rachel looked younger and happier than when Katy had last seen her, which was a few months ago.

  There were only two years between them, but Katy seemed so much older compared to Rachel. She was a solicitor, and had worked at the same firm for many years. She was happily married to Christopher, who worked in the city. They lived in a very nice four bedroom house, which seemed to Rachel more than they needed. They did entertain quite often, and they had talked about starting a family, so Rachel supposed they were thinking ahead. Katy seemed to have her life very much sorted, and Rachel was pleased that she was happy. She always thought that Katy didn't quite approve of her choices, although she didn't exactly say so, it was more a feeling that Rachel had. Occasionally, Katy would give her opinion, whether it had been asked or not.

  In truth, Katy really cared about her sister. She knew how hard Rachel had worked, and was sad for her when her relationship with Mark had ended. She felt blessed with her lifestyle, and wanted the same for her sister.

  For Rachel, it wasn't the lifestyle she would want for herself. It was great that Katy was happy, but it wouldn't do for her. Not that she was quite sure exactly what she did want. Since coming home from holiday, that was something she was hoping to work out.

  As the evening wore on, the conversation began to turn more personal. Katy and Rachel weren't used to having those really girly, intimate talks that some friends and siblings had, but Rachel was feeling warm and fuzzy about her decision to connect with people again, including her only sister. Some of that feeling was to do with the wine, that really loosened her tongue. Usually, Rachel didn't drink much, but this was a special occasion. Katy said, 'I can't get over how different you look, you're almost blooming.' Then she had a sudden realisation, 'Oh no, you didn't get yourself pregnant did you, is that why you wanted to see me?'

  Rachel laughed at the look of horror on Katy's face, and in her confessional state of mind, she said, 'No, but I did have oodles of sex!'

  'Rachel! For goodness sake, how many people did you sleep with?'

  '
Just the one. I do have morals, you know.'

  'You were careful, weren't you?'

  'Of course I was. It's not like I could get pregnant, anyway.' Rachel looked very pleased with herself.

  Katy sarcastically said, 'Really?' She was thinking that maybe Rachel had taken this relaxation thing a bit too far.

  'It was the best sex of my life. She was amazing.'

  'What the hell are you talking about? I think you're drunk.'

  'I'm not drunk. I may, however, be a bit tipsy.' Rachel giggled. 'Lea was looking after the cottage where I stayed. We had a bit of a thing going.'

  Katy looked gobsmacked, but she knew that Rachel wasn't one to make things up. 'I don't understand. I know you were in need of a holiday, but have you lost your mind?'

  'Far from it. I feel better than I've felt in a long time'. Her face dropped, 'Well, I did when I was in Cornwall. I've upset Lea, though. I told her it couldn't work long term.'

  'Well, I'm glad to see you've come to your senses there.'

  'Couldn't you just be happy for me? I had a wonderful time. I didn't even think about work.' Rachel was annoyed, thinking, for once, couldn't Katy lay off of the sensible big sister bit. Surely, she must have had her moments.

  'But you're not gay. Were you just experimenting?'

  'Yes, I know, and no, I wasn't. If you met Lea, you would know what I mean. I would have never dreamed... She's lovely, and it was good. Really good.' Then her voice hardened, 'Oh, I don't know why I'm even bothering. It's over now, anyway.' Rachel sat heavily back in her chair, crossing her arms across her chest.

  'Rachel, I'm just concerned about you, that's all. I'm glad you had a good holiday.' Katy looked at her watch, 'Look, I'm going to have to make a move home now. I've got to be at work early tomorrow. I'll call you a cab.'

  After saying goodbye to Katy, Rachel wished she hadn't told her about Lea. Ah well, it had been said now. She thought it was unlikely that Katy would mention it again. If Katy couldn't get her head around something, or it didn't fit in the box she had provided in her mental compartment, she would conveniently forget about it, and behave as if nothing had happened.

  It was a couple of weeks later when Rachel went to answer her phone, and was surprised to see Lea's number come up on the screen. 'Lea, I'm so glad you called. I've tried calling you so many times.'

  'I'm sorry I didn't pick up. I just needed some space to think.'

  Rachel hated how subdued Lea sounded. 'How are you?'

  'Okay, I guess. I've really missed you. I've never fallen for someone as quickly as I did with you. I know it's over, I just need some time, that's all.'

  'I'm sorry, too. I really care about you, but unless you're planning on moving to London, I think we'll only make things harder.'

  Lea sighed, 'I know you're right. It's just so difficult.'

  Rachel decided to change the subject, 'I've joined a gym. It's a part of my new approach, not all work.'

  'It'll be good for you. You know how good it feels when you switch off and relax.' She tried to put a smile in her voice, but it wasn't happening.

  Rachel had images of them together, lazing around, in one another's arms. The time at the cove when she had drifted off to sleep, and awakened to see Lea walking up the beach towards her. Those blue eyes that she could get lost in. She had a feeling of love envelop her, and felt overcome with emotion, 'I'm so sorry we couldn't work it out. You'll always be special to me, my mermaid.'

  Lea couldn't bear it, and she could feel tears starting to well up, 'I'm going to go now, I've got to get to work. Bye, Rachel.'

  'Bye.'

  Lea hung up, and the tears started to flow. She was sure that they could have worked it out. Yes, they lived a few hours away from each other, but there were weekends and holidays. At the same time, she knew that she wanted more. She had never been so sure of anything in her life. When Rachel was with her, she had loved knowing that she would be seeing her after work, and could spend whole days together when she wasn't working. She longed for something that she knew couldn't be. Although, Rachel had made that comment about her moving to London. Lea didn't think that she was serious, though. Could she leave everything behind? Her life had always been in Cornwall. Why was she even thinking about it, it wasn't an invitation, just an off the cuff comment.

  Rachel did miss Lea, and she wanted her to be happy. Was Lea really in love with her? They had known each other such a short time. Lea was a very passionate person, and she certainly couldn't deny how good she felt around her, and how much fun they had had together. Still, for now she was going to focus on her life in London. Rachel was getting into a good routine at the gym. She enjoyed having somewhere to go after work, before going home. She realised that she hadn't really got any hobbies. She tried to remember what she used to do when she was single. She had been at university, and mostly had hung out with friends and gone to parties. Rachel hadn't stayed in touch with anyone from those days, they had all drifted apart over time. She used to be very close to Rebecca, but after university they had gone their separate ways, too. Of course, there was Josh. But she wasn't going to go there.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Rachel was back into the swing of things with work, and the holiday was beginning to seem like a distant memory. Rachel was doing well with the gym still, and felt good for having kept it up for a few months now. Lisa had decided to join, spurred on by Rachel, and often they would go together after work. Rachel was starting to feel that she had more balance in her life now. Also, Lisa, Eric, Tom and herself would occasionally go out for a drink or a meal together. It was good to have the time to chat outside of work. She hadn't told anyone else about Lea. After the way her sister had reacted, she didn't really want anyone else's opinion. Besides, the relationship was over, so what was the point.

  Rachel did often think of Lea, but then she would tell herself not to be silly. Those two weeks had been amazing, but it was over now. She thought about how easily she had slipped into a relationship with Lea, how comfortable she had felt with her. Rachel had also been surprised by how Lea stirred her passions, with a sizzling heat that still turned her on when she thought about it now. When she did indulge her thoughts and memories, Rachel would get an ache that started as a passionate longing, but turned into something much heavier, which pulled at her guts. She chastised herself again, what was the point in even going there. It had been a fling, some much needed fun, nothing more. Shit, who was she kidding. She didn't even believe that herself.

  Lea was missing Rachel desperately. She couldn't understand how Rachel could just walk away from their relationship. Yes, the sex was amazing, but it was more than that. They had such a deep connection, how could Rachel cut it dead like she had, as if she had slammed a door in Lea's face. Maybe she had read it wrong. After all, she had known Rachel for such a short time. At the time, Lea thought that Rachel felt as deeply for her as she did. What was the point of going over it again and again, like a revolving door with no exit. If Rachel didn't feel the same way, there was nothing that she could do about it. In time, she would get over Rachel. The trouble was, she didn't want to.

  The gallery was preparing for a series of exhibitions for the coming autumn. There were going to be artists coming in from around the country to display their art, each for a week at a time. Some of the artists had been booked by Rachel, some of them by Tom. They knew each other so well that there was no need to run everything by one another. There was a lot to prepare, and Rachel found that she had less and less time to go to the gym. She was still managing about once a week, though. Rachel thought that once these current exhibitions had finished, she would be able to go more often again. One of the contractors helping to get the exhibitions set up was particularly helpful. Max had had a lot of experience working with various galleries, and Rachel found herself working with him a lot. He was tall, with close cropped brown hair, and had a very sweet smile.

  Max really liked working with Rachel. She put so much thought into what she did, and was very
thorough. She could be a bit serious sometimes, getting completely lost in what she was doing. He would sometimes watch her while she worked, then if she turned to look at him, he would pretend to be looking at something else. Sometimes he didn't turn away quickly enough, and he would be rewarded with a smile. When Rachel smiled, her whole face changed. Max thought that she had a beautiful smile, and wondered what it would be like to kiss those lips.

  It had been a long day, and as Rachel and Max were packing up, he asked whether Rachel would like to go and get a drink with him. Rachel liked Max, and thought, why not. They went to a nearby bar, and sat down together. Max said, 'I'm so glad you said yes. You seem to spend so much time at work, you need to relax sometimes as well.'

  Rachel smiled, 'Yes, so people keep telling me!'

  'So, tell me about yourself. I know about work, obviously, but what do you like to do in your spare time?'

  Rachel sighed, 'Well, at the moment, there isn't a lot of spare time. I go to the gym. I like going to concerts.'

  Max asked her what was the last concert she had been to see, and Rachel was shocked to realise it had been with Mark, years ago. Where on earth was her life going. She was thirty years old. Yes, she and Tom had the art gallery, and that was pretty much her life. No hobbies or relationships. Except for Lea, of course. But that was so short lived. Still, it had been amazing. She had started to discover things about herself that she had never noticed before, a sense of freedom. She had felt so relaxed and happy in Kingsand. As she thought about Lea again, she had a feeling of longing. Rachel was completely lost in her thoughts, and suddenly realised that Max was talking to her. She blinked, and looked up at him, 'Sorry?'

  'I was wondering where you'd gone to. You seemed so far away for a moment.'