Hibiscus

by Sarah Pond

  Lea looked delighted, 'Really? That would be wonderful. The others would be thrilled.'

  They talked excitedly about it, and Lea said that she would get the other artists together so that Rachel could meet them.

  That weekend, Lea took Rachel on a long walk which trailed along the coast, past Penlee Point, Rame Head and beyond. The views were stunning, and about half way, they stopped for lunch at the restaurant at the top of the hill, aptly named The View. Rachel was getting tired from the walk, and the restaurant felt very warm. She said, 'I'm rather hot at the moment. Please can we sit outside.'

  Lea smiled at her, 'Good choice, it's the best place to be.'

  All of the tables outside overlooked the sea. Rachel said, 'It's so beautiful here. I get so immersed in things in London, I sometimes forget how quiet and spacious it is here.'

  'I don't know how you manage living in London. I suppose you get used to it, like with anything that's familiar. You seem to relax more when you come here. Still, it's fun coming to stay with you at weekends. I just wish you were coming home with me afterwards.'

  Rachel smiled at Lea. 'Do you ever find it too quiet here?'

  'No. It's peaceful. That makes all the difference.'

  Rachel was unpacking her weekend bag, back at home. When she was putting her toiletries away, she suddenly realised that she couldn't remember when she had last had her period. She looked in her diary, and this confirmed that she was definitely very late. With all the excitement of getting back together with Lea, she hadn't registered it until now. That's odd. At least I know I can't be pregnant. Then there was the dawning realisation, accompanied by a cold feeling that ran across her scalp and down her spine, as Rachel remembered sleeping with Max after the pub that night. Shit. Her heart started to beat rapidly. But they had used protection. Hadn't they? Rachel was sure that they had. She had been a bit tipsy, but she remembered the evening. She may have been lonely, but she wasn't irresponsible. Rachel's mind started going into overdrive. She told herself to calm down. It was probably just one of those things, and she would come on soon. She had never been very regular anyway. Yes, that would be it. She would probably start tomorrow, and wonder what she had been worrying about. Rachel didn't get much sleep that night. As much as she tried to reassure herself, there was a nagging voice in the back of her head, that felt like a little hammer tapping at the back of her skull.

  At work, Tom, Lisa and Eric all noticed that Rachel seemed preoccupied. In the past, that wasn't that unusual though, and they all knew that Rachel was best left alone until she was ready to talk about something. As the day wore on, Rachel was getting more anxious. She left work a bit early, stopping at a chemist on the way home. If she did a pregnancy test, that would put her mind at ease once and for all.

  As soon as Rachel got home, she put her bag down, and headed straight for the bathroom. She unwrapped the pregnancy kit, her hands trembling slightly. Taking deep breaths, she calmed herself enough to do the test. Then she waited. It felt like the longest two minutes of her life, as her stomach turned over. Okay, moment of truth.

  Shit. Rachel came over hot and sweaty, and had to sit down. She was breathing so fast, and was starting to hyperventilate. Her mind was racing. How could I have been so stupid. But I wasn't, Max used a condom. Fuck, I can't do this. I'm not ready to be a parent. I haven't got my own life sorted, how can I bring another being into the world. Her mind was swirling like a tornado with a thousand thoughts and questions. What on earth is Max going to say. Oh my god, what is Lea going to say? I can't lose her, I've only just got her back. I have to talk to her.

  When Lea answered her phone, she knew immediately from Rachel's voice that something was wrong. 'Hey, what's up?'

  Rachel was talking at a hundred miles an hour, 'I've got to talk to you. This is something that I'd rather talk to you about in person, but it can't wait. I've been freaking out.'

  'Rach, calm down. Take a deep breath, good. And another one.' Lea could hear Rachel's breathing slow down, and she exhaled. 'Now, tell me what's going on.'

  'When I got home, I realised how late I was for my period. Really late.'

  'Well, that can be quite common. Also, I really don't think I can get you pregnant!'

  Rachel sighed, 'Just before we got back together, I slept with Max. It was a one off. I hadn't seen you since that October, and I thought I was never going to see you again. I was feeling lonely. We both knew it was a one time thing.'

  'Did you use protection?'

  'Of course.'

  There was a pause on the end of the phone. 'Even so, the chances of getting pregnant are pretty slim.'

  'That's what I thought, but to be sure I did a pregnancy test. It's positive.'

  'Oh.'

  Rachel was distraught, 'Lea, what am I going to do? I'm not ready to be a parent. We've only just got back together, there's so much to think about.'

  'Rach, take some deep breaths. Let's take this one step at a time. How many tests have you done?'

  'Just the one. But I looked online, and it's really rare to get a false positive.'

  'Rare doesn't mean never, then. You know, once it sinks in, you might decide it's a good thing.'

  'How can it be a good thing? I live over two hundred miles away from my girlfriend, and the daddy is a colleague and ex boyfriend. And what does that mean for us?'

  'Didn't you ever want to have kids?'

  'To be honest, I hadn't really thought about it, other than in a "one day, maybe" kind of way. Are you saying that you do?'

  'Well, never say never. You'd be a great mum.'

  For a moment, Rachel smiled, visualising the two of them with a baby, being a family. Then the reality brought her sharply into the present, like a bucket of ice water in her face. 'It's just so messy. With me in London, you down there. Also, would Max want to be involved?'

  Lea spoke softly, 'I think you're getting ahead of yourself. How about getting an appointment with the doctor, just to be sure.'

  Rachel made an appointment the next day, but it was a couple of days before she could get a time that she could do. She kept having to remind herself to breathe when the thought of her possible pregnancy started her mind whirling with so many ifs and buts. Would she be able to still work at the gallery. Of course she would have to take some time off. How was Max going to respond to the news. Would she even tell him? Yes, of course she would. And how would Lea be about it, it would obviously change their relationship. Then she thought of Lea, and how calm she had been. That had really helped to slow her mind down. Could she and Lea have a family together? They had only just got back together, and starting a family was such a huge and life changing commitment. But as she thought of Lea, Rachel thought that she would be a wonderful parent. She was so loving, gentle and calm. Maybe it could work.

  It was the morning before the doctor appointment, and Rachel was trying to distract herself with some paperwork. Max tapped on the door, and asked to check something with her. After confirming the information he needed, he said, 'Thanks, that's great. See you later.'

  'Yeah, okay.' Great, keep walking. I'm really not in the mood to chat.

  Max stopped to look at Rachel, who kept her head down. 'Are you okay?'

  'Huh?'

  'Is everything alright?'

  Rachel now looked up, forcing out a smile, 'Yes, of course,' then carried on with what she was doing. Inside, her stomach felt as though it had been replaced with a ferris wheel, whizzing around at an ever increasing speed. No, don't say anything to Max. Not until you know for sure, it will only complicate things. Breathe, breathe.

  'Catch you later,' and with that, Max was gone.

  Phew, Rachel let out a long breath. She would be glad when the appointment was over, at least she would know where she was.

  At the doctor's surgery, Rachel was feeling so nervous and flustered. She must have gone to the bathroom about every half an hour that morning. Waiting anxiously for the result, the doctor smiled at Rachel. 'It's negative.'


  'Are you sure? Is that definite?'

  'It's definitely negative. It's possible that you misread the test, and sometimes they can be wrong. It does happen.'

  Rachel felt a wave of relief wash over her body. It wasn't that she didn't ever want children, it was just that now felt too soon. 'Thank you, thank you so much.'

  As soon as Rachel got home, she rang Lea. 'Hi, it's me. I'm not pregnant. I'm so relieved.'

  'I'm glad it was the result that you wanted.'

  'I've been having kittens over the last couple of days, my brain ping-ponging all over the place. I didn't tell anyone else. You've been so calm about it.'

  'Well, until you knew for sure, there wasn't anything for us to do.'

  'I suppose. I just went into panic mode.'

  'Rach, was there just a little part of you that was excited?'

  Rachel paused. 'Truthfully, there was a moment when I saw us as a little family together. But it was fleeting, and panic took over again.'

  At those words, Lea's heart swelled with love for Rachel. 'I think that's really cute, that you saw us as a family.'

  'But reality kicked in again, and I didn't know how it could work. We live so far apart. And what about our relationship?'

  'It didn't change how I feel about you. Sure, we would have had to work some stuff out, but we would have done it together. I'm not going anywhere, Rach, I want to be with you.'

  'You are so wonderful, and understanding. Thank you.'

  On Rachel's visit in June, Lea said that rather than meet Rachel at the station, would she mind going straight to the cottage, as she was going to be late home from work. As Rachel walked in, the smell emanating from the kitchen was divine. Rachel put her bags down, and looked over to see the table laid with candles and a vase with two red roses in the centre. Lea turned away from the hob to smile at Rachel. 'Hi. Hey, what's this?' Rachel walked up behind Lea and put her arms around her, kissing her neck.

  'Happy anniversary, Rach. You know, it was a year ago when I first laid eyes on you, singing and dancing your heart out in the cottage.' She stopped what she was doing, to turn and embrace Rachel.

  Rachel said, 'And you, you turned my world upside down. I don't think I stood a chance!' They kissed, Rachel running her hands through Lea's hair, Lea's hands on Rachel's hips.

  'I decided to make risotto.' Lea gave Rachel a look.

  'The first meal you cooked for me.'

  'I was thrilled when you accepted my invitation to dinner. I was crazy about you, right from the start. I may just as well have had a t shirt saying "I heart Rachel".'

  They had a very romantic evening together, talking about that first holiday of Rachel's. Moving over to the sofa, Rachel said, 'Thank you so much for dinner, it was gorgeous. You know, I've just remembered something about that evening when I first came here. You gave me a spoonful of risotto to taste, and I had the strangest feeling that you were going to kiss me.'

  Lea laughed. 'Oh yes, I so desperately wanted to kiss you. I was about to, then suddenly remembered myself. I didn't want to scare you off.'

  'So instead, you took me to a remote cove so I couldn't escape!'

  Lea laughed, 'I was so nervous. And really excited.'

  'I wouldn't have guessed. You just seemed so chilled out. What if I had freaked out, though?'

  Lea stroked Rachel's arm, 'That's why I wanted to spend some time getting to know you. If I really thought that you would freak, I wouldn't have made a move. But you were giving me signs, and the way you looked at me when you woke up, and I was walking up the beach... Oh boy!'

  Rachel looked at Lea with smouldering eyes, 'You know, how about tomorrow we go back to the cove?'

  Lea nodded, 'Mmm, I would love that,' and leaned over to kiss Rachel.

  On Sunday, they arranged to meet the other artists at the gallery, to discuss a possible exhibition. Lea introduced everyone to Rachel. 'This is Sam, he and I went to school together. This is Tyler. And this is Saskia, and Betsy.'

  'Hi, it's great to meet you all.' Rachel explained that they would exhibit four or five pieces of work from each of them, and she would liaise with Tom. They would send them to London, and if they would like to be there, they would arrange an event to open the exhibition and meet potential buyers and other gallery owners. They were all really excited, and talked animatedly about which pieces they would like to show. Lea said that she would be able to help them, as she knew the gallery, and which pieces would work well there. Sam said, 'Thank you so much, we really appreciate you helping us out.'

  Rachel smiled. 'Well, it's a two way thing. It wouldn't be much of a gallery without any art to sell!'

  'Well, thank you, truly.'

  'Remember, it's because your work is so good. If I didn't think so, I wouldn't have mentioned an exhibition.'

  Sam smiled broadly at Rachel and the others. 'Lea, you have the coolest girlfriend!'

  On Lea's next visit to London, she and Rachel discussed with Tom the works that the artists wanted to exhibit, and showed him their portfolios. Lea said, 'This is so exciting. I love seeing the other side of exhibiting. There's so much to organise, I had no idea.'

  'Okay, enough work for today, I'm taking you out for dinner tonight,' Rachel said, kissing Lea.

  'Hmm, I won't argue with that! Where are we going?'

  'Wherever you like.'

  They wandered around, and spotted a very nice looking Thai restaurant. They ordered green curry with coconut rice, and mango juice to drink. When it arrived, the smell of the rice wafted over, and Rachel said, 'The smell reminds me of our trip to the cove. Your lips tasted of sea salt, and your hair smelt of coconut. I had no idea how that holiday was going to change my life.'

  Lea said, 'Rach, before the boat trip, had you been attracted to me? I thought I picked up a few signs.'

  Rachel thought for a moment, 'I didn't think so, at the time. I really liked you, and felt I'd known you for years. When you looked at me, I thought that you could see into my soul. I guess, thinking back, I was attracted to you, I just hadn't realised it at the time. Until we were at the cove, that is. When I saw you walking out of the water, I thought that you were the most beautiful person I had ever seen.'

  Lea looked at Rachel, her eyes welling up. 'You never told me that before.'

  'Well, that's the truth of it.'

  'That is so romantic. And there was me thinking you were just horny after being on your own for too long! You know, you told me that day that you weren't romantic. Since I've got to know you, I think you're the most romantic person I've ever met.' They held hands across the table, their fingers intertwining.

  The following day, before Lea had to leave, Rachel took Lea to Covent Garden. They visited the Bond in Motion exhibition at the London Film Museum, which they both loved. After lunch, they went on a wander, ending up at Denmark Street. Reading the blue plaque on the wall, which denoted the original Tin Pan Alley, Lea said, 'I used to play the guitar when I was a teenager.'

  'Really. Why did you stop?'

  'I don't know, really. I suppose I spent more time painting, and didn't get around to practising much.'

  Rachel smiled at Lea, 'I can just picture you sitting on the beach, playing guitar. Do you think you might like to give it a go again?'

  Lea laughed, 'Maybe.'

  Rachel lifted Lea's hand towards her mouth, and kissed it. 'I think you could turn your hand to anything. Come on, let's go and get a coffee. There's a really nice cafe just around the corner.'

  The cafe was on the corner, and its glass front curved right around the building. Lea found a cosy armchair to sit on, whilst Rachel went to order their drinks. Lea took in the wooden floors, armchairs, sofas and floor lamps, that gave the cafe a lounge feel. Except for all the people walking by the windows, of course. This lounge look seemed to be quite common with cafes nowadays, and Lea wondered whether the popularity had started when Friends was on television. It was a great spot to people watch. As people rushed by, Lea thought it must be quite exhausting to
live and work in London. It was a great place to visit, but Lea much preferred the pace of home. Rachel walked over to Lea with their coffees, and sat down. 'You look lost in thought, there.'

  Lea looked up, 'Hmm? Oh, yes. I was just thinking how busy it is here. I don't know how you keep up with the pace.'

  'I guess I'm just used to it. I've never known it any other way.'

  A few days later, Lisa and Rachel were having a drink after work one evening. There was a really nice pub in the centre of Covent Garden, cosy with lots of nooks and crannies. 'It still surprises me that there are so many places I haven't been to, despite how long I've lived in London. I'll have to bring Lea here, I think she'd like it.'

  Lisa said, 'So, how are things going with you two commuting?'

  'Good. I wish we lived nearer, though. On the plus side, when I go to Lea's, it's like having a mini holiday.'

  'What do think you'll do long term?'

  Rachel sighed, 'I have no idea. But I can't really see Lea wanting to move to London any time soon. And with the gallery, it's not an option for me to move there. I suppose it's still early days, I haven't really been thinking that far ahead.'

  Rachel and Lea were now spending most weekends together. They couldn't bear having to wait for weeks at a time between visits. Occasionally Lea would drive down, but she didn't like the London traffic, so usually she would take the train. This Friday, Rachel decided to surprise Lea by arriving early. She knew that Lea would be at the studio, painting, so decided to head straight there once she arrived. It was a warm early July day, and the studio door was ajar. Rachel snuck inside, softly closing the door behind her. Lea was standing in front of a large canvas, her back towards Rachel. Putting her bag down quietly in the corner, Rachel walked up behind Lea. The radio was on, and Lea was oblivious to everything except her painting. She was barefoot and wearing faded rolled up jeans with an old baggy white shirt, covered in paint. Making sure not to make Lea jump, Rachel slid her arms around her from behind, kissing the back of her head. 'Hey, you.'