The Lily Harper 8 Book Boxed Set

by HP Mallory

  “Aye,” the taciturn Scotsman responded.

  “I want them Team Jordans next time I train Red; an’ the Come Fly With Me’s the time after that; you got it?” Ael continued, eyeing Tallis with more interest. “I gotta check my inventory an’ see what else I’m missin’ but for now, that’s good.”

  “Aye,” Tallis said again.

  Then Ael’s attention returned to me. “She gotta be on sixteen hundred calories a day,” he said. I was beginning to get irritated by him continually referring to me in the third person.

  “I am standing right here, you know?” I barked out, surprising myself. “You don’t have to keep referring to me as ’her’ or ‘she.’”

  Ael’s eyebrows lifted as if my ability to speak surprised him. Then a grimace took over his features. “An’ I ain’t about ta put up with no attitudes, got it?”

  I frowned at him as Bill erupted into a fit of chuckles which better resembled giggles, while pointing at me and indicating that I just had my ego handed over to me on a plate. Then, apparently losing interest in the three of us, Bill scanned the room and eyed a large-breasted blond woman who was doing squats with a loaded barbell beside us. He waddled over to her.

  “Hey, baby, you come here often?” Bill asked as he leaned against the wall and eyed her up and down. She just ignored him. “You know, I’m on a mastabbatical,” Bill continued while nodding as if she should understand what he was talking about. “If you ain’t in the know, a mastabbatical is an abstinence period, free from masturbation. I’m tryin’ to improve my productivity in other parts of my life, ya know?” She didn’t so much as glance in his direction, but that didn’t seem to concern him. “You know how dangerous a mastabbatical is? Way dangerous … doctors compare it to some of the worst health hazards around.” He nodded again, apparently not realizing that he was basically having a conversation with himself. “Anyhows, my mastabbatical’s nearly over, which means one lucky lady is gonna have her whole world rocked very shortly.” Then he winked at her. “Feelin’ lucky, baby?”

  “Athwart the tenebrous air pour down amain”

  – Dante’s Inferno

  FOUR

  “Ain’t nothin’ wrong with you!” Ael yelled out to one of his clients. She was on the stair climber, bent over and clinging to the railing as if for dear life. Meanwhile, her legs were forced to take the stairs so quickly, it looked like they were on fast forward.

  “My legs are going numb!” she managed to exclaim.

  Truth be told, she looked like she was about to pass out. I’d never seen anyone climb stairs so fast. Gingerly placing the box of shoes Tallis had just given him as payment to train me in the corner of the room, Ael reached for a coiled whip that was leaning against the wall. “Complain, complain, complain,” he muttered as he shook his head and continued grumbling to himself. “Just wait ’til she comes across one o’ them Pintry demons an’ gets away from it, thanks ta my trainin’ … then we’ll see how much complainin’ we hear.”

  Pulling his arm back, he released the whip, which had to be twenty feet long, cracking the air around the woman’s left calf. “Get back to work an’ be happy for it! This place could save your life!” he called out to her, as she, in turn, jumped at the snapping of the whip. However, to Ael’s credit, she did stop complaining.

  Returning the whip to the corner of the room, Ael took stock of the rest of his clients. He eyed each one suspiciously, as if to ensure that they were working to their full potential. His eyes narrowed as he watched a guy taking a few deep breaths before attempting a bench press. His barbell was obscenely overloaded with weights as big as tires. “It ain’t gonna lift itself!” Ael yelled at the man. In flustered response, the guy quickly pumped out ten consecutive presses.

  “Ah will be back ta collect ye later, lass,” Tallis said as I turned to face him. He nodded to me and Ael before his attention fell back on me again. At hearing he planned to leave me here, by myself, I suddenly felt horribly nervous like a scared kid on her first day of school. ’Course, instead of a matronly, sweet kindergarten teacher, I was assigned to Ael, who appeared possibly homicidal.

  “Okay,” I said, trying to smile confidently as I watched Tallis turn around and abandon me to my fate. At least I still had Bill. Speaking of whom, after giving up any chance of conversing with the large-breasted blond, he was now making his rounds to the various machines and mats, pausing here and there to assess whether any of the remaining women might be interested in celebrating the end of his mastabbatical. His gall was inexhaustible.

  “It’s too quiet in here!” a handsome man called out from the corner of the room where he’d been jumping rope. “Ael, how about some tunes?” Dropping the jump rope on the floor, he approached a bench where two fifty-pound free weights sat.

  “Demands, demands, demands,” Ael responded, shaking his head with a frown.

  That only made the man’s smile broader. “And none of that Luther Vandross, easy-listening shit either!”

  Ael glanced at the man and shook his head again while crossing his enormous arms over his chest. “Don’t be talkin’ no smack ’bout Luther!” he retorted, appearing even more rankled than previously. He went to the opposite side of the room, where a lone CD player stood on a shelf made from cinder blocks and some two-by-fours. I glanced at Ael, then back to the man who made the Luther Vandross comment and noticed he was making his way over to me, smiling all the while.

  “I’m Saxon,” he introduced himself with a large grin, extending his hand. Then, as if thinking better of it, he wiped the sweat from his palm onto his pants before offering his hand to me again, with a slightly embarrassed chuckle.

  “Hi,” I said, grateful to find at least someone in the place who appeared to be friendly. “I’m Lily Harper,” I added with a smile as I shook his hand, noticing how my much smaller mine was and how it disappeared into his.

  Saxon was tall, maybe as tall as Ael, but not as buff, and nowhere near as enormous as Tallis. Saxon had more of a swimmer’s physique—broad shoulders that tapered down to a narrow waist and a pair of very long, lean legs. Facially, he had a boyish sort of charm that came from the combination of his dark brown hair (in need of a haircut), his wide brown eyes, and his contagious smile. The firm, square jaw, perfectly straight nose, and plump, full lips collaborated to result in a handsome, boy-next-door friendly appearance. I would have guessed him to be in his late twenties or early thirties, but no older than thirty-two.

  “You’re new here,” Saxon pointed out with another big grin as his unkempt hair fell into his face and he pushed it out of the way again.

  “Yeah,” I said, before frowning with concern. A man, who was previously going full bore on the elliptical machine, while also practicing overhead shoulder presses with two large free weights, suddenly tripped. He instantly fell off the elliptical and dropped both of the weights. One banged into the elliptical, while the other landed right next to the man. He just collapsed into a large heap on the floor. I looked for Ael who was still fiddling with the CD player. Sparing the man a furtive glance, which lasted all of three seconds, Ael returned his attention to the CD player. And everyone else in the room? Not one person seemed even slightly concerned. “I don’t think he’s getting up,” I said to Saxon.

  Saxon just shrugged. “Yeah, I’m sure he’ll be fine. People pass out in here all the time.” Then he added, “Just another day of training with Ael.” I couldn’t hide the shock on my face as I wondered what awaited me at Ael’s instruction. But I didn’t get to ponder that subject for long because Saxon had already changed it. “Are you a new Retriever?” he asked with real interest.

  “Yeah, I am,” I answered with a shy smile. As a rule, I wasn’t very comfortable talking to handsome men. “Are you a Retriever too?”

  Saxon nodded. “Yep and have been for about,” he started and then glanced up at the ceiling for a few seconds as he, apparently, tried to remember. Then he looked at me again with another big grin. “Twenty years today, I think.�
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  “Twenty years?” I repeated, frowning as I shook my head. “How is that possible unless you became a Retriever at age ten or something?”

  He chuckled. “Ah, so you aren’t in the know?” I shook my head immediately, very well aware that when it came to my new life, I wasn’t even in the same zip code as “in the know.” He nodded as he gazed at me. “As a Soul Retriever, you won’t age, Lily,” he answered. “That’s why I’m so well preserved.” Then he laughed again.

  “So I can die but I won’t age?” I questioned, just to make sure I had it right.

  “Yep,” Saxon responded.

  I glanced around at all the people who were working out in the gym before looking back at Saxon again, only to find he was already gazing at me. I felt myself immediately start blushing. “And all these people are Soul Retrievers too?”

  He simply nodded as I focused on the woman beside me. She was lying down on a bench with a weighted bar clutched tightly in both hands. On either end of the bar was what looked like an orange, furry ball. As she lifted the bar, and struggled a bit, one of the furry balls unwound itself. It appeared to be a rather bizarre-looking ferret or weasel of some sort. It had a long, narrow snout with a large, wet nose like a dog’s, although the teeth were more comparable to a crocodile’s. The body was long, thin, and covered in soft-looking fur with an equally lengthy tail that looked like a raccoon’s. It stood no higher than a foot tall, but had to be at least three feet long. “I’m either imagining things or two very bizarre-looking creatures are hanging onto that woman’s barbell,” I said while indicating the creatures in question.

  “Handrels,” Saxon responded without further concern.

  Meanwhile, the woman’s arms began to waver and tremble because the Handrel’s movement was throwing off the balance of the bar, I assumed. As soon as it appeared that she couldn’t lift the barbell all the way up, the nasty little thing bit her right on the thumb. “Oh my God!” I said with a quick, shocked glance back at Saxon. “It just bit her!”

  Saxon, again, didn’t look surprised. “Yeah, they have razor-sharp teeth so Ael keeps them to make sure his clients balance the bars.”

  “Handrels?” I repeated, looking back at the woman, only to find that the other Handrel had unraveled itself and bitten her other hand. “Are they demons?” I couldn’t imagine they might be anything else.

  Saxon nodded. “Yep, and they aren’t the only demons here. Ael considers the demons a good way to keep us motivated.” The plinking of a piano started up in the background which was quickly followed by the mournful tones of a man’s voice, which I assumed was Luther Vandross. Saxon shook his head and moaned something unintelligible before smiling again at me. “Now that crap is definitely anti-motivational.” Then he turned to face Ael who was already heading to us. “Come on, Ael, I can’t take any more of that sappy ass, slow shit! How do you expect us to work out to such crap? It puts me to sleep instead!”

  “You don’t like it? You know where the door is!” Ael responded as his red eyes began glowing a bit brighter.

  “Calm down,” Saxon said with another winning smile aimed my way. “I guess I shouldn’t complain since we had to listen to R. Kelly nonstop all last week.”

  Ael frowned at Saxon before addressing me. “That’s R. Kelly, as in pre-pedophile, by the way.” I didn’t say anything but the lyrics to Dave Chapelle’s R. Kelly parody song, I want to piss on you, were already playing through my head. “Now stop flirtin’ with my client an’ get them bicep curls done,” Ael said to Saxon and then, shaking his head, added, “You a time waster, boy.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” Saxon replied before turning back to me. “Nice to meet you, Lily. Maybe I’ll see you around?”

  I wasn’t sure how that could be possible unless he meant at Ael’s gym. Not wanting to be rude, though, I nodded and said, “Yeah, I hope so. Good luck with your workout.”

  He raised one brow and smirked. “Famous last words.”

  “Enough o’ you both wastin’ time,” Ael interrupted as he steered me away from Saxon. We headed to the far side of the gym. I spotted Bill who was lounging on the front of someone’s treadmill. All I could see of the woman on the treadmill was that she had long, dark hair and a pretty trim body. Bill smiled at her just as she yanked her iPod out of her pocket and plopped an ear phone into each of her ears. Bill sighed as he pulled back from the treadmill and turned to face me. “Cockblocked by Steve Jobs,” he muttered as he walked over to join Ael and me.

  Ael looked at him from head to toe and shook his head again, no doubt discouraged at Bill’s overall slovenly appearance. His shoelaces were untied, and he was wearing two different socks. The hem was pulled out of his shorts on one side, and his knees were so dry, the skin was bright red, crusty, and flaking off, looking like psoriasis. There were so many different colored stains on his Megadeath T-shirt, which was also two sizes too small, that I wasn’t even sure what the original color might have been.

  “An’ you makin’ my gym look bad,” Ael finished.

  Bill glanced over at me and shrugged, not showing the least bit of concern. “Haters gonna hate.” Then he looked back at Ael and threw his pudgy hands on his hips. “So, we gonna get this shiznit on the road or what, yo? Nips needs ta be turned into a lethal ninja like … yesterday.”

  Ael studied him with interest before he glanced back at me. “You two friends?” he asked and then alternated pointing his finger from Bill to me and then to Bill again.

  “Fo shizzle,” Bill answered. “I’m poindextrous.”

  “You what?” Ael asked, frowning.

  Bill shrugged. “I’m able ta communicate equally well with nerds,” at which time he glanced over at me, “and normal people,” at which time he glanced back at Ael, smiling smugly. I decided not to take offense because I had too much other stuff on my mind.

  “Are you plannin’ on stayin’?” Ael asked, eyeing Bill with morbid resignation. “’Cause you gonna irritate me, I can already tell.”

  Bill shrugged again. “I’m Nerdlet’s guardian angel. Where she goes, I go.” Then he crossed his flaccid arms over his bulbous chest and glared at Ael until the demon simply looked over at me in exasperation, his eyebrows meeting in the middle. He obviously didn’t know what to make of Bill. ’Course, most people didn’t. “Dude, you gotta place for me ta take a piss?” Bill asked as he cupped himself. “’Cause I gots ta go real bad.”

  Ael didn’t say anything, but pointed to a door in the far right corner of the room. Bill nodded with an uneasy smile and left us. Ael studied me for a few moments before a large smile curved his lips, revealing his extremely pointed canines. “That’s your guardian angel?” he asked with a laugh. “Girl, you musta done somethin’ real bad in your past life.”

  I didn’t say anything, but sighed. I often wondered the same thing, myself. For as much as I loved Bill as a friend, he wasn’t the ideal guardian. And I really couldn’t see him as being much of an ideal angel either, for that matter. “He grows on you,” I answered with a hesitant smile.

  Ael frowned and raised his eyebrows as high as they’d go, in an incredulous expression of utter doubt. Then he shook his head. “We gonna start with some skull crushers,” he abruptly announced in a getting-down-to-business tone.

  “Of course we are,” I said underneath my breath while following him to an unoccupied bench. Beside it stood multiple barbells, some with bent handles and others that were just straight across. Next to that was a large white bucket. Ael reached inside the bucket and grabbed two Handrels by the scruff of their necks before pulling them out. Addressing me, he said, “Grab one o’ them twenty pound bars,” and motioned to the bar rack.

  Never having held a barbell before, I wasn’t sure which one was a twenty-pounder; but luckily for me, they were labeled. I gripped the one he requested and lifted it up with both hands, carrying it to the bench. I rested one end of the bar against the bench seat while eyeing the Handrels with sincere concern. Ael dropped each of them onto the bench
and they scurried toward the bar, one nipping at the other when it inadvertently cut him off. The other one growled a response, but dutifully got in line behind the first one. They both climbed up the barbell, their tiny rat-like claws making a scratching sound as they did. “Um, are you sure I need to use those on my very first workout?” I asked, frowning up at Ael.

  “Who’s the trainer? Me or you?” he growled back.

  “Um, you are,” I said with an equal amount of hesitation.

  “That’s what I thought,” he said with a nod while making his lips tight. “Now lay down with the back of your head on the end o’ the bench.” I did as I was instructed and Ael placed the bar in my hands. The Handrels clung to either end of it, curled around the metal in orange, furry balls. “Keep your elbows tucked in; an’ then you’re gonna lower the bar directly over your face by bendin’ only at the elbow,” Ael continued. “Keep the bar level, else you’re gonna end up with some sore ass fingers.” I figured he was referring to the bite of the Handrels. Fearing for my fingers, I gritted my teeth and lowered the bar, being extra careful to keep it perfectly balanced. But it wasn’t as easy as Ael made it sound, and consequently, the bar slumped to the right. In no time, the balled up little bastard rushed over and bit me right on the knuckle.

  “Ow!” I yelled.

  “Keep the bar straight, or else you’re gonna get it from the other one!” Ael warned me. I immediately righted the bar. “Now keep yer elbows tucked in!” he continued. I tucked in my elbows as far as they’d go. “Lower the bar over your face!” I lowered it and felt a burning pain in my triceps. But I figured that was where I was supposed to feel it. Better there than on my poor knuckles. “Now bring your arms back ta the front!” Ael demanded. I did so and finished the first exercise of my set, with my fingers all the worse for wear. I breathed out a sigh of relief … a sigh which was short-lived. “Now, you gotta do fourteen more!”

  “What?” I ground out, the bar starting to slope again. I immediately straightened it and resumed my set, promising myself that somehow, someway, I would get even with Tallis over this.