The Lily Harper 8 Book Boxed Set

by HP Mallory

  Tallis nodded and the bartender returned. He handed Tallis a pewter cup, which was etched with all sorts of designs on the sides. The cup had two handles and inside it was a dark amber-colored liquid. Tallis nodded at the bartender in thanks as he reached inside his sporran, and placed a pound coin on the bar. The bartender then addressed Bill.

  “Whaddya want, angel?” he asked, his accent thick and very English.

  “You got any specials goin’ in this joint?” Bill asked him and explained when the man frowned as if he didn’t get Bill’s gist. “Like you got any discounts on beer an’ nachos or cheese fries or hot wings?”

  The bartender shook his head as Bill sighed, long and hard. Then he turned around and faced me. “That’s what I call an unhappy hour.”

  “Sir?” the bartender asked, clearly wanting Bill to order so he could tend to his other customers.

  Bill glanced at the strange pewter cup Tallis was now lifting to his lips as he looked at the bartender again. “I’ll have one o’ those, I guess.”

  I was about to reprimand him but, not wanting to play the role of his mother, I decided Bill was an adult and should make his own decisions. That and maybe he did have a point—we were all far beyond stressed-out, owing to our last mission to the Underground. Maybe all we really needed was a little relaxation time—to enjoy one another and celebrate our escape from the Underground unscathed.

  “And you, miss?” the bartender asked as he turned his heavily lidded eyes in my direction.

  “What are you both drinking?” I asked, glancing first at Bill and then at Tallis. When it came to alcohol, I wasn’t much of an imbiber. Frankly, I didn’t have much experience with drinking alcoholic beverages in general.

  “Whisky, lass,” Tallis replied as he lifted the cup and took another swig of the amber liquid.

  “Oh,” I said, without a clue if I even liked whisky. Was that the one with the worm in the bottle? Hopefully not …

  “Sweetcheeks will have one too,” Bill piped up, facing the bartender. That was when I discovered that I’d failed to remember my purse on this little mission to the Underground. Therefore, I had no way of paying for anything.

  “Actually, I’m okay,” I said as I waved my hand dismissively before looking at Bill. “We don’t have any money,” I said in a low voice. I wasn’t sure how we would pay for Bill’s whisky, but figured Tallis would have to cover for Bill until I could pay him back.

  Tallis tapped his hand against the counter to get the bartender’s attention. “Bring the lass a whisky,” he announced.

  “But, Tallis,” I started.

  He shook his head, interrupting me, and faced the bartender again. “Dalwhinnie fer the lass,” he said to the man. The bartender nodded and Tallis placed two more pounds on the bar. I figured the other pound was to pay for Bill’s drink. The bartender took the money and approached the cash register. Moments later, he served two more pewter cups, handing the one filled with a darker amber liquid to Bill.

  “Yo, I need a couple o’ ice cubes,” Bill said to the man as he pointed to his cup. “I like this shiznit on the rocks, if ya know what I mean?”

  The bartender instantly frowned and Tallis shook his head. “Ye willnae deface the integrity o’ Lagavulin by poisonin’ it with ice,” he growled as he lifted the cup to his lips. Moments later, after swallowing the last of it, he promptly ordered a refill.

  “When in hell, I guess,” Bill said with a shrug as he lifted the pewter cup to his mouth and took a large gulp before clutching his throat and coughing. “Disgusting!” he exclaimed as he looked at Tallis suspiciously. “What in the hell is that? Tastes like turpentine!” Then, addressing me, and still sputtering and choking, he said, “Don’t drink it, Lils, I think it’s poison! It’s still burning my throat!”

  Tallis just chuckled as the bartender took his pewter cup and refilled it when he returned momentarily. “Bludy Yank cannae handle his whisky,” Tallis explained to the bartender, who chortled a response.

  “You call that shit whisky?” Bill asked, shaking his head and clearly offended. “I call that liquid death!”

  “Aye,” Tallis answered with a chuckle as he downed another sip. “’Tis the smokiness ye cannae stomach, stookie angel,” he declared before shaking his head with amusement.

  “The peat moss,” the bartender added with a nod before he glanced at me. “How ’bout yours, pretty lady?”

  Now slightly nervous, I lifted the pewter mug to my mouth and inhaled deeply. The smell was acrid but pleasing at the same time. I took the smallest of sips and felt the alcohol burning as it slid down my throat. Shaking my head, I put the cup back on the bar. “Too strong!” I managed before my mouth salivated uncontrollably and my throat continued to burn.

  Tallis laughed as the bartender shook his head. “The Dalwhinnie is the lightest o’ the whiskies,” he said.

  “Aye,” Tallis interrupted. “Coot it with water.”

  The bartender reached for a jug of water and poured what looked like two tablespoons worth into my whisky. I lifted it again and swirled it around, hoping the water would dilute most of the horrible taste. Bill stood up and patted his stool, intimating that I should sit there. The contents of his pewter cup were already gone. “I’m gonna go find out if this weird-ass place has a bath,” he told me. “I can’t deal with my own shit smell anymore.” Sniffing his left armpit, he frowned and shook his head. “Save my seat, nips,” he added.

  “There are baths oopstairs,” Tallis told him as he turned to face Bill. “Ask fer Katie oop at the front.”

  Bill nodded before working his way through the dancers in the center of the room as I faced forward again. I didn’t look at Tallis, but at my pewter cup instead, forcing myself to take another sip. “Thanks for paying for the drinks,” I said, still refusing to look at him. Truth be told, I was still far beyond embarrassed over everything that had recently passed between us.

  “Aye,” Tallis answered, downing the last of his whisky and motioning for the bartender to refill his cup.

  “I didn’t know you drank,” I began as I wondered how well he could handle his alcohol. He was downing the whisky like he was afraid the distillery planned to stop distributing it to the Dark Wood.

  “Aye,” he said when he placed another pound on the bar top and the bartender happily took it.

  “These drinks are pretty cheap,” I commented, grasping for any topic of conversation that might interest him. I just couldn’t sit there in silence since my mind reverted to the same thing it had been for the last couple of hours: Tallis’s expression when he caught me staring at his penis.

  “Och aye, inflation doesna exist in the Dark Wood,” he replied. “So the cost o’ everythin’ is as it should be.” Nodding, I lifted the cup to my mouth, feeling ill-at-ease under Tallis’s meticulous scrutiny. “Do ye know what the coop yer drinkin’ from is called, lass?” he asked.

  I shook my head and tried not to cough. The whisky was still too potent although maybe not as much as before. The water reduced the acidity a bit. “No, what’s it called?”

  “A Quaich,” he answered as he lifted it and admired the etched details. He pronounced the word: Kweich. “The Quaich goes all the way back ta medieval times,” he continued, while still admiring it. “The Quaich would be filled with whisky ta offer welcomin’ or farewell dram ta guests.” He looked at me and added, “’Tis the way ye drink with friends.”

  “Oh,” I said, inspecting my cup as I held my breath and took another sip. This time, the whisky didn’t burn the back of my throat quite so much. Either I was getting used to it, or I was getting drunk.

  “Well, well, well,” I heard a deep but robust voice of a woman only seconds before she appeared in my line of sight. “If it isn’t Tallis Black, the Bladesmith!” she finished before sashaying right up to the man in question and looping her arms around his neck as if he was her long lost love interest and she was his necklace.

  “Katie,” Tallis greeted her with a broad smile as he lean
ed in and hugged her in return. She boldly took a seat on his lap, which didn’t appear to bother him in the least. It bothered me, however, until I convinced myself that it didn’t. “Ah dinnae have ta ask whether ye met the stookie angel?”

  Katie laughed in a high-pitched, grates-on-the-nerves voice. “Bill?” she asked as Tallis nodded. “I sure did. I got him all set up with a hot bath, an’ afterwards could barely peel that boy off me!”

  I believed it. With her voluptuous body, she was probably Bill’s type to a perfect T. She wasn’t exactly a small woman, but I couldn’t call her overweight. She was rather curvaceous with enormous breasts, which she crammed into her red corset above a tiny waist and ample hips. Her platinum blond hair fell in ringlets to her waist and contrasted nicely against her tan skin. Her face was pretty, with high, pink cheekbones, big blue eyes, and a rosebud for a mouth.

  “How long’s it been, honey?” she asked him in a heavy Southern accent, not bothering to notice me or anyone else around her, for that matter.

  “A loong time,” Tallis answered before motioning to the bartender. Katie leaned over the bar to get the man’s attention.

  “You better be treatin’ mah Bladesmith real nice, Patrick, ya hear?” she yelled. Then she giggled as she leaned back against Tallis. Patrick appeared moments later with another Quaich full of whisky for Tallis. When Tallis tried to pay him, he shook his head and smiled at Katie, tacitly indicating that a friend of Katie’s was a friend of his. Katie, meanwhile, kept herself busy by drawing loopy designs all over Tallis’s pecs with her index finger. I felt like I could vomit. “Tallis Black, I think it’s been at least a few hundred years since you’ve shown your face round here,” she pouted. “Did I scare ya off so easily?”

  Concluding that I’d seen enough, I cleared my throat and stood up, leaving my now empty Quaich on the counter. Feeling slightly light-headed, I turned around and was about to make a quick exit when I felt Tallis’s iron grip on my forearm. I rolled my eyes and inhaled deeply, disappointed that my escape attempt had just been foiled. He pulled me up next to him and smiled at Katie. “This is Lily,” he announced. “Though Ah call her Besom.”

  “And he’s the only one who can,” I added with a smile that hopefully conveyed, in no uncertain terms, that there was no way this Southern twit was allowed to call me “troublesome.”

  Katie eyed me up and down before plastering on the phoniest smile I’d ever seen. “An’ how do the two of you know each other?” she inquired before she fluttered her eyelashes at Tallis so many times, it looked like she had a nervous tic.

  “We jist returned from the Oonderground,” Tallis answered with his eyes on me. “Ah am Lily’s guardian.”

  Katie kept her eyes riveted on me. “What a lucky girl ta have such a guardian.” Not knowing what to say or do, I just nodded and probably looked as uncomfortable as I felt. Katie then dripped off Tallis’s lap and stood up, leaning into his ear as she whispered loudly, “I’ve gotta table that just opened up for you, Bladesmith.”

  “Verra good,” Tallis responded as he finished his whisky and stood up to his full, impressive height. Katie grasped his hand and pulled him toward the center of the room. At the same time, Tallis gripped me around my waist and yanked me forward, indicating that I was to join them.

  “You both probably have lots to catch up on,” I said as I tried to extricate myself from his vise-like grasp.

  “Nae, lass, ye are mah charge. Ah want ye where Ah can see ye.”

  Katie frowned at me when she led the way to our table, which was all alone in the back corner of the room. It was so remote that I hadn’t even noticed it upon entering the tavern. Tallis slid into the booth seat, which was up against the wall on one side of the table. Of course, Katie took the open spot next to him while I sat down on the hard, wooden chair across the table from both of them. I wondered how much longer Bill would be in the bath. My second thought was that I couldn’t just play third wheel forever. “So how do you both know each other?” I asked, trying to make polite conversation.

  “We met right here,” Katie piped up as she patted the table. I wasn’t sure if she meant they met in the tavern, or at this very table. But I also didn’t care enough to inquire about the details. “The Bladesmith used ta come visit me very often, and usually on his way back from the Underground.” She practically purred as she rubbed herself against him. I couldn’t tell if Tallis was interested in her or not. Actually, he seemed primarily interested in keeping his Quaich full.

  “That’s great,” I said with a crocodile smile as I inwardly harangued myself for trying to be polite with them to begin with. I should have pretended that I was so thoroughly inebriated, I could no longer understand English. Or maybe if I developed Tourette syndrome, Tallis would be less insistent about me remaining with them. Hmm … that wasn’t a half bad idea.

  “Lily Harper?” I heard a man’s voice and turned around to find Saxon standing in front of me, wearing a large smile. He might as well have been backlit by a bright, white light and a choir, singing “Hallelujah” because he was such a godsend. He held his arms out like he wanted to hug me so I promptly stood up and wrapped my arms around him. I thanked my lucky stars that he’d just randomly happened to show up. “You on your way to a mission; or back from one?” he asked.

  “We’re on our way back from a mission in the Underground,” I answered. “Directly from Cerberus and the sewers.”

  “Ew, I don’t envy you that one,” Saxon said with another broad grin. I noticed that he didn’t release me right away; and when he did, he kept his hand on the small of my back. I couldn’t say it bothered me, however.

  “Who’s yer friend?” Tallis suddenly demanded, eyeing me narrowly before he glared at Saxon and gave him the once-over, looking none too friendly.

  “Apologies,” Saxon responded with a smile. He offered his hand to Tallis, who didn’t bother taking it. “I’m Saxon,” he said with a shrug as he dropped his hand. Looking back at me again, he smiled, as if to say he wasn’t bothered by Tallis’s obvious deficiency in proper courtesy or manners.

  “This is Tallis Black,” I interrupted when I realized Tallis had no intention of introducing himself. “And this is Katie,” I added while inclining my head in the twit’s direction.

  “I’m already familiar with Katie,” Saxon said with a small smile toward the woman. I had a feeling every man in the tavern was familiar with Katie.

  “How you doin’, sugar?” Katie responded. She was sitting so close to Tallis, she could have been his conjoined twin.

  “Good, good,” Saxon replied.

  “Pull up a chair,” I said with a sigh of relief that I wouldn’t have to be subjected to Katie and Tallis by myself anymore. Nope, now that Saxon was here, he could deal with them as well. Saxon reached for a wobbly looking wooden chair from the table beside us, not bothering to ask the table’s occupants if they needed it or not. Straddling the chair, he sat down and set his huge cup of ale on the table in front of him. Meanwhile, Katie began a secret conversation with Tallis, filled with whispers and giggles behind her plump little hands.

  “How did ye meet Lily?” Tallis rudely asked Saxon as he lifted his Quaich and finished the remainder of his Lagavulin in a gulp. After losing count of how many times the bartender refilled it, I had the uncanny feeling that it would take quite a bit to get Tallis tipsy. If such was even possible.

  “We met at Ael’s,” I replied for Saxon before giving Tallis an expression that tacitly warned him not to scare Saxon off by being his usual, abrasive self. Without waiting for Tallis’s response, I turned to Saxon and asked, “So, are you on your way to or from the Underground?”

  “Back from the Underground,” he answered as he took a swig of his ale and plopped it back onto the table. “I was in Circle Four.”

  “Which one is that?” I asked.

  “The toy shop,” Saxon answered with a sigh as shook his head. “It’s my least favorite of all the levels.”

  I nodded. “I can�
�t say that I’ll ever look forward to visiting the Underground again, in general, no matter the level.”

  “Well, since you’re so new and you probably don’t know all the ins and outs and shortcuts and all that good stuff, why don’t I give you my number?” Saxon asked. “Feel free to call me whenever you want.”

  “Ah am the lass’s guardian,” Tallis suddenly piped up, his voice slightly sounding a bit drunk. “Ah know all the shortcoots.”

  Saxon glanced at Tallis with a hesitant smile before his gaze settled on me. I frowned at Tallis and looked at Saxon. “Yes, thank you, Saxon. I would really appreciate that. It would definitely be nice to have a friend to call on whenever I have questions.”

  I could feel Tallis’s gaze burning right into me, but I refused to look at him. Saxon reached inside his pocket and produced a folded-up piece of paper, which he ripped in half. Not having a pen or pencil, though, Saxon stood up and approached Patrick. I watched him, refusing to even glance in Tallis’s direction because of the weight in his unblinking stare. Although Katie continued whispering to him and giggling, it didn’t seem to take his attention away from me.

  When Saxon returned, he handed me the piece of paper. I thanked him and slipped it inside the waistline of my yoga pants, underneath the elastic band. Then I addressed Tallis and smiled broadly. “Maybe I will have another of those Dalwhinnies, after all.” Tallis continued to scowl at me, but I wouldn’t let his foul temper ruin my mood. “I believe I have become a true whisky drinker, as it turns out!”

  “No more I tell thee and no more I answer.”

  – Dante’s Inferno

  ELEVEN

  “Ah dinnae like him,” Tallis said of Saxon, his jaw set stubbornly.

  “Well, who asked you?” I replied as I couldn’t help smiling at the grumpy Bladesmith. Saxon had left the table about an hour or so ago. He said he planned to return to his home, which was located in Boston. Katie only lasted another twenty minutes, at most, before finally abandoning any further attempts to seduce Tallis. So now it was just the two of us, Tallis and me, holding down the fort. Bill, meanwhile, was making his rounds and flirting outrageously with any and all women in the tavern.